The Beautiful Sadness

'

"Autumn is the time of year when Mother Nature says,

 "Look how easy, how healthy, 

and how beautiful letting go can be.'"

~Toni Sorenson

I have the hardest time letting go! Letting go of places I have lived, pets and friends when they have passed on, ideas that never quite came to fruition, even restaurants that I have loved, that have eventually closed, and TV shows that get cancelled! You name it, I don't like to let go of it! Every single year, I have the same melancholy feeling from the day after Halloween, that stays with me until at least a couple months into winter! I go out and continue to look for leaves, until I photograph the very last one I find, because knowing it is the last one, makes it all the more lovely, even if it's less than perfect!

Obsession much? Perhaps, but it does something else for me, it gives me time outside with the camera, and it keeps me focused on life away from the things that scare me, like whatever the next scary thought our president has, that I have no control of! There is nothing I can do about his decisions. Nothing. So searching for leaves, gives me a nice respite from worrying. If I don't find autumn leaves in late December, it's okay, because I might find something completely unrelated to autumn, that will encourage or inspire me. So no worries!

I have depression. It's that simple, and it's nothing to be ashamed of. Like I said a few posts back, it had been in remission for about 20 years, but it's back now, and it's been good for me to get out with the camera. I am going to do that as much as possible, but I wish autumn would hang on a little longer, because it brings some beauty to the sadness, and makes me a better photographer. I know when I accept that fact that autumn is gone for another year, I have done my best to capture it's beauty forever in my photos. All the life affirming beauty of autumn leaves, reminds me that there is an unmistakable beauty in letting go, and moving on. 

The end of autumn, gives me a beautiful sadness, 

but it's important keep moving forward. 

#25 Leaf Of The Day

November 25th, 2017

Apple Hill, Camino, California 

 Mood: Quiet

~Me

Days Of Darkness, Days Of Light

"At no other time, than autumn, does the earth let itself be inhaled in one smell, the ripe earth, in a smell that is in no way inferior to the smell of the sea, bitter where it borders on taste, and more honey sweet where you feel it touching the first sounds. Containing depth within itself, darkness, something of the grave almost."

~Rainer Maria Rilke

Letters On Cezanne

Alan and I have been doing a lot of driving around Northern California this vacation. We do that most years, but there has been more rain this autumn, then in previous years, which had lead to some dark roads earlier in the day, which I love, but can sometimes play havoc with a general mood I want to have on my blog!

 Much like politics, this autumn has had moments of amazing light, and other moments of cold, almost frightening darkness. You turn a corner on a lonely road, and you wonder what you will see around the next curve. Will it be a frightening, dark filled bumpy road? Or will it be a sign of "Gas Food And Lodging?" 

I think it's fitting that American elections are held in the middle of autumn, where one's thoughts of how fragile the immediate future is, and how life becomes shorter with each passing sunset, blend with a warm autumn sun and a cool breeze of the fact that there is also a lot to look forward to. 

Autumn Moods

"There is something in the autumn that is native to my blood...

Touch of manner, hint of mood;

And my heart is like a rhyme,

With the yellow and purple and crimson keeping time."

~Bliss Carman

Leaf Of The Day

October 29th 2016

Mood: Quiet

~Me