Pow! ZING! Zooom! OOF!

 

"Precisely, Robin!"

~Batman ( Adam West )

Why isn't there anything remotely cool like this anymore? Yes, I know, I know, there have been many blockbuster films with the caped crusader since 1968, but doggonit nothing as cool as the kitschy original series. Adam West's, Bruce Wayne, was so dorky, and so unbelievably HOT at the same time, and there wasn't anything like it on TV! Plus, the attention to comic page graphics just sold the whole thing, didn't it? It was TV perfection when I was a kid, along with Star Trek, The Monkees and Voyage To The Bottom Of The Sea.

Things are now bigger, and louder, and feature superstars and it's also so much darker, and depressing at times. Why can't there just be some fun. Now, I will admit that I was thrilled with Michael Keaton's turn as Batman, and I loved Michelle Pfeiffer as Catwoman, even Arnold Schwarzenegger as Mr. Freeze was awesome, but the cynicism takes hold is too much for my liking. Oh well, maybe I am just old, and spending too much time back in the, I remember in my time, nonsense, but to ask an honest question, couldn't we use some superhero fun, that doesn't remind you of the we live every day now? And wouldn't it be great if the bad guy got his, in under 23 minutes... or 90 days as of today?

90 days to go until the midterm election.

 Batman do you see the signal?

"Holy atomic pile, Batman"

~Robin ( Burt Ward )

Note: This clip runs in a 12 minute loop, but it's the best audio version of this Batman commercial on YouTube. 

The Bigfoot Of Washington D.C.

 

"Life is what happens to you, when you are busy making other plans."

~Allen Saunders

( often attributed to John Lennon )

I suppose that death is also what happens to you when you are busy making other plans. Case in point, I have no idea if Mitch McConnell is alive or dead. I have my suspicions, but no way to prove it. Nobody can really prove anything about his health either way. Republicans, for the most part are assholes, so it might all be a giant distraction, a "PSYIC" at the democratic party, but it's really dark thing to do, and it's dumb. But it also might be that republicans are shitting themselves because the loss of McConnell will leave them even more vulnerable in the upcoming midterms especially with the recent death of Lindsey Graham. For right now, all we have is a few possible sightings to go on.

Here is his proof of life photo...

Here is a clue...

And here is yet another possibility...

Too bad Kash Patel recently fired the only two,

FBI Special Agents, who could solve the mystery!

I want to believe. The truth is out there.

Stardate 2020.23

 

"Better to lie saving lives, then to live with taking them."

Captain James Tiberius Kirk

William Shatner

Star Trek

Then... April 23rd, 2020

Now... May 12th, 2026

Katy Tur Reports 

May 12th, 2026

What will be the next disaster?

 Yet another, highly contagious virus?

 Another war... only with nukes?

Bioterrorism?

Cyberterrorism?

You know it's coming, because he doesn't care about Americans.

Yesterday, he finally said the quiet part out loud!

And by the way, he has been lying about just how capable Iran is at the moment!

Read All About It At, The New York Times

Mr.Newberger's AI Funnies... The Ballroom Adventure

 

"Reality continues to ruin my life."

~Bill Watterson

Calvin And Hobbs

I love Mr. Newberger's AI Funnies. It's a great way to begin, what is promising to be a stressful week! Trump has refused Iran's latest offer of a ceasefire, to complete a framework, to end the war. Trump continues to post stupid memes to his Truth Social account, and through it all, we have his psychotic cabinet doing one stupid thing after another. And if all that wasn't enough... ugh... there is an outbreak of the Hantavirus, that while seems to be held to a small number of folks, it still worries me because who can put their trust in the CDC anymore. And I have a week of appointments coming up. An eye exam, appointments with my therapist and my psychiatrist, and a trip to the lab for a blood test! FUN! So why a little humor ... right? Especially if it has a ring of truth to it!

The World Heath Organization has additional information about the virus, but I don't know if I believe them either. All we can do is listen to what they have to say, mask up, wash our hands several times a day, stay Informed, and avoid crowds. Doing our own research doesn't hurt either.

A Little Humor, And Truth

 

"God knows there have always been stupid people in the world, and plenty of nasty people too. But rarely has stupid been so nasty, or nastiness so stupid. He makes Nixon look trustworthy and George W. Bush look smart. In fact, if Frankenstein decided to make a monster assembled entirely from human flaws... he would make a Trump."

~Bette Midler

Regarding her thoughts about Donald Trump

Bette has always been my hero, both for her political beliefs, and her marvelous acting. She was so funny in, Ruthless People, and didn't she break your heart in, Beaches? She's terrific! And like Bette Midler, Barbara Hershey is on earth one with the rest of us who can still think straight! I appreciate this bit of humor, in an otherwise dismal life we are all living under the Trump administration.

 Thank you, ladies!

I loved this as a kid, still do!

The Andrew's Sisters, from the film, Buck Privates.

And Now, Here's Trump Being Stupid

When All Else Fails...

 

"We have now left Reason and Sanity junction. Next stop Looneyville."

~Jim Butcher

Grave Peril

Sometimes all you can do is laugh.

Blarfenglarb

 "My mother always used to say, the older you get, the better you get.

 Unless you're a banana."

~Betty White

I'm feeling a little less than interesting, enthusiastic, or particularly witty. I am not feeling especially creative or energetic. I am feeling... ugh... just don't wanna. But since I am trying my best to not give up, and hide in the corner under some heavy piece of furniture, which I don't own anyway, I mostly open IKEA stuff, which is sturdy, but not heavy, I thought some humor would be really good. So, here is one of my favorite SNL sketches, which featured, Betty White. I sure do miss her, she was absolutely amazing.

 A true lady.

Ellipsis Christmas Movie Countdown #5

 

Watch The Trailer At Fandango

"Some people take, and some people get took. 

And they know they are getting taken, but there's nothing they can do about it."

~The Apartment

Directed By Billy Wilder

Here's another movie, set during Christmas time, but not really about the holiday. It's a hard hitting movie, with lots of irony and humor along the way. Fred MacMurray was really disconcerting as the movies absolutely jerk of a bad guy. A married man, who strings along a good hearted girl, with promises of love everlasting. Jack Lemmon plays the good guy who wont stand for it! From 1960, and Directed by Billy Wilder, The Apartment, is also strangely hopeful, especially at Christmas time!

Rashes In The Hinge

“Be careful about reading health books. Some fine day you'll die of a misprint.”

 
~Markus Herz

 

A couple days ago I shared a post about a sign I saw at the hospital, which for whatever reason tickled my funny-bone. The post contained a couple photos of signs for the rash clinic at Kaiser. "Rash Entrance" and "Exit" on the ceiling right next to it. It pretty much told the story, but I neglected to include this photo. It is the actual door to the rash entrance, the "Rash Waiting Room." Beyond the choice of words, is the fact that if you look closely at the door, on the right side hinge, there appears to be something red just on the other side, giving the appearance, at least to me, of the door actually having a rash. But I see stupid stuff, so really I suppose it's just my imagination goofing on me. Or maybe you see it too. Shrug. 

 

Just remember, laughter is the best medicine. 

 

But if you have a rash, especially in the hinge, seek a doctors advice. 

 

Read my original post here. 

 

 

 

    

Don't Be Rash

 

“Some people never go crazy. What truly horrible lives they must lead.” 

 
~Charles Bukowski 

 

Am I the only one who sees the humor in something like this? I was at the hospital the other day, when I saw this and kinda snickered to myself. No one else seemed to be sharing my sense of humor at that particular moment, in fact most walked past me and glanced at me like I was nuts, and I am of course, but I couldn't help it, the 12 year old in me found it endlessly amusing! I suppose when a rash begins on one's body, it would be the rashes entrance into one's life, and, if cured, it would take it's exit! It's the natural flow ... right?

 

 I wish more things, and people knew when to just fuck all the way off!.

 

 

Autumn Leaf Of The Day #9

 

“September days have the warmth of summer in their briefer hours,

 but in their lengthening evenings a prophetic breath of autumn.” 

 

~Rowland E. Robinson 

 

It's the last day of September. Sigh. That always feels bittersweet to me. I like the month of September. Don't get me wrong, October will always be my favorite month, but September smells like pencils. Ticonderoga #2, to be exact. Mmmm. Oh my... the memories of back to school time. It's makes me want to take a class in brain surgery or something. 

;)

Buzzzzzzzed And Auntumn #17

 "Why should I wake when I am half passed dead?"

 

~Emilie Autumn

 

Isn't it weird? But if that chair needs a little caffeine, to feel more like the inner bar stool that it really is, who am I too laugh or deny it a little something to kick the day into existence? 

~Me

 

 

Could A Bad Hairstyle Be Considered A Head Wound?

"He felt alone, prey to the tedium, to the dreariness of time, especially at the approach of twilight which, during those late-autumn days, came in through the windows, settling on the furniture with a laden pallor, sending the mirrors into mourning at light's farewell... ."

~Georges Rodenbach

The Bells Of Bruges

I found that address sign in San Francisco, on November 25th, 2016. I though it was amusing because not only was it Black Friday, but it was only a few weeks after the 2016 National Election, and I was pretty sure America had just voted the Anti-Christ into the presidency! LOL. I was NOT in a good mood, and everything seemed more and more dark with each passing day, and Black Friday seemed not just metaphorical, but downright ironic! That's just a little taste of just how sick my sense of humor can be!

 Alan was patient with me, as he wasn't exactly thrilled with Trump being elected either, but he was pretty sure Trump wasn't smart enough to be the Anti-Christ. My argument to his argument was, if Trump was the Anti-Christ, wouldn't he pretend to be dumb, and thereby throw everyone off the scent? After all, the Anti-Christ is described as the liar of all liars, right? So my argument made perfect sense, at least to me! Well, we debated it, and batted it around, and finally agreed to disagree, because if this was truly the last days, what difference would it make, and if it wasn't the last days, again, what difference would it make, so maybe we could just focus on something else a little more pleasant?

He moved on. I didn't. Because since Trump took office, he has only proven how completely evil he really is! Dumb and evil! He and his minions! Because they are so DUMB AND EVIL, things only continue to deteriorate. Vladimir Putin and Russia continue to interfere with our midterm elections. North Korea is laughing at us, and have NOT taken steps to denuclearize. Trump has done his best to push all our allies away. The Stock Market is in trouble. He's desperately trying to start a trade war. More and more long time retail chains are going out of business. BABY PRISON. And to top everything off... there was not just possible complacency in the murder of a Washington Post journalist, but perhaps conspiracy! 

Don't you just love Jared Kushner? 

 So, there you have it! Whoops, turns out there is just one more thing... that devastating Climate Change report from a couple weeks ago, which pretty much says, the Earth will be finished in roughly 20 years if things don't change, oh yes, that minor detail, doesn't that just bring everything together in a nice and tidy basket of Apocalyptic MAGANESS? It's all quite reminiscent of a certain book, what was the name of it again? Oh yes, I remember, REVELATIONS!

But I could be wrong. Maybe it's just the MOST IRRITATING TIME I HAVE SPENT ON EARTH, WITH EACH DAY BRINGING A NEW LOW OF RIDICULOUSNESS!

If this isn't the end times, 

then God really should have written one more book! 

He and I need to talk, 

there are a few things I need him to clear up!

#34 Leaf Of The Day

October 24th, 2018

Photographed October 14th, 2018

Sacramento, California

~Mood: LAUGHING WHILE CRYING WHILE SCREAMING!
~ME   ;)

Butt... Butt...

"A further sign of health is that we don't become undone by fear and trembling, but we take it as a message that it's time to stop struggling and look directly at what's threatening us."

~ Pema Chodron

The Places That Scare You

Okay, so, a couple of posts back, I explained that I had some news that I would be sharing with you but I first needed to come to terms with it before I made it an official part of this diary of me. I am ready now. Here is the thing. I haven't been feeling very good. I was sick a couple times, earlier this year, with a bout of food poisoning, and a urinary tract infection. Both carry similar symptoms. Nausea, fever, vomiting, diarrhea, both are nasty things to deal with, and because I also carry Fibromyalgia everywhere I go, every single day of my life, I am already prepared to keep colds, flu and the occasional bout of food poisoning and UTS's a little longer than most folks do. But when I did recover from those things, I found I was still really tired and I just didn't feel right. I put it all down to the stress of this past year, and believe me it was stressful, but the doctor wanted to know more, so in that I am in my 50's now, it was more important than ever that I got a full workup of tests including my annual FIT test. 

The tests showed a higher than usual white blood count, and that the FIT test came back positive for hidden blood in my feces. Terrific. The doctor has ordered a colonoscopy to see if it's colon cancer. Now, before you panic, the odds are that there is only a 5% chance it will turn out to be anything. When the colonoscopy is done, they will be able to see if there are any cancerous or precancerous polyps in my colon and remove them for biopsy. If there are some that are over a certain size, then that will require surgery. Sigh. The odds are in my favor, but with the way I have been feeling I am needless to say, unnerved. Actually, I am no unnerved so much as SCARED. I am scaredy-scared! I am scared of cancer. I am scared of the colonoscopy. I am scared of the IV needle they will be putting in my arm to do the test. I am scared.

SCARED. SCARED. SCARED.

I found all this out over a month ago. Since then I have grieved it. I have bargained. Denied. Gotten REALLY PISSED OFF. CRIED REALLY LOUD when the house was empty. And finally, made the appointment for the colonoscopy. So, with the grieving of my circumstance behind me (pun intended) I am now turning to humor, which has already seen me though so much in life, to help me though yet another stupid ASS situation I find myself in. I know this might be nothing, but I fainted one day, so that tells me it might BE something this time, but what can I do? I will just have to put my big girl panties on and bend over!

Right?

Okay, right. In an effort to get on with it... the being a big girl part...I was searching through self help books on Amazon.com a couple weeks ago, and came across this book, about one man's journey. It's a short story about the prep night before the dreaded colonoscopy. It's honest. It's funny. And most important it's very human. I enjoyed reading about his adventure, and I will be thinking about it when my turn comes next month. I have also been lucky enough to have gotten advice from Twitter pals who have had this test done, and live to tell the tale. They have all been very kind about sharing their experiences with me! I am lucky. And I am not alone. That's important to know at times like this, human stuff happens to humans other than yourself.

My advice to myself right now is...

COWBOY UP GIRLFRIEND

YOU'VE BEEN THROUGH WORSE THAN THIS!

And I have... I really have. And I am still standing, at least I am  when I am not fainting.

So, the test happens on October 19th. I will be sharing the journey because the month of October is our vacation month. It's our favorite month! We have our anniversary, and it's autumn, and Halloween happens, so is there any better time you can think of have a colonoscopy done? So, stay tuned. There is a lot coming in the future, including my Leaf Of The Day project for 2016! I am not going to dwell on the colonoscopy, it's only one part of what I hope will be a very busy, very life filled month. October is too beautiful to ignore!

LOL. 

I am bending over to stare cancer in the eye!

Mood: Concerned But Okay

~Me :)

Dylan's Festivus Celebration

"It is December, and nobody asked if I was ready."

~Sarah Kay

See, I told you, Dylan has horns on his head! LOL. I know, they aren't really horns, they are just his ears positioned back, making it look like he has horns, but you have to believe me, and you would have to know Dylan... trust me... they are horns. It's okay, he is my little spitfire. He sings the Dilly Song, a tune he wrote himself, that tells the entire world just how unfair life, and everything else is, and then he feels better. Kind of like his version of a blog. A simple little outlet for his complaints, or if you celebrate Festivus, a grievance song, and he can get pretty upset while he complains, but a belly rub, and a game of soccer with his favorite plastic bell balls, and his bad mood goes away. He has been downright cuddly since the weather turned. He likes the new house, and all the room he has now, so last night's airing of grievances wasn't long. He has a lot less to complain about now! It's amazing how good this move has turned out to be for all of us, but especially my little Dillybean!

HAPPY FESTIVUS

Mood: Happy

~Me :)

Have A Large Glass Of Holiday Whine...

"Once upon a time, the Reindeer took a running leap and jumped over the Northern Lights. But he jumped too low, and the long fur of his beautiful flowing tail got singed by the rainbow of the aurora. To this day the reindeer has no tail to speak of. But he is too busy pulling the important sleigh to notice what is lost. And he certainly doesn't complain."

What's your excuse?"

~Vera Nazarian

The Perpetual Calendar Of Inspiration

I have never needed a reason to complain during the holidays. Lets get some out of the way, shall we?

1. It's too damn cold!

2. I want it all and I want it now! What? I can't have it NOW? BAH HUMBUG!

3. Why is everybody so gripey? 

4. Did I mention it's cold?

5. Did I mention it's TOO DAMN COLD?

 6. Not another pair of slippers! Why do I keep buying myself slippers?

Wait... I can't take it no more! I can't stand to hear my own whining anymore!

It's December 1st!

Cheers!

If you have anything you would like to whine about, feel free to share it in the comment thread! Anything! Consider it my gift to you for this holiday season!

 Happy Holidays!

Leaf Of The Day

December 1st 2015

Mood: Happy

~Me :)

Woosh Goes The Wind

"If you move faster than the music, it will look strange; if you move slower than the music if will look strange! Be like autumn leaves which follow exactly the rhythm of the wind!"

~Mehmet Murat ildan

There was a tornado yesterday. Not where I am now, but rather were I just was, Turlock. Well, actually, it was on the border between Turlock and the town of Denair. It wasn't like the ones they have in the mid-west, but it did a bit of damage, mostly like a prank played by the wind. LOL. Sorry if I laugh a little, I know it's not really funny, but when I first spoke with my original "real estate specialist" one of the first questions I asked was about insurance while the condo I was considering purchasing was being built. Who pays for what, should a big wind or a devastating fire occur prior to the condo being finished. I don't know why, but the thought of a tornado seemed viable somehow. As did fire. But the "real-estate specialist" just looked at me with saucer shaped eyeballs and a condescending grin and said... "Tornado? We NEVER get tornadoes in the Central Valley. Fire? Why would there be a fire?"

I wonder if she was thinking about me yesterday

 when that bit of wind was blowing between her ears?"

Leaf Of The Day

November 16th 2015

Mood: Happy

~Me :)

The Cat In The Window

"I am what I am. I would tell you what you want to know if I could, for you have been kind to me. But I am a cat, and no cat anywhere ever gave anyone a straight answer."

~Peter S. Beagle

The Last Unicorn

That kitty in the window is my Joey. He is Alan's Joey too, of course, but it's me he snuggles when it's time for bed. At least he used to. You see, we moved the little guy into a big house. It's the biggest space he has ever lived in. The cottage in Berkeley was a one bedroom, with a tiny office space. The hotel room was almost the same size as the cottage, only laid out slightly differently, but this place is 3 bedrooms, and two bathrooms, and a big family room/laundry area and it's all quite overwhelming for him sometimes. Truth be told, it's overwhelming for me as well! I don't know if I want to live here forever. It's a lot to deal with. Ideally, one day I will be able to comeback to the Bay Area. I am not picky, about where I am, as long as we are all happy. 

At the moment, I am restless. I don't know if the emotional end of this adventure is finally catching up with me, or what it is, but I am blue. Sad meanies. It's been a hell of a year, I am ready to just stop for a while, which it seems we have, it's just since we moved in here, Joey has refused to come into our room at night. He won't go down the long hallway that leads to the bedroom. Dylan and Hendrix do, they are by my side every night, but Joey will have none of it! NOPE. WON'T DISCUSS IT! I just miss my boy. So that is adding to my mood. I trying to be patient. I know he will work through it at some point, but until then, I just wish everything was back to normal. I wish Joey would come sleep with me tonight. I miss his big, warm paws.

I suppose we are just in a period of adjustment.

This too shall pass.

Leaf Of The Day

October 5th, 2015

Mood: Happy But Sad

~Me :)

That's No Ghost Lady, That's A Raccoon

"Can you imagine life without the horror genre? 

There would be no monsters, only assholes."

~Michael A. Arnzen

Alan and I bought a new house. Well, it's new to us, but in reality it is 53 years old. The same age Alan and I are. And as a 53 year old it has some problems with plumbing, and waking up in the morning, and remembering. Yes, I said it, remembering. The automatic timers are a bit eccentric. We moved in on the 1st of September, and all seemed normal, then one night, a couple weeks ago, we heard it. That sound. That strange, disembodied sound of something wet... and terrible...moving around the house.

Glooop, GlOOPY GLOOP GLOOP.

Me: Alan! Did you hear that?

Alan: Hear what?

Me: That Gloop sound.

Alan: No, honey, I don't hear a gloop... snore. SNORE!

Me: ALAN! LISTEN!

Alan: SNORE. SNORT. I will check it tomorrow.

Well, tomorrow came and as you might guess, no gloop sound. Then three days pass without even a peep, when once again, GLOOOOOOOOP. GLOOOP. Bubble, bubble, bubble. Like a witches cauldron. Only this time it happened on a night when Alan was working the graveyard shift. Perfect! It was absolutely perfect. There was a gloop, gloop ghost, or witch, and I was home alone! So what could I do? I did the only thing I could do. I turned on every single light in the house, and 3 TV's! The ghost/witch was so frightened, it gave up and went wherever wet ghosts/witches go. 

The gloop sound came and went over the next few weeks. Sometimes in the daytime, but mostly at night. Late at night. Now, fast forward to a couple days ago, when the whole spooky situation came to a logical and embarrassing conclusion. You see, that is when we had the first visit with our professional pool person. He explained that the gloop, gloop sound was nothing more than an ill timed pump, that was on a timer, because, you see, Stockton has certain days of the week, and times of day, when you are allowed to water plants and add water to pools. 

Alan: HA HA HA. A ghost? Ha Ha Ha.

Me: I don't know, it could still be a ghost, look at what I caught on camera!

(See Above)

Pool Guy: Um, that's not a ghost lady, that's a raccoon!

Alan: HA HA HA HA HA.

Me:*?%#^^%!@&! (Censored)

Thanks A Lot Alan!

Leaf Of The Day

October 3rd, 2015

Mood: Happy

~Me :)