Saturday, September 11, 2021

Saying Goodbye... 9/11 Twenty Years Later


 "It has been said, 'time heals all wounds." I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting it's sanity, covers them with scar tissue, and the pain lessens. But it's never gone."

~Rose Fitzgerald Kennedy

I have considered ending my 9/11 tributes over the years. Not because I have forgotten about what happened that day, and who it happened to, but because after 20 years perhaps it's time to not take back the grief yearly, like it sits on a shelf, waiting to be recognized. That's not how grief works. So, how does one celebrate a life? David and Lynn Angell were wonderful people. As was Marisa DiNardo Schorpp, who fell to her death, from the World Trade Center, on that horrible day. I feel like I got to know them, through my research. I only came to know about Marisa in recent years, but she left an impression me, on 9/11, that stayed with me to this day. She was in a window, along with others, begging for help as fire burned behind her. She was wearing a beautiful black skirt and white blouse. Classic. I felt so bad for years, that there was no way to say goodbye to know of her life, or to say goodbye to her, then one day while watching a documentary about 9/11, a man described seeing her fall to her death. She was identified years later, after her purse was discovered among the personal effects of the victims.
 
 Her name was Marisa, and she had lovely taste.
 

Anyway, this is my last 9/11 tribute post. It's been twenty years, and honestly, the new world I thought would be carved from grief and new understanding of our kinship as Americans never came to pass. We have all but forgotten what happened all those years ago, and we, Americans, don't stand up for each other, instead we push nationalist agendas out of cowardice and selfish need to put ourselves first, as if what happens to our neighbor doesn't happen to us. Americans unite in times of trouble? That's as silly a notion at this point as reciting the Pledge of Allegiance. Sigh. I really thought we would be in a different place by this time, but sadly, we aren't, and it will be at least another generation before we can hope to see the idea of an America that lives up to that ideal. At my age, I am unsure if I will ever see the idea of brotherhood in America, let alone the ideal itself. Its sad. I was hoping that from the ashes, an American Phoenix would arise. Sadly, we can keep honoring the victims, but if it's just to show the world how much we remember, we are stepping on the very lives we can never properly repay, or truly honor. Next year, I will reflect on these three extraordinary people, but in my own way, and to myself.

Rest In Peace... David, Lynn And Marisa





Thursday, September 09, 2021

The Mural At The Corner Of Sinclair And Pine


"Imagine you saw a color in your dream, which you have never seen before. It doesn't consist of any colors or shades that you know. Try to describe that color would be as difficult as trying to believe that is enough love and compassion in the world so ever human can feel happiness."
 
~Egar Kraft
 
Reno has some amazing murals. They are everywhere. I wasn't prepared for all the colors and moods of the fabulous street art. The only problem... finding the name of the piece, and the artist who created it. Honestly, if a particular mural really speaks to me, and I photograph it, 9 times out of 10, there will be ZERO information about it available online. Take that lovely flower, I have been doing searches about it for days... nothing. It must be from a few years back. Shrug. Who knows? But that doesn't mean I won't keep trying. I will continue to search, and when I find out the info on it, I will update this post. Just wait and see, I will find it. 

I love art. It is not only a healthy distraction, it inspires me to not see times like this, when I am terrified, in a black and white scheme. In other words, it holds the depression at bay. Temporarily. When I was in that deep depression, all those years ago, and had to spend a little time in adult daycare, which still sounds like way more fun than it is, I scoffed at artsy fartsy time, even though I enjoyed all kinds of art, and doing photography. I already knew how much better I felt inside, just by picking up one of my art books, but how exactly was my drawing a picture, going to end the suffering I was in? Not one single detail of what caused it would change. The details of my pain, wouldn't change, but to my surprise, the artsy fartsy time did give me a gentle distraction, and did stimulate my creative side, which helped me accept help and to be creative in my outlook.

I'm always skeptical, in times like this, about where the miracle will come from, despite the fact that Alan and I have rode bad times before, but one always wonders, will this be what breaks us? Who will rent to us? Will anyone rent to us? It's nutty that we have more than enough to buy a mobile home, but the park where it sits has the final decision on if we are good enough to live there! Will we beat the devil? Do we need to make a pact with the devil? Can you make a pact with the devil? Life has hurtful moments, but sometimes one can hit a path so full of sharp gravel that the road tears up your feet, and stops you cold. It's such an absurd thought that we will sell the house, and have several hundred thousand dollars in the bank, but have nowhere to live. So, you see my problem. I just want a home, but until then, lots of anonymous murals to keep me from giving up. 


~Me
Stockton, Ca
September 9th, 2021


 
 

Wednesday, September 08, 2021

And Then There Are Mannequins

 

"Do we not each dream of dreams? Do we not dance on the notes of lost memories? Then are we not each dreamers of tomorrow and yesterday, since dreams play when time is askew? Are we not all adrift in a constant sea of trial and when all is done, do we not all yearn for ships to carry us home?"
 
~Nathan Reese Maher
 
I love mannequins. I especially love the happy ones. The ones in wedding gowns, and the ones that have smiles on their face, or the ones that have that silly laugh on their faces, as the ones in Berkeley did when I began photographing them all those years ago, but the ones I enjoy photographing the most, are the ones like this. The relatively stoic. The ones that seem to be looking to a far place beyond the window. Where are they looking? Am I supposed to look for the same view they see? Can I? And if I see what she's looking at, how will it change my view of things? Perhaps her view is worse than anything happening to me right now. But maybe her view is the answer to all unanswered questions. Sigh, or maybe she is just a mannequin... a really cool subject that inspires me.


Mannequin
Reno, Nevada
September 5th 2021
Nikon

~Me
Stockton, California
September 8th 2021


 
 

Tuesday, September 07, 2021

Mid-Century... Vacation Motor Lodge


 "You were born to do so much more than to pay bills and die."

~Unknown

If photography has taught me anything, it's that there is life beyond the moments of despair that tend to creep into our lives. I can get lost for a little while. I love that a single moment in time, can live in so many different existences around me. In that moment, I can be in my own world photographing a gorgeous Anna's hummingbird, while a few hundred miles away someone could be checking into the Vacation Motor Lodge, in Reno Nevada. Photography is allowing me to step out of this overwhelming pain I am in right now. I need that. I need to see what might be happening today, or even a few days from now, while I am depressed, so I can see beyond it. Time is an issue, as is money to do so. There is yard photography, but I hurt my foot, so there's that. Things are tough right now, but when I can, I can lose myself in a simpler time. I just wish I could do it more often.
 
There will be leaves soon.
 
Right?
 
 
 
 ~Me
Stockton, Ca
September 6th, 2021
 

 
 
 


Sunday, September 05, 2021

Road Trip



 "May came home with a smooth round stone.
 As small as a world and as large as alone."

~E.E. Cummings

Things are horrific. As anyone who has moved might imagine. We are having a terrible time finding a place. Sigh. There aren't really any good options left. But the good news is, there are options! I will lay them all out on Tuesday, but for now, Alan and I are heading out on a day trip away from all that is hurting us. The move, Dylan's illness, my failing health, lack of money, in other words, LIFE.

Reno, here we come!
 
~Me
Stockton, California
September 5th, 2021 
 
 
Leaves
Stockton, California
August 2021
Nord