Clear Thoughts On A Foggy Day

"You'll never move forward,

 until you take a step away from the past."

~Colleen Ferrary

All of my Christmas shopping is done. I have some presents to wrap, and I am waiting on a few gifts to arrive... cross your fingers for me they do... and the house looks downright festive! We didn't  really decorate outside, although we may do a little bit early next week. Alan's schedule simply hasn't allowed for it, but it's okay, we will get it done next year. And to say that we didn't decorate outside, really isn't accurate either, we have a small decoration in the yard, so folks in the neighborhood know we aren't completely boring! LOL. I will post a photo of it next week, but my point is, I am ready for next week and Christmas. And oddly enough, I am ready for the 2016!

It's kind of a surprise really. Since we moved into the house, my mood has been all over the map. From tired and pissed off, to scared shit-less, to annoyed, to depressed. Really depressed. Back to scared. Thankful. Confused. Happy. Content. REALLY PISSED OFF. Quiet. Back to happy. Right now as I am typing this I feel content, and excited for the new year, and getting back to the ordinary days. You know... days without a fake tree filled with tiny lights twinkling. A normal schedule of Monday through Sunday, and days filled with "normal."

I have been craving those normal... nothing new... this is just my every day... days... since March 26th, when we got that note on the door that told us we have to leave our apartment! My life... Our Life... was turned upside down, there was really nothing resembling "normal" going on, and for a time I didn't know if we would ever see "normal' again. But we did, and this is where we ultimately landed. Stockton. There is nothing "normal" about a Bay Area girl suddenly moving to Stockton.  And a year ago, buying a home wasn't a realistic idea, then suddenly we are signing loan papers. Do you have any idea how terrifying it is to know that you will be making a $1,400.00 payment every month for 30 years? Do you have any idea how old I will be in 30 years? This house will outlive me, of that fact I am sure! LOL.

We are lucky to have found the perfect house for us. It was meant to be, but fear about whether or not we could really afford it terrified me. I am lucky though, I have friends who remind me to breathe, Kat, I mean you! You made me feel so much less alone, thank you for sharing how you felt when you moved, and how you could understand my crazy mood swings. You have always meant a lot to me, you were one of my favorite friends from the old AOL days. You were a supportive friend then, and you still are now! Thank you love bug!

Good friends to keep me sane, and an amazing husband who let me feel what I did, when I did! How amazing is that? I am blessed! And I know this post sounds more like something I should have been writing around Thanksgiving, but... well... call it a delayed reaction, because I know now that even on my craziest days in the last year, even on the days when it all looked really cloudy and foggy, when I worried myself into a deep Fibromyalgia fog, I knew I wasn't alone. Life gets tough, sometimes I can feel really lost, yet there is always a way back home. And deep down I knew it. I suppose that is why I felt comfortable writing about my true feelings, rather than just saying that everything was fine.

It's not easy to buy a new house, even under the best of circumstances, and making that payment every month is kind of terrifying, but it's so worth the effort. 

We are HOME.

Leaf Of The Day

December 18th 2015

Mood: Happy

~Me :)

Falling Leaves

"And every year there is a brief, startling moment

 when we pause in the middle

 of a long walk home and suddenly feel

 something invisible and weightless, 

touching our shoulders, sweeping down from the air; 

It is the autumn wind pressing against our bodies;

It is the changing light of fall falling on us."

~Edward Hirsch

Wild Gratitude

I went to my favorite park yesterday, and to my deep sadness, found that most of the leaves had already fallen. The trees that were in bloom just a couple weeks ago, with all colors and shapes you can imagine autumn leaves could be, now stood bare and cold. It was the result of the last storm that touched California, earlier this week. The rain was a good thing, it means the trees will be brighter and more beautiful then ever next year, and if things go as it looks like it will, next autumn will be amazing, so I am thinking and planning about that!

 I will continue to post the "Leaf Of The Day" through Monday, but here is the last autumn gallery on Ellipsis until next year.

 Autumn kisses winter hello on...

 Monday, December 21st, at 11:47 P.M. 

Leaf Of The Day

December 17th 2015

Mood: Happy

~Me :)

Heirloom Ornaments

"Christmas, is a box of tree ornaments that have

 become part of the family"

~Charles Schulz

Decorating For Christmas And Beyond

"Life in the 21st Century means taking the best of history and making it work for you." 

~Miles Redd

One of the things I love most about Christmas is getting all the decorations Alan and I have added, over the course of our 25 years together, and mingling them with the ones we both had prior to getting married! It's a lot of holiday memories and traditions to reflect on, plus it's been our tradition to buy each other a new ornament from the Tilden Merry-Go-Round each year. We purchased this year's on the day after Thanksgiving, because of the move to Stockton, we weren't sure we would get back up to Tilden before the end of the season. And, as it turns out, it looks like we made a good decision. Time has flown by. We might try for early next week, but we have also been talking about taking a trip to the snow to help put us in the holiday spirit. Shrug... we will just see where the time takes us!

 In the mean time, we have the tree up, and the mantle is decorated and both have some special ornaments that date back as far as the 1950's, so it's pretty cozy in the house! The stocking on the far right was Alan's when he was a child, and it is so precious to me! He also has a very old... umm... much loved... Elf on the Shelf elf just waiting for tree placement! When we got married, his mother gave me one from a large set she bought when her kids were just little ones! It made me an official part of the family. I love those heirloom ornaments, and I love the beautiful ones we have chosen together through the years, especially the Tilden Park ornaments, I am still really homesick, but it's getting better, and those ornaments and the memories of buying them with Alan are soul healing.

It's The Holidays!

Don't You Just Love This Time Of Year?

 Leaf Of The Day

December 16th 2015

Mood: Happy

~Me :)

The Here And Now

Leaf Of The Day

December 15th 2015

"Anyone who thinks leaves are dead, 

has never watched them dancing on a windy day!"

~Shira Tamir

No real post today, it's a super busy time. We have a sick cat, nothing serious, but just enough to keep us busy, plus the holiday is coming really fast! And if all that wasn't enough, we had a really big storm come through the Bay Area, and it pretty much shook most of the leaves off of some of mt favorite trees, so I am scrambling to get the last of my favorites! So, today's post is all about the Leaf Of The Day for today. 

I guess you could say I am in the here and now!

Mood: Busy

~Me :)

Butterfly Leaves

"A withered maple leaf has left its branch

 and is falling to the ground; 

ts movements resemble those of a butterfly in flight,

 Isn't it strange? 

The saddest and deadest of things

 is yet so like the gayest and most vital of creatures."

~Ivan Turgenev

Fathers And Sons

Humor me. It's the last few days of Autumn, and yeah I know the seasons aren't capitalized, as a rule, but I just love Autumn so much, that I can't bring myself to write it properly. So, I snub my nose at doing it the right way, and do it the way I want to. So there! The grammar Nazis be damned!

IT'S AUTUMN!

Leaf Of The Day

December 14th 2015

Mood: Happy

~Me :)

Cats And Christmas Part One: Feline Feng Shui

"Being the spirit of the house is somehow built into the soul of the cat the way joy itself is sewn into the word "Christmas."

~Unknown

If a cat isn't feeling Christmas, there is NO amount of petting, catnip, tuna from a can, cat toys, or pleading that will get a cat to pose for a holiday photo! That's why I keep at least one camera in each room in the house that holds at least some kind of holiday decoration. Last night, Alan and I finally got the Christmas tree decorated, and for some reason, Dylan was more than willing to pose next to it for me. I am pretty sure I will be made to pay for his cooperation, lol, perhaps with some extra cuddle time, or a little extra understanding when he decides to put his personal touch on the tree in a made fit of feline Feng shui. We'll see. Maybe not, maybe it's his Christmas present to me, you never know about these things!

Dylan is a lovely child, and I reminded of that every morning when Alan leaves for work, and Dylan snuggles up to me, on Alan's pillow, and sleeps right beside me until I am ready to get up. He doesn't leave my side. Although there have been those mornings when Dylan wanted me to get up and change his box, or give him some water or snacks. Dylan is a cat, therefore his does not suffer in silence. LOL. And that's a good thing. I love him. He is my child, and he really does put the joy in every day, not just Christmas! Even when he is singing the Dilly song at 4 in the morning!

Leaf Of The Day

December 13th 2015

Mood: Happy

~Me :)