The Elves On The Autumn Shelves

"We do not need to merely see beauty... we want something else which can be hardly be put into words... to be untied with the beauty we see, to pass into it, to receive it into ourselves, to bathe in it, to become part of it. That is why we have peopled air and earth and water with gods and goddesses and nymphs and elves."

~C.S. Lewis

Okay, I get it, some folks find the Elf on the Shelf a bit odd... maybe even off putting, but look at those adorable little faces, and they are distinctly mid-century, which makes them wonderful in my Christmassy mind. I miss all the decorations and ornaments I grew up with, and yes, even the big bulky lights our parents used to put on our Christmas trees. You know, the ones who occasionally set the trees ablaze? Happily these little elves have been very well behaved, watching over our trees, since 1990, when my mother-in-law gifted them to me, from the set she bought in 1962, for each her three sons and one day, daughter-in-laws. I melted when I saw them. My mother-in-law passed away earlier this year from Alzheimer's disease, just like my own mother did in 2005, so I feel even more sentimental then ever about them. The new Elf on the Shelf looks completely different now, much more updated, less like an elf and more like a child in an elf costume. Sigh. I guess folks find the new ones less off putting, but give me old school! These guys are 63 years old, and I love them, so there! Elf on the Shelf dates back to the 1940's, but this version came along in the early 60's, just like hubby and I did.

The Ghost Of Chocolate's Past

 

“Memories warm you up from the inside.

 But they also tear you apart.” 

 
~Haruki Murakami,

  Kafka on the Shore

 

Finally, the spare room is finished! To celebrate it actually being livable, and the last reminder of that god awful move behind us, we decorated it for Christmas, and went to Ghiradelli in Lathrop for some chocolate, a bottle of sea salt caramel topping and bag of peppermint baking chips. I wish I had been at Ghiradelli in San Francisco, because as I remember, they had a lot more choices of products, like my hubby's favorite, chocolate covered coffee beans, and the chunks of chocolate in a barrel, and it's San Francisco! My dad used to buy me the big chunks of chocolate whenever he visited the city. I was thinking about him the other day, he loved to grab a sundae there. All it took was a big Hot Fudge Sundae to put a smile on his face. Ghiradelli's chocolate is very distinctive. The Hot Fudge is amazing but our favorite sundae was the Hot Peanut Butter. They don't have it anymore... darn it!

 

Funny, it isn't even my memory, and yet I can see him sitting at one of their little tables enjoying the view, and devouring that delicious sundae. That was dad. Gosh, I sure am missing him right now. I think he would have enjoyed the Sugar Cooking chocolate squares I bought this year. Oh my... anyway, as chocolate goes, I enjoy it but by no means am I a chocolate fiend or anything, but there are definitely some memories around it. Like the memory of my sister always having a BIG box of See's candy on the table for Christmas eve. I did love so the Milk Bordeaux, and I don't know if I ever told her how awesome it was that she did that. Smooth, sweet the candy melted in your mouth. I haven't had one of those in ages. She and I were never close, and after a certain point we never spoke again, but she is gone now too, and I am thinking about her this Christmas too. Oh boy... sigh... I think I see another post about chocolate, and family dynamics, coming! 

Lathrop sure isn't San Francisco.

 

The Gifts Of The Witch Of Autumn Or Maybe Science

March 2020

Tilden Park, Berkeley, California 

"What is the name of your dream? A lovely wooden cottage in the middle of a forest? Or walking in an endless autumn path? What is the name of your dream? Don't give a name, always give a list! Fill yourself with dreams because dream is the path to reality."

~Mehmet Murat ildan

 

2020 was the worst year that I can remember, and it's not over yet. But one thing it did give me, was the ability to find Autumn leaves in every season. When I was a little girl, I used to believe there was an autumn witch that controlled such things. Unfortunately, I grew up and learned what really caused autumn to happen, but it was okay, science works nicely too. But this year was downright magical, witch or no witch! On my favorite trees, and in some new ones, I happily discovered leaves, there just for me! In other years I could find them up to March of the following year, but this year, science seemed to want Autumn as much as I did. Maybe my heart just needed it so much, the science said, "That's okay, we can do that for you." Or maybe there is a witch somewhere, answering my call for something to heal my heart, as it broke over a million little 2020 things. I am grateful either way!

 

January...

March...

September...

~Carly

October 23rd 2020

Stockton, California

Christmas 2019

"Christmas magic starts in the heart."

~Tori Sorenson

Hendrix's favorite treat... Roses!

We had a nice Christmas. Well, the holiday itself was nice, but there was one or two things that left a definite mark on the days leading up to the day, that were less than ideal. The one that left the biggest hurt happened Friday morning. Someone, very early, hit a cat, and left his dying body on our porch. He/she was a beautiful child, a silver tabby with lots of white fur, and a tiny full face. It had some horrific injuries, and wouldn't let hubby or myself touch it's body. Understandable I think. I could tell it was close to death, so Alan and I did the best we could do for our little friend, by putting a warm shirt underneath it, while we waited for the Humane Society to open. Unfortunately the little one passed away about an hour later. It was terribly sad, and it was a couple days before I could shake that feeling, but at least the little one didn't have to pass away alone. We were here.

The rest of the weekend came and went without incident. I was still processing the cold I got, you know, my annual Christmas head cold. If we are still in this house a year from now, it will be our 6th Christmas, and hopefully it will break the spell of a catching a cold every year at Christmas time, although at this point, it's turning into a kitchy holiday tradition. LOL. I guess you could say it has replaced my other annual holiday tradition of being called a BITCH on Christmas Eve by a complete stranger. That hasn't happened since we moved to the Central Valley. I guess the curse was broken when we moved here, or it simply goes without saying, I am a total bitch. Either way... it's all good. Tee Hee. Had the tradition continued, I would have been in my 35 year! Oh my, I think I miss it a little! Still, there is nothing like the euphoria of a fever of about 102 or so! But I don't recommend it. Much.

Anyway, it's New Year's Eve, time for closing the files for 2019 and looking forward to all that's waiting for us in 2020. Like kicking Donald John Trump to the political curb! Bye Bye ASSHOLE. We have already impeached him, and at the rate he's going, he just might be impeached again. With a little luck, he might break a record or something, for the most impeached American president ever! A sad, yet uplifting, turn of events should it happen. All I want in 2020 is to see him gone. Just gone. Not harmed mind you, just removed from office, and some sense of sanity returned in his place. Whatever that is. We will see. I have some New Year's goals, wishes and hopes. More on that later in the week. Maybe on Friday the 3rd, but until then, on this New Year's Eve, here is a look back at our Christmas. It was a lovely, quiet gift all it's own.

 I shopped for my annual gourmet basket for Alan. Included were some yumminess for Christmas Eve and New Year's Day!

Santa came and was generous with the fun! A Victrola turntable for me, and a theater light sign for Alan and the Bijou. That theater room is really coming together!

 I gave myself a set of 4, 4 inch spring-form pans for branching out with my stress baking! Mmmm. New York Cheesecake is coming in the new year!

It was a good holiday. Quiet. And the little fuzz balls were a lot of fun. Dylan enjoyed his brand new box of cat treats, and even made some sounds of Nom Nom. I think that silly kitty actually learned to say NOM NOM! What could possibly beat the joy of that? And boy am I thankful my little guys are indoor cats, I never have to worry about them being harmed by outside dangers. I love them so deeply, and fortunately, the love me back. I am a happy lady.

~Mood: Happy

~Me  :)

Priceless Gifts

"Existence is a priceless gift and

 the beauties of nature are the priceless gifts of the existence."

~Mehmet Murat ildan

I didn't get out of the house like I thought I would yesterday. I stayed home. I was tired. Really Tired. Depression tired I suppose. You know... so deeply tired that you sleep for 14 hours, and get up, and after 30 minutes, or an hour, you are tired again, to the point you sleep another 18 hours. 

Tomorrow I will get up, and try it all again. I might get further, you never know, but at least when I do get out of the house, to roam the world, like last Monday, I find some beauty here and there. Even in some weeds, growing along the road.  

If that's all the photography I get done, I will take it! I can appreciate the simplest beauty, just as much as anything else in the natural world. The weeds in the photo above are obviously dry and fragile, so I didn't touch them, I just let them be, and appreciated their natural earthy beauty.

Photographing them made me happy, and that's the real point!

Right?

Mood: Hopeful

~Me

 

The Little Blue Sunflower Vase

"I don't mind getting older; it's a privilage denied to so many."

~Greg Geiger

Cancer Survivor's Club

Yesterday, the 29th, was my birthday. It was a good day. Quiet. Uneventful. It was the day I wanted, except for a sore back. I had picked up something the day before that I shouldn't have, and the result was, well, pain. But that was okay. I spent my birthday in my own home, surrounded by those I love, with a ton of pain pills in me, and all was right with the world! 

I have finally reached the age where I don't need, or particularly want, anything, just because it's my birthday. I did however indulge a bit and bought myself that cute little blue sunflower vase you see in the picture above, and season two of Charlie's Angels. Yes... Charlie's Angels. I have been in a nostalgic mood for well over a year. Everything seems so... harsh... so... restless... so... cruel right now, and oddly enough, watching old TV shows makes me feel better.

I wouldn't want to go back to the 1970's for anything, no, blech. UGLY decade! And I wasn't particularly happy at any point during that decade, except for a few perfect moments here and there, but I can look back at those perfect moments and long for them sometimes. If only I could go back, and tell my 1970's self what was coming. But then I wonder... would I do that? Every day of your life is like a cliffhanger, you never know what will happen next. 

Would I have wanted to ruin those few perfect days, by visiting myself and sharing about what the future held? Sorrows. Joys. Long hot days where there wasn't any real point to being alive. Twists and turns that you never saw coming. And the birthdays yet to come. Would I have told myself about my birthday in 2015? Which turned out to be the worst birthday I ever had? Would I share all that?

If I could go back right this moment. Back to the 1970's and tell myself all those things to come, I wouldn't. Why? Well, because, maybe even stupid, useless, God awful days aren't really all that awful if you end the day alive. Things should remain a big surprise. Good days. Bad days. Birthdays. Especially birthdays. Birthdays remind us that New Years doesn't really begin on January 1st, no, they begin, in my case, on June 30th. That's the day I wake up and remember that I saw another year of my life, and thank God I have another day to wonder what comes next, and if it turns out to be another God awful birthday, I will have the gift of being able to complain about it, not everyone will have that privilege.

Mood: Gratful

~Me :)

 

Now I am Home!

"A gift can never be cheap or insignificant because of the heart and love it carries."

~Munia Khan

Alan and I and the boys moved into our house, officially, on September 2nd 2015. It's never easy to move, and when you add moving your cats to the stress, the stress becomes at least twice as bad, because now you aren't just moving lamps and beds and computers, you are moving living, breathing, thinking, and sometimes plotting, individuals that if you are lucky may be open to some negotiation about their stress level, but who will always, always come out ahead of any begging, pleading or simple request made of them from their humans. It was a back breaking, migraine inducing, fear-fest getting my 3 boys into their kennels, for the ride to Turlock. It was something I would never want to relive... ever... but from the first day in Turlock, I knew that we would eventually have to relive the drama, because Turlock was merely the waiting room of our new home.

Thank goodness the boys never found out that the place we were originally moving to was a stupid scam! It was bad enough that they felt our stress, let alone feel it and fully understand it in human terms! But when Alan and I picked ourselves back up, and finally found our house, we knew that it wasn't going to be fun to move the boys from the hotel, but when it was over we would finally be home. In our forever place. Fortunately, we had a much easier time getting them pack in their kennels, when we left the hotel, because we did something different... we tricked them! We did it on the spur of the moment, with NO time for them to pick up on our stress! A laser pointer, some treats, and some new catnip mice proved to be the best friend of this stressed out fur-baby mommy!

We left the hotel in Turlock at 11:30 PM. The drive to Stockton took about an hour. When we got to the house, we immediately took them out of their kennels, poured them some food, filled their water fountain, and put some toys out from them to play. Hendrix did well! He is my brave boy. Dylan came around in about a week. Joey... not so much! He got acquainted with the house very slowly, room by room was conquered, with the exception of the master bedroom. No amount of playing, begging, manipulating, crying or begging some more could get him to go into the bedroom! He would stand in the hallway, and cry for me, but wouldn't step foot over that threshold. Nope. There was NO discussing it! It was hard to hear him cry, and want to be next to me, and not be able to make help him come in the room.

Joey, and I cuddled at night in our old place, and we cuddled together at the hotel. It was one of the things that made this whole nightmare tolerable. But it wasn't happening here, and I didn't know what the problem was! Then one day I noticed he was eyeing the LARGE ceiling fan that hangs over our bed! We didn't have one of those at the cottage, and there wasn't one at the hotel. I think, when Joey saw it moving around and around, he thought it was a bird, of which he is terrified! So, I stopped using it, and just let it sit still. He didn't make any progress after a month, but the cold weather had moved in, so it remained off. I didn't think he would ever come around, then on Christmas Eve something amazing happened!

I woke up from a fever induced nap to see his little body sitting in the window sill, The night before I had mentioned to Alan that all I really wanted for Christmas was for my boy to cuddle with me in the bed, and the next day he did! You can't buy that feeling folks! My Joey had finally come back. My silly, funny, considerate, kind child found his inner lion, just in time for Christmas! It was, and always will be, one of the best holiday gifts ever! Any day he came back to me would have been special, but the fact that it happened on Christmas means even more! I love that child! And now, when I go to sleep, I have this warm little pillow right next to me again, and Alan doesn't even mind that he sometimes cuddles between us! 

He is our Joey. He is the little brother. 

Happiness!

Mood: Happy

~Me :)

Fra-Gee-Lay

"For me, the subject of the picture is always more important than the picture."

~Diane Arbus

Well, Christmas has come and gone, and now New Year's is over. It's January 2nd, which means, I will be taking down the decorations and putting away the sparkle. No matter how much I might not be in a festive mood, I always feel a bit sad putting away the little elves and shiny ornaments. We had a scaled down Christmas and it was a giant relief, as opposed to past Christmases when Alan and I over did the decorating. We found a cute artificial tree at IKEA and some adorable mini decorations of bows and stars in gold and silver, and of course we had our traditional Santa Claus hat at the top of the tree. It was mostly a Christmas of new decorations, but Alan and I did keep one tradition, we still purchased each other, and for each cat, one new ornament from the Tilden Park Holiday Carousel. It was a blue teddy bear wagon for the Alan, and he bought me a sparkly cupcake ornament. For the cats, we bought each of them a red and green mint candy ornament. They were captivated by the sparkle, and to our astonishment, only patted them gently to see them sway and shimmer in the light.

We have very well behaved little boy kitties!

Alan's

For Hendrix, Dylan and Joey...

And Mine...

As for the ornament at top of the post, well you probably recognize it from the movie A Christmas Story. I bought Alan and extra ornament, because we had a date to go to the Orinda Theater, on December 11th, to see the movie, but unfortunately we weren't able to due to an extreme rain storm that hit the Bay Area on that very day! We were both terribly disappointed. It was a free showing, which included a visit from two of the stars of the film, and it was a great opportunity, however the rain was absolutely epic, so date night was cancelled. When I saw the Christmas Story leg ornament, online, I couldn't resist! I also purchased a cute cookie cutter of the same design!

It wasn't quite the same, but it made Alan smile, so it all worked out well!

That's what it's all about for me... seeing Alan relax a little... and smile.

He has the best smile!

Mr. Parker: You filty sicken hook-aid! Oh, smelly wok buster! Grout shell fratten house sticklr fifer! You bladder puss nut grafter! Dorton hoper...

Ralphie as Adult: What happened next was a family controversy for years.

Mr. Parker: You wart mundane noodle! You shotten shifter paskabah! You snort tonguer! Lame monger snaffa shell cocker!

(The sound of the lamp breaking is heard next)

Now in the movie, Mrs Parker claims that she accidentally broke Mr. Parker's major award, so we will assume it was a happy accident for her, a terrible one for him, But all kidding aside, I would never break any major award of Alan's, particularly one as nifty as this one! Hell, I would probably demand we buy another one exactly like it... you know... for living room symmetry!

;)

Mood: Happy

~Me :)

Fra-Gee-Lay

Ornaments (Photo Group Posted)

Photographed 1/1/2015

10:28 PM

HTC Vivid

Adventures In Photography

 

"Look and think before opening the shutter. The heart and mind are the true lens of the camera."

~Yousuf Karsh

I only had my Nikon CoolPix S3600 for a couple months before it went missing, while we were on vacation last October. I still have no idea what happened to it, but wherever it is, I hope it is assisting some other person with a great love of photography, the way it did me! Oh my, I loved that camera, and it was an anniversary gift from Alan. It makes me sad thinking about it. So I try not to, but it's difficult, and frustrating, to not have any idea what happened to it.

Just look at one of the beautiful moments it captured...

Sunset On The 17 Mile Drive, Monterey, California

October 18th, 2014

Oh my, I had big plans for that camera! Lots, and lots of photographic adventures!

But...

Alan, knew how much photography means to me, so shortly after Thanksgiving, he bought me my newest Nikon CoolPix camera, the model #S3600. It's not that cute feminine pink, but rather an elegant and fun purple. I love the pretty color, and so far, I am loving the new camera as much as the old one! It's a dream to use.

Just look what my new camera can do...

Sunset Over Marin County, As Seen From The Berkeley Hills.

December 23rd, 2014

 

Isn't it lovely?

My new purple camera was amazing gift from Alan.

I am a very lucky girl!

Thank You Alan... I Love You!

Mood: Grateful

~Me :)

 

RIP Joan Rivers (And A Story About A Special Watch)

"I'm no cook, when I want Lemon Chicken I spray it with Pledge."

~Joan Rivers

WOW! Here we go again! Comedy has taken a tragic beating this year, with the loss of Robin Williams, and now, Joan Rivers. Two trailblazers, for different reasons, and two people I believe would still be alive, had darkness not overcome them. Darkness by choice for one, and fate for the other. Wait... I take it back... in Robin Williams case it wasn't by choice, I have been close to the edge once or twice myself, and I know that when the specter of suicide comes knocking, and you open the door, it can be the most beautiful sight you can see. It blinds you, and before you know it, you have lost yourself. That is what happened to Robin Williams. I guess I am just still in the anger stage of grief when it comes to the loss of the talent, and the kindness that was the truest part of him.

In Joan's case, well, it was supposed to be an outpatient procedure, but something happened. Who knows what will be discovered? Maybe she would have gone into cardiac arrest walking down 5th avenue, or maybe it was something done wrong at the clinic. We will have to wait and see. All I know is that I will miss her greatly. Fashion already doesn't seem the same without her. It's fashion week in New York, and her voice is missing. That's just wrong. Joan Rivers never had to look for ways to keep herself relevant. She was on top of things. She was brilliant, and she never needed to demand attention, because it was her truth that lead her. Good or bad. I admired her for that.

I have a watch. It was a present from someone I loved very much. She was a friend, and we would laugh at the stupidest things, and we both shared the joy of collecting different things. Sometimes she and I would get together over lunch and share what new piece we had recently added to our collections. One day, in June of 1996, we were eating lunch and she pulled out of her tote bag, a tiny black velvet drawstring bag. She put it in front of me and said "Happy Birthday." I was surprised because my birthday was still weeks away, but I smiled and was happy that she thought of me. I opened the bag, and inside was a gold and black necklace watch, from the Joan Rivers Collection. 

At first I thought it was an odd, if not silly, choice. The Joan Rivers Collection? LOL. Comedienne jewelry? But as I looked at the watch I began, all most immediately, to fall in love with it. It was understated, elegant, and really quite lovely. I ended up wearing that watch nearly every day, for the next 10 years or so, and still do when I am going to some special lunch or event. It's comfortable, and gives my outfits a nice look. I only stopped wearing it when I started carrying my cell phone everywhere. But as I sat Thursday, listening to the news of Joan River's death, I felt nostalgic for that watch, and my friend. My friend passed away in 2005, but wearing that watch makes me smile, because I know it was given to me in love and friendship. And now that the designer herself has passed away, I will smile a little bigger when I remember all the time I spent laughing at something Joan Rivers said. Two amazing women who touched my life, and the watch that created the bridge.

Life Goes On...

Mood: Quiet/Nostalgic/But Okay :)

~Me :)

Wishes Granted

"Squeeze your eyes closed, as tight as you can, and think of all your favorite autumns, crisp and perfect, all bound up together like a stack of cards. That is what it is like, the awful, wonderful brightness of fairy colors. Try to smell the hard, pale wood sending up sharp, green smoke into the afternoon. To feel the mellow, golden sun on your skin, more gentle and cozier and more golden than even the light of your favorite reading nook at the close of the day."

~Catherynne M. Valente, The Girl Who Circumnavigated Fairyland In A Ship Of Her Own Making

Autumn, this year, seems a little reluctant to let go of it's day in the sun. I don't remember too many years when it was this colorful, for this long. To me it is an absolute delight. It is wonderful to see that colorful burst of autumn color and life, among a forest of stick figure trees. It's January, and to my delight I am still able to find all kinds of color and light, that if I didn't know better, I would swear could only occur in deep October to mid November. I know I should probably move onto more subjects unique to January or winter, but as along as the leaves are smiling at me, I am only too happy to stop and spend a little time with them, because clearly there is a message in them, or at least something to be learned. A little more practice with low light photography, if nothing else. Or maybe, someone who decides these things grants silly wishes like... "I wish I didn't have to wait so long for autumn to come around again." Hey, who knows, what does it hurt to throw out a wish once in a while, you never know when Mother Nature, or God, or Goddess, might just say... "WISH GRANTED!"

And it doesn't hurt that the leaves seem to be showing off their finest shades of red and gold, almost like encouragement for the San Francisco 49ers to make it all the way to the Super Bowl.

Just Saying :)



"A few days ago I walked along the edge of the lake and was treated to the crunch and rustle of leaves with each step I made. The acoustics of this season are different and all sounds, no matter how hushed, are as crisp as autumn air."

~Eric Sloane

~Happiness

~Me :)

UPDATE: Go see what my pal JR has been up to! He always has wonderful inspiring photography posted on his blog, and his latest work is no exception! :)

JR Cline Photography

John Scalzi's Weekend Assignment #186:Unexpected Gifts

"To give without any reward, or any notice, has a special quality of it's own."

-Anne Morrow Lindbergh

Weekend Assignment #186: Talk about an unexpected gift that you've received. That gift could be anything big or small - just something that you didn't see coming, and/or from someone you would not have expected to get a gift from. Holiday/Birthday gifts can be included here, but gifts at unusual times are particularly good too.

Extra credit: Have you ever given an unexpected gift?

-John Scalzi (By The Way)

Recently, I got a nice surprise in the mail. My Mother-in-Law sent me some very special photos. All of Alan's school pictures, all 12 grades. It meant so much to me, because I only have a couple little treasures from his childhood. It wasn't my birthday, it wasn't my anniversary, she just sent them along because she loves me, and she understands the hopeless romantic in me. :) Photographs mean a lot to me, especially family photographs, and she understands that as well. She is a neat lady, and I am very lucky to have her in my life.

Extra Credit: I have a tradition. I like to go out in the world, on my birthday, and thank someone who has been especially nice to me at some point during the year. I give them a small thank you present, like a flower, and a little note just to say I appreciate how hard they work. Sometimes I do the same thing on or near New Year's Eve. It's just my way of giving back.

-OndineMonet
"First Kiss"
By Kim Anderson