Ellipsis: But With More Brains...

Thursday, October 05, 2017

But With More Brains...

"Blood is really warm

it's like drinking hot chocolate

but with more screaming."

~Ryan Mecum

Zombie Haiku: Good Poetry For Your... Brains

I saw this scene, late last October, as we were leaving Ocean Beach, in San Francisco, and I just had to snap the photo because it reminded me of two things... people watching a nuclear apocalypse and zombies on a beach, after a nuclear apocalypse. I couldn't quite figure out if the two things were the same thing. Would a nuclear apocalypse kill you? Could it turn you into a zombie? I guess it depends on who you ask. Right? Ask a nuclear physicist and they will probably say the nuclear apocalypse will just kill you, but ask Stephen King and he will probably say... the nuclear blast will definitely make you into a zombie, because you survived the blast! Frankly, I don't know which is worse, surviving the blast only to end up a zombie, or dying on the spot, from the blast.

I considered both possibilities that evening, on the way home. We had just gone out for a lovely day in the city. The Blue Angels preformed that weekend, and I was quite happy with most of my photography that day, but despite having had a good day, I had the upcoming election on my mind. I had a feeling, deep down, that Trump was going to win, and of course, he went on to do just that! A now, I find myself, a year later, still contemplating the effects and fallout from nuclear annihilation almost on a weekly basis. Several times since Trump took office last January, Alan has come home to me terrified. Really terrified! Crying, planning possible escape routes. Like I said, terrified. It's like having the worst Halloween you could imagine, every day of the year!

I finally called my therapist, and we spoke at length about my fears, and she shared with me that there has been a huge spike, in former patients, returning to therapy after the election. So I know I am not alone, but I would suppose geography plays a part into what kind of fears one has about Trump. I imagine someone in Wyoming, wouldn't fear nuclear holocaust the way I would, but financial ruin, racial tensions, tax worries, and probably misogyny are top concerns. And now, with Trump's complete botching of recovery efforts in handling the aftermath of Hurricane Maria in Puerto Rico, we can all assume we are on our own, in the case of a natural disaster, if we don't, or haven't, kissed his ass enough.

This is all completely new territory. We have never had a president that designated allocation of relief monies and supplies based on merit. I am scared to death, California hasn't had a large earthquake in several years, so I don't really know what to expect should one hit. I am thinking about adding earthquake insurance to our homeowners policy, but we are stretched pretty thin now. So thin in fact, that you can see through the policy. For the first time in my life, I don't what to expect when I wake up tomorrow. Well, I know Alan and the furry kids will be here, but beyond that, I have NO clue. Will we be at war? Will a nuclear missile have already hit the west coast by this time tomorrow?

I don't know.

I know the current Secretary Of State called Trump a moron recently, which of course, he is. But somehow that doesn't make me feel better. Amused yes, but more hopeful for the future... not at all. I always wondered why I was in therapy, if everyone else in the world is crazy. That's a bit like swimming against the tide... right? But the doctor says therapy will help me feel less alone, and will help me handle all this better. I know it's the least I could do for Alan. So, we'll see. Frankly, I just feel hazy and unfocused on anything but doom. But despite that, I'm trying to keep taking those steps forward. It's just not so easy, when you feel like your brain has given up and you are little more than a wandering zombie on an apocalyptic beach!