Saturday, November 25, 2017

The Beautiful Sadness

'
"Autumn is the time of year when Mother Nature says,
 "Look how easy, how healthy, 
and how beautiful letting go can be.'"

~Toni Sorenson

I have the hardest time letting go! Letting go of places I have lived, pets and friends when they have passed on, ideas that never quite came to fruition, even restaurants that I have loved, that have eventually closed, and TV shows that get cancelled! You name it, I don't like to let go of it! Every single year, I have the same melancholy feeling from the day after Halloween, that stays with me until at least a couple months into winter! I go out and continue to look for leaves, until I photograph the very last one I find, because knowing it is the last one, makes it all the more lovely, even if it's less than perfect!

Obsession much? Perhaps, but it does something else for me, it gives me time outside with the camera, and it keeps me focused on life away from the things that scare me, like whatever the next scary thought our president has, that I have no control of! There is nothing I can do about his decisions. Nothing. So searching for leaves, gives me a nice respite from worrying. If I don't find autumn leaves in late December, it's okay, because I might find something completely unrelated to autumn, that will encourage or inspire me. So no worries!

I have depression. It's that simple, and it's nothing to be ashamed of. Like I said a few posts back, it had been in remission for about 20 years, but it's back now, and it's been good for me to get out with the camera. I am going to do that as much as possible, but I wish autumn would hang on a little longer, because it brings some beauty to the sadness, and makes me a better photographer. I know when I accept that fact that autumn is gone for another year, I have done my best to capture it's beauty forever in my photos. All the life affirming beauty of autumn leaves, reminds me that there is an unmistakable beauty in letting go, and moving on. 

The end of autumn, gives me a beautiful sadness, 
but it's important keep moving forward. 

#25 Leaf Of The Day
November 25th, 2017
Apple Hill, Camino, California 

 Mood: Quiet
~Me

Friday, November 24, 2017

Happy Holidays

'Truley, Autumn is my season," the scarlet beast chorted. "Spring and Summer and Winter all begin with such late letters! But Autumn and Fall, I have loved best, because they are best to love."

~Catherynne M. Valente
The Girl who Circumnavigated Fairyland
 In A Ship Of Her Own Making 

Thanksgiving is over, and it's time for all the worlds of autumn to come together! Christmas really should be the last party of autumn, as it belongs to winter for only a few days! It's always seemed to be that autumn got cheated by that, but to me, it is an autumn holiday, no matter what the calendar says! I tend to have all my holiday shopping done by December 20th, so I can spend the last few days before the big day to relax, and enjoy the decorations, and all that goes with the holiday, like baking yummy things.

We tend to celebrate Christmas Eve, with more enthusiasm, than Christmas Day. We make special snacks, play board games, or card games, listen to music, and sometimes get silly singing! Not necessarily Christmas songs, as actually there are very few of those I can actually stand, but any song that makes us laugh and enjoy! Then on the day, we do what most families do, we open our gift bags, and have a good time watching the furry people play with their new catnip toys. We are an unconventional family to be sure, but I bet a lot of families have more going on than we do!

I was born Jewish, but raised Methodist. So, Alan and I honor both holidays. I imagine there are a lot of families like ours that celebrate both holidays, which is why I find it amusing that anyone would claim that there is a "War On Christmas!" All these people who claim Christmas has become, too commercialized, and that saying "Happy Holidays" somehow takes the focus off Jesus, are just more people trying to, literally, sell you a bill of goods." They want you to buy their books about the commercialism of Christmas, which is amusing, but also infuriating at the same time, because year after year, we have to hear about the same old, non-existent war, for the sole purpose of demanding religious conformity, and yes, getting rich off fear and hate! 

Sarah Palin, Bill O'Reilly and Donald Trump, among others, have now all sold products aimed at putting the Christmas back in Christmas! With the first two, it was all about selling books that declared that there was a war on Christmas, being waged by anyone wishing you, or anyone you know, a "Happy Holiday." Also, the whole holiday is one big shopping scheme, created by companies, to take the Jesus out of the season! So be good, for goodness sake, and yell at the next person wishing you a Happy Holiday, and be sure to by another book that explains how you can help, by not over shopping! Because nothing says noncommercial, like a $40 "MAGA" hat that says "Merry Christmas" on the back! Because, now, finally, with Trump in office, we can now say Merry Christmas again! Whew! What a relief!

I'll just be frank here... these people are full of shit!

Especially President "Anything For A Buck."

There. I said it.

Christmas is about as commercial, as you personally choose to let it be! If you want to go out and lavish your family with gifts, go for it! If you want to stay home, and make handmade pillows or blankets, great, have at it, but don't hide behind your "Christianity" as a way to rob anyone else of their religion, their manners, or their joy, or simply, their traditions, during what should be, the one time of year that we can really reach out to one another, in kindness, friendship, and best of all love. We have it in us, but sometimes we have so much noise going on around us, and so many people trying to tell us what to think, that we can't hear ourselves love. Let yourself feel the love in the words, HAPPY HOLIDAYS, because it's up to you to decide if you want to hear with ears of love, or ears of hate.

That. Is. On. You.

Here's a bit of advice... Don't Let Hate Win!

#24 Leaf Of The Day
November 24th, 2017
Knight's Ferry, California


Mood: Happy
~Me :)

 

Thursday, November 23, 2017

Happy Thanksgiving

"Piglet noticed that even though he had a very small heart, it could hold a rather large amount of gratitude."

~A.A. Milne
Winnie-The-Pooh

I won't lie, it's been one HELL of a year! But that doesn't mean I have been left with an angry or bitter heart, far from it! I have a lot to be grateful for, and a lot of happiness with Alan and the boys! Life is full of uncertainties, but one thing remains fast and true, I am loved, and appreciated, and I might get scared from time to time, but fear does not fill my heart, gratitude does!


#23 Leaf Of The Day
November 23rd, 2017
Quincy, California

 Mood: Happy
~Me :)
 

Wednesday, November 22, 2017

The Thanksgiving Gift!

"Everyone enjoys being acknowledged and appreciated. Sometimes even the simplest act of gratitude can change someone's entire day. Take the time to recognize and value the people around you and appreciate those who make a difference in your lives."

~Roy T. Bennett


When someone asks me what I am most thankful for, my family comes to my mind first. I imagine that would be what most folks would say, but our family is Alan, myself, Hendrix, Dylan and Joe. Two humans, and three fuzzballs. Cats. We adopted Hendrix and Dylan in autumn of 2008, after we lost our cat Elvis, to Cancer. Joey was found on the Saturday, after Thanksgiving, in 2013. He was alone, dirty, injured, and it was pretty clear that if we didn't take him in, he wouldn't survive the weekend. Opening our hearts to this tiny lost cat, turned out to be one of the best decisions we ever made!

From day one, he has a sweet kindness to him, and his intelligence is unbelievable! He has a funny way of "meeping" if he thinks he is in trouble, as if he is apologizing.When he is unsure about playing, or if wants to try something new, like sleeping on the end of the bed, he will meow in such a way, that it almost sounds like a question! "May I please?" Or "Is it okay if...?" Honestly, he is the best behaved cat I have personally ever known or owned. He seems to know that he was saved by Alan, taken into our home, and he knows we love him, and we always will!

He says THANK YOU to us, every day,
 in his own way, with snuggles and nom-noms. 

Nom-Noms are kisses, by the way. He loves kisses! 

Finding him on Thanksgiving weekend, in 2013,
 made it all the more special for us!
 So, at thanksgiving time, I always feel thankful, 
and grateful he came into our lives, and made it a much nicer place!

"If having a soul meas being able to feel love and loyalty and gratitude, then animals are better off than a lot of humans."

~James Herriot
All Creatures Great And Small



#22 Leaf Of The Day
November 22nd, 2017
Knight's Ferry, California



Mood: Grateful
~Me :)

Tuesday, November 21, 2017

Thankfulness

"Thankfulness creates gratitude,
 which generates contentment that causes peace."
 
~Todd Stocker
 
The rest of this week belongs to thankfulness. I am happy, I complain a lot about politics, and things that frighten me, but deep down I have a good life, with a good man, and three amazing little furry people that love me! Trust me, if you are loved by a cat, you are truly loved! Cats aren't like dogs, if they don't like you they will not only demonstrate their dislike, they will leave you at the first opportunity! So, I have a lot to be grateful for, but mostly, I am grateful I am loved... deeply! At the end of the day, that's what is important!
 
 "Celebrate your journey of life."

~Lailah Gifty Akita

 
#21 Leaf Of The Day
October 28th, 2017
Quincy, California


Mood: Grateful
~Me :)
 

Monday, November 20, 2017

Life In The Abstract

"I feel like I am parked diagonally in a parallel universe."

~Anonymous

This post is another departure from the beauty of autumn. Rather than focusing on the intense beauty of this season, I want to go back a few seasons, and bring you to right now in my life. I want to post about how I have been feeling inside, since Trump took office. Simply put... it's felt a lot like the quote at the stop of the post. Like this all simply cannot be real! Life has gone from real, and logical and secure to something that feels like it cannot possibly be real! Even my faith, which I rarely speak about online, because it's so personal to me, has gone through a bit of a metamorphosis.

 I think in some ways it my faith has gotten stronger. I don't linger there, because if God does have some specific thoughts about the time we are living in, they are between Trump and God. Or maybe Covfefe, perhaps, because we still don't know if Covfefe is an entity, or the made up object of a demented mind, which brings me to my point.

For the first time in my life, I feel like every day is an exercise in an abstract existence. Is the universe real? Or did I pass through a thin spot where different worlds blur in their lines? And if I just find the right vortex, will I return back to the world that might not be perfect, and might throw me the occasional curve ball, but that mostly makes sense! Every decision in world politics right now, seems so abstract and random! It's all so surreal, that we can't possibly analyze it effectively, so should we even try?

 There was a day when I felt like it normal that life that moved about randomly, and we humans would get thrown the occasional ball of surreal, to keep it all interesting! How many times have you either heard, or even said yourself, "well, I didn't see that coming!" I know I have had some pretty surreal experiences. Stuff that I can't explain. Incidents that boarded on the supernatural, or so strange, that they could only be left up to mine, or Alan's interpretation of it, because it was personal to us.

 Day to day life for he and I, usually moves along pretty scheduled and routine, but every once in a while, we have to look at each other, and say... "What just happened?" I mostly like it when the unusual happens, but the surreal got kicked up about 10 levels when Trump took office! He is doing so many things that make NO sense, and no one in the GOP, seems to have a problem with it! The night he tweeted out "Covfefe" it stayed up on his official Twitter account for at least 6 hours! That's NOT NORMAL.

 At first it was confusing, but then it turned to funny, as folks around the world, tried to make fun of it, or speculate about it's meaning. But when my own glee wore off, I got a sinking feeling that it may have been a nuclear code, or perhaps a intelligence code word, because earlier in the year, he reveled a code word that belonged to an ally, when he hosted the Russian ambassador at the White House. THAT'S NOT NORMAL.

Trump has provoked North Korea to the point that, every day goes by that we aren't fully involved in the end of the world through nuclear war, I am surprised! Sometimes I wonder if I will wake up in the morning, or will I die, and simply move on to a new existence without realizing it! Did I already die? Did we all die, or is this some existence in a nightmare I can't wake up from. Am I in a coma somewhere? Did the earth find a thin spot in the universe and we all had to go through it? Maybe that explains why pictures have turned up, apparently untouched, of folks holding what looks like cell phones... in the 1930's and 40's! THAT'S NOT NORMAL!

No, I am not a conspiracy theorist, but I do listen before I judge. And while the pictures and videos I have seem to be real, there are some explanations when seem to dispel the idea of time travel. Early versions of hearing aids being one of them, which makes sense! But what about what's happening now? Is it that idiots have always existed, we just have more now, then any other time ever? Well, folks have been falling for bullshit for as long as I can remember, we just have better access to it because of the Internet! See, that makes sense, and sometimes weird shit happens, and there just isn't any explanation for it, but personally, when things happen, that are NOT NORMAL, and it affects the whole world, I tend to want to know why?

Welcome to life in the abstract!
Or parallel Universe!
Or purgatory!
If you find out which it is, please let me know!


Personally, I believe it's a parallel universe.
But I'm open to the possibilities!

#20 Leaf Of The Day
November 20th, 2017
Cull Canyon





Mood: Quiet
~Me 

 
 

Sunday, November 19, 2017

Beauty In The World... From The 2017 Archives

"I believe all photographers want to be remembered for their images. They reflect a piece of their soul."

~Christer Paul Flateau

I was tiptoeing through my photo archive, from earlier this year, and since I did very little blogging in 2017, I decided to chose a few photos that I liked, but didn't feel up to blogging about on the day they were taken, and highlight them now. It's less than a week until Thanksgiving, and it's going to be a busy time, so I think it's the right time to take a look backward, with thankfulness, rather than bitterness, about how the year has been with Trump in office.

I let a lot of my creativity slide, instead choosing to be scared, angry and depressed. It's hard to not feel all this things, when even experts in various fields, like the American Psychiatric Association, have felt a duty to warn the American people about the dangers of having Trump in the White House. That was unprecedented, and should be taken seriously, however, the powers that be don't seem interested in removing him from office, so we are all stuck in a situation we, as individuals, have NO WAY to fix. It feels like we are all on a roller-coaster, running completely out of control! That is not a fun feeling, at all!

So, now I find myself quoting the Serenity Prayer to myself. I got that chip when I successfully graduated from Adult Daycare, after my nervous breakdown in 2000. It was a long, hard, painful road, but I worked through some things, and I was managing stress and occasional bouts of depression pretty well, again, until the Electoral Collage put an unstable man in power. After all those years, I found myself feeling things I hadn't felt in years, but when I recognized how bad it had gotten, I sought help, and I am beginning to come out of my almost self-imposed darkness.

I don't think, at the time I took these photos, I fully appreciated the beauty in them. I was taking photos, at Alan's request, because he was worried about me, and thought it would be good for me to do something other than dwell on all the bad things happening in America. It wasn't healthy to watch CNN 24/7, because, as he pointed out, there was nothing I could do to stop anything Trump does while in office. I needed to "accept the things I couldn't change." And I have, or at least I am trying my best to do just that!

This next week, I know that he will be pardoning a Thanksgiving turkey, per White House tradition, but he will probably use his power to pardon a few other turkeys as well, if you get my drift. I see it coming, but there is nothing I can do, so at least I am aware, that there is a strong possibility regarding pardons, and can deal with it by picking up my camera, and searching for the beauty in life. Oh don't get me wrong, I will feel all those emotions that are perfectly reasonable to feel, but hopefully, I will be able to balance the feelings with some creativity. That's my hope anyway.

 So, lets look back at some beauty I didn't appreciate earlier this year, and we will go from there. I used some editing software on some of them, just to give you an idea what my imagination sees, rather then what the camera sees. Sometimes I see through an Impressionist filter in my creativity, and I try to bring that to my photographs, to let you get a better idea of how I see the world.

Golden Lamp
Carson City, Nevada
November 6th, 2017
(Soft Filter)

Purple Flower
Moss Beach, California
April 13th, 2017
(Impressionist Filter)

Golden Gate Bridge
San Francisco, California
April 13th, 2017
(Soft Filter)

Golden Gate Bridge
San Francisco, California
April 13th 2017
(Soft Filter)


#19 Leaf Of The Day
November 19th, 2017
Carson City, Nevada

Mood: Creative
~Me :)