Whispering From Every Leaf

 

"There is another alphabet, whispering from every leaf, singing from every corner, shimmering from every sky."

 

~Dejan Stojanovic

 

My favorite tree, it lives in Cull Canyon. It's showing autumn colors early, and it's soul healing. Soon, I hope to visit the trees in Berkeley. By the way, Trump was seriously considering launching a nuclear strike against China last year, on October 30th, and apparently the Chairman of The Joint Chiefs, Milley, saved us. Fuck me. I am not so sure that this would have not made my life easier. Help. As if this move isn't stressful enough.

Make this pain stop.

 

 

Leaving Heaven Behind

 

"The beauty as mystery of this world only emerges through affection, attention, interest and compassion... open your eyes wide and actually see this world by attending to its colors, details and irony."

 

~Orhan Pamuk

My Name Is Read 

 

Leaves. It's not quite time for autumn, but the colors began almost three weeks ago. Summer gave up this year. Fine. I am ready to be on with it too. Lets get the past, present, and future on it's merry way. The only thing I want to see last is autumn. I am going to need this time of healing. I am grateful that leaving Heaven behind, begins at the end of the summer of 2021.

 

 

~Me

September 12th 2021

Stockton, California

 

Saying Goodbye... 9/11 Twenty Years Later

 "It has been said, 'time heals all wounds." I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting it's sanity, covers them with scar tissue, and the pain lessens. But it's never gone."

~Rose Fitzgerald Kennedy

I have considered ending my 9/11 tributes over the years. Not because I have forgotten about what happened that day, and who it happened to, but because after 20 years perhaps it's time to not take back the grief yearly, like it sits on a shelf, waiting to be recognized. That's not how grief works. So, how does one celebrate a life? David and Lynn Angell were wonderful people. As was Marisa DiNardo Schorpp, who fell to her death, from the World Trade Center, on that horrible day. I feel like I got to know them, through my research. I only came to know about Marisa in recent years, but she left an impression me, on 9/11, that stayed with me to this day. She was in a window, along with others, begging for help as fire burned behind her. She was wearing a beautiful black skirt and white blouse. Classic. I felt so bad for years, that there was no way to say goodbye to know of her life, or to say goodbye to her, then one day while watching a documentary about 9/11, a man described seeing her fall to her death. She was identified years later, after her purse was discovered among the personal effects of the victims.

 

 Her name was Marisa, and she had lovely taste.

 

Anyway, this is my last 9/11 tribute post. It's been twenty years, and honestly, the new world I thought would be carved from grief and new understanding of our kinship as Americans never came to pass. We have all but forgotten what happened all those years ago, and we, Americans, don't stand up for each other, instead we push nationalist agendas out of cowardice and selfish need to put ourselves first, as if what happens to our neighbor doesn't happen to us. Americans unite in times of trouble? That's as silly a notion at this point as reciting the Pledge of Allegiance. Sigh. I really thought we would be in a different place by this time, but sadly, we aren't, and it will be at least another generation before we can hope to see the idea of an America that lives up to that ideal. At my age, I am unsure if I will ever see the idea of brotherhood in America, let alone the ideal itself. Its sad. I was hoping that from the ashes, an American Phoenix would arise. Sadly, we can keep honoring the victims, but if it's just to show the world how much we remember, we are stepping on the very lives we can never properly repay, or truly honor. Next year, I will reflect on these three extraordinary people, but in my own way, and to myself.

Rest In Peace... David, Lynn And Marisa

The Mural At The Corner Of Sinclair And Pine

"Imagine you saw a color in your dream, which you have never seen before. It doesn't consist of any colors or shades that you know. Try to describe that color would be as difficult as trying to believe that is enough love and compassion in the world so ever human can feel happiness."

 

~Egar Kraft

 

Reno has some amazing murals. They are everywhere. I wasn't prepared for all the colors and moods of the fabulous street art. The only problem... finding the name of the piece, and the artist who created it. Honestly, if a particular mural really speaks to me, and I photograph it, 9 times out of 10, there will be ZERO information about it available online. Take that lovely flower, I have been doing searches about it for days... nothing. It must be from a few years back. Shrug. Who knows? But that doesn't mean I won't keep trying. I will continue to search, and when I find out the info on it, I will update this post. Just wait and see, I will find it. 

I love art. It is not only a healthy distraction, it inspires me to not see times like this, when I am terrified, in a black and white scheme. In other words, it holds the depression at bay. Temporarily. When I was in that deep depression, all those years ago, and had to spend a little time in adult daycare, which still sounds like way more fun than it is, I scoffed at artsy fartsy time, even though I enjoyed all kinds of art, and doing photography. I already knew how much better I felt inside, just by picking up one of my art books, but how exactly was my drawing a picture, going to end the suffering I was in? Not one single detail of what caused it would change. The details of my pain, wouldn't change, but to my surprise, the artsy fartsy time did give me a gentle distraction, and did stimulate my creative side, which helped me accept help and to be creative in my outlook.

I'm always skeptical, in times like this, about where the miracle will come from, despite the fact that Alan and I have rode bad times before, but one always wonders, will this be what breaks us? Who will rent to us? Will anyone rent to us? It's nutty that we have more than enough to buy a mobile home, but the park where it sits has the final decision on if we are good enough to live there! Will we beat the devil? Do we need to make a pact with the devil? Can you make a pact with the devil? Life has hurtful moments, but sometimes one can hit a path so full of sharp gravel that the road tears up your feet, and stops you cold. It's such an absurd thought that we will sell the house, and have several hundred thousand dollars in the bank, but have nowhere to live. So, you see my problem. I just want a home, but until then, lots of anonymous murals to keep me from giving up. 

~Me

Stockton, Ca

September 9th, 2021

 

 

And Then There Are Mannequins

 

"Do we not each dream of dreams? Do we not dance on the notes of lost memories? Then are we not each dreamers of tomorrow and yesterday, since dreams play when time is askew? Are we not all adrift in a constant sea of trial and when all is done, do we not all yearn for ships to carry us home?"

 

~Nathan Reese Maher

 

I love mannequins. I especially love the happy ones. The ones in wedding gowns, and the ones that have smiles on their face, or the ones that have that silly laugh on their faces, as the ones in Berkeley did when I began photographing them all those years ago, but the ones I enjoy photographing the most, are the ones like this. The relatively stoic. The ones that seem to be looking to a far place beyond the window. Where are they looking? Am I supposed to look for the same view they see? Can I? And if I see what she's looking at, how will it change my view of things? Perhaps her view is worse than anything happening to me right now. But maybe her view is the answer to all unanswered questions. Sigh, or maybe she is just a mannequin... a really cool subject that inspires me.

Mannequin

Reno, Nevada

September 5th 2021

Nikon

~Me

Stockton, California

September 8th 2021

 

 

Mid-Century... Vacation Motor Lodge

 "You were born to do so much more than to pay bills and die."

~Unknown

If photography has taught me anything, it's that there is life beyond the moments of despair that tend to creep into our lives. I can get lost for a little while. I love that a single moment in time, can live in so many different existences around me. In that moment, I can be in my own world photographing a gorgeous Anna's hummingbird, while a few hundred miles away someone could be checking into the Vacation Motor Lodge, in Reno Nevada. Photography is allowing me to step out of this overwhelming pain I am in right now. I need that. I need to see what might be happening today, or even a few days from now, while I am depressed, so I can see beyond it. Time is an issue, as is money to do so. There is yard photography, but I hurt my foot, so there's that. Things are tough right now, but when I can, I can lose myself in a simpler time. I just wish I could do it more often.

 

There will be leaves soon.

 

Right?

 

 

 

 ~Me

Stockton, Ca

September 6th, 2021

 

 

 

 

Road Trip

 "May came home with a smooth round stone.

 As small as a world and as large as alone."

~E.E. Cummings

Things are horrific. As anyone who has moved might imagine. We are having a terrible time finding a place. Sigh. There aren't really any good options left. But the good news is, there are options! I will lay them all out on Tuesday, but for now, Alan and I are heading out on a day trip away from all that is hurting us. The move, Dylan's illness, my failing health, lack of money, in other words, LIFE.

Reno, here we come!

 

~Me

Stockton, California

September 5th, 2021 

 

 

Leaves

Stockton, California

August 2021

Nord

ERA NOW! Or Maybe Later, Who Knows?

 

"Worse than aborting is birthing in instability."

 

~Abhijit Naskar

Hometown Humans: To Live For Soil And Society

 

I don't feel like blogging today, but in the last 24 hours we have seen a historic decision, by the Supreme Court, so I feel like I must. You will read about it in the history books, but basically, Texas just passed a batshit law that sets back a woman's right to govern her own body back to that time I long for so much... mid-century. You know... there are days that I spend most of my time longing for New York City in the 1950's or early 60's. The time when woman wore lovely little white gloves in the day time, and men wore hats. I want to lunch at an automat, search for nifty sales at Gimbals, and then end my day by making Alan a meatloaf. Unfortunately, hiding in all that post war perfection, and the mellow Dean Martin soundtrack, is the fact that if a woman became pregnant for any reason, and she didn't want to continue with the pregnancy, she had to pay someone, often under horrific circumstances, to terminate it. Even if she was raped. By her father. The circumstances I think about the most are cases of incest and rape, but what about those who live in extreme poverty? Where are pro-lifers on the issue of lifting others out of the very circumstances that lead to the need and decision for abortions? You know by now that I am a Democrat, and therefore a Liberal, but the percentage of Texans that supported this dystopian bill didn't even reach 50 percent. Nationally 79% Americans, male and female, DO NOT WANT TO RETURN TO NEW YORK CITY IN 1960! They want abortion to remain legal. So, will the people of Texas fight back? Will America fight back? Remind me, has the Equal Rights Amendment been fully ratified yet? And I haven't even mentioned the nosy neighbor bounty. You have to look up that element of the bill yourself, it is too horrifying to mention on my blog. I won't give that monster air.

 

 

 

~Me

Stockton, California

September 2nd, 2021

 

 

 

Plop, Plop, Fizz, Fizz...

 

"Life is a celebration.

Being alive on this earth is a celebration.

Learning new things everyday is a celebration.

Being kind and compassionate is a celebration.

Chasing our dreams and goals is a celebration. 

With the right attitude, every action becomes celebration.

Learn to celebrate each and every moment of life."

 

~Purvi Raniga

 

This is a good day, despite all the uncertainty about moving and other scary things left not spoke about. Today, those things don't exist. Today we celebrate being in our house exactly 6 years. We are celebrating the birthdays of all three of our babies. Dylan and Hendrix were born in 2008 and Joey in 2013. They get so big, so fast. And today also marks exactly 32 years of service for Alan where he works. That's a lot to be happy about, and proud of. We need to move, SOON, but I am a little happy that we can celebrate this day in our home. A lot happened in those six years.

 

For one, I was scared to death I would die in a pile of nuclear ash, under my desk! Those were the Trump years. If you go all the way back to the day when Alan began his job, and just look at that era, it would be called the US years, because he proposed marriage to me, just a month later. But if you just focus on the years beginning in 2008, you have a real look at one of those unconventional families you hear about. A childless couple, who couldn't love their fur baby children more if they tried. 

 

Now, bring them all together, and you find, a happy life that I wouldn't change for the world. It's the story of us, but it's unfinished. There are many more memories waiting to be made. A lot of happiness awaits. A lot of celebratory kisses and kitty snuggles. No matter how bad any particular day has gone, Trump or not, we have laughed at some point. We laugh every single day about something. M any time, our little fellas will be the source of our laughter, and for that I am grateful. 

 

But...

 

I am also grateful for the occasional Alka-Seltzer!

 

I have never had it on the rocks, as this ad I found in the August 1966 edition of Playboy suggests, but I don't see why it wouldn't be absolutely delicious! Perhaps a splash of green apple syrup or maybe even watermelon syrup. Just straight has always worked. All I know is, dad kept plenty Alka-Seltzer around, and if I close my eyes, I can see it in it's cool mid-century packaging. A long tube type bottle, with little tablets inside. Do you remember, that awesome little jingle...

 

"Plop, plop, fizz, fizz, oh what a relief it is."

 

And it was. And it is. And I celebrate that! 

 

~Me

Stockton, California

September 1st 2021

 

But First, A Word From Our Sponsor

 

 

 

"Time was passing like a hand waving from a train I wanted to be on. I hope you never have to think about anything as much as I think about you."

 

~Johnathon Safran Foer

 

A while back, I had the idea of sharing some of my favorite movies from the 1970's and 80's that I had happily found available on Youtube. Then for whatever reason, I promptly dismissed doing so. I am not sure why I drifted from the idea, because I had recently enjoyed bringing a fairly good horror movie to my blog, that had been produced especially for ABC in the early 70's. When Michael Calls, still gives me chills 50 years later. It had ALL the elements of a good horror movie. Damsel in distress. A ghost (maybe). Eerily effective music. And, of course, it was set in autumn, right around Halloween. Oh my, I was in bliss watching it as a child, and I loved that every time it crossed my mind thereafter, I had to sleep with the light on. I exaggerate, but only a little. Who wouldn't enjoy sharing that on their blog, or anywhere else?

 

But fast forward to the here and now. The movie I am sharing this time around, Compromising Positions, isn't horror, rather it's a nifty whodunit from the 1980's, based on a the book, of the same name, by Susan Isaacs, who just happens to be one of my favorite authors. It stars, Susan Sarandon and Raul Julia, and the supporting cast lead by, Judith Ivey and Anne De Salvo, is top notch! If you haven't seen it, give it a watch, it's one of those movies that really should be on DVD by now, but for whatever reason, remains in the backroom of the great Blockbuster in the sky. And that's a real shame. But first, enjoy a word from our sponsor, Swanson TV Dinners, which I was probably eating the night I watched this cool little mystery on VHS. VHS and tv dinners. Of course it was the 80's!     

 

~Me

Stockton, Ca

August 31st, 2021

 

 

 

Past Autumns

 "Keep your face towards the sunshine,

 and the shadows will fall behind you."

~Walt Whitman

One of the things I love most about autumn and winter... shadows. The past few autumns have had that eerie glow from the Northern California wildfires. Hopefully the ones plaguing us this year will be extinguished soon. Unlike the previous years, this year's fires are moving east, toward the Lake Tahoe basin, and so far there aren't any in Napa County. Keeping my fingers crossed that some cooler weather will start soon, that always goes a long way to successfully moving past the most dangerous part of "fire season".

 

~Me

Stockton, California

August 28th 2021

 

Nah

 

"No one can tell what goes on in the between the person you were and the person you become. No one can chart that blue and lonely section of Hell. There are no maps of change.

 You just come out the other side. Or you don't."

 

~Stephen King

The Stand

 

The packing continues, of course, and it's going very well. We have finished packing the garage, and we threw a lot of stuff away. That felt really good, although I plan to throw even more away. once the final sorting takes place. Fortunately, there aren't many boxes and containers that are designated "to be determined". Objects come and go, but of all the treasures I own, books are the most difficult to part with! I know, I know, once they are read, why keep them? Well, it's simple, they are like friends you can contact, any time you need them. I love them. I love how heavy they are. How they look on the right shelf or bookcase. I especially love holding them in my hands, while I am reading in bed! Part with my books? Nah. I simply can't. Sorry... not sorry. I won't throw them away. I won't even donate them. I can't. They are my way out of this world. I love getting lost in them. It's a good feeling to know that after we move, my books will be waiting to be put back in their rightful place, and holding still, until it's time to be taken down and enjoyed on some chilly autumn afternoon to come.

 

~Me

August 27th 2021

Stockton, California

Butterflies, Leaves, Music, Cats, Books, Movies

 

"Another secret of the universe: Sometimes pain was like a storm that came out of nowhere. The clearest summer could end in a downpour. Could end in lightning and thunder."

 

~Benjamin Alire Saenz

Aristotle and Dante Discover The Secrets Of The Universe

 

No, I didn't forget to blog yesterday, I just, frankly, I just didn't care too. We heard from the HOA about heaven on Empress. It wasn't good. Our messed up credit meant, at least to them, that we were basically riff-raff. It seems your life needs to be perfect, in order to put a roof over one's head. I have a rating of 671 - 691. Alan's is a bit lower. Riff-raff I tells ya!!! It didn't matter that our credit was good enough to purchase a home 6 years ago. It didn't matter that I haven't missed a rent or mortgage payment in 31 years. It didn't matter that I haven't missed a single payment of anything in four years. It just didn't matter at all. All that mattered was that we fell off a financial cliff four years ago. Unless something changes soon, when all is said and done, and all goes well with the new buyers, we will clear about $175,000 and be homeless. How fucking ridiculous is that? That was rhetorical, of course, but at the same time, my GOD, I am scared. But, Rosalie reminds us, that was one HOA. All hope is not lost. In fact we are going to see more places in the next few days. Again, I just need to remember what Mark said, "it wasn't meant to be our home"... paraphrased.

 

And until then...

 Butterflies, leaves, music, cats, books, movies and more. 

 

 

~Me

Stockton, California

August 26th 2021

Life Paraphrased Part One

 

"Of all the seasons, autumn offers the most to man

 and requires the least of him."

 

~Hal Borland

 

And so it begins. This pretty leaf is a neighborhood leaf, with just a hint of red, but who knows this could be an orange year. A little hint of red doesn't mean much right now. Also, the Central Valley color is very different from the color in the Bay Area. Weather I guess. I hope to visit my favorite tree in the Bay Area soon, to track the colors there. Before autumn begins anyway. Things are so busy with the move, and now with our first buyer having backed of the deal, I doubt seriously that I will be moved before autumn begins. But as I have said many times, autumn is the great healer, and I believe that, so I am keeping the faith. And who knows, we got an offer yesterday, and Rosalie will let us know about it later today, so that's a good thing. Also, American Horror Story comes back tomorrow night, after being gone two years because of the Covid-19 pandemic, so things are coming together. As my Twitter pal Mark says, things happen for a reason, and in their own time. Paraphrased.

 

~Me

 

By The Way, Happy Anniversary

  

"Why this candle? Why this cake?

 The day of my birth is not today, it was the day you said, 'hey'."

~Kamand Kojouri

 

 

It's August 23rd, and today my blog turns 18 years old. It can now legally vote! And I sure wish it could. I may be "semi-retired" from politics, but it doesn't mean I have given up on things. But that is for a different post. I've mentioned this before, but it bears repeating, time flies whether you are having fun or not. A lot has gone on in the last 18 years, but especially since the great Trump administration debacle, and the time of Covid-19. Its been sad the last few years, throw in the Northern California wildfires, that we have come to expect, and I have thought about simply giving up all together. But as soon as the first of August rolls around, there I am, looking for turning leaves and giddy with anticipation of what what amazing beauty will be found as I move through autumn. 

 

 I am grateful to have experienced blogging. The last 18 years have deserved some kind of permanent documentation. My blog was for me, to share the events in my life and marriage, and all things beyond our front door and what it meant to me. If you have been along with we for the ride, all or even most of that time, you know that I am just a person, floating through life. Nothing exciting or special, just life as it happened to me and he. We have had our bits of the extraordinary happen, like being able to purchase our first home. The home we are in now. You will also know how frightened I was of owning a home for the first time, but how I grew into my comfort eventually, and how I grew to love it. Well, things do change don't they?

 

I will love this place forever, but I will love the new place too. I tend to acclimate to my surroundings, which is why I never wanted to live in Tennessee. That was a joke, by the way. Anyway, I can't really picture the place we will land in. It's not clear yet. But we will make it work until time to move on. We lived in our shack in the Berkeley hills for 14 years. A very small. Very unremarkable shack. Then one of those bits of magic happened, and we found out it had been illegal all the time, allowing us to sue for a small amount of cash, that allowed us to purchase the home we are about to sell. It's a cliche, but yes, when one door closes another door opens. Ugh. I hate closed doors.Which is why I will probably be back every year until I go onto my glory, with another anniversary post. So stay tuned, I will always have something to share around August 23 of any given year. And certainly through autumn.

So little blog of my voice... HAPPY ANNIVERSARY. Thank you for all your have done for my frayed nerves and ability to share some creativity. On to Chapter 19, and what happens next.

~Me

Home

August 23rd 2021

And Just Like That...

 

"Maybe our mistakes are what make our fate. 

Without them, what would shape our lives?"

 

~Carrie Bradshaw

Sex And The City

Season 4 Episode 1

"I Heart New York"

 

I am borrowing the title for this post, "And Just Like That" from the title of the Sex And The City reboot, that's due to premier on HBO sometime next January, because those particular words have pretty much summed up this year for me. Politically, personally, creatively, in just so many ways they fit, which is why I think it was a brilliant idea to change the title of the show. I am sure that title can be related to by many folks right now. If in no other way than... And Just Like That... a pandemic was raging across the world. Or perhaps... And Just Like That... we decided to sell the first house and only house we ever owned.

 

So that's what I did on Spring break, we got our shit together and listed the house. As of today, we are under contract with a lovely man who is giving us a decent price for the house. He is patient about us finding a new place, and he has decided to keep the theater room and expand on it by adding several rows of theater chairs. He is going to have a lot of fun in that room, but not as much as we did. It brought us an amazing amount of happiness. It was always meant to show wonderful old films, but new ones were also very comforting in times of sadness or insecurities, while I waited for autumn.

 

Things are lining up. 2021 will go down as the year of change, and perhaps even renewal. It has to happen every so often in life, right? I have fought change like HELL in the past, but for whatever reason, I am not fighting this one. I am ready to move on. The new place is smaller than we have been used to, but it's comfy and quiet. It's got a lot of trees so it's cool, and I think it had a happy vibe. I am planning some redecorating and of course picking out some paint will be a labor of love, as long as it's not sold through Home Depot. Now, if I could just hear back from the seller. She was supposed to consider offers a couple days ago, but Rosalie says she has been unwell. 

 

So there's that.

 

I am back now with full blog posts through the spring, and hopefully beyond. I always hope I will return to full blogging, rather than taking six months off at a time. But you never know, this new place might just be the vibe that inspires daily updates again.

 

And just like that... I am back.

 

~Me

Home

August 18th 2021

 

Those Summer Nights

 

"For to be free is not to merely to cast off one's chains, but to live in  way that respects and enhances the freedom of others."

 

~Nelson Mandela

 

Pretty, isn't it? This is the last fireworks photo I will have from our time in this house. We are moving soon. This dream is coming to an end. But was it a dream or a nightmare? I am still trying to figure it out. Oh well, I will share more later. For now lets just enjoy the beautiful photo of the light, and the freedoms, we all share. Its all a great big adventure... isn't it?

 

 ~Me

Those Summer Days

 

"A long time ago, in a kingdom by the sea,

 there lived a princess as tall and bright as a sunflower."

 

~~Jeanne Desy

The Princess Who Stood On Her Own Two Feet

 

Please make it be autumn. 

 

Please.

 

~Me

 

 

 

 

 

June Has An Equinox Too

 "Always hold onto material things with open hands."

~G. Swiss

(Silence)

So that 👆 happened. It was beyond time to trade in our two cars and downsize to one vehicle, at least for a little while. Truth is, since Alan's car stopped running, I haven't had a car anyway. It just made sense to turn the keys over to him during the Trump years. Most days I wasn't in the mood to drive, or really didn't belong behind the wheel. Not because of drugs or alcohol or anything, it was just that I was depressed and unreasonably scared that an ICBM was about to run up the ass of the United States. It was a surreal time. Hard on my physical health, seriously hard on my psychological health. Driving anywhere was not good.

Anyway, both cars were depreciating. Not good. In fact, one in the driveway. Really NOT GOOD. It was time. Just one thing. Actually selling the car that saw me through so much, like the HELLISH move to the Central Valley. Her name was Blair, and she had a personality, not unlike mine, so it was really hard to say goodbye. I was selling me car, and handing over my way out, just as I was now feeling like enjoying life again. It was unfair. That's life in a nut shell... right? It was like Trump was getting one last lick in. 

I learned a long ago, it's just stuff. Everything in life, that isn't breathing, is just stuff. Alan is a living, breathing hunk of man. Hendrix, Dylan and Joey are living breathing love bugs. Blair was a car. A car I loved. So, I was in a rage for a day or so, and then I finally landed back on earth, and as I contacted SiriusXM to confirm our free 3-months of awesome musical wonderfulness, I named the big monster in the driveway, Elvis, after the best cat ever. I think he would have agreed that it was for the best to make friends with the new ride, because being enemies with an inanimate object would be stupid. Elvis the cat was very practical about things.

So, Elvis the car, is a 2014 Chevy Equinox. No, that's not lost on me. I love autumn, and my new ride is named Equinox. But to tell you the truth I was so angry while buying it, I didn't realize until I drove it off the lot, that I had just bought a car named after my favorite moment of any year... the equinox, the time when all things become equal. The moment of universal harmony. But when I calmed down, and thought about all the good staring me in the face, I decided that since we were now living together, we might as well be friends. We will see where we go from here, at the posted speed limit, of course.

 

 

~Me

 

 

 

Does Summer Really Exist? And Other Existential Questions

 

"And so with the sunshine and the great bursts of leaves growing on the threes, just as things grow in fast movies, I had the familiar conviction that life was beginning over again with the summer."

 

~F. Scott Fitzgerald

 

It's an undisputed fact that I hate... loathe... detest... no wait... hate is the word. HATE I tells ya... I HATE summer, and today is the first day of it. This unmannered season will be roughly 90 days long, and it basically started during the night last night. It was so hot that I couldn't sleep. Why not turn on the air- conditioner? Well, it can't be on 24/7. I live in California, land of the rolling blackouts, where silly PG&E customers like using the air-conditioner when it's oppressively HOT. Go figure.

 

Yesterday, however, was a whole other season, spring, and the picture above is the last bird photograph of spring. From January 1st, when I officially began birding, I have photographed 99 birds, and that bird the, Ash-throated Flycatcher, is the bird which holds that spot. Roughly the size of an American Robin, and fast, it was a challenge to photograph, which is just how I like it. It feels good to have something of beauty to concentrate on, for long periods of time, or even in jumpy little glimpses, it's all good because it's life and beauty, brand new to my old eyes.

 

Bird watching has done a lot for me. It has allowed me to step out of all the things I carry. I wish I was the kind of person that could let go of stupid shit, decades old. I wish I could stop pining for the 80's and all the fun I had. I wish my body worked like it did back then. I wish old loves and friends would stop coming by my dreams in the middle of the night, especially on oppressively hot nights. I wish. But as my old friend would say, "If wishes were horses, beggars would ride." I am not completely sure I like that old saying, but it makes the point perfectly, doesn't it? 

By the way, I got my hair cut today. It's the shortest it's ever been, and it feels amazing. And if I am telling the truth, for the first day of summer, it wasn't nearly as hot as the last few days of spring. So is it really summer? I mean does each season really exist, just because someone got hot one day, and in place of calling it HELLISH, they named it summer? Is summer just trying to get on my good side? Do I hate it as much as I think I do? Shrug. I think... sigh... life is for the birds.

 

 

 

 

 

 

~Me

June 21st 2021