Guns And Roses

 

"Hot Cocoa"rose from my garden.

Autumn 2012

 

“Your photography is a record of your living,

 for anyone who really sees.”

~Paul Strand

 

 

 

It's true, sometimes I take a photograph of a landscape or a beautiful bird, but it's more about how I feel while I use my camera. I always have an emotional connection to my subjects. Some of the photos that I have done, that I have received the most positive feedback on, have been when I have been in the depths of depression, and sometimes it's about fear. Please don't think that has been the emotions behind all of my photography, I am a happy and content person most of the time. I am getting older, and that means a symphony of physical pain, and limitations, but I do my best to accept it and move on. However, sometimes life just throws you in the middle of the, frankly, SHIT, and doesn't give you a choice on how you take it. My niece died in a traffic accident that was not her fault. To make it worse, it was a hit and run. Fuck! A short time later my nephew committed suicide.

 

 FUUUUUUUUCK!

 

Glock

 

And if that wasn't enough to fuck me up, yesterday I thought I was going to die. We were out doing errands for a while, and when we returned home a car was parked in the middle of the alleyway where we park our Mini Cooper. We couldn't get around him without driving over the grass and around to sewage equipment. Suddenly a man got out of his car with a gun, and fired about 4 shots toward his girlfriend's apartment. She was yelling back at him in anger, for shooting his gun towards the apartment where her young children were! Oh Shit! Was he going to shoot us for being witnesses? Were we going to be the latest statistic of rampant gun violence? Was the young woman he was shooting toward be a victim of domestic violence? I was terrified! I decided that if he was going to shoot me, I hoped he would shoot to kill, because I didn't want to be in pain and still be alive. That would be a hell of a FUCK YOU from fate, wouldn't it? Just get it over with! You think about a lot of things when you think your death is imminent. 

 

Who will take care of my cats?

 Will it hurt?

 Or will I just be gone?

Did I put on clean underwear?

Guns don't sound the same as they do on TV and in movies!

 

The my brain turned to...

White car, sedan 4 doors, Honda 

4 shots... I think

Young black man

mid 30's

White clothing

We drove around him as best we could, parked, and went into our condo. I called the police. I gave them all the information I could. I was embarrassed by how much I had forgot between the car and when I went inside. I guess I am not the best witness, but FUUUUUUUUUK he had a gun! It looked like a Glock22 semi-automatic but I don't know anything about guns, it's a guess based on the limited research I have done in the last 24 hours. Isn't it strange that something so scary is so exotic. I think I am going to do more research on the instrument of death to both make me feel less frightened next time and better educated. I need to do better next time, and believe me, I know there will be a next time.  I should have began this paragraph with telling you that I am okay, but a little fucked up this weekend. I was diagnosed with PTSD a few months ago, just after my family died. I have lots of incidents in my past that have caught up to me in my old age. I am getting treatment, but it's a long road, and who knows, I may not ever recover. But I am trying. 

 

Now, what's up with the roses? Well, the errand I was on yesterday was to buy some new roses for my garden. I found a lovely "Peace" rose and to my, absolute delight, I found a "Hot Cocoa" rose! I LOVE that rose! I had one when I lived in the Bay Area, and it was an absolute delight! It was the favorite of all my roses, and I had to leave it behind when I moved. Once we settled in Stockton, I looked and looked at every garden center I could, with absolutely no luck at all, so I gave up. But yesterday, there it was! What a happy turn of events! I will have that beautiful rose growing in my garden once again. Something to help me heal, and then that gun incident had to happen, because everybody has a gun. Will my mind attach that incident to my roses? Will I think of it every time I see a new rose grow on the stem? That remains to be seen, but right now it's hard to think about. The human brain manifests fear strangely... and sometimes it's just lets the negativity go, and it gets filed away. And, of course, that's for the best.

So, it was a guns and roses kind of day. Like the name of the band. Funny thing, I can't remember a single song by them, but I did a little looking around on YouTube and found this song, which I kinda like. I wasn't into Heavy Metal rock, so I passed it all by, but now I think I will have to listen to more of their stuff. Discovering new things, making new memories helps erase the stuff you don't want to think about. Like suicide. Like murder. It should be more music, less murder. More roses, less guns. More healing, less scars. Even if life has other plans. I am trying, I really am.

 

 Anyway, this is a nice song, and I hope you enjoy it.

"November"

By Guns And Roses

I witnessed gun violence yesterday.

 Next time I will try to capture the turn of fate with my camera.

 I guess it was my new experience for March. On to April.

Wishing The Princess Of Wales A Healthy Recovery

 

From The New York Times...

A transcript of the video message given by

 

  Catherine, princess of Wales:

 

I wanted to take this opportunity to say thank you, personally, for all the wonderful messages of support and for your understanding whilst I have been recovering from surgery.

It has been an incredibly tough couple of months for our entire family, but I’ve had a fantastic medical team who have taken great care of me, for which I am so grateful.

In January, I underwent major abdominal surgery in London and at the time, it was thought that my condition was noncancerous. The surgery was successful. However, tests after the operation found cancer had been present. My medical team therefore advised that I should undergo a course of preventative chemotherapy and I am now in the early stages of that treatment.

This of course came as a huge shock, and William and I have been doing everything we can to process and manage this privately for the sake of our young family.

As you can imagine, this has taken time. It has taken me time to recover from major surgery in order to start my treatment. But, most importantly, it has taken us time to explain everything to George, Charlotte and Louis in a way that is appropriate for them, and to reassure them that I am going to be OK.

As I have said to them; I am well and getting stronger every day by focusing on the things that will help me heal; in my mind, body and spirits.

Having William by my side is a great source of comfort and reassurance too. As is the love, support and kindness that has been shown by so many of you. It means so much to us both.

We hope that you will understand that, as a family, we now need some time, space and privacy while I complete my treatment. My work has always brought me a deep sense of joy and I look forward to being back when I am able, but for now I must focus on making a full recovery.

At this time, I am also thinking of all those whose lives have been affected by cancer. For everyone facing this disease, in whatever form, please do not lose faith or hope. You are not alone.

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Welcome To Spring

 

“Clean air; bird song; fresh flowers;

 and the leaves unfurling on the twigs.”
~Pierre D'Alverne 

 

A little later today we say goodnight to winter. I am a bit blue about that fact because I enjoy the dark rainy day, I like when the wind blows so hard that it makes spooky noises in the house. I like watching old black and white monster movies, because being scared shouldn't be held to autumn exclusively. But as I sit here mourning winter, I realize that I also enjoy the warmer summer days. My arthritis really enjoys it! And I adore Jelly Belly Jelly Beans. Every single flavor! Which I tend to crave this time of year. In autumn, its candy corn, in winter, Ghiradelli chocolate. Summer finds me crazy for old fashioned candy, like Whoppers and Mounds bars. It's all good, but I just bought a 4lb bag of Jelly Belly for the season. It helps me deal with Trump bullshit, but I will save all that for another day.

Joey And His Shadow

 

“What greater gift than the love of a cat.”

 
~Charles Dickens 

 

I certainly agree with Dickens on that. I don't know any greater honor than to be loved, but cats constantly remind their owners that love isn't automatic, just because you feed them, and put a roof over their heads. The relationship builds over time, but once there is love, it's the most honest love you will ever have. I would be completely lost without my boys. I love them so much!