Monday, March 23, 2020

8 Weeks, Give Or Take

"Illness is the night side of life, a more onerous citizenship. Everyone who is born holds a dual citizenship, in the kingdom of the well and in the kingdom of the sick. Although we all prefer to use the good passport, sooner or later each of us is obliged, at least for a spell, for identify ourselves as citizens of the other place."

~Susan Sontag
Illness As Metaphor

The last time I posted here was on January, 18th. Just about eight weeks ago. So much has happened in that time, but it's Trump time, which is time that seems to move differently than any other measure of time, because of his knack for creating a NEW FRESH HELL daily, and the last eight weeks have been no different. But in addition to his bullshit, other things have happened. In no particular order, I learned that I am now in late, stage three, Chronic Kidney disease. Valentine's Day happened, which was great this year, because Alan and I got to spend the day together, and he gave me my first Valentine's day card in years. Spring officially began last Friday, and along with all the rest of it, came a pandemic.

 It is believed that the Covid-19 virus (novel coronavirus) began late last year, in China, but that is somewhat unclear in detail. Right now that is just the theory, because it's not definite how the first human contracted it. Trump, in his usual racist form, likes to refer to it as the Chinese virus. A term which is not just wrong, but again, racist. Blatantly so. So, as you might imagine, his speaking daily, alongside his coronavirus task force, helps no one. He speaks, down goes the stock market. He speaks, a whole community of Americans are put into danger from racist assholes. He speaks. He lies. He puts folks in danger from so many directions it's staggering.

I've been dwelling on my childhood, and the little memories that seem like a billion years ago, but also, somehow, feel like a couple days ago. I miss little things. Like eating on Christmas eve, at the little fish and chips restaurant, that my family loved so much. I remember eating there, on the first day of autumn, in 1976, after I went shopping for back to school clothes. I can remember everything about that meal, and about the clothes I purchased that day. I had chosen a brown cardigan sweater, and two skirts. A solid plum colored skirt and the other one was black and covered in tiny gold flowers. I bought a long sleeved green sweater to wear with that one. Also in the bag, I had a new pair of tennis shoes and a new pair of boots. A new purse and some folders and pens. And now I am hungry for a restaurant that hasn't existed since 1984.


back to today. I am not sure why I am dwelling on those memories, except that it feels like my mortality is in serious play. Covid-19 tends to hit folks who have compromised immune systems. Between my Fibromyalgia and my kidney disease I feel like it's just a matter of time until it comes for me. The Trump administration has bungled the response to the pandemic.... thoroughly. All of it surrounding Trump's ego and pride, but fortunately individual governor's have really stepped up! Like Gavin Newsom. He was the first governor to shut a state completely down to all non-essential gatherings, including work. The state is closed, which means stay home unless you need to visit a grocery store or your doctor. It's an eerie feeling, and an even eerier sight, but that's the order, and it's so little to ask, if it will help stop the rampage of this deadly virus.

Before his order went into affect, folks throughout America panicked and cleaned out the grocery stores of everything, from toilet paper to canned food. We have driven the state up and down trying to find one package of toilet paper, and can't. It's not available on Amazon either. We are down to our last two rolls, and then we will have to do something fairly unpleasant, but workable. I don't want to think about it. We have food and for the most part supplies for us and the boys, and that is what matters. We are fairing a lot better than the hospitals, which at the moment, can't get masks, ventilators and other much needed equipment. Trump knew in late December what was coming and did nothing about it. He is about a dangerous man who has ever lived. These sure do seem like the last days, but I don't want to think about that. Why? It's not like worrying will stop the apocalypse... right?

Oh well. That gets Ellipsis caught up on the most important changes that have taken place. I will touch on everything as we move along going forward. Right now, here are some photos in order of what inspired me since January 19th. Small steps as we go. Right? Okay, moving on to some images, beginning with the sunsets. There will be more sets to come, in fact, some upcoming posts will simply be sets of photos until I get things caught up. 

Keep checking back.

 Set #1 The Sunsets

~Mood: Sad

Sunday, January 19, 2020

A Central Valley Sunset In Two Acts

"You are my soul on a cold dark night, my muse during the light of the day and the one wish my soul would make."

~Grace Willows

I love that quote. I find myself daydreaming more in winter than I do in summer. I am not sure why. Although, now that I think about it, it might be because I find it so much more difficult to carry a coherent thought in summer, than in winter. Anyway, I saw this gorgeous tree on the way to Ione last night, and was lucky enough to get a good shot of it was we drove by it. It's now one of my "not bad for out of a moving car" portraits. I played a bit with lighting and color, and came away not being able to decide if I preferred it warmer or cooler. The sunset going on behind it was a great big fussy golden/red winter angry sky, which may be why I created and alternate universe of cool blue to enjoy it. Cold. Winter. They go together, but on the other hand, the sky in gold and red could have been a metaphor for a romantic cozy fire on a cold winter's night.  

Interpretation is in the eye of the beholder.

Mood: Happy
Me  :)

Friday, January 17, 2020

Windmills And A Yellow Leaf

"The tall white windmills that came to her mind. How their skinny long arms all turned, but never together, except for just once in a while two of them would be turning the same way, their arms poised at the same place in the sky."

~Elizabeth Stout
Anything Is Possible

As we were driving across the Altamont Pass, earlier in the week, I was of course captivated by them, as I always am, while scoffing at Donald Trump's assertion that the noise from the gives you cancer. I can't pass them without thinking about that lunatic remark. If you can't get what you want any other way, lie about it, even if it makes you seem like, well, you're a lunatic! I mean just look at them! What's there to fear? I think they are beautiful, in fact, I was thinking the other day that this new sleeker type remind me of my favorite bird, the Snowy Egret. And before you say it, this kind of windmill was developed to be less dangerous to birds of all kinds. 

Windmills are a good thing. I will risk the cancer.

Something pretty from the natural world. A new leaf! 

January 14th 2020
Castro Valley Community Center

Mood: Happy
Me  :)

Thursday, January 16, 2020

*BIJOU* Another Thin Man

"The whole of life is just like watching a film. Only it's as though you always get in ten minutes after the picture has started,
 and no one will tell you the plot,
 so you have to work it out all yourself from the clues."

Terry Pritchett
Moving Pictures 

It's the middle of January, obviously, but being sick during the year end holidays has put me behind with some things I thought would be fun to share, like that cool little marquee you see above! That is an awesome little light-box I gave Alan for Christmas. He and I put in a movie theater in the spare room a couple years ago, and it's a lot of fun, but the one thing missing was seeing the name we gave it up in lights. I love it. The sign fits really nicely, just above the entrance to the downstairs room we call the Bijou! As we go along I plan to add more features and decorations here and there, but for right now this is great! The Thin Man was the last movie we watched in 2019, one of our favorites! 

Mood: Happy
Me  :)

Wednesday, January 15, 2020

If There Is Autumn To Be Found I'll Find It

"When people look at my pictures I want them to feel the way they do when they want to read a line of a poem twice."

~Robert Frank

I know that autumn isn't everyone's favorite season, so I do feel the need to apologize from time to time about just how heavily dependent on that season I have become. Shrug. What can I say, I still need it, long after it goes away, so I will pretty much be looking for earth tone colors in the natural world, long into any given new year! Sometimes I think I have become an autumn detective, lol, but really, it is just that it has become a game of distraction to ease my brain and body. A game with beautiful benefits mind you, but a game all the same. So is there any harm? Am I really missing out by not paying much attention to other palates? Is it harming my photography over all? Well, I am forcing myself to consider those questions, because I know I have gone through a lot of creative changes since moving in 2015. As this year moves along, I may give myself small assignments of seeking out spring colors and see how that works with my choices in non organic subjects. Hopefully I will learn, and grown in my photography. That's the goal for this year. To see an improvement in instinct and goal!

For now... a new autumn gallery.

I was down in Hayward yesterday on business, and to my surprise I actually saw a tree with some early pink blossoms. It was lovely. I am going to do as much practice with as many blossom colors as I can. I would love to find some Quince, that has always been one of my favorite blossoms to practice on. I am enthusiastic about 2020, at least as far as my photography goes. Everything else... politics... is still scary as fuck! It's all just time travel I suppose. It is what it is!

Mood: Happy
Me   :)

Monday, January 06, 2020

The Ethereal Past

"The ethereal past had blinded him, and the
 highest happiness he could dream was a return to it."

~E. M. Forester

It's Monday. The first Monday in January, and the first Monday of the new year, and I feel like I have already lived a month of Monday's just since New Year's day, last Wednesday. History will document the events of this past week, in great detail, but I will touch lightly on it a bit, just for clarity, you see, we are probably standing on the precipice of World War III, and yes, it was indeed caused by, you guessed it, Donald John Trump! As if that comes as a surprise. The thing is, I don't know why I am not more scared than I am. Yes, low energy. No real desire to do anything. Not putting any planning into anything, including getting out of bed, or out with the camera, but mostly, I don't feel any particular need to cling to Alan, or sit in a corner and cry. I just feel like missiles could be flying over at any moment, and really, I don't particularly care if they are, or if it kills me!

I don't know if the anti-depressants are finally kicking in, I have only been taking them since the day James Comey was fired, back in 2017, or if I have finally matured in the fact that I can't do a single thing about my death, whether it happens in 50 years, or Thursday of this week, at 11:21PM. It's out of my hands if it comes by a nuclear missile hitting my pool, or I am attacked in my driveway by a band of rabid dogs. I can't control how, or when, I will die. But the thought that it might be Trump that causes it, still remains so insulting to me. Death, is a part of life. Period. But you also know that there are better ways than others to leave this world. Take, for example, that I have come to believe that one day, some beautiful autumn October afternoon, I will be standing in a big pile of beautiful leaves, and will be bitten by a gorgeous, highly poisonous spider, and die right on the spot. But if I did, at least I was enjoying beautiful autumn, the season that makes me feel most alive, when it happened. And oh the irony!


But I don't want to go at the hand of that ignorant, stupid asshole. If I have to murdered, couldn't it be by someone with as much charm as Ted Bundy? Or the someone with the mildly attractive looks of Scott Peterson? Sigh. Nah, they aren't great choices either. Maybe if one is going to be murdered, it should be by the hand of a stranger. Yes. That does seem more interesting and exotic. Murdered by a stranger, and that's not even a bad title for a book either! Maybe I should write a book, or at least a short story to get my mind off things? Maybe if I stop thinking about nuclear annihilation, I can get back to crying over stupid shit, like Trump's presidency in general. Or maybe I can just let the feelings come, as they find their way to the front of my consciousnesses. Good plan!

Also, I am beginning a new category in my photography... "Mid-Century Style". I am beginning with the photograph above. I took it in November of 2019, near a cemetery I was doing some late autumn photos in. Our house was built in 1962, and has a really lovely mid-century style and vibe to it! Things from that era have been catching my eye for a long time, and so now that we live in the Central Valley, with all these lovely old buildings, it seems that this is the right time to take advantage of my location. And it's a good way to not give up on photography completely, while I struggle will the lack of will to enjoy what life I have left.

Do you remember the ethereal musician? I miss him. He would play his sax, and my mood would improve 100%! It was fine that I never found out who he was, he remains a magical mystery to this very day, but I sure do miss him... and his music. There were days when I was so sad that I didn't think I would ever smile again, and then suddenly, through the back door, in the middle of the day, came his music, and I would feel happy again. I am so nostalgic for those times. Me and Elvis and the ethereal musician, all sharing music and the little things that make life worth holding on to.  If I close my eyes, I can almost hear "You're a Friend Of Mine" being played on the saxophone, and feel Elvis's fuzzy paw pressing on my cheek, waking me up from our afternoon nap. He loved the music too. This memory has me so nostalgic for that peace of mind, if I close my eyes, I can almost touch it.

Sigh. I guess there is something to be said for living in the moment.


Wednesday, January 01, 2020

Happy New Year 2020!

"Hope smiles from the threshold of the year to come, whispering 'it will be happier'... "

~Alfred Lord Tennyson

Happy New Year friends!

See you on Monday, January 6th, 2020!

Tuesday, December 31, 2019

Christmas 2019

"Christmas magic starts in the heart."

~Tori Sorenson

Hendrix's favorite treat... Roses!

We had a nice Christmas. Well, the holiday itself was nice, but there was one or two things that left a definite mark on the days leading up to the day, that were less than ideal. The one that left the biggest hurt happened Friday morning. Someone, very early, hit a cat, and left his dying body on our porch. He/she was a beautiful child, a silver tabby with lots of white fur, and a tiny full face. It had some horrific injuries, and wouldn't let hubby or myself touch it's body. Understandable I think. I could tell it was close to death, so Alan and I did the best we could do for our little friend, by putting a warm shirt underneath it, while we waited for the Humane Society to open. Unfortunately the little one passed away about an hour later. It was terribly sad, and it was a couple days before I could shake that feeling, but at least the little one didn't have to pass away alone. We were here.

The rest of the weekend came and went without incident. I was still processing the cold I got, you know, my annual Christmas head cold. If we are still in this house a year from now, it will be our 6th Christmas, and hopefully it will break the spell of a catching a cold every year at Christmas time, although at this point, it's turning into a kitchy holiday tradition. LOL. I guess you could say it has replaced my other annual holiday tradition of being called a BITCH on Christmas Eve by a complete stranger. That hasn't happened since we moved to the Central Valley. I guess the curse was broken when we moved here, or it simply goes without saying, I am a total bitch. Either way... it's all good. Tee Hee. Had the tradition continued, I would have been in my 35 year! Oh my, I think I miss it a little! Still, there is nothing like the euphoria of a fever of about 102 or so! But I don't recommend it. Much.

Anyway, it's New Year's Eve, time for closing the files for 2019 and looking forward to all that's waiting for us in 2020. Like kicking Donald John Trump to the political curb! Bye Bye ASSHOLE. We have already impeached him, and at the rate he's going, he just might be impeached again. With a little luck, he might break a record or something, for the most impeached American president ever! A sad, yet uplifting, turn of events should it happen. All I want in 2020 is to see him gone. Just gone. Not harmed mind you, just removed from office, and some sense of sanity returned in his place. Whatever that is. We will see. I have some New Year's goals, wishes and hopes. More on that later in the week. Maybe on Friday the 3rd, but until then, on this New Year's Eve, here is a look back at our Christmas. It was a lovely, quiet gift all it's own.

 I shopped for my annual gourmet basket for Alan. Included were some yumminess for Christmas Eve and New Year's Day!

Santa came and was generous with the fun! A Victrola turntable for me, and a theater light sign for Alan and the Bijou. That theater room is really coming together!

 I gave myself a set of 4, 4 inch spring-form pans for branching out with my stress baking! Mmmm. New York Cheesecake is coming in the new year!

It was a good holiday. Quiet. And the little fuzz balls were a lot of fun. Dylan enjoyed his brand new box of cat treats, and even made some sounds of Nom Nom. I think that silly kitty actually learned to say NOM NOM! What could possibly beat the joy of that? And boy am I thankful my little guys are indoor cats, I never have to worry about them being harmed by outside dangers. I love them so deeply, and fortunately, the love me back. I am a happy lady.

~Mood: Happy
~Me  :)

Friday, December 27, 2019

When The Leaves Are Gone, Then Come The Sunsets

"Some winters will never melt
Some summers will never freeze 
And some things will only live in poems."

~Sanober Khan
Turquoise Silence

I swear winter sunsets try a little harder to be beautiful, to make up for the loss of all the autumn leaves. Even if it's only a day into the winter season! I think I am going to try to capture as many sunsets this winter as possible. Just look at that color! Like with each individual leaf of autumn, I will never see that exact sunset, ever again! 

~Mood: Happy
~Me  :)

Tuesday, December 24, 2019

Christmas Eve 2019

"When we recall Christmas past,
 we usually find that the simplest things... 
not the greatest occasions... 
give off the greatest glow of happiness."

~Bob Hope

Merry Christmas Eve!

Love, The Gordon Family

Monday, December 23, 2019

Winter Migration

Canadian Geese
December 21st 2019
Lathrop, California

"She decided to free herself, dance into the wind, create a new language. And birds fluttered around her, writing "yes" in the sky."

~Monique Duval

Migrating Canadian Geese
Black & white
December 21st, 2019

On the way home last Saturday, I spotted all kinds of different birds making their way south. Migration in the Central Valley has been lovely so far! Not only did I spot a brand new bird, just a couple weeks ago, but on Saturday I got to watch a gorgeous flock on Canadian Geese, and then a large group of Starlings making their way south, to warmer temperatures. I am thinking of asking Santa Claus for some bird feeders for Christmas, because that is something I can have a lot of fun with, even on this horrible Fibromyalgia days when there is no leaving the house because of pain! Who knows how many new birds I might be able to spot in 2020!? What a lovely thing to be able to look forward to!


~Mood: Happy
~Me    :)

Sunday, December 22, 2019

Welcome To Winter 2019

"Winter is much like unrequited love; cold and merciless."

~Kellie Elmore

Today is the first full day of winter, but my heart remains in autumn. All is not lost however, because it gives us long, dark days, when naps are especially delicious, and books are much more like best friends, than mere escape vessels. I think I love winter on a certain level, but sometimes I wish it came before autumn. Oh well, I guess God got it right, who could handle the colors of autumn, immediately after the ghostly deep blue of winter? The mind would reel!

~Mood: Quiet