It's That Time Again, The Inbetween Time

 

Simon, Adopted July 4th, 2025 

 

“A kitten is the delight of a household.

 All day long a comedy is played out

 by an incomparable actor.” 

― Champfleury,

  The Cat Past And Present

It's August 23rd, and that means it's the anniversary of Ellipsis. I got the date wrong last year, which will tell you how much I gave a shit, but this year it means a little more to me then it did a year ago. This blog, which may seem quaint in a world of micro-blogging, serves a profound purpose to me. It is the record of not just my life, as I navigate along, but also as a continued goal to achieve. Sometimes I want to give up. Use my photoblog as my only record, but then happy things come along, and I can't wait to share them with the world. Happy times like beginning a new chapter. Well world, meet, Simon! He's my next chapter.

 

He was a happy turn of events, in a devastating time in life. When my beautiful Dylan passed away, I basically wondered around for a while. I pushed my feelings deep, and concentrated on my beautiful Hendrix and Joey. To my surprise, Hendrix mourned Dylan, deeply. They snuggled together all their lives, and believe me, they fought. I was caught off guard about how deeply Hendrix grieved. I watched him as he cried and searched and stopped eating. I took him to see Dr. B. who said there wasn't anything wrong with him, but his mommy knew there was, because I was feeling it too. 

 

Hendrix lived another nine months. In June, he suddenly became ill, and finally passed away. He was just a few months shy of his 17th birthday. A long time for a cat. In his years he was 84 years old. He worked hard his whole life caring for all of us, and he was tired. I can't begrudge him that, he earned the time to move on. The last time I saw him, he was on his way downstairs to the living room, where he passed away around 6:00 am the next morning. It hasn't even been three months, and I miss him deeply. I miss his love. He loved deeply. But sometimes, if you are open to life, you will find magic along the way.

 

Simon came along like magic. About three weeks after Hendrix passed away, hubby and I were walking out the door, when we noticed 4 little kittens playing with the neighbors cat, who I always called, Socks. I am not sure whether or not those people ever named her. They were deeply strange people, but I will speak of that some other time. Anyway, hubby and I discussed getting a kitty at the right time, when the right time made itself known. So when we asked about the kittens, and how old they were, we found out that they were born the same week Hendrix passed away. It felt like more than luck to us, it felt like Hendrix sent us love.

 

And now we have a Simon, named after, Paul Simon. Or My little Butterfly, which is his first official nickname. All cats have several nicknames, according to Old Possums Book of Practical Cats. 

He is a wonderful kitty. His momma cat moved away, along with the family next door, several weeks ago, so now I am the momma. He is a bright kitty, he knows his name, and he understands the words, no and bad. He's playful, especially on the curtains. YIKES. But I got him some curtains he can tear up, until he learns what is okay to play with and what isn't. He's a good little eater, and digs into Joey's food every chance he gets. He has already had his first set of big boy shots, but there are more to come. And he loves his Sesame Street friends.  Big bird was his first friend, and even at 4 weeks old, he dragged him everywhere. He purrs deeply and seems happy to be with us and Joey. In fact, they are already play friends, and the fighting is rare, but it's all about boundaries, just like humans have to learn. It's been a long time since we raised a cat, and this will be the last one we do, because we feel our age as old folks. Time marches on, whether we want to go with it, or not.

 

I call Simon my little butterfly, because the back of his head looks like a butterfly. When he moves his ears it looks like a gorgeous butterfly in flight. His ears are trimmed in a white, which only adds to it. He is gorgeous! So, that's the beginning of this new year of Ellipsis. Autumn is coming, as are the birds. Halloween and the deep autumn holidays. Leaves, glorious leaves, and our vacation in October, the magical month! So much to share! Hopefully we won't get Covid-19 this year, but who the hell knows. Through all of it, this blog will be here, to help me clear the head noise, and remember it all. We won't discuss Trump... for now. 

 

Happy 23 years old, Ellipsis.  Onward.

 

I am back every day now. The Autumn Leaf project begins on September 22nd. 

 

Feng Shui

 

“The sky
lights up
with fireworks
when you
follow your
dreams.” 

~Avijeet Das

Hubby and I did a little Feng Shui last week, by completely moving our bedroom around. The bed is no longer under the window, it's on the opposite wall. Other than that, it's somewhat a work in progress. But just by doing that one action, we have gained an lot of positivity. For one... there's more light first thing in the morning! I have come to enjoy having a lot of light in the place I used to be a cave dweller, but the old house taught me a lot about light. And all the hard work came with another bonus, you see, the good folks of Stockton love to launch great big illegal fireworks on Independence Day, and that gave us a free fireworks show from the comfort of our bedroom window!

 

 Let me tell you, it was Spectacular! I know, the illegal ones are dangerous, and I really shouldn't praise them, but it was better for us then risking the possibility of drunk drivers, driving through crowded streets, and not to mention the occasional need to drive long distances to see them. Another plus to the new arrangement in the bedroom, it now allows Joey a warm place on the hamper so he can see outside in the window! Sometimes everything just comes together! More on the room later. It feels so good to be so much closer to having our life in the house over, and the beginning of our lives in the condo beginning!

“Are the fireworks over, or just beginning?” 

~David Sinclair

  Without the Mob, There Is No Circus

Joey And His Shadow

 

“What greater gift than the love of a cat.”

 
~Charles Dickens 

 

I certainly agree with Dickens on that. I don't know any greater honor than to be loved, but cats constantly remind their owners that love isn't automatic, just because you feed them, and put a roof over their heads. The relationship builds over time, but once there is love, it's the most honest love you will ever have. I would be completely lost without my boys. I love them so much!

 

 

Hi, I'm The Joe

“What's your name,' Coraline asked the cat.

 'Look, I'm Coraline. Okay?'
'Cats don't have names,' it said.
'No?' said Coraline.
'No,' said the cat. 'Now you people have names. That's because you don't know who you are. We know who we are, so we don't need names.” 

~Neil Gaiman,

  Coraline  

 

All my cats came with their names. Elvis was Elvis... right from the start. Not only did he bear a strange resemblance to Elvis Presley, but women swooned over that cat, every single time. He dripped charm! Hendrix was a cool, velvet cat, and he loved music. Mostly Steppenwolf, but mostly anything from the 1960's. He has been comfortable in his own skin, asserting himself as the alpha of the house, without being cruel about it. He is a chill 1960's kinda child. Dylan likes to sing loud, whining every morning at dawn. Every. Single. Morning! I love the little guy, and I wouldn't change him for the world, but I am usually just going to sleep at dawn! Finally, my pal Joey... my love bug. He is also just himself. He presented his name to us, the day we picked him up. He is our Joey Ramon. Cool. Quirky. Full of life and the zoomies. If you are a fan of the Ramones, you know they were quite manic when they were at their most entertaining. My Joe is a little foodie. He loves pizza and Italian food in general, but like he came from Queens, New York! It's very strange, and a lot of fun to watch him go crazy over pizza. We only give him a small taste, and never, ever pork products, but he will sit in your lap the whole time you eat the cheese and sauce. When he doesn't get more than the taste, he will stare at you eye to eye, which is an odd thing to do. Most cats try to not look you in the eye. It's instinctual. So you see, cats do actually come with names. And nicknames too for that matter, just like my boys.

 

Elvis... Mr. Man

Hendrix... Bubba

Dylan... Dillybean

Joey... Joey The Pez

 

Mostly we just call them our little babies. I know I have done a similar post like this before, but every so often they just fill my heart so completely that I have to brag on just how awesome my cats are!

 

 

Draggin 2021, Plus The Autumn Leaf Of The Day #7

 

"Don't drag your feet in 2022. Drag a corpse instead.

 It's the only way to kill 2021."

 

~Anthony T. Hincks

 

See that stair goblin. It's not a ghost or a monster or even 2021 sitting there, it's my sweet child Joey. He loves cuddles and smiles. He loves to take mad dashes up the stairs, around the bedroom, and then back downstairs to the living room and kitchen. He, and his brothers, Hendrix and Dylan, are the light in my life. The people who provide me with joy and meaning. I get to take care of them, and in return, they take care of me, well actually, us. Now that my dear hubby is retired, he gets to spend every day with them. 

 

My life is small right now. As my last friend has passed away, and it's difficult to make new friends, but it's okay. In some ways I am kinda glad it's just us. Last year was a shitshow. The thought of never seeing 2021 again never fails to make me smile. Say it with me, it was the year of one of the worst moves I have ever had, and hubby and I both got Covid-19. We missed most of the birds on the Pacific Flyway, and someone stole Christmas packages off our porch, with both of us sitting in the living room. But I think my favorite, OH MY GOD moment of 2021, might have been when someone totaled our new SUV and the cars belonging to 5 of our neighbors, one beautiful morning last October. Sigh. what a year.

 

So if I could, I would drag 2021 behind my little red Mini Cooper. I would take it straight over the Altamont Pass, and through a corn field, before finally drowning it in the delta. But I can't, so when something comes up that even remotely has to do with 2021, I pretend it is nothing more than a residual haunting. A ghost that sometimes floats through the room, says boo, and then disappears out the wall of our kitchen. The ghost of 2021 will rise up from time to time, and I will get the wiggins, but then it will stop and I will be fine. At the end of every day, I know Joey will be on the stairs, waiting to walk me to be and tuck me in, and all will be right with the world.

 

 

~Me

Christmas Eve With My Angels

"You are never so lost, that your angels can't find you."

~ Jeff Rees Jones

Angels Bright

I am are so blessed! Alan and I have each other, but we also have our three little fur baby guardian angels. Hendrix, Dylan and Joey, fill our house with fun, life, and so much love that, at times, it's difficult to leave to do even the quickest errand! How did I get so lucky, to have found all my joys, in this big world? And it's not just Alan and our boys, I have also found wonderful friends, both online, and in real life! People who fill my heart with love, friendship and support! People who laugh with me, and at me, as I laugh at myself! Those who share my good times, and bad, and who will be there, when the sun shines on me for the last time. They're a gift, and I am thankful for them an infinite number of times.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not going to say life is perfect, or that there isn't some heavy concerns, my blog is filled with post after post, regarding my fears, battles with Fibromyalgia, the chronic physical pain I deal with, and the darkness which is Trump, but for a little while, I will put all of it aside, and concentrate on the happiness of being together for another year! It feels so good to take a break, for a couple days, to give up second guessing and worry, in favor of happiness! Cats don't have to love you, they choose to! So, if a cat loves you, then you know you have something special going for you! My boys can tell when my pain is overwhelming, and never leave my side. They work hard taking care of me!

So, it's time to embrace as much holiday magic in as I can find! Snuggling while watching old movies, making pies, enjoying snacks straight from the oven, chasing a kitty down the hallway, and giving him great big kisses, playing board games, and even being happy to lose, as long as the one you love most is sitting in front of you! I used to be so afraid of love, and friendship, which is silly, because it was through the magic of hearts open to love, and friendship, that our adventure was allowed to begin, all those years ago! Where would I be without Alan? Where would I be without my friends? And where would I be without my fur babies?

The Brothers Gordon...

Joey, Dylan and Hendrix

Heirloom Ornament #2
Christmas 2013
Berkeley, California

~Mood: Happy

~Me

The Thanksgiving Gift!

"Everyone enjoys being acknowledged and appreciated. Sometimes even the simplest act of gratitude can change someone's entire day. Take the time to recognize and value the people around you and appreciate those who make a difference in your lives."

~Roy T. Bennett

When someone asks me what I am most thankful for, my family comes to my mind first. I imagine that would be what most folks would say, but our family is Alan, myself, Hendrix, Dylan and Joe. Two humans, and three fuzzballs. Cats. We adopted Hendrix and Dylan in autumn of 2008, after we lost our cat Elvis, to Cancer. Joey was found on the Saturday, after Thanksgiving, in 2013. He was alone, dirty, injured, and it was pretty clear that if we didn't take him in, he wouldn't survive the weekend. Opening our hearts to this tiny lost cat, turned out to be one of the best decisions we ever made!

From day one, he has a sweet kindness to him, and his intelligence is unbelievable! He has a funny way of "meeping" if he thinks he is in trouble, as if he is apologizing.When he is unsure about playing, or if wants to try something new, like sleeping on the end of the bed, he will meow in such a way, that it almost sounds like a question! "May I please?" Or "Is it okay if...?" Honestly, he is the best behaved cat I have personally ever known or owned. He seems to know that he was saved by Alan, taken into our home, and he knows we love him, and we always will!

He says THANK YOU to us, every day,

 in his own way, with snuggles and nom-noms. 

Nom-Noms are kisses, by the way. He loves kisses! 

Finding him on Thanksgiving weekend, in 2013,

 made it all the more special for us!

 So, at thanksgiving time, I always feel thankful, 

and grateful he came into our lives, and made it a much nicer place!

"If having a soul meas being able to feel love and loyalty and gratitude, then animals are better off than a lot of humans."

~James Herriot

All Creatures Great And Small

#22 Leaf Of The Day

November 22nd, 2017

Knight's Ferry, California

Mood: Grateful
~Me :)

Family Day 2017

"If you move faster than the music, it will look strange; if you move slower than the music, it will look strange! Be like autumn leaves which follow exactly to the rhythm of the wind!"

~Mehmet Murat ildan

I am only posting a Leaf Of The Day today, because we are going on our official Family Day outing! Family Day has been a family tradition since we got married on October 13th, 1990. As newlyweds, we had planned to have a child or two, and so we decided because young children might not understand a wedding anniversary is mostly for mom and dad, we created a special day, October 23rd, made it our own Family Day that the whole family would enjoy!

We were inspired to create that day, because as Alan and I were honeymooning in Half Moon Bay, when we happened to meet Joe Montana and his wife Jennifer at Pastorino's Pumpkin patch. They were there with their children, enjoying their family day, and they were having such a good time choosing pumpkins and enjoying a hay ride and pumpkin pie, that it was more than just a little heart warming! And a new holiday was born, Family Day!

Well, we were never lucky enough to have human children, but we did have little fur babies that fill our hearts! Our cat, Elvis, was my baby, but he was Alan's best friend! When he passed away, and we were so lonely for the sound of little bells running through the house, along came Hendrix and Dylan... and a few years later... Joey! Joey was a surprise! We had our little family, and then one day Alan found Joey, who had been abandoned on the San Mateo bridge. He was cold, underweight, and injured by some crows who were trying to fly off with him!

He was so scared and so tiny, that we couldn't help but fall in love with him! That happens sometimes to couples who have human children too. You think you have a full family, and then one day you find out there is one more ready to join your family and be loved. But it's really quite the same... love is love. And while our family is a little unconventional, its ours, and I wouldn't trade it for the world!

The cats don't come with us, of course, but when we get home there are new treats and a new catnip mouse for each, and they get to have bites of baked yams, which all three boys enjoy, and is fine for cats in proper amounts, and lots of snuggles! Sometimes balloons and a game of laser mouse makes for a fun time. But earlier in the day, it's just Alan and I, in Half Moon Bay, reminiscing about our honeymoon, and the long road that lead us to this Family Day... October 23rd, 2017! 

Mood: Happy

~Me

My Desk... 2017 Edition

"My ideas usually come not at my desk writing,

but in the midst of living."

 

~Anais Nin

 

 My ideas come to me under many different circumstances. My artistic ideas happen, oddly enough, when I already have a camera in my hand. Some of my best creative ideas, happen on the spur of the moment. I can't even count the number of times that I have planned, down to the very last detail, a particular photo jaunt, only to find multiple other ideas and sparks of inspiration either along the way, or while photographing the original people, places or things that brought me to that destination.

 

My desk is where all the serious stuff occurs. I pay bills. I edit photos. I read the New York Times, Huffington Post, Time, The Hill, CNN, National Geographic. You get the idea. I Tweet sometimes from my desk, but most of the time I Tweet from my phone while on the go. My desk is also where I tend to fret. I fret about Trump. I fret about bills. I fret about owning a home. I never realized how stressful a mortgage is! Yes, I do some fretting there, but I also play some Wordbird there, and I enjoy my office as my girl cave, so all isn't lost.

 

Although as I look around my office, I wonder why in the world my office isn't finished yet! I have been here almost 18 months, and it still isn't finished. I haven't chosen a color for the walls, I haven't gotten my chair for reading. I always wanted a cozy chair for the corner of the room, to curl up in with Dylan and a book. I love his snuggles, and right now the couch does nicely, but one day I would like a chair for the office. All things in their time I guess.

 

It's hard owning a home. You worry about the roof. You worry about the mortgage payment. You worry about the jerk up the street who loves to turn the corner going like 80 miles per hour. I just know one day he will run through the front bedroom! You worry about aphids. You worry about buying earthquake insurance. YOU WORRY!

 

Buts it's nice to know, when you have a cold, and a fever of 103.3, that you are sick in your own home. Your bedroom is yours. Especially when you have bonded with the four walls and the roof like we have. Once you bond with a house it leads to worrying about all the responsibilities, but it's a little easier to take because it's home. A refuge from the angry, sad world. LOL. It's a lot, and I don't know that we will always be here, but Alan and I decided a long time ago, that if we couldn't make a go of it here, we would be adults and sell, and I am okay with that.

 

Mostly.

 

But for now we are making it all work. That man and I are unstoppable. He really is THE ONE. And with the fur babies, we are a family. And then there is Elvis, gone but never forgotten. He is in Alan's office, on his desk, in the perfect little box. Elvis always sat next his daddy when he was alive, so I know he would be happy to be next to Alan now. When all is said and done, we are a family, and we are at home no matter where we put a key in the door.

 

 But truly... I need to get my office finished!

 

 

Mood: Greatful

 

~Me :)

Is It Gone? Yep... HAPPY 2017!

Last photo of 2016

December 31st 2016 

"Hope smiles from the threshold of the new year to come whispering... 'it will be happier'..."

~Alfred Tenneyson 

If you have been reading along, you already know I haven't posted in over a week! You see, Alan and I have been sick with one of the worst colds either one of us has had in a long time. We both had colds last Christmas as well, but nothing compared to this year's fresh hell, but then FRESH HELL is pretty much how their entirety of 2016 could be summed up!

 I am not going to dwell, it's gone, and 2017 has just begun, so I am going to give it a fair chance. It has no fault in the shitshow that was 2016. It's not responsible for all the deaths and destruction. It's just a new year, and while I see a lot of room for catastrophe, lets hold onto the one bit of hope that continues to see me through the pain of 2016...

Donald Trump lost the popular vote by 2.9 million votes.

That means there are still more people

 who think straight than don't.

There is a great deal of hope in that. 

WELCOME 2017!

Don't Let Me Down!

Mood: Encouraged

~Me :)

Meowy Christmas And Happy Pawnakkah

"December is full of the light and love
 that you can bring into your life. 
You can chose to be stressed or you can choose to let the small stuff go and be peaceful this holiday season.
 It really is a choice you make."

~Eileen Anglin

It's Christmas Eve, which traditionally is a bigger deal in our house than Christmas Day is! We have our traditions on snack foods, and board games. We watch our favorite holiday movies, and rag on politicians. This year there is a little bit more to complain about than most years, but also this year we are celebrating the season a bit different than we usually do. You see, as of the time of this post, Alan is in bed with a fever of 102.3 from a head cold, passed along by an inconsiderate coworker! I can feel it, it's coming in my near future, I should be in a feverish haze within 24 hours! Weeeeeee!

Alan and I were both sick with colds last year too! It's our second Christmas in our new house, and it's the second year in a row that we will both be suffering from head colds. LOL. I guess that is just our new tradition! If so, so be it! We have always had weird traditions, so we are just going with it! Christmas might be delayed but it's not like that stopped the boys from making holiday videos for your festive viewing pleasure!

So now, without any further delay, we present...

MEOWY CHRISTMAS & HAPPY PAWNAKKAH

Starring... 
The Brothers Gordon 





I love my boys!

It doesn't really matter how you say it,
 the most important thing is to mean it!

Peace On Earth 

Mood: Happy/Grateful

~Me :)

 

 

August 23rd, 2003

"Writing is the only way I have to explain my own life to myself."

~Pat Conroy

My Reading Life

I have been blogging since August 23rd, 2003! How in the world is it possible all this time as passed so quickly? So much has happened since that day... all those years ago... that I decided to start Ellipsis. At first I didn't have much to say. I just wanted to post my photos, and let them say that words for me. Folks could make of it what the would. Then one day someone asked me my opinion... I think it was about the upcoming election... and to my surprise, I had something to say! And I have been, which occasional intervals, talking ever since. The last couple years have been busy, and it's taken some turns I never expected, let alone saw coming! But we rode them out, and here we are, living in our own home, and that is probably been the biggest surprise of all! 

In that life is never boring I have some news. I am not really wanting to talk about it in this post, but maybe tomorrow, or later this week. Soon. If you are following me on Twitter you may already know a little about it. It's health related. I don't mean to be cryptic, I just don't know how much I want to share in this particular post. I will expand on it soon. So, you will just have to come back to find out whats up! LOL. How's that for a cliffhanger?

And speaking of upcoming posts, have you seen the autumn light yet? You know how the soft yellow glow tends to show up a couple weeks before it officially becomes autumn, yesterday morning was the first time I saw it. It was gorgeous! The soft autumn glow was coming through the window and shining on Joey, bringing out all his colors. He has orange, gray, brown, and white mixed into his tabby stripes. He is a beautiful cat, and one of the best things in my life. 

So, there are plenty of upcoming posts about Joey, and Hendrix and Dylan, and the autumn sun, and my Leaf Of The Day project will be starting up beginning the first day of autumn, and if all that isn't enough to keep me blogging, American Horror Story begins a full month earlier than usual, and our vacation happens in October, as does Halloween, and the elections are in full crazy mode and...

and...

and...

Sheesh. I am already tired!

LOL.

Just stay tuned. There are a lot more blog posts coming.

 We have a lot to discuss!

The first pre-autumn leaf.

Cull Canyon, August 14th, 2016

Mood: Content

~Me :)

Now I am Home!

"A gift can never be cheap or insignificant because of the heart and love it carries."

~Munia Khan

Alan and I and the boys moved into our house, officially, on September 2nd 2015. It's never easy to move, and when you add moving your cats to the stress, the stress becomes at least twice as bad, because now you aren't just moving lamps and beds and computers, you are moving living, breathing, thinking, and sometimes plotting, individuals that if you are lucky may be open to some negotiation about their stress level, but who will always, always come out ahead of any begging, pleading or simple request made of them from their humans. It was a back breaking, migraine inducing, fear-fest getting my 3 boys into their kennels, for the ride to Turlock. It was something I would never want to relive... ever... but from the first day in Turlock, I knew that we would eventually have to relive the drama, because Turlock was merely the waiting room of our new home.

Thank goodness the boys never found out that the place we were originally moving to was a stupid scam! It was bad enough that they felt our stress, let alone feel it and fully understand it in human terms! But when Alan and I picked ourselves back up, and finally found our house, we knew that it wasn't going to be fun to move the boys from the hotel, but when it was over we would finally be home. In our forever place. Fortunately, we had a much easier time getting them pack in their kennels, when we left the hotel, because we did something different... we tricked them! We did it on the spur of the moment, with NO time for them to pick up on our stress! A laser pointer, some treats, and some new catnip mice proved to be the best friend of this stressed out fur-baby mommy!

We left the hotel in Turlock at 11:30 PM. The drive to Stockton took about an hour. When we got to the house, we immediately took them out of their kennels, poured them some food, filled their water fountain, and put some toys out from them to play. Hendrix did well! He is my brave boy. Dylan came around in about a week. Joey... not so much! He got acquainted with the house very slowly, room by room was conquered, with the exception of the master bedroom. No amount of playing, begging, manipulating, crying or begging some more could get him to go into the bedroom! He would stand in the hallway, and cry for me, but wouldn't step foot over that threshold. Nope. There was NO discussing it! It was hard to hear him cry, and want to be next to me, and not be able to make help him come in the room.

Joey, and I cuddled at night in our old place, and we cuddled together at the hotel. It was one of the things that made this whole nightmare tolerable. But it wasn't happening here, and I didn't know what the problem was! Then one day I noticed he was eyeing the LARGE ceiling fan that hangs over our bed! We didn't have one of those at the cottage, and there wasn't one at the hotel. I think, when Joey saw it moving around and around, he thought it was a bird, of which he is terrified! So, I stopped using it, and just let it sit still. He didn't make any progress after a month, but the cold weather had moved in, so it remained off. I didn't think he would ever come around, then on Christmas Eve something amazing happened!

I woke up from a fever induced nap to see his little body sitting in the window sill, The night before I had mentioned to Alan that all I really wanted for Christmas was for my boy to cuddle with me in the bed, and the next day he did! You can't buy that feeling folks! My Joey had finally come back. My silly, funny, considerate, kind child found his inner lion, just in time for Christmas! It was, and always will be, one of the best holiday gifts ever! Any day he came back to me would have been special, but the fact that it happened on Christmas means even more! I love that child! And now, when I go to sleep, I have this warm little pillow right next to me again, and Alan doesn't even mind that he sometimes cuddles between us! 

He is our Joey. He is the little brother. 

Happiness!

Mood: Happy

~Me :)

Where The Love Is

"Shit happens. Doesn't mean you have to step in it.

 But if you do, I would buy a new pair of shoes."

~Kilburn Hall

Stuff happens in life. Sometimes stupid, meaningless stuff. Stuff there is no excuse for or understanding of. I don't think I will ever fully understand what all has gone on this year, so I am learning to live with it. Isn't that what they say to do? If you can't change a circumstance, try to change how you feel about it? Well, for me, it means simply learning to live with it. I am trying my best, but it's a matter of taking one step forward, and away from it, every day. I think I have moved passed the panic and frustration. I am moving past the depression a little more and more with each passing "normal" movement, like fixing a meal or making the bed. In other words moving on. The depression began to scare me a bit... well... a lot... but I think it was the depression that helped me come to terms with all of it. I experienced the full five stages of grief, which from what I have read, is a perfectly normal response under the circumstances. I am now in the acceptance stage, and while I have a blue day here and here, and I am still a little worried being able to swing the ability to own a home, I go to bed at night incredibly grateful for whatever time we end up spending here.

 A year, two, maybe five years... it's all good. If we should find that we need to sell and go a different route I am okay with that also. But in the mean time, this new house has taken me in somehow. It has a wonderful nurturing vibe to it, in fact both Alan and I felt it from the first moment we saw the place. We looked through a lot of houses, and none of them made us both smile the way this one did! The house was meant to be ours, for however long it is meant to be, and it takes good care of us. I have been reluctant to feel love for the place, but it's wearing me down. I am pretty much in love, and I don't even know when I let the emotion in, but I did. Stockton, California has it's challenges, but it has been getting better in the last couple years. The neighborhood is Lakeview, and it sits in north Stockton. It is the third best neighborhood, the best neighborhood is about 2 blocks west of us. LOL. So it's in a stable, reasonably safe part of the city. Stockton is a big city, so yes there is crime, but it's all about knowing where you can go, and any given hour of the day, and being aware of your actions and surroundings.

We all have to do that anyway. After the terrible tragedy in San Bernadino last week, the point was driven home that one can't be too diligent. We can't live a normal life if we dwell on stuff, but being aware of your surroundings just makes sense. So, I am no longer "just making the best of it" I am settling in. We are making the house ours, and it feels good. Any place Alan and the boys are will be home for me. They fill the place with so much silliness and love that it would be impossible to not love the place. I think that's how we made it in the little Berkeley cottage for so long. It wasn't the cottage, it was the love inside. Alan and Elvis, and then Hendrix, Dylan and finally the little brother Joey. 

Our house is a home, no matter where we are, 

but I am kinda digging the new place!

Now, if I could just motivate myself to get the unpacking done! 

Leaf Of The Day

December 6th 2015

Mood: Relaxed

~Me :)