I Hear Him In The Whispering Leaves

 

 

"I needed a long lingering autumn, 

a tenure with which to ease into another state of being."

~Ruchika Tomar

A Prayer For Travelers

Sometimes I think autumn talks to me. Autumn Leaves whispering, everything will be fine. Of course they could be lying, or perhaps mistaken... right? Maybe it's a ghost. Maybe it's my dad. He died in August of 1995. He disliked summer almost as much as I do. His birthday was October 5th, so naturally I think of him in October, and how much he enjoyed this month. Halloween was a big deal in our house, in fact, it was probably the happiest of all the holidays. We had a lot of challenges as a family, but we got Halloween and politics right. Well, right for us. Talking politics, and carving pumpkins are some of my best memories with dad.

He'd ask me, after he carved the pumpkin, and while I was scooping the guts out, about my life, and if I had anything concerning me. Had some dumb guy hurt me, or was I worried about anything, and I would share. We talked about everything from the Vietnam war, to my mother's open heart surgery, to the 6 months that I was a registered Republican. He advised me with that one that I'd change my mind, and six months later, I did! I miss those talks, but I still feel him around when I am scared, and completely out of control with they ability to do anything about it. Even he couldn't fix it, he would find the right words to make it make sense. I sure miss him, but sometimes I can almost hear him whispering through the rustling leaves, "It's okay. It's autumn." Which didn't really help, but it did make me smile.

Thanks Dad.

~Carly

October 24th 2020

Stockton, California

Autumn Grows In Everything

 

"Days decrease, and autumn grows in everything"

~Robert Browning

The last, thank God, debate between Trump and Biden takes place a little later tonight. I have no idea what to expect, and I am a bit apprehensive about it. No shit. Right? I've tried to create a 2020 Hellscape Bingo card, but I am just not creative enough to come up with any of what 2020 has thrown at us, including Guiliani's Borat fiasco!What the actual fuck was he thinking?Anyway, who knows what will happen. Up until now, Trump's attacks on Biden have been lame but there is still time for him to create a lot of mayhem and devastation, because he is displaying all the characteristics of a caged animal right now, so who the fuck knows where things will end up. 

Fuck.

Yesterday, I couldn't help but think of the marquee on the beautiful, historic, Grand Lake Theater, in Oakland. They have let their feelings be known over the years, and I have often driven by and been very impressed by their messages about voting. It resonated with me after the Supreme Court handed George W. Bush the election in 2001, and his attempts to fuck with the election in 2004, so when I saw this message back in September, I knew I would post about it closer to the election. The Republican party has become a bunch of thugs, not statesmen. When this time is over, the ones who worked to take Trump down really need to formally regroup and rebrand, because Trump did accomplish one thing, he sorted out the party players. I still wouldn't turn my back on any of them, but right now, the enemy of my friend is my friend. 

Fuck. 

 The Leaf Of The Day #31

Rudy Guiliani Borat Fiasco

~Carly

Stockton, California

October 22nd 2020

The Gifts Of The Witch Of Autumn Or Maybe Science

March 2020

Tilden Park, Berkeley, California 

"What is the name of your dream? A lovely wooden cottage in the middle of a forest? Or walking in an endless autumn path? What is the name of your dream? Don't give a name, always give a list! Fill yourself with dreams because dream is the path to reality."

~Mehmet Murat ildan

 

2020 was the worst year that I can remember, and it's not over yet. But one thing it did give me, was the ability to find Autumn leaves in every season. When I was a little girl, I used to believe there was an autumn witch that controlled such things. Unfortunately, I grew up and learned what really caused autumn to happen, but it was okay, science works nicely too. But this year was downright magical, witch or no witch! On my favorite trees, and in some new ones, I happily discovered leaves, there just for me! In other years I could find them up to March of the following year, but this year, science seemed to want Autumn as much as I did. Maybe my heart just needed it so much, the science said, "That's okay, we can do that for you." Or maybe there is a witch somewhere, answering my call for something to heal my heart, as it broke over a million little 2020 things. I am grateful either way!

 

January...

March...

September...

~Carly

October 23rd 2020

Stockton, California

A Walk In An Autumn Garden Sculpture Garden

 

"Life is like autumn; short but colorful"

~Zain Baloch

When I first moved to Stockton, I was a fish out of water. Well, if you have been reading my blog, or following me on Twitter, for any length of time, you already know that. But I did try to learn my way around, so I subscribed to the town's newsletter, and jumped specifically into the part about great photo ops. I have been trying to visit each one, especially as I have become more familiar with the area. I have photographed parts of the Miracle Mile, the grounds of the University of the Pacific. The ample farm country, and of course the marvelous Mid-Century buildings downtown. Stockton has some stunning sunsets, and it also has awesome storms at times. Little by little I have achieved a fair degree of peace regarding our move. I am relaxing and settling in. Now, if I could be completely sure the world won't be ending at the hand of a madman... Donald Trump, everything will make sense again. Not thinking of politics, at least for a little while, would be nice. I won't be mentioning him again in this post. It's not about him, it's about the amazing statutes at the, Stockton Cambodian Temple (Wat Dhammararam).

 

 

 I have always wanted to visit this place, but somehow pushed it away. I have No idea why, perhaps I just needed to feel like I was the same size as everyone else, to find my way. I really don't know. But this week, I decided it was time to visit the temple grounds. It's vacation and my head is clearing a bit. I was surprised to see just how magnificent the statues were. Colorful and awe inspiring, they were placed all around the temple area, and as I walked through the sculpture garden, taking my photos, I felt at peace. It is a large property, so there was plenty of time to enjoy the time there. It was in the late afternoon, and the autumn sun played nicely with shadows, and lit up the autumn leaves as if they were on fire. It was a really nice experience. The one drawback was that the plaques on the statues were in Cambodian, but I am trying to find some information on them, and when I do I will either update here or post a whole new look at them. For now, I will simply share their beauty. They inspire peace, which we could all use right now. More soon. 

 

For now, enjoy!

 Today's Leaf Of The Day #30

~Carly

Stockton, California

October 21st 2020

A Season Of Desperate Hopes

 

"Autumn is a season of desperate hopes.The leaves are souls begging to turn life on pause. Begging to stop, begging to take a break, hiding under smiles and childish words."

~Teodora Savr

Listen To The Leaves

I feel restless. Like a leaf waiting to fall, but never quite finding the time or will. We are all walking around on the schedule of others. I want the election over with, yet I am terrified to think about November 3rd... and what comes next. The last four years have been HELL. It has ruined holidays for people. For others it was sleep, or even just the previously common Monday, or spring. Full seasons. Relationships. You get the idea. Its a little different for everyone I guess. For me it's a little of everything, and so I have to wonder if that's! why I have been sick, every single Christmas since we bought this house! I guess we will never know. Anyway... completely off topic, sorta, here is a brand new mid-century hotel sign, from Lodi, California. Most likely the 50's. The era Trump is stuck in. The hotel appeared haunted to me... I think I know why. We are all ghosts right now, restless, tired and not at all sure of anything, but desperatly hoping that we will find out way out of the darkness.

 

 ~Carly

Stockton, California

October 20th 2020

Somedays Just Leaves

 

October's Party

"October gave a party

The Leaves by hundreds came

The Chestnuts, Oaks, and Maples

And leaves of every name.

The Sunshine spread a carpet

And every thing was grand

Miss weather led the dancing

Professor Wind the band." 

 ~George Cooper

Just leaves today. More words tomorrow.

 

 

   

~Carly

Stockton, California 

October 19th 2020

Lost In The Weeds v Lost In The Leaves

 

 

'The man of autumn,

Behind it's melancholy mask,

Will laugh in the brown grass,

Will shout from the tower's rim."

~Wallace Stevens

Opus Posthumous: Poems, Plays Prose

 

For some strange reason, I don't feel as lost in the weeds as I have in the past. What is that about? In 2017 I sure thought Trump was going to kill us all in a random act of nuclear to human annihilation. That didn't happen, of course, but come to find out I was pretty fucking accurate with my assumption. I don't know if I felt relief or not to find out, that several of his national security advisors, worried about that possibility too. Vindicated? Yes, maybe it's vindicated. But still, the years followed and the fear grew, ending with this year's surreal pandemic mismanagement, which brought a whole new level of terror. But here I sit tonight. I know he's performing his tricks on stages across the mid-west, and his adoring fans are there to cheer him on, and catch Covid-19 for his, and the herd's benefit, but I don't feel dread. I feel like despite his threats, stomping his feet, and bloviating of regurgitated bullshit, it's all going to work out. Decency, will make a comeback. Folks will take voting seriously. I am beginning to believe my own bullshit about autumn being the great corrective. Like November 3rd, 2020, will be one of the best days of my life.

 

Am I wrong to feel optimistic about November 2rd? Am I ridiculous for that? Am I setting myself up for a terrifying fall? I don't know, but I'll get back to you on November 4th. I'll be the woman who is once again lost in the weeds, or perhaps I will just be a lady walking on a beautiful autumn path, with leaves falling all around her. So many leaves, that she happily jumps right into big piles of them, just to finally see all the colors of a year. Her year.

 

~Carly

Stockton, California

October 18th 2020