Autumn Goodbyes

 

“Time remorselessly rambles down the corridors and streets of our lives. but it is not until autumn that most of us become aware that our tickets are stamped with a terminal destination.”

 
~Joe L. Wheeler 

 

The Peking duck on the left is Kenny, and the duck on the right is named Gini, since we didn't know their names, we decided one day, to add a little extra fun to their personalities. They were the cutest couple in the neighborhood, and they made everyone happy with their love story. I looked for them almost every day as we would rode along Smith Canal. Most of the time they could be found sitting together along the banks of the water, or under a tree, but in the warn summer months they would float along in the water, always where they could be seem. They lived in the neighborhood for years, so it made it a much bigger blow to learn the Kenny was killed... actually I call it murder... on October 30th. The driver of the car didn't even stop to see if Kenny was alive or dead, they just continued on their way.

 

I am done with where I live. Stockton doesn't give a shit about themselves or others. 

 

*Here is the list of why I am done.

 

*Shootouts with police, practically under my window.

 

*Gun fire almost daily.

 

* Red light runners can be seen daily.

 

*Folks dumping their garbage wherever they want.

 

*Mail being stolen.

 

*Speeding drivers.

 

*Unexplained loud explosions, that shake windows. 

 

*Folks dumping unwanted, unloved pets in Lewis Park... constantly. 

 

*Stockton is rated D+ for overall crime.

 

*Homeless dumpster driving in my condo lot.

 

*My car was totaled, right in front of my home, 2.5 weeks after I moved in!

 And the driver just kept going! 

 

*One time someone dumped a drum of oil in the canal, despite knowing that there is fish, assorted ducks, and wildlife right there. 

 

There is more, but you get the idea. 

 

Gini the duck will now live the rest of her life without her mate. The canal was beautiful on October 30th, but somehow it will never be as beautiful ever again. How long will she live without her mate to watch over here? Kenny was very protective of his girl. Ducks do grieve, but there is a little bit of hope, you see, there is a lady in the neighborhood who leaves a bowl of food out for them daily. She loves them very much! I think she witnessed Kenny's death, in that she covered up the "Duck Crossing" sign that she had placed, with the sign you see below...

 

 I couldn't say it better. 

 

So that's it. I'm done! I am planning to leave this place, sometime this next winter or spring. We need to do some small repairs, painting, and then will come the packing. At that point, UGH, it's time to contact a realtor, or two. We are hoping to move out of San Joaquin county completely, so that may require two of them. I hate realtors. Every one I have had has been miserable to deal with. I hate them! But the last one I worked with, to purchase this condo, was less of a pain in the ass as the others, so hopefully I will find another one like that.

 

On most autumn and winter mornings I can hear the Canada geese fly over, sometimes in large flocks. A year ago, on the first day of autumn, Sandhill crane circled the house. The sky was gorgeous day. A bluer than blue sky, and the autumn sun bathing everything in it's golden color, and that sound of crane making life just about perfect. Things will never be perfect again, without Kenny. Ever right now, as I type this, I can hear someone racing their car down the street. One day a child is going to be hit, and the driver more than likely stop. 

 

I don't want to be here to see that happen.

 

Rest in Peace dear Kenny, I will never forget you. You were a really great duck!

 

 

Limp

“You will lose someone you can’t live without,and your heart will be badly broken, and the bad news is that you never completely get over the loss of your beloved. But this is also the good news. They live forever in your broken heart that doesn’t seal back up. And you come through. It’s like having a broken leg that never heals perfectly—that still hurts when the weather gets cold, but you learn to dance with the limp.” 

  ~Anne Lamott  

 

A lot has happened since we last spoke. The next few posts will explain, but this post is about being tired. I am tired of settling this condo. I feel like I have been packing and unpacking for two years, and there is a reason for that... I HAVE. Trump makes me tired every day, which is really nothing new, and add to it all is a feeling of incredible loss and deep grief over the death of a man very special to the world and to me personally. Grief is such a personal thing, we can all feel it, but we do so in such different personal ways. As I said, I will speak more about all this in the coming days, but for right now, sigh, I just have a headache and my eyes hurt, and I just need to rest and clean my house, and yes, continue with my project of unpacking and letting go of all the things preventing me from moving on to a healthier place.

23 And Me (Part Two)

 

"Hope smiles from the threshold of the year to come,

 whispering, 'it will be happier'... "

 

~Alfred Lord Tennyson 

 

23 And Me...

(Part 2)

 

Will the year to come be happier then 2022? That remains to be seen, but so far, yeah, I would say it has potential, even though I am still perpetually in transition. It started with the move, way back in 2015. The anniversary of the first day of this adventure will be here soon, and it still fills me with a unique sadness that I know is deeply misplaced, yet it will be here soon, March in fact. But it feels like I am finally letting go of all that, and I am finally beginning to transition through the experience of owning and losing my first home. That's the easy part. Dealing with the pain of selling my first home, under the circumstances that existed, will be a little later down the road. Nope, I still haven't grieved over the loss of the house, but I know I will one day, and it will be spectacular! 

 

Speaking of houses, grieving, and transitions, guess what? We are currently in escrow to buy the condo! I can't believe it! Nicole decided to sell the place late last year, and the thought crossed our minds to purchase, rather than pack... again... so soon. Its what's best, and as Ajeanna said about the first condo... the one in Patterson that started all this... it's not forever. As I have come to learn, "it's not forever" applies to just about everything. Why am I not bouncing off the walls in a nervous fit? Simple, I don't think we will get it. There is a lot working against it, debt to income rations being just one. If we do get it, well then, life won't change from what I am currently used to, so I guess I am flowing with the white caps, and doing just fine. I'll worry about the potential for Tsunamis after it swallows me up. What else can I do?

 

2023 is revealing itself a little at a time, and I am not scared.

 

Steady on. 

 

 

No Panache And The Whore

"The tints of autumn... a mighty flower garden

 blossoming under the spell of the enchanter, frost."

 

~John Greenleaf Whittier

 

So, if all goes well, our official date to vacate our home will be Sunday, October 3rd. What a strange feeling. As I have said before, I liked the place, it had the most beautiful interior lines, and so much mid-century character, but it was never real. No panache and her whore of a boyfriend... lol... builder... liar... coward... co-conspirator, sunk us financially before we ever moved in. For clarification purposes, Jeanette and Mike lied to us just enough to sink our financial life before we ever moved into our home. So why did we move it? Well, it's a long story, that mostly took place in Turlock, California, in the summer of 2015. I don't want to think about it right now, not while I am packing to move from the only home I have ever owned. It brings about too many emotions that wouldn't help in any way! I will share sometime after we move into the new rental. For now, and probably for the next couple weeks, my blog posts will mostly be held to "Leaf Of The Day" entries. Autumn is already looking quite lovely, so I am glad that my blog will have plenty of beautiful leaves to help me heal, and move on.

 

Judas Tree Leaf

Ione, California

September 2021

Nikon

 

 

 

Mid-Century... Vacation Motor Lodge

 "You were born to do so much more than to pay bills and die."

~Unknown

If photography has taught me anything, it's that there is life beyond the moments of despair that tend to creep into our lives. I can get lost for a little while. I love that a single moment in time, can live in so many different existences around me. In that moment, I can be in my own world photographing a gorgeous Anna's hummingbird, while a few hundred miles away someone could be checking into the Vacation Motor Lodge, in Reno Nevada. Photography is allowing me to step out of this overwhelming pain I am in right now. I need that. I need to see what might be happening today, or even a few days from now, while I am depressed, so I can see beyond it. Time is an issue, as is money to do so. There is yard photography, but I hurt my foot, so there's that. Things are tough right now, but when I can, I can lose myself in a simpler time. I just wish I could do it more often.

 

There will be leaves soon.

 

Right?

 

 

 

 ~Me

Stockton, Ca

September 6th, 2021

 

 

 

 

Nah

 

"No one can tell what goes on in the between the person you were and the person you become. No one can chart that blue and lonely section of Hell. There are no maps of change.

 You just come out the other side. Or you don't."

 

~Stephen King

The Stand

 

The packing continues, of course, and it's going very well. We have finished packing the garage, and we threw a lot of stuff away. That felt really good, although I plan to throw even more away. once the final sorting takes place. Fortunately, there aren't many boxes and containers that are designated "to be determined". Objects come and go, but of all the treasures I own, books are the most difficult to part with! I know, I know, once they are read, why keep them? Well, it's simple, they are like friends you can contact, any time you need them. I love them. I love how heavy they are. How they look on the right shelf or bookcase. I especially love holding them in my hands, while I am reading in bed! Part with my books? Nah. I simply can't. Sorry... not sorry. I won't throw them away. I won't even donate them. I can't. They are my way out of this world. I love getting lost in them. It's a good feeling to know that after we move, my books will be waiting to be put back in their rightful place, and holding still, until it's time to be taken down and enjoyed on some chilly autumn afternoon to come.

 

~Me

August 27th 2021

Stockton, California

Life Paraphrased Part One

 

"Of all the seasons, autumn offers the most to man

 and requires the least of him."

 

~Hal Borland

 

And so it begins. This pretty leaf is a neighborhood leaf, with just a hint of red, but who knows this could be an orange year. A little hint of red doesn't mean much right now. Also, the Central Valley color is very different from the color in the Bay Area. Weather I guess. I hope to visit my favorite tree in the Bay Area soon, to track the colors there. Before autumn begins anyway. Things are so busy with the move, and now with our first buyer having backed of the deal, I doubt seriously that I will be moved before autumn begins. But as I have said many times, autumn is the great healer, and I believe that, so I am keeping the faith. And who knows, we got an offer yesterday, and Rosalie will let us know about it later today, so that's a good thing. Also, American Horror Story comes back tomorrow night, after being gone two years because of the Covid-19 pandemic, so things are coming together. As my Twitter pal Mark says, things happen for a reason, and in their own time. Paraphrased.

 

~Me

 

Those Summer Nights

 

"For to be free is not to merely to cast off one's chains, but to live in  way that respects and enhances the freedom of others."

 

~Nelson Mandela

 

Pretty, isn't it? This is the last fireworks photo I will have from our time in this house. We are moving soon. This dream is coming to an end. But was it a dream or a nightmare? I am still trying to figure it out. Oh well, I will share more later. For now lets just enjoy the beautiful photo of the light, and the freedoms, we all share. Its all a great big adventure... isn't it?

 

 ~Me

Where Memories Gather

"Stop looking at the walls, look out the window."

~Karl Pilington

The Ricky Gervais Show

Seasons 1-3 

Okay, so I began removing some of my photographs off the sidebar. I might take even more of them down, because as my pal Jeff once advised, the sidebar was "too cluttered and would have a more impressive look to it, if it wasn't so busy." He was right, but I had such fond memories of all the photos I had posted there, that it was difficult to take them down. I wanted to hold onto each and every moment and memory, that I had created in the Bay Area!

 When I began blogging on Ellipsis, I had designed my blog for myself, and not for those who may visit. There is some logic to that, in that there is no real way to know who has come by, or how many consistent readers I have on a weekly basis, so I decorated the blog, as I would my home! But in the last few months, as I pondered whether or not I needed cease my blogging all together, I began to see how a new outlook on the blog might be just what I needed to inspire me pick the camera back up, and look for the unseen or overlooked!

So, the collections in this post, are a last look back, at the photographs that graced my sidebar from 2006 until now. They all mean a lot to me, but I have a new folder for them, and it feels good to start looking for the reality I am in right now, as opposed to the life I had in Berkeley. In 2015, life picked me up, twirled me around in a shit storm, and threw me hard into the Central Valley, and into the city of Stockton, where I landed with a HARD THUD! It was difficult to come to terms with those facts, but I've been lucky to have had Alan by my side, as we dealt with it together. I'm so lucky, and so blessed to have people who care about me, and who give me strength.  

But revamping Ellipsis, is another necessary step toward moving forward! We have decorated our home, one room at a time, and with each coat of paint, or one more carefully chosen painting, or rug, or toss pillow, home becomes a little more HOME. Decorating a new place takes time, and in a weird way, the house will guide you with lighting, and natural sounds, until it all comes together in your imagination. As that process nears completion, I am finally coming out of that three year fog I was in, and accepting that it all goes together, even my blog, because it is a part of my creative reality, even if no one reads my blog or sees my photographs.

Ellipsis is a place for my memories to gather.

And it's time to make new ones!

 

Autumn trips. Time spent in Golden Gate Park. Sunsets from the Berkeley Hills. My rose garden. My beautiful Golden Gate Bridge. I love looking back on those days, even as I plan new trips and new photo opportunities. 

I'm excited!

#11 Leaf Of The Day

October 2nd 2018

Ione, California

~Mood: Excited

~Me :)

 

Horse Sense Is Just Common Sense

"Most horses don't walk backwards voluntarily, 

because what they can't see doesn't exist."

~Terry Pratchett

Soul Music

Last year, in late autumn, I decided to go for a ride on the road that crosses right by one of my favorite parks in the East Bay. It's a beautiful, quiet road to drive, its about nine miles long, and on any given day you can see all kinds of animals, and at times, some pretty unusual birds along the way. I used to really enjoy it, especially, between dusk and deep nighttime hours, because that's when the really interesting wild life moved about. Deer and opossums, raccoons, and on one evening drive Alan and I spotted to cutest black and white kitten, which as it turned out, was in fact not a cat at all, but rather a small baby skunk! Thank goodness it wasn't intimated by us in the least, and we got away with not being scented, but that was pretty silly, and we were laughing pretty hard at our stupidity by the time we got home! 

Life changed a bit when we moved to Stockton. While it's a rural area, there aren't any canyon roads like in the East Bay. You don't get to see animals like this close up, like we did back home. See, I still do that after 2 years, I still refer to the area I was grew up in as "home." It's difficult to break a habit like that. I was in my 50's when we packed up and moved, and since we moved here, I haven't ventured out much on my own, and I guess that is part of the problem. I need to go on short car rides, alone, and learn my way around, that's the only way to break out of this self imposed shell. Perhaps this is the year to start doing that. I have been well on my way to becoming an agoraphobic. That doesn't make a lot of sense to do. 

I am not really sure why I have climbed into this shell. It's not go for a photographer, even if it is just a hobby. I have seen things through my lens I would have never seen otherwise, and I know my camera made me mature both as an artist and a human being. It has helped me really see my own life, through my pictures. I have a good life, and live really worth living, but I haven't been doing much of that! I crawled into the safety of a life half lived, inside the walls of my house. Not alive, but not really dead. A life half lived. but really, a life half lived is no way to live a life! 

I wonder what pictures I have missed in those two years?

 It's been a really difficult few years, but it's really time to move on.

It's just common sense!

Leaf Of The Day

September 29th 2017

Stockton, California

Mood: Happy

~Me

It's January, But May Is On My Mind

"Lots of people go mad in January. 

Not as many as in May, of course, nor June. 

But January is your third most common month for madness."

~Karen Joy Fowler

Sarah Canary

It has been raining, for what feels like forever, but is more closely 7 out of the last 10 days. Different amounts on different days. But the rain has been serious... it's not messing around! And where it hasn't been raining, it's been snowing! Yosemite should be absolutely gorgeous with snow, and since this coming weekend is promising to be full of bright sunshine, I know the roads will finally be open.

I can't wait! I am aiming for Sunday, as that will be the middle of the three day weekend. My files of winter photos are seriously lacking, so hopefully it will be a successful photo jaunt. All I need is Alan, my camera, some snow, and a little bit of wanderlust. Well, actually, it would help if my Fibromyalgia isn't raging, so I will have to cross my fingers about that.

But honestly, even if I am in pain from head to foot, I need to get out and just do my photos. It's important to clear the winter blues by smelling the cold, fresh air, and distancing myself from the things I have no control over. Life has a mind of it's own. 

Like the day I took the photo above. It was literally my last day in our cottage in Berkeley. I was dead on my feet, just exhausted from packing and moving, but I needed to get out of the cottage for a bit. The landlord was coming by for a walk through, and Alan knew I was hurt and upset, so rather than see me lose my composure, he held it all for me, and I took my camera and went to a nearby park.

These gorgeous flowers were in full, beautiful glory! I spent about an hour or so just taking in the lovlieness of the park. I sat under one of my favorite trees, and said my goodbyes. That was one of the most hurtful aspects of leaving the East Bay, saying goodbye to that park, which was a second home to me. I still visit the park when I need to go to the Bay Area, and it is just amazingly pretty no matter what season we happen to be in. And even though I am a million miles away, it still feels like home whenever I visit, or when I go hopping around my archives, and I see these white flowers.

Flowers: Paeonia lacitfloria "Krinkled White" Peony

Mood: Quiet

~Me

 

Art About Town: Stockton... Dave Brubeck Quartet, By Anthony Padilla

"A man should hear a little music, read a little poetry, 

and see a fine picture every day of his life,

 in order that worldly cares may not obliterate the sense of the beautiful which God has implanted in the human soul."

~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

About 14 months ago I moved to Stockton, California, from the San Francisco Bay Area. It wasn't the easiest move to go through, in fact it was traumatic, and depressing, and more than a little frightening! But it wasn't because we were moving to Stockton, it was because of the suddenness of the situation, and the people who did their best to drain the life out of Alan and I. It all started in late March of 2015, and the days turned into weeks, and eventually months of pain, and uncertainty, until one day Alan and I said enough is enough, and we put the drama behind us, and moved to Stockton!

With the help of a magnificent real estate agent, we found our forever house, within a few weeks. I knew the moment we pulled up to the curb in front of it, that we were finally, and for always... home. But once all the process of purchasing a house was over, and we finally put the keys into the door lock for the first time, something seemed to grab me, and pull me down into one of the longest, deepest, depressions I have ever experienced. 

But it wasn't because we were in Stockton, and it wasn't because of the house, to the contrary, the house seemed like a big hug from the first moment I saw it. We had seen other houses around Stockton, all fine in their own way, but this house was special. It was "born" in 1962, the same year I was, and last year, when it went on the market it was listed on my birthday! It just feels like the house has been waiting for Alan and I all our lives! We are finally... home! Our home! 

But during that first year I didn't leave the house. Not for errands. Not for fresh air. Not for any reason. I just stayed inside and let myself feel all the feelings that I felt I couldn't let out when our lives changed in 2015. I held it all in. I kept it together when it was happening, but eventually it all got so buried that I couldn't deal with life outside the walls that I felt kept me safe. My home became my cocoon.

So how am I now? Well, autumn came around this year, and like most autumns throughout my life, I began to feel alive again! The heat of the summer is gone now, and there is a distinct chill in the air that allows me to feel alive again! We began our vacation on October 13th, and we still have about 2 weeks left of it, and with each day has come a new feeling of contentment. We have finally begun to enjoy the new town we live in, Stockton! 

Its an amazing city, generally ignored by the Bay Area, but let me tell you, it's awesome! Its fairly quiet for a large town, and while it's certainly had its problems in recent years, it is finding it's way back to life, kinda the same way I am. There is a lot of public art to enjoy, some gorgeous, truly gorgeous, old buildings that speak to the rich history of the city, and some pretty fantastic restaurants! There is a lot here to fall in love with, and I believe that Stockton is going to be the place to live in a few years, and will give the Bay Area a serious run for it's money as things progress!

Sometimes you just have to give people, and places time to heal.

You know my love of public art, well, above you see the first piece that I choose to post for your enjoyment! It is a postcard mural, painted on the side of one of those wonderful old historic buildings I told you about! The mural, and the artist that painted it, have a rich history of their own. The mural features the Dave Brubeck Quartet. Dave Brubeck has a history with Stockton, in that he attended the College of the Pacific, in Stockton! You can read about them here. Please click through and read about how this lovely mural, came about. There will be more murals to come in the series, so stay tuned to my blog to see more. 

I am looking forward to sharing my new hometown with you!

Leaf Of The Day

November 3rd, 2016 

Mood: Happy

~Me :) 

Now I am Home!

"A gift can never be cheap or insignificant because of the heart and love it carries."

~Munia Khan

Alan and I and the boys moved into our house, officially, on September 2nd 2015. It's never easy to move, and when you add moving your cats to the stress, the stress becomes at least twice as bad, because now you aren't just moving lamps and beds and computers, you are moving living, breathing, thinking, and sometimes plotting, individuals that if you are lucky may be open to some negotiation about their stress level, but who will always, always come out ahead of any begging, pleading or simple request made of them from their humans. It was a back breaking, migraine inducing, fear-fest getting my 3 boys into their kennels, for the ride to Turlock. It was something I would never want to relive... ever... but from the first day in Turlock, I knew that we would eventually have to relive the drama, because Turlock was merely the waiting room of our new home.

Thank goodness the boys never found out that the place we were originally moving to was a stupid scam! It was bad enough that they felt our stress, let alone feel it and fully understand it in human terms! But when Alan and I picked ourselves back up, and finally found our house, we knew that it wasn't going to be fun to move the boys from the hotel, but when it was over we would finally be home. In our forever place. Fortunately, we had a much easier time getting them pack in their kennels, when we left the hotel, because we did something different... we tricked them! We did it on the spur of the moment, with NO time for them to pick up on our stress! A laser pointer, some treats, and some new catnip mice proved to be the best friend of this stressed out fur-baby mommy!

We left the hotel in Turlock at 11:30 PM. The drive to Stockton took about an hour. When we got to the house, we immediately took them out of their kennels, poured them some food, filled their water fountain, and put some toys out from them to play. Hendrix did well! He is my brave boy. Dylan came around in about a week. Joey... not so much! He got acquainted with the house very slowly, room by room was conquered, with the exception of the master bedroom. No amount of playing, begging, manipulating, crying or begging some more could get him to go into the bedroom! He would stand in the hallway, and cry for me, but wouldn't step foot over that threshold. Nope. There was NO discussing it! It was hard to hear him cry, and want to be next to me, and not be able to make help him come in the room.

Joey, and I cuddled at night in our old place, and we cuddled together at the hotel. It was one of the things that made this whole nightmare tolerable. But it wasn't happening here, and I didn't know what the problem was! Then one day I noticed he was eyeing the LARGE ceiling fan that hangs over our bed! We didn't have one of those at the cottage, and there wasn't one at the hotel. I think, when Joey saw it moving around and around, he thought it was a bird, of which he is terrified! So, I stopped using it, and just let it sit still. He didn't make any progress after a month, but the cold weather had moved in, so it remained off. I didn't think he would ever come around, then on Christmas Eve something amazing happened!

I woke up from a fever induced nap to see his little body sitting in the window sill, The night before I had mentioned to Alan that all I really wanted for Christmas was for my boy to cuddle with me in the bed, and the next day he did! You can't buy that feeling folks! My Joey had finally come back. My silly, funny, considerate, kind child found his inner lion, just in time for Christmas! It was, and always will be, one of the best holiday gifts ever! Any day he came back to me would have been special, but the fact that it happened on Christmas means even more! I love that child! And now, when I go to sleep, I have this warm little pillow right next to me again, and Alan doesn't even mind that he sometimes cuddles between us! 

He is our Joey. He is the little brother. 

Happiness!

Mood: Happy

~Me :)

Where The Love Is

"Shit happens. Doesn't mean you have to step in it.

 But if you do, I would buy a new pair of shoes."

~Kilburn Hall

Stuff happens in life. Sometimes stupid, meaningless stuff. Stuff there is no excuse for or understanding of. I don't think I will ever fully understand what all has gone on this year, so I am learning to live with it. Isn't that what they say to do? If you can't change a circumstance, try to change how you feel about it? Well, for me, it means simply learning to live with it. I am trying my best, but it's a matter of taking one step forward, and away from it, every day. I think I have moved passed the panic and frustration. I am moving past the depression a little more and more with each passing "normal" movement, like fixing a meal or making the bed. In other words moving on. The depression began to scare me a bit... well... a lot... but I think it was the depression that helped me come to terms with all of it. I experienced the full five stages of grief, which from what I have read, is a perfectly normal response under the circumstances. I am now in the acceptance stage, and while I have a blue day here and here, and I am still a little worried being able to swing the ability to own a home, I go to bed at night incredibly grateful for whatever time we end up spending here.

 A year, two, maybe five years... it's all good. If we should find that we need to sell and go a different route I am okay with that also. But in the mean time, this new house has taken me in somehow. It has a wonderful nurturing vibe to it, in fact both Alan and I felt it from the first moment we saw the place. We looked through a lot of houses, and none of them made us both smile the way this one did! The house was meant to be ours, for however long it is meant to be, and it takes good care of us. I have been reluctant to feel love for the place, but it's wearing me down. I am pretty much in love, and I don't even know when I let the emotion in, but I did. Stockton, California has it's challenges, but it has been getting better in the last couple years. The neighborhood is Lakeview, and it sits in north Stockton. It is the third best neighborhood, the best neighborhood is about 2 blocks west of us. LOL. So it's in a stable, reasonably safe part of the city. Stockton is a big city, so yes there is crime, but it's all about knowing where you can go, and any given hour of the day, and being aware of your actions and surroundings.

We all have to do that anyway. After the terrible tragedy in San Bernadino last week, the point was driven home that one can't be too diligent. We can't live a normal life if we dwell on stuff, but being aware of your surroundings just makes sense. So, I am no longer "just making the best of it" I am settling in. We are making the house ours, and it feels good. Any place Alan and the boys are will be home for me. They fill the place with so much silliness and love that it would be impossible to not love the place. I think that's how we made it in the little Berkeley cottage for so long. It wasn't the cottage, it was the love inside. Alan and Elvis, and then Hendrix, Dylan and finally the little brother Joey. 

Our house is a home, no matter where we are, 

but I am kinda digging the new place!

Now, if I could just motivate myself to get the unpacking done! 

Leaf Of The Day

December 6th 2015

Mood: Relaxed

~Me :)

...With A Litttle Help From My Friends!

"Once in a while I am struck all over again... 

by just how blue the sky appears

 on windy played autumn mornings,

 blue enough to bruise a heart."

~Sanober Khan

I am tired. I am still working on unpacking, and getting the house in shape. It's a big house, while bigger than what I am used to, and Alan has to work, so that leaves me to do what I can to make this house a home! For the most part I am enjoying myself. The house and I are getting to know each other, and that's fine.

I have been pushing the house away, not really wanting to come to like it, or love it or anything as exhausting as making it a member of the family, but it's wearing me down little by little. It's a happy house, and embracing, if that makes sense. We felt it from the very first day we saw it! Our first walk through I knew it was our house! Alan felt it too. In fact, it was the first house, out of all the houses we looked at, that spoke to both of us. It just seemed to say... "You're home." 

My grief is easing a bit, and that's a good thing, but like I said I am tired so today's post is all about the leaves I photographed last week. Honestly, I think that little jaunt to photograph leaves is what gave me the energy to jump back into unpacking and to continue with the decorating. My office is almost finished, and I will post some photos this week, but for right now lets enjoy the colors of autumn!

By the way, I want to say a special THANK YOU to my friend Kat! I really appreciate the comments and words of encouragement. You have made me feel a lot less alone in this process. Thank you love... your friendship means a lot to me! :) Email me soon, and fill me in on all the latest in your world!

Leaf Of The Day

November 7th 2015

Mood: Tired

~Me :)