No Panache And The Whore

"The tints of autumn... a mighty flower garden

 blossoming under the spell of the enchanter, frost."

 

~John Greenleaf Whittier

 

So, if all goes well, our official date to vacate our home will be Sunday, October 3rd. What a strange feeling. As I have said before, I liked the place, it had the most beautiful interior lines, and so much mid-century character, but it was never real. No panache and her whore of a boyfriend... lol... builder... liar... coward... co-conspirator, sunk us financially before we ever moved in. For clarification purposes, Jeanette and Mike lied to us just enough to sink our financial life before we ever moved into our home. So why did we move it? Well, it's a long story, that mostly took place in Turlock, California, in the summer of 2015. I don't want to think about it right now, not while I am packing to move from the only home I have ever owned. It brings about too many emotions that wouldn't help in any way! I will share sometime after we move into the new rental. For now, and probably for the next couple weeks, my blog posts will mostly be held to "Leaf Of The Day" entries. Autumn is already looking quite lovely, so I am glad that my blog will have plenty of beautiful leaves to help me heal, and move on.

 

Judas Tree Leaf

Ione, California

September 2021

Nikon

 

 

 

A Season Of Desperate Hopes

 

"Autumn is a season of desperate hopes.The leaves are souls begging to turn life on pause. Begging to stop, begging to take a break, hiding under smiles and childish words."

~Teodora Savr

Listen To The Leaves

I feel restless. Like a leaf waiting to fall, but never quite finding the time or will. We are all walking around on the schedule of others. I want the election over with, yet I am terrified to think about November 3rd... and what comes next. The last four years have been HELL. It has ruined holidays for people. For others it was sleep, or even just the previously common Monday, or spring. Full seasons. Relationships. You get the idea. Its a little different for everyone I guess. For me it's a little of everything, and so I have to wonder if that's! why I have been sick, every single Christmas since we bought this house! I guess we will never know. Anyway... completely off topic, sorta, here is a brand new mid-century hotel sign, from Lodi, California. Most likely the 50's. The era Trump is stuck in. The hotel appeared haunted to me... I think I know why. We are all ghosts right now, restless, tired and not at all sure of anything, but desperatly hoping that we will find out way out of the darkness.

 

 ~Carly

Stockton, California

October 20th 2020

The Santa Fe Train Of Old Sacramento

"Gone are the summer days and my mind with them. No longer will I indulge in hopes of getting you back. It is hope that makes these chains heavier and autumnal night longer. I will merely serve as a memory to you the lover that recited love poems. I must go now and I urge you to not look back."

~Kamand Kojouri

I love the sound of a train in the middle of the night. It's got such a lonely sound, and yet inside my heart it feels okay because I know it is busy at work, always going here or there on business and bringing people and things to planned stops safely. I think little by little, as I was growning up, I began to think of trains as friends. It was a sound I could hear when I was in bed that always made me feel safe, at 3:15 am every morning without fail. Now, wouldn't it be nice to have a train that could take you to your favorite memory, or season, any time you felt like booking passage? There must be an autumn town somewhere other than Heaven. Right? And I bet the train that could take me there would look a lot like the beautiful old Santa Fe train of Old Sacramento!

 For The Last Full Day Of Autumn...

#89 Leaf Of The Day

December 20th 2019

Stockton, California

Nikon

Autumn ends Saturday night so there will be one more leaf to see, so comeback tomorrow to see the very last Leaf Of The Day for Autumn 2019!

~Mood: Quiet

~Me 

#PhotoByRequest "In The Clouds"

"I could feel the bite of the autumn air, 

warning us all of the harsh winter that was on it's way."

~Jennifer Starzec

Determination

This week's edition is all about what's "In The Clouds." Which works out well, because we have been experiencing a lot of rainy days lately, much to my delight. I enjoy rain days, especially this time of year, and a I hope there will a lot more of them as we transition into winter. There's nothing sadder, at least when it comes to seasons, then to not be able to experience the best of what they are about. A hopelessly dry winter, that is nothing but cold, isn't much fun. Snow and rain must exist, and hopefully the past couple weeks of hard rain is a good omen of delicious things to come! California can use it, and so could my soul!

Just a few minutes later the sky looked like this... 

And the beautiful Cedar Waxwings loved it too...

 

#81 Leaf Of The Day

December 12th 2019

Sacramento, California

Nikon

~Mood: Happy

~Me     :)

In Dreamful Autumn

Autumnal

~Ernest Dowson

The Poems and Prose Of Ernest Dowson

Pale amber sunlight falls across

The reddening October trees

That hardly sway before a breeze

As soft as a summer: summer's loss

Seems little, dear! On days like these

Let Misty autumn be our part!

The twilight of the year is sweet:

Where shadow and the darkness meet

Our love, a twilight of the heart

Eludes a little timer's deciet.

Are we not better and at home

In dreamful Autumn, we who deem

No harvest joy is worth a dream?

A little while and night shall come,

A little while, then, let us dream.

Beyond the pearled horizons lie

Winter and night: awaiting these

We garner this poor hour of ease,

Until love turn from us and die

Beneath the drear November trees. 

 #72 Leaf Of The Day

December 3rd 2019

Cull Canyon Park

Nikon

~Mood: Happy

~Me   :)

Autumn Cathedral

I stood in a clearing among a stand of beech trees, leaves as red as rubies, branches black as jet. It was sunset and shafts of richly colored sunlight struck through the delicate pillars of the tree trunks, as if through the lancet windows of a cathedral."

~Kate Forsyth

Bitter Greens

October leaves in every color of autumn. Honey, cinnamon, caramel, nutmeg, ginger, brown sugar, rum and brown butter. Delicious October, my favorite month of the year!

And Now...

#71 Leaf Of The Day

December 2nd 2019

Grass Valley, California

Nikon

~Mood: Happy

~Me   :)

The Lady On The Beach In Autumn

"Autumn serenades the breeze into dancing a cha cha cha; the mountains echo in the background. October sky never looked more charming nor the sublime leaves of the trees so graceful."

~Avijeet Das

 #33 Leaf Of The Day

October 25th 2019

Sacramento, Ca

Nikon

~Mood: Quiet

~Me 

The Horror Master, Stephen King, Understands Me

"The three types of terror: the sight of a severed head tumbling down a flight of stairs, it's when the lights go out and something a green and slimy splatters against your arm. The Horror: the unnatural, spiders the size of bears, the dead waking up and walking around, it's when the lights go out and something with claws grabs you by the arm. And the last and worse one: Terror, when you come home and notice everything you own had been taken away and replaced by an exact substitute. It's when the lights go out and you feel something behind you, you hear it, you feel it's breath against your ear, but when you turn around, there's nothing there... "

~Stephen King

What is terror? Terror is being awakened from a deep sleep, by the sound of your home security system, alerting you that an intruder has attempted entry! That happened to me yesterday, at 7:23 AM. My phone was lit up red. My alarm system was lit up red. Both were screaming, loudly, both saying someone had tried to come in through the back door, off the living room. I couldn't function. I am not sure if it was because the sound of the alarms terrified me, or if it was because I was barely dressed. Or if it was because I had no idea what the intruder wanted. Was it an attempted robbery? An attempted rape? Someone itching to commit murder? What did they want?

I will never know the answer to that question. By the time I could function, about 3 or 4 minutes, they were gone. I never got a chance to see who they were. A man? A woman? A wacky child? A ghost? A vampire? I have no idea, which makes the whole thing a lot worse, because I will play the "whatif's" the rest of my life. Or, more realistically, at least for the rest of the time I spend in this house! What if we had never installed an alarm system? What if the back door hadn't been locked? What if I had seen them? What if the fur babies had been hurt? What if? What if? What if?

It's terrifying not knowing if they spent time watching the house, waiting for Alan to leave. It's a terrifying thought that I will have to spend Thursday and Friday of this week, alone in the house. Do I sleep? Can I sleep? How do I face this fear? I guess I have no real choice. I will face Thursday and Friday, and every other day, going forward, alone. Alan can't do the work on the fear for me. That's mine. I suppose I will be okay. Alan is going to run a couple errands in the middle of the day tomorrow, which will give me a chance to be in the house alone. That will be a healthy thing for me, I think. I hope. If only I could shake the feeling from this morning...

"... It's when the lights go out and you feel something behind you, you hear it, you feel it's breath against your ear, but when you turn around, there's nothing there... ".

 What if the "nothing there" terror comes back?

Autumn Leaf Of The Day

#10 Leaf Of The Day

October 2nd 2019

Stockton, California

Nikon

~Mood: Scared

~Me

 

Impeachment Bricks

"And then the sun took a step back, 

the leaves lulled themselves to sleep and Autumn was awakened."

~Raquel Franco

I took this photo on February 17th, of this year, but haven't posted it before now. I am not sure why, it's a gorgeous bird, and I was happy enough with how the photo turned out, but I just never made the effort to share it. That was a shame, I think, that bird made it through cold dark days, and it seemed really beautiful. It had an absolute right to be seen and photographed, it was doing it's part for the earth. Keeping it's promises. And what was I doing? Moping around, feeling exhausted and uninspired. Self inflicted. As the Trump impeachment bricks begin to fall, I am realizing how much energy, time, and emotion I willingly gave to a man who deserved none of it. I let myself fall into a waking depression, and wrote the script for allowing myself to wallow in it, under the guise of, there was no way to feel better until autumn came back. Which was some actual bullshit if ever there was some! Well, I am going to try my best to change things, work a little harder at moving forward with eyes fixed on the time when all this bullshit stops. Who knows, maybe when autumn says goodnight for another year, I won't just stop living again.Who knows what I have missed while it wasn't autumn? What a ridiculous waste of time.

#6 Leaf Of The Day

September 28th 2019

Cull Canyon, California

9/21/2019

Nikon

Mood: Encouraged

~Me

 

E Pluribus Unum

"Half of the American people have never read a newspaper. Half have never voted for President. One hopes it is the same half."

~Gore Vidal

Screening History

Again, a there is a little autumn magic involved in my photo jaunt last Saturday. I am not kidding. I had already left the park and gone for some lunch, when I got the idea to go back and look for some afternoon shadows. When I got there, I got out of the car and began to walk. I was looking over a small slope at the natural, late afternoon shadows. As is often the case, the sun was still way to bright to be able to capture the light and dark the way I wanted to, so I got ready to leave.

As I was walking back to the car, I was looking almost straight down. I do that often, because one never know what can be found. That point was proved last Saturday when I spotted an upside down penny, with the words E. Pluribus Unum, staring straight back at me! It made me smile, and believe it or not, I hadn't seen this particular design! How that's possible, I don't know. Either I haven't been paying attention, or I just haven't come across one. Either way, as I said, it made me smile.

Tonight I am smiling for different reasons, but the penny is still relevant to my mood. You see, yesterday, Nancy Pelosi gave her formal endorsement for an official Impeachment investigation, into Donald Trump and his administration, over his involvement in possible attempts of using tax dollars to extort the Ukraine. He apparently withheld humanitarian funds, in lieu of the government of the Ukraine digging up any and all political dirt on Joe Biden, and his son, Hunter Biden.

It's just one more action of a sick and demented human being. Frankly, I never thought any impeachment investigation would take place, despite his having confessed to obvious Obstruction of Justice, and Robert Mueller having indicated both in his report, which I read cover to cover by the way, and in his in-person testimony, that had Donald Trump not been the President of the United States, he would have been subject to criminal prosecution. Mueller declined to do so, because of Justice Department policy that indicates the opinion that a sitting president cannot be, or should not be prosecuted.

One of Trump's personal lawyers once said that he was against his client speaking directly with Robert Mueller during the investigation because Trump couldn't follow his advice about following a script. Trump likes to go off on long riffs, and consume the conversation. Not a bad strategy in the world of Real Estate perhaps, but when it comes to speaking with authorities, it's not a good idea. I am not lawyer, but even I know, less is more! It was the lawyer's contention that if Trump spoke to Mueller directly, he'd end up in an orange jumpsuit.

 That has always been apparent to me, and now even more. Trump couldn't shut up on that phone call with the President of the Ukraine, and he's in trouble. While this incident probably won't end up with him in an orange jumpsuit, it will make him especially vulnerable to prosecution on any crimes he may have committed both before and after he took office. He can't stop his bitchy whiny tweeting, he can't stop committing, at least illegally adjacent crimes, and he cannot understand what America is about. I'd feel sorry for him if... nah fuck it... there is NO circumstance that could make me feel sorry for him. And because he is now, today, acting like a cornered animal, I won't feel safe until he is no longer president.

One thing, according to lore...

find a penny pick it up, 

all day long you'll have good luck.

... but is it a bad idea to pick up an upside down penny? You know I am a big believer in curses. Especially money related curses. So, did I just jinx everything?

Penny Luck

#3 Leaf Of The Day

September 25th, 2019

Photographed September 21st, 2019

Cull Canyon

Nikon 

Mood: Quiet

~Me

 

A Time For Letting Go...

"Autumn is the time of year when Mother Nature says, "Look how easy, how healthy, and how beautiful letting go can be."

~Toni Sorenson

Time to let go of autumn. Okay, I know that I still have five days, but I have so many beautiful leaves left over, that it breaks my heart to not let them have their day in the sun. So, here are some of my favorites, and as I deal with all the old feelings of how I have grieved, let go, and looked for the road back to peace of mind, which really only lives in autumn, at least for me it does, I will miss autumn, but I will be okay...again.

And Now...

#86 Leaf Of The Day

December 16th 2018

Photographed December 15th 2018

Stockton, California

Samsung

~Mood: Quiet

~Me