Side A And Side B

"What's meant to be will always find a way."

~Tricia Yearwood

 

With the exception of the Leaf Of The Day, the pictures in this post are from 2016. I took them on vacation, on a spur of the moment trip in our new backyard, the California Central Valley. While we moved here in 2015, the summer and autumn of 2016 was the first chance we had to check out our new hometown, and the surrounding area. 2015 was a very busy year, and it had some demons in it, but things had calmed down by this point last year. The struggles I had last year were mostly about being tired, and still unsure of our financial situation, having just bought a new house, for the first time, in our mid 50's. Let me tell you, buying a new home is terriying, when you have been a lifelong renter. I never really appreciated the difference between renting and paying a mortgage. I do now! 

There are good and bad sides to that story! The good, is knowing after a hard day that the place you come home to is yours! The good is being able to put your unique fingerprint on it, as far as painting and landscaping go. The good side is the money it actually saves you. Believe it our not, you do actually get to keep a lot more of your own money, and if managed well, owning a home makes you feel much more secure about your old age! I have second guessed our decision to purchase many times, because of the circumstance that led us to purchase, but I am more sure now than ever that we did the right thing. The downside... oddly enough is also financial, in that I worry about whether we will be we able to fix the roof, should the shingles go flying or what to do if a mouse should find it's way into the wall, which as it turns out, it did one night!

The mouse story is actually pretty funny, but I will share that in a different post. This post is about owning a house, and the stress involved. And again, stress has different sides. Something can be extremely stressful, and funny as hell at the same time! Like going to a horror movie, that is unintentionally funny! Anyway, last year I was all over the place in my state of mind about my my personal life, and then I was pretty much freaked out about Trump, and the possibility that he could actually win the presidency. With both my waking worlds in turmoil, I think my photograhy suffered. I found solice out in the world with my camera, but I definitely wasn't seeing the world as instinctively as I had in previous years.

But it's a year later, and autumn, and I am heading back out with the camera, and yes, I took a decent photo or two of the full Harvest Moon, and I think, that so far, my Leaf Of The Day project is coming along okay, but I am fighting full on depression this year, so how will that be reflected in my photography? Will I be seeing only cynical darkness? Will the colors look different? Will it actually make my photography better, because I will have to make a greater effort to not just go out and take photos, but I will need to make careful plans to do so, sometimes forcing myself to complete the goal? Our vacation officially begins next Thursday, but I am going for a short ride to the small towns of the valley later today. It will be a chance to stretch that photography muscle. I don't know what I will come home with, but I am just going to load up the cameras, and hope for the best! What else can I do?

 

 #7 Leaf Of The Day

October 7th, 2017

Stockton, Ca 

Mood: Hopeful

~Me :) 

On Gilded Vanes And Roofs Of Villages

"It is the Harvest Moon! On gilded vanes and roofs of villages, on woodland crests and their aerial neighborhoods of nests deserted, on the curtained window-panes of rooms where children sleep, on country lanes and harvest fields, it's mystic splendor rests."

~Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

I was hoping the full moon for October, would happen later in the month. Better yet, on Halloween! But no, it was on the 5th this year, and it's didn't disappoint! The good part about it coming early in the month was that it was warm enough outside to photograph without having the bundle up in a heavy sweater. In fact, the night could not have been more perfect! It was so clear that I caught a bird in my shot, and while I have no way of knowing what kind of bird it was, I would kinda like to think it was a bat! Yes... it was a bat! Right?  :)

Here is one more shot of the full Harvest Moon...

The Harvest Moon is different than other full moons of the year, and Farmer's Almanac has a pretty interesting article about it. I am hoping to be able to do each full moon over the next year, as we don't get quite as much fog in Stockton as we did up in the Berkeley Hills. We will have to see, but I will give it my best try! Someday I hope to get a really good, high powered telescope and photograph other celestial bodies. Shrug. If only I would have had a camera like this one when Comet Hale-Bopp went by in the 1990's. Hopefully there will be another comet in my lifetime, but Hale-Bopp was so fascinating that I imagine nothing could compare!

#6 Leaf Of The Day

October 6th, 2017

Stockton, California

Mood: Happy

~Me :)  

But With More Brains...

"Blood is really warm

it's like drinking hot chocolate

but with more screaming."

~Ryan Mecum

Zombie Haiku: Good Poetry For Your... Brains 

I saw this scene, late last October, as we were leaving Ocean Beach, in San Francisco, and I just had to snap the photo because it reminded me of two things... people watching a nuclear apocalypse and zombies on a beach, after a nuclear apocalypse. I couldn't quite figure out if the two things were the same thing. Would a nuclear apocalypse kill you? Could it turn you into a zombie? I guess it depends on who you ask. Right? Ask a nuclear physicist and they will probably say the nuclear apocalypse will just kill you, but ask Stephen King and he will probably say... the nuclear blast will definitely make you into a zombie, because you survived the blast! Frankly, I don't know which is worse, surviving the blast only to end up a zombie, or dying on the spot, from the blast.

I considered both possibilities that evening, on the way home. We had just gone out for a lovely day in the city. The Blue Angels preformed that weekend, and I was quite happy with most of my photography that day, but despite having had a good day, I had the upcoming election on my mind. I had a feeling, deep down, that Trump was going to win, and of course, he went on to do just that! A now, I find myself, a year later, still contemplating the effects and fallout from nuclear annihilation almost on a weekly basis. Several times since Trump took office last January, Alan has come home to me terrified. Really terrified! Crying, planning possible escape routes. Like I said, terrified. It's like having the worst Halloween you could imagine, every day of the year!

I finally called my therapist, and we spoke at length about my fears, and she shared with me that there has been a huge spike, in former patients, returning to therapy after the election. So I know I am not alone, but I would suppose geography plays a part into what kind of fears one has about Trump. I imagine someone in Wyoming, wouldn't fear nuclear holocaust the way I would, but financial ruin, racial tensions, tax worries, and probably misogyny are top concerns. And now, with Trump's complete botching of recovery efforts in handling the aftermath of Hurricane Maria in Puerto Rico, we can all assume we are on our own, in the case of a natural disaster, if we don't, or haven't, kissed his ass enough.

This is all completely new territory. We have never had a president that designated allocation of relief monies and supplies based on merit. I am scared to death, California hasn't had a large earthquake in several years, so I don't really know what to expect should one hit. I am thinking about adding earthquake insurance to our homeowners policy, but we are stretched pretty thin now. So thin in fact, that you can see through the policy. For the first time in my life, I don't what to expect when I wake up tomorrow. Well, I know Alan and the furry kids will be here, but beyond that, I have NO clue. Will we be at war? Will a nuclear missile have already hit the west coast by this time tomorrow?

I don't know.

I know the current Secretary Of State called Trump a moron recently, which of course, he is. But somehow that doesn't make me feel better. Amused yes, but more hopeful for the future... not at all. I always wondered why I was in therapy, if everyone else in the world is crazy. That's a bit like swimming against the tide... right? But the doctor says therapy will help me feel less alone, and will help me handle all this better. I know it's the least I could do for Alan. So, we'll see. Frankly, I just feel hazy and unfocused on anything but doom. But despite that, I'm trying to keep taking those steps forward. It's just not so easy, when you feel like your brain has given up and you are little more than a wandering zombie on an apocalyptic beach!

#5 Leaf Of The Day

October 5th, 2017

Stockton, California

Mood: Quiet

Me

 

No Words

"To be poor and be without trees, is to be the most starved human being in the world. To be poor and have trees, is to be completely rich in ways that money can never buy."

~Clarissa Pinkola Estes

The Faithful Gardener: A Wise Tale About 

That Which Can Never Die 

I'm feeling really quiet. Another day of aftermath, from another day's tragedy. I have no words about the words of others, which tend to drown out words of comfort. Words of respect. Words of compassion and words of remembrance. Sometimes I think we have finally arrived at the point where, there is just nothing left to say but, ironically, it takes words to covey that you have no words.

#4 Leaf Of The Day

October 4th, 2017

Stockton, California

Mood: Quiet

~Me

Red

"Red is the ultimate cure for sadness"

~Bill Blass

I was going to do this post in a few days, but I had thought I would go ahead and post them today, due to the lack of sleep I got last night, I was unable to do the photography I had planned. The tragedy in Las Vegas hit just after I posted yesterday, and it pretty much consumed most of my time, waiting for updates on the news. I am not sure why I do that every time something like that happens, I guess some part of me always hopes the reports get it wrong. It didn't really happen. It was a false alarm. But as the night went on, it became all very real. It wasn't some ill timed drill. And the numbers involved didn't go down... they went up... and by the time I woke up yesterday, it was the worst mass shooting in American history! And it wasn't a group who did it... it was one man, alone in a hotel room, on the 32 floor. 

I remember years ago, my therapist told me that red was a power color, which made a lot of sense to me. She said it gives one an air of strength. Color plays a lot of roles in our lives, and I found the whole thought of one color making that much difference, I began to read all I could about how to use color in decorating. I am not really into Feng Shui, but I do enjoy decorating the rooms in our home in a sort of seasonal feeling. I bet you think my whole house is done in a fall theme... right? No, not the whole house, just the living room, which is done in Rusty Nail, on 2 statement walls.

The bedroom is Cornflower Blue, again on 2 walls. The guest bathroom is two toned. Blue Glacier and Roasted Corn. The coffeehouse is Meditation Green, my office will be Purple Daffodil, and the on-suite bathroom is Crisp Apple and Apple blossom. Each room has a different vibe, and I am enjoying that, because I find as I get older I need more places of refuge when the world turns crazy. It's funny how the older you get, the more you tend to appreciate your surroundings, especially your own home. I know I do. 

The Cornflower blue on the bedroom walls did wonders for calming me down, as I tried to sleep. When I finally did finally fall asleep, I slept only about 4 hours, be they were in a deep, restful sleep. And the cats helped too. All three of them were by my side, making me feel safe, and very loved! Unfortunately, when I got up, I then woke up to the sad news that Tom Petty was clinging to life after suffering a massive heart attack. I loved his music so much! So, my heart broke for a second time in 24 hours. 

Life is really hard. 

There will be time for the rant I have planned about gun control.

Right now I think I will sink into the colors that soothe my soul.

Put on some music. And appreciate how it all comes together to make me whole again. Life goes on, and it's just an unfortunate fact that we have to live through the bad. to really appreciate the good.

To everything there is a season,

 and a time and purpose under heaven.

#4 Leaf Of The Day

September 22nd, 2017

Old Sacramento, California

Mood: Reflective

~Me 

 

Country Things

"Country things are the necessary root of our life... and that remains true even of a rootless and tragically urban civilization. To live permanently away from the country is a form of slow death."

~Esther Meynell

Make NO mistake, I am a city girl through and through! I don't care for giant bugs, or spiders, both of which seem to really enjoy the open spaces of life in the country, not to mention their friends the rodents and scavenger birds. It seems like a strange system that all those creatures depend on each other to live. One feeds on the other. I guess that's just life... one thing feeds on another. 

 

It's all part of the food chain.

I try not to think too much about it, but since moving to a relatively rural part of California, one can't help but notice how nature works. I wish I had the courage to photograph those exotic creatures, but I don't and I am skeptical that I will be able to anytime soon, but at the same time, you never really know about these things. Before we left the Bay Area, I had started to come to terms with certain spiders I was encountering in my rose garden. Let's just say... we had an understanding! 

I wouldn't kill her, if she didn't crawl on me when I photographed my flowers! It worked out pretty good for most of one summer, until one day, she was gone. I am pretty sure she became a juicy tidbit for a Blue Jay, that began hanging out in our yard later that summer. I had been scared to death of that spider, but when she was gone I found I truly missed her. It was a strange feeling to miss something I had been so frightened of. 

Anyway, as time goes by, and I acclimate more to my surroundings out here, I see some intriguing opportunities to stretch my photography muscles, on subjects I haven't covered over and over,  like barns, cattle and all things country! There are fruit and vegetable stands everywhere, and its all quite lovely, in it's own way. The San Joaquin delta is quite lovely in places, and it goes on for miles. I am hoping to devote some time on vacation to hunting down little inlets and visiting some surrounding towns.

I spotted the barn, in the photo above, somewhere along Highway 37 between Novato, and Sears Point raceway, which runs along San Pablo Bay. All along that stretch of highway, you can spot some really interesting things, like one moment you are photographing a barn and the next moment you might see an abandoned boat! Which is kinda fun, because I took all these photos while we were driving! When I get the chance to investigate closer, I am sure they will be be more interesting, but still, considering I took them completely by instinct, rather than planned, but I think they capture the imagination, and they inspire me to want to see more! We'll see what comes from a whole world just waiting to be noticed, but I think it will be more barns and boats, and less about the spiders!

Famous last words... right?

And now...

Leaf Of The Day

October 2nd, 2017

Stockton, California

Mood: Hopeful

~Me :)

 

The Last Sunset Of September...

"Ah, September! 

You are the doorway to the season that

 awakens my soul... 

but I must confess that I love you only because

 you are a prelude to my beloved October."

 ~Peggy Toney Horton 

Yesterday was the last day of September, and it left this year on a high note! There was a cool breeze and a sunset that reminded me of both summer, and autumn. Warm air, cool breeze and gorgeous colors found in autumn leaves! While I am not usually a big fan of palm trees, I have kinda made friends with this one. It's very near the corner of the street I live on, and when the sunset is just right, it's a stunning companion! It was a pretty way to end September!

 "After the keen still days of September, the October sun filled the world with mellow warmth... the maple tree in front of the doorstep burned like a gigantic red torch. The oaks along the roadway glowed yellow and bronze. The fields stretched like a carpet of jewels, emerald and topaz and garnet. Everywhere she walked the color shouted and sang around her... In October and wonderful unexpected thing might be possible."

~Elizabeth George Speare

The Witch of Blackbird Pond

 Today's Leaf Of The Day reflects a little of the red in last night's sunset. It was so beautiful... brown and brittle, with just enough of the red and purple from the sky to link the two seasons in all the best ways... 

Leaf Of The Day

October 1st, 2017

Stockton, California

Mood: Happy

~Me :)