June Has An Equinox Too

 "Always hold onto material things with open hands."

~G. Swiss

(Silence)

So that 👆 happened. It was beyond time to trade in our two cars and downsize to one vehicle, at least for a little while. Truth is, since Alan's car stopped running, I haven't had a car anyway. It just made sense to turn the keys over to him during the Trump years. Most days I wasn't in the mood to drive, or really didn't belong behind the wheel. Not because of drugs or alcohol or anything, it was just that I was depressed and unreasonably scared that an ICBM was about to run up the ass of the United States. It was a surreal time. Hard on my physical health, seriously hard on my psychological health. Driving anywhere was not good.

Anyway, both cars were depreciating. Not good. In fact, one in the driveway. Really NOT GOOD. It was time. Just one thing. Actually selling the car that saw me through so much, like the HELLISH move to the Central Valley. Her name was Blair, and she had a personality, not unlike mine, so it was really hard to say goodbye. I was selling me car, and handing over my way out, just as I was now feeling like enjoying life again. It was unfair. That's life in a nut shell... right? It was like Trump was getting one last lick in. 

I learned a long ago, it's just stuff. Everything in life, that isn't breathing, is just stuff. Alan is a living, breathing hunk of man. Hendrix, Dylan and Joey are living breathing love bugs. Blair was a car. A car I loved. So, I was in a rage for a day or so, and then I finally landed back on earth, and as I contacted SiriusXM to confirm our free 3-months of awesome musical wonderfulness, I named the big monster in the driveway, Elvis, after the best cat ever. I think he would have agreed that it was for the best to make friends with the new ride, because being enemies with an inanimate object would be stupid. Elvis the cat was very practical about things.

So, Elvis the car, is a 2014 Chevy Equinox. No, that's not lost on me. I love autumn, and my new ride is named Equinox. But to tell you the truth I was so angry while buying it, I didn't realize until I drove it off the lot, that I had just bought a car named after my favorite moment of any year... the equinox, the time when all things become equal. The moment of universal harmony. But when I calmed down, and thought about all the good staring me in the face, I decided that since we were now living together, we might as well be friends. We will see where we go from here, at the posted speed limit, of course.

 

 

~Me

 

 

 

Does Summer Really Exist? And Other Existential Questions

 

"And so with the sunshine and the great bursts of leaves growing on the threes, just as things grow in fast movies, I had the familiar conviction that life was beginning over again with the summer."

 

~F. Scott Fitzgerald

 

It's an undisputed fact that I hate... loathe... detest... no wait... hate is the word. HATE I tells ya... I HATE summer, and today is the first day of it. This unmannered season will be roughly 90 days long, and it basically started during the night last night. It was so hot that I couldn't sleep. Why not turn on the air- conditioner? Well, it can't be on 24/7. I live in California, land of the rolling blackouts, where silly PG&E customers like using the air-conditioner when it's oppressively HOT. Go figure.

 

Yesterday, however, was a whole other season, spring, and the picture above is the last bird photograph of spring. From January 1st, when I officially began birding, I have photographed 99 birds, and that bird the, Ash-throated Flycatcher, is the bird which holds that spot. Roughly the size of an American Robin, and fast, it was a challenge to photograph, which is just how I like it. It feels good to have something of beauty to concentrate on, for long periods of time, or even in jumpy little glimpses, it's all good because it's life and beauty, brand new to my old eyes.

 

Bird watching has done a lot for me. It has allowed me to step out of all the things I carry. I wish I was the kind of person that could let go of stupid shit, decades old. I wish I could stop pining for the 80's and all the fun I had. I wish my body worked like it did back then. I wish old loves and friends would stop coming by my dreams in the middle of the night, especially on oppressively hot nights. I wish. But as my old friend would say, "If wishes were horses, beggars would ride." I am not completely sure I like that old saying, but it makes the point perfectly, doesn't it? 

By the way, I got my hair cut today. It's the shortest it's ever been, and it feels amazing. And if I am telling the truth, for the first day of summer, it wasn't nearly as hot as the last few days of spring. So is it really summer? I mean does each season really exist, just because someone got hot one day, and in place of calling it HELLISH, they named it summer? Is summer just trying to get on my good side? Do I hate it as much as I think I do? Shrug. I think... sigh... life is for the birds.

 

 

 

 

 

 

~Me

June 21st 2021