Guns And Roses

 

"Hot Cocoa"rose from my garden.

Autumn 2012

 

“Your photography is a record of your living,

 for anyone who really sees.”

~Paul Strand

 

 

 

It's true, sometimes I take a photograph of a landscape or a beautiful bird, but it's more about how I feel while I use my camera. I always have an emotional connection to my subjects. Some of the photos that I have done, that I have received the most positive feedback on, have been when I have been in the depths of depression, and sometimes it's about fear. Please don't think that has been the emotions behind all of my photography, I am a happy and content person most of the time. I am getting older, and that means a symphony of physical pain, and limitations, but I do my best to accept it and move on. However, sometimes life just throws you in the middle of the, frankly, SHIT, and doesn't give you a choice on how you take it. My niece died in a traffic accident that was not her fault. To make it worse, it was a hit and run. Fuck! A short time later my nephew committed suicide.

 

 FUUUUUUUUCK!

 

Glock

 

And if that wasn't enough to fuck me up, yesterday I thought I was going to die. We were out doing errands for a while, and when we returned home a car was parked in the middle of the alleyway where we park our Mini Cooper. We couldn't get around him without driving over the grass and around to sewage equipment. Suddenly a man got out of his car with a gun, and fired about 4 shots toward his girlfriend's apartment. She was yelling back at him in anger, for shooting his gun towards the apartment where her young children were! Oh Shit! Was he going to shoot us for being witnesses? Were we going to be the latest statistic of rampant gun violence? Was the young woman he was shooting toward be a victim of domestic violence? I was terrified! I decided that if he was going to shoot me, I hoped he would shoot to kill, because I didn't want to be in pain and still be alive. That would be a hell of a FUCK YOU from fate, wouldn't it? Just get it over with! You think about a lot of things when you think your death is imminent. 

 

Who will take care of my cats?

 Will it hurt?

 Or will I just be gone?

Did I put on clean underwear?

Guns don't sound the same as they do on TV and in movies!

 

The my brain turned to...

White car, sedan 4 doors, Honda 

4 shots... I think

Young black man

mid 30's

White clothing

We drove around him as best we could, parked, and went into our condo. I called the police. I gave them all the information I could. I was embarrassed by how much I had forgot between the car and when I went inside. I guess I am not the best witness, but FUUUUUUUUUK he had a gun! It looked like a Glock22 semi-automatic but I don't know anything about guns, it's a guess based on the limited research I have done in the last 24 hours. Isn't it strange that something so scary is so exotic. I think I am going to do more research on the instrument of death to both make me feel less frightened next time and better educated. I need to do better next time, and believe me, I know there will be a next time.  I should have began this paragraph with telling you that I am okay, but a little fucked up this weekend. I was diagnosed with PTSD a few months ago, just after my family died. I have lots of incidents in my past that have caught up to me in my old age. I am getting treatment, but it's a long road, and who knows, I may not ever recover. But I am trying. 

 

Now, what's up with the roses? Well, the errand I was on yesterday was to buy some new roses for my garden. I found a lovely "Peace" rose and to my, absolute delight, I found a "Hot Cocoa" rose! I LOVE that rose! I had one when I lived in the Bay Area, and it was an absolute delight! It was the favorite of all my roses, and I had to leave it behind when I moved. Once we settled in Stockton, I looked and looked at every garden center I could, with absolutely no luck at all, so I gave up. But yesterday, there it was! What a happy turn of events! I will have that beautiful rose growing in my garden once again. Something to help me heal, and then that gun incident had to happen, because everybody has a gun. Will my mind attach that incident to my roses? Will I think of it every time I see a new rose grow on the stem? That remains to be seen, but right now it's hard to think about. The human brain manifests fear strangely... and sometimes it's just lets the negativity go, and it gets filed away. And, of course, that's for the best.

So, it was a guns and roses kind of day. Like the name of the band. Funny thing, I can't remember a single song by them, but I did a little looking around on YouTube and found this song, which I kinda like. I wasn't into Heavy Metal rock, so I passed it all by, but now I think I will have to listen to more of their stuff. Discovering new things, making new memories helps erase the stuff you don't want to think about. Like suicide. Like murder. It should be more music, less murder. More roses, less guns. More healing, less scars. Even if life has other plans. I am trying, I really am.

 

 Anyway, this is a nice song, and I hope you enjoy it.

"November"

By Guns And Roses

I witnessed gun violence yesterday.

 Next time I will try to capture the turn of fate with my camera.

 I guess it was my new experience for March. On to April.

Ghosts, Real And Imagined

 

"We cannot hide from our ghosts. Whether they are real or not."

 

~Hercule Poirot

A Haunting In Venice

 

So, the other night we went to the movies. It has been years since we have been to a movie, what with the big move in 2015, money problems that come with owning a home, the Covid-19 pandemic, and the outbreak of bed bugs in the Central Valley, you name it, there has just been a lot of stuff that kept us from going out the way we once did. We stopped going to drive-ins, all the way back in the 1990's, when the drive-in theaters began to close. I think the last film we saw at the drive-in was Batman! The Michael Keaton, Batman! So, when Alan and I were considering what to do, to break out of our rut of homemade popcorn and streaming, we decided to revisit the idea of the drive-in. We had been wanting to try the West Wind theater for years, so when, if not now? Besides, it would be good for me, as I have been recoiling from trying new things, even if the new thing was something old. Especially if the new thing, once brought me a great deal of joy.

 

Why? I am not completely sure. Maybe the fear that if I had fun, something awful would happen? Well, I have always been a little bit that way, but not without good reason. There is nothing worse than finally pulling the stick out of one's ass, having a fantastic time doing something fun, only to get a flat tire on the way home, in the dark, on a scary road, during autumn, where everyone knows, ghosts, vampires and werewolves frequent! ACK! Or finally painting one's home office, just the perfect shade of lavender, only to find yourself in a necessary move less than six months later. I kid here, but you get my point. Shit happens. It just feels sometimes like it happens a lot more than I would like it too! Sometimes, however, you just have to push through the head noise and fears and prove your inner sour puss wrong. The next shoe to fall will eventually happen, whether I am having fun or not.

 

We had a great time. The movie we went to see, A Haunting In Venice, was terrific. Great storytelling. Awesome cast. Everything was fine. I did feel my age a little. It was a dark movie, and my eyes aren't quite what they once were, but it certainly wasn't enough to not enjoy the experience. The movie began at 10:30 pm, which I loved, I am a night owl, so it was a good fit. It was Tuesday, so it was $6 movie night. Hell, I remember paying $12.50 just a few years ago for a matinee. It was, as a night out goes, as perfect as it gets. Okay, so I wish the knucklehead in front of us would have took his foot off of the brake, and I wish it hadn't been a full moon outside. The light from the moon was amazingly bright, but that was just all part of the experience. And in a weird way, made it all kinda fun!

 

The whole night was good for me. The haunting my mind promised, never happened. No ghosts. It was good for us. October will be here in a few days, I wonder what new old thing we will try next month? Whatever it might be, I really hope ghosts, ghouls, vampires, werewolves and witches are most certainly involved!

 

Stay Tuned! 

 

 

A Strange Diner In A Strange Place

"There's safety in thinking in a diner. You can have your coffee or your milk shake, and you can go off into strange dark areas, and always come back to the safety of the diner."

~David Lynch

Catching The Big Fish Meditation, Consciousness and Creativity

After almost 2 years of living in Stockton, I am still getting used to the quirkiness that is the Central Valley! One of the biggest changes seems to be that there are more of these little diners and independent boutiques. Well, it makes sense, because there is a lot more room to work with! The Bay Area is pretty much filled up with Starbucks, McDonald's, Wendy's, and every restaurant and chain shopping outlets possible! And again, we have all that, but we have the choice of discovering delightful little options as well, and this is just one!

I haven't actually eaten here yet, it was closed the day I visited, but I will get to it eventually. I think it would be fun to try a photo series first, then I will go back and revisit them and do an actual review of the food, or shopping experience. I am still feeling emotionally overwhelmed, but I know picking up the camera gives me strength. It gives me consciousness and it gives me creativity, so I am going to work on that, as I make my way through the next six months or so. Anyway, while I am processing things, I don't want it to play a part in how I think about the experience of each place I photograph.

Does that make sense, or am I being too careful?

I don't know. We'll see.

Anyway, I am trying to breakaway from the self imposed isolation, and embrace my surroundings. There is a lot too see in the Central Valley, and good, bad or otherwise, this is my home, so I have to deal with it. I know I will probably not live in the Bay Area ever again, but it's certainly not too far to visit, when I just need a good dose of fast moving life. Lord I miss the sounds of the East Bay. The whirling sound of BART trains. Airplanes flying over. The sound of the Ethereal Musician playing his sax on warm afternoons. But I am getting used to the quiet, and it's okay too, but I have to say, whatever that monster is that roams the neighborhood at 2:30 am  makes me smile every single night, but because of the lovely sound of dogs barking! 

It Is What It Is.

It Is What It Is Diner 

24335 N Hwy 99

Acampo, California 95220

209-334-2233

 Mood: Hopeful

~Me

 

A Photo A Day For 6 Months: Day 60~ Summer To Autumn

"If you see something that moves you, and then snap it, you keep a moment."


~Linda McCartney

 

Linda McCartney took amazing photographs. I have loved her work and style since I first saw her photos in the 70's. It was heartbreaking to me when she passed away from breast cancer in 1998. I have a few books of her photography, and at times I have tried to style certain photos after some of her lovely photos. My winter photographs mostly, and of course my black and white ones as well. She had a lovely, soft, uncluttered style to her photography. I find them comforting. While capturing a single moment, she at the same time, reminds one that life need not be rushed. She understood life and it showed in the gentle photos she took. Someone told me once..." If you love the subject you are photographing, your pictures will convey that love." When you look at her photos, it was apparent, she knew about love.

It's nearly the middle of July, and I am already thinking about the coming autumn. Photography speaking, I will have a very full October this year. Alan and I have a lot of special days planned for this year's vacation month. Along with the usual photo jaunts, we are adding a ride above the San Francisco Bay in a Cessna, and now we have added a whale watching trip on board a catamaran. I don't get seasick... not even a little bit... but this is the smallest boat I have been on, so it will be a new experience. I am so excited to step outside my comfort zone and try these new opportunities. With my camera in my hand, I am always braver. LOL. We'll see. I know both are perfect ways to spend an October day. October is a lovely time of year in the Bay Area. 

So, this week I am putting one foot back into the water, so to speak, by doing all new photography. I am particularly interested in doing some black and white scenes. Some simple, everyday scenes is a start. It's been too long since I worked with that. I need to also do some summer photos that are as interesting in black and white as they would be in color. That takes a lot of thought. Weather, time of day, and choice of subject must be planned out. On the other hand, just getting in the car and photographing subjects as they introduced themselves is fun also. I want to begin a transistional file of season to season. Summer to Autumn has challenges of it's own. Should be a good way to exercise those creativity muscles that have been neglicted while my thyroid needed attention.

Again... We'll See.

 

 

:)

~Me :)

Today's Awesome Photography...


JR
http://jrclinephotography.blogspot.com/2012/07/apadf6-57-58-and-59.html