"If you listen to your fears, you will die never knowing what a great person you might have been."
-Robert Schuller
Several years ago, about a year or two after I moved into my cottage, I was driving up my drive way, and to my surprise I saw this amazing bunny just hopping along, toward the back of the property where my house sits. I couldn't help but smile, it was spring after all, and a cute little silver bunny was paying me a visit. I figured it was probably one of Elvis's wildlife friends. LOL. He has so many, including a raccoon that actually knocks on the back door late at night, to see if he can come out to play. I kid you not. Elvis is a popular cat in our neighborhood. :)
Of course the bunny also made me smile because I couldn't help but think of one of my favorite characters from "Buffy The Vampire Slayer," Anya. See, Anya had an overwhelming fear of bunnies. All bunnies, even stuffed bunnies. LOL. I don't remember the show ever fully explaining why she was so afraid of them, she simply was, and that was that. I found it hard to believe that a former vengeance demon would be afraid of anything, but I guess fear knows no bounds. I guess that is why it always made me think about my own fears, the long term ones, and the short lived ones... and put a little more thought into whether or not they were indeed reasonable.
I don't fear the Easter Bunny, but I have an overwhelming fear of Santa Claus. I don't fear the Christmas Krampas, but again, I shiver and my heart pounds if a mall Santa even says hello to me. I don't even fear the ghouls of Halloween, so why would such a jolly holiday icon scare me silly? I guess I will never find out the answer as to why Santa scares me so much, it hasn't exactly been a priority in my sessions with Sarah, but maybe it should be. LOL. I wonder... is it really unreasonable? Hmmm. I suppose I could write a little song about that fear, you know, just in case I should suddenly burst into spontaneous song like Anya did in the episode, "Once More With Feeling."
Anya...
Bunnies aren't just cute
Like everybody supposes!
They got them hoppy legs
And twitchy little noses!
And what's with all the carrots?
What do they need such good eyesight for anyway?
Bunnies! Bunnies! It Must be bunnies!
Or maybe midgets.
"Anya" Tabula Rasa
Apparently Anya was also afraid of midgets. LOL. She was so afraid of bunnies, that in the very next episode "Tabula Rasa," she was accidentally inflicted with temporary amnesia, yet still remembered her fear of bunnies! Now that's fear! I guess the most unreasonable fear I have carried around for any length of time was my fear of ceramic coffee mugs. I don't mean to keep teasing you about that, I promise to share that one soon, it's just that I can't believe I ever felt that way. Weird. So many of my fears have kept me from pursuing really good things in life. Feeling not good enough, is a lot like giving up before an opportunity comes along. It felt good to stand up for myself a couple weeks ago, when someone continued to disregard my time. A few years ago I wouldn't have. I would have said something like, "It's ok... things happen."
Yikes. That's no way to live. I have a few things right now I am scared to death of, but I have set a deadline to meet that fear face to face. I need to spend more time out in the world... meeting new people... doing new things. Like going to a movie sometime by myself. I have never done that. Isn't that odd? I don't know what I think might happen, if I went by myself, maybe I wouldn't be a good date and I would have to break up with me over it. LOL. Nah, I rock, and I know it. :) I would date me. LOL. So maybe I should... date me I mean. Take myself to the movies, and lunch, maybe even make a gravy boat at a pottery shop. That would cure two fears at one time. I do need a new gravy boat before the holiday season comes up next autumn. Yes, I will start with making a gravy boat. That's a reasonable place to start... right? :) I guess I could always take a page out of Anya's book. In the last episode she, and the Scooby gang, had to face the original big bad of all evil. Even though she was scared to death, she tapped into her fears to find the strength to face what was in front of her. She died... but she didn't die frightened. LOL. I am sure making a gravy boat won't be nearly as scary as facing the original evil. Gulp. At least I hope it won't. ;)
"Fear is that little darkroom where fears are developed."
-Michael Pritchard
-OndineMonet
"The Bunny"
Berkeley, California
April, 2003
Afternoon
