#29 On The 30th

"They tell you to turn a new leaf 

and the complain about your faded color."

Nitya Parkash

No words today, well just one...

Happiness.    :)

 

It's Called The Leaf Of The Day For A Reason, Silly!

 

"There comes a time when the world gets quiet and the only thing left is your own heart. So you'd better learn the sound of it. Otherwise you'll neer understand what it's saying."

 

~Sarah Dessen

Just Listen

 

The last few days I have felt like I was a zombie. This move... no the selling of this house... has kicked my ever loving ass! You can probably tell, because I haven't posted the Leaf Of The Day for several days. But again, I will share the whole story... the ends and outs and strange moments when I get settled in. It's been an experience, as is most moves I suppose, but for right now, lets get caught up on some beauty, shall we?

 

Ellipsis Leaf Of The Day #5

Cull Canyon

September 26th 2021

Nikon

 Ellipsis Leaf Of The Day #6

Cull Canyon

September 26th 2021

Nikon

And on to tomorrow... 

 

On The Fourth Day Of Autumn

 

"The was all in the making, a long time ago.

 You had as much control over these events

 as a lead does in the lead does in the time of it's falling."

~Colin Meloy

 

Autumn... beautiful... autumn. And it's only day four!

 

 

No Panache And The Whore

"The tints of autumn... a mighty flower garden

 blossoming under the spell of the enchanter, frost."

 

~John Greenleaf Whittier

 

So, if all goes well, our official date to vacate our home will be Sunday, October 3rd. What a strange feeling. As I have said before, I liked the place, it had the most beautiful interior lines, and so much mid-century character, but it was never real. No panache and her whore of a boyfriend... lol... builder... liar... coward... co-conspirator, sunk us financially before we ever moved in. For clarification purposes, Jeanette and Mike lied to us just enough to sink our financial life before we ever moved into our home. So why did we move it? Well, it's a long story, that mostly took place in Turlock, California, in the summer of 2015. I don't want to think about it right now, not while I am packing to move from the only home I have ever owned. It brings about too many emotions that wouldn't help in any way! I will share sometime after we move into the new rental. For now, and probably for the next couple weeks, my blog posts will mostly be held to "Leaf Of The Day" entries. Autumn is already looking quite lovely, so I am glad that my blog will have plenty of beautiful leaves to help me heal, and move on.

 

Judas Tree Leaf

Ione, California

September 2021

Nikon

 

 

 

Autumn Begins... 3:20 PM EDT

 

"But when fall comes, kicking summer out on its treacherous ass as it always does one day sometime after the midpoint of September, it stays awhile like an old friend that you have missed. It settles in the way an old friend will settle into your favorite chair and take out his pipe and light it and then fill the afternoon with stories of places he has been and things he has done since last he saw you."

 

~Stephen King

Salem's Lot

 

The last photograph of summer in the San Joaquin Valley  

 

The Autumn Equinox is here. Finally. Autumn... the great healer of all the fire, pain, exhaustion, and of course, treacherousness of summer. I know I say it every single year, but the summer of 2021 was a season I tried very hard to not turn my back on. If ever a summer smile on it's face and a knife in it's hand, it was this one. We are selling our home, which means it has been emotionally exhausting, but we are nearing the end of that journey, closing is only a matter of days away, and autumn will heal us. It always does. It did in 2015, after the cruelest summer in decades brought us to Stockton, by way of the desolateness of the towns of Patterson and Turlock. The summer of 2015 tried very hard to break us, fortunately, it was also incompetent, because we are still standing.

 

 Last year, autumn relieved the world of Donald John Trump's presidency. Some healing definitely happened, but then a bitter winter came, and with it, the pain of an insurrection. But in the end, autumn and winter joined hands one last time the day of Joe Biden's inauguration. It meant a lot to me to see not just Biden be sworn in, but also that of the first female vice president of the United States, Kamala Harris. This year, all I ask of autumn is to be gentle with me. Help me find my way. I will be saying more about it later, but all I want for the first week of my favorite season is to enjoy our last week, or so, in our house. To love as much as Alan and I can. Love the kids. Love the movies we watch. Love the meals we share. Love. Autumn is here, and it has indeed kicked summer out on it's treacherous ass! 

 

And now, the first autumn leaf of 2021!

 

Sacramento, California

Nikon

 

Art About Town: San Leandro... "Truth Is Beauty"

 

"Eleanor was right. She never looked nice.

 She looked like art, and art wasn't supposed to look nice; it was supposed to make you feel something."

 

~Rainbow Powell

Eleanor & Park

 

I have been wanting to photograph the beautiful piece of art, since it was installed at the San Leandro Tech Campus, way back in 2016! But, you know how 2016 went, so you understand why it was so difficult to make my way to the Bay Area to photograph any art, let alone this particular piece. Fast forward, and here we are in 2021 and things are looking up now. With the (knock wood) sale of the house, the future looks a lot brighter. I am planning on getting a car soon. If all goes well, it will be in less than a week, and there will be money this year for vacation, so hopefully I will be able to photograph as much art as I want, in as many different cities as possible. Art and birds. Those two subjects are my favorite photographic escapes. Oops, lets not forget autumn. Oh boy... I give up. There is just too much beauty in the world to actually play favorites. Right?

 

 We will see where this autumn takes us!

 

"Truth Is Art"

By Marco Cochrane

San Leandro Tech Campus

San Leandro, California

(Learn More Here)

 

Belted Kingfisher

  

"Birds know themselves not to be at the center of anything, but at the margins of everything. The end of the map. We only live where someone's horizon sweeps someone else's. We are only noticed on the edge of things; but on the edge of things, we notice much."

 

~Gregory Maguire

Out Of Oz

 

Finally, after almost 10 months of searching ditches and fence posts, I found the Belted Kingfisher, or as my Twitter pal Gary calls it, my nemesis, but really, it was simply, my greatest birding challenge in my first year of birding. I didn't spot it first, Alan did, as we drove through the Yolo Bypass Wilderness Area, in Davis, Ca. We love it there, and it was apparent that the birds have definitely started the annual migration. When we visited in the middle of summer, it was completely empty, save for a few Red-winged Blackbirds. Not that I don't love them, but they are almost as common in the area as sparrows. We will most certainly be doing birding on vacation!

 

 

 More to come!

 

Mid-Century Center Pine

 

"Times was passing like a hand waving from a train I wanted to be one.

 I hope you never have to think about anything as much as I think about you."

 

~Jonathin Safran Foer 

 

Again with the rick mid-century elegance of Reno, Nevada. I love it there! Like San Francisco, there is something to see and photograph, no matter which way you happen to be gazing. I will do more photography there soon, I hope, it's a feast for the eyes and the creativity. Lets just hope we have a mild winter.

 

Center Pine (Shopping Center)

Reno, Nevada

September 5th, 2021

Nikon

 

 

With A Week To Go

 

"Waiting hurts.

 Forgetting hurts.

 But not knowing which decision to take

 is sometimes the most painful."

 

~Jose N. Harris

MI VIDA: A Story Of Faith Hope And Love

 

With a week to go, there are a few small things to be addressed with the house. A small amount of pealing paint outside. What's worrying me is that the appraiser that came out a couple weeks ago, is not returning Rosalie's phone calls. That can't be good. Meanwhile I can't help but feel dread. We could lose everything with one small decision from FHA about the buyers loan. My whole life is waiting on a big decision waiting for someone else. My depression is 10 but since yesterday I am at a much more even mood. I feel like I have let go, because I can't do a single thing about the situation and so far worrying hasn't saved anything. I am depressed. I am even minded. And it's almost like I have simply and completely given up of my will. I don't know that I care where I end up in this. I just don't care. 

 

But autumn will be here before magic escrow, so there's that. 

 

 

~Me

Photo: Cull Canyon

September 10th 2021

Nikon

 

 

Whispering From Every Leaf

 

"There is another alphabet, whispering from every leaf, singing from every corner, shimmering from every sky."

 

~Dejan Stojanovic

 

My favorite tree, it lives in Cull Canyon. It's showing autumn colors early, and it's soul healing. Soon, I hope to visit the trees in Berkeley. By the way, Trump was seriously considering launching a nuclear strike against China last year, on October 30th, and apparently the Chairman of The Joint Chiefs, Milley, saved us. Fuck me. I am not so sure that this would have not made my life easier. Help. As if this move isn't stressful enough.

Make this pain stop.

 

 

Leaving Heaven Behind

 

"The beauty as mystery of this world only emerges through affection, attention, interest and compassion... open your eyes wide and actually see this world by attending to its colors, details and irony."

 

~Orhan Pamuk

My Name Is Read 

 

Leaves. It's not quite time for autumn, but the colors began almost three weeks ago. Summer gave up this year. Fine. I am ready to be on with it too. Lets get the past, present, and future on it's merry way. The only thing I want to see last is autumn. I am going to need this time of healing. I am grateful that leaving Heaven behind, begins at the end of the summer of 2021.

 

 

~Me

September 12th 2021

Stockton, California

 

Saying Goodbye... 9/11 Twenty Years Later

 "It has been said, 'time heals all wounds." I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting it's sanity, covers them with scar tissue, and the pain lessens. But it's never gone."

~Rose Fitzgerald Kennedy

I have considered ending my 9/11 tributes over the years. Not because I have forgotten about what happened that day, and who it happened to, but because after 20 years perhaps it's time to not take back the grief yearly, like it sits on a shelf, waiting to be recognized. That's not how grief works. So, how does one celebrate a life? David and Lynn Angell were wonderful people. As was Marisa DiNardo Schorpp, who fell to her death, from the World Trade Center, on that horrible day. I feel like I got to know them, through my research. I only came to know about Marisa in recent years, but she left an impression me, on 9/11, that stayed with me to this day. She was in a window, along with others, begging for help as fire burned behind her. She was wearing a beautiful black skirt and white blouse. Classic. I felt so bad for years, that there was no way to say goodbye to know of her life, or to say goodbye to her, then one day while watching a documentary about 9/11, a man described seeing her fall to her death. She was identified years later, after her purse was discovered among the personal effects of the victims.

 

 Her name was Marisa, and she had lovely taste.

 

Anyway, this is my last 9/11 tribute post. It's been twenty years, and honestly, the new world I thought would be carved from grief and new understanding of our kinship as Americans never came to pass. We have all but forgotten what happened all those years ago, and we, Americans, don't stand up for each other, instead we push nationalist agendas out of cowardice and selfish need to put ourselves first, as if what happens to our neighbor doesn't happen to us. Americans unite in times of trouble? That's as silly a notion at this point as reciting the Pledge of Allegiance. Sigh. I really thought we would be in a different place by this time, but sadly, we aren't, and it will be at least another generation before we can hope to see the idea of an America that lives up to that ideal. At my age, I am unsure if I will ever see the idea of brotherhood in America, let alone the ideal itself. Its sad. I was hoping that from the ashes, an American Phoenix would arise. Sadly, we can keep honoring the victims, but if it's just to show the world how much we remember, we are stepping on the very lives we can never properly repay, or truly honor. Next year, I will reflect on these three extraordinary people, but in my own way, and to myself.

Rest In Peace... David, Lynn And Marisa

The Mural At The Corner Of Sinclair And Pine

"Imagine you saw a color in your dream, which you have never seen before. It doesn't consist of any colors or shades that you know. Try to describe that color would be as difficult as trying to believe that is enough love and compassion in the world so ever human can feel happiness."

 

~Egar Kraft

 

Reno has some amazing murals. They are everywhere. I wasn't prepared for all the colors and moods of the fabulous street art. The only problem... finding the name of the piece, and the artist who created it. Honestly, if a particular mural really speaks to me, and I photograph it, 9 times out of 10, there will be ZERO information about it available online. Take that lovely flower, I have been doing searches about it for days... nothing. It must be from a few years back. Shrug. Who knows? But that doesn't mean I won't keep trying. I will continue to search, and when I find out the info on it, I will update this post. Just wait and see, I will find it. 

I love art. It is not only a healthy distraction, it inspires me to not see times like this, when I am terrified, in a black and white scheme. In other words, it holds the depression at bay. Temporarily. When I was in that deep depression, all those years ago, and had to spend a little time in adult daycare, which still sounds like way more fun than it is, I scoffed at artsy fartsy time, even though I enjoyed all kinds of art, and doing photography. I already knew how much better I felt inside, just by picking up one of my art books, but how exactly was my drawing a picture, going to end the suffering I was in? Not one single detail of what caused it would change. The details of my pain, wouldn't change, but to my surprise, the artsy fartsy time did give me a gentle distraction, and did stimulate my creative side, which helped me accept help and to be creative in my outlook.

I'm always skeptical, in times like this, about where the miracle will come from, despite the fact that Alan and I have rode bad times before, but one always wonders, will this be what breaks us? Who will rent to us? Will anyone rent to us? It's nutty that we have more than enough to buy a mobile home, but the park where it sits has the final decision on if we are good enough to live there! Will we beat the devil? Do we need to make a pact with the devil? Can you make a pact with the devil? Life has hurtful moments, but sometimes one can hit a path so full of sharp gravel that the road tears up your feet, and stops you cold. It's such an absurd thought that we will sell the house, and have several hundred thousand dollars in the bank, but have nowhere to live. So, you see my problem. I just want a home, but until then, lots of anonymous murals to keep me from giving up. 

~Me

Stockton, Ca

September 9th, 2021

 

 

And Then There Are Mannequins

 

"Do we not each dream of dreams? Do we not dance on the notes of lost memories? Then are we not each dreamers of tomorrow and yesterday, since dreams play when time is askew? Are we not all adrift in a constant sea of trial and when all is done, do we not all yearn for ships to carry us home?"

 

~Nathan Reese Maher

 

I love mannequins. I especially love the happy ones. The ones in wedding gowns, and the ones that have smiles on their face, or the ones that have that silly laugh on their faces, as the ones in Berkeley did when I began photographing them all those years ago, but the ones I enjoy photographing the most, are the ones like this. The relatively stoic. The ones that seem to be looking to a far place beyond the window. Where are they looking? Am I supposed to look for the same view they see? Can I? And if I see what she's looking at, how will it change my view of things? Perhaps her view is worse than anything happening to me right now. But maybe her view is the answer to all unanswered questions. Sigh, or maybe she is just a mannequin... a really cool subject that inspires me.

Mannequin

Reno, Nevada

September 5th 2021

Nikon

~Me

Stockton, California

September 8th 2021

 

 

Mid-Century... Vacation Motor Lodge

 "You were born to do so much more than to pay bills and die."

~Unknown

If photography has taught me anything, it's that there is life beyond the moments of despair that tend to creep into our lives. I can get lost for a little while. I love that a single moment in time, can live in so many different existences around me. In that moment, I can be in my own world photographing a gorgeous Anna's hummingbird, while a few hundred miles away someone could be checking into the Vacation Motor Lodge, in Reno Nevada. Photography is allowing me to step out of this overwhelming pain I am in right now. I need that. I need to see what might be happening today, or even a few days from now, while I am depressed, so I can see beyond it. Time is an issue, as is money to do so. There is yard photography, but I hurt my foot, so there's that. Things are tough right now, but when I can, I can lose myself in a simpler time. I just wish I could do it more often.

 

There will be leaves soon.

 

Right?

 

 

 

 ~Me

Stockton, Ca

September 6th, 2021

 

 

 

 

Road Trip

 "May came home with a smooth round stone.

 As small as a world and as large as alone."

~E.E. Cummings

Things are horrific. As anyone who has moved might imagine. We are having a terrible time finding a place. Sigh. There aren't really any good options left. But the good news is, there are options! I will lay them all out on Tuesday, but for now, Alan and I are heading out on a day trip away from all that is hurting us. The move, Dylan's illness, my failing health, lack of money, in other words, LIFE.

Reno, here we come!

 

~Me

Stockton, California

September 5th, 2021 

 

 

Leaves

Stockton, California

August 2021

Nord

ERA NOW! Or Maybe Later, Who Knows?

 

"Worse than aborting is birthing in instability."

 

~Abhijit Naskar

Hometown Humans: To Live For Soil And Society

 

I don't feel like blogging today, but in the last 24 hours we have seen a historic decision, by the Supreme Court, so I feel like I must. You will read about it in the history books, but basically, Texas just passed a batshit law that sets back a woman's right to govern her own body back to that time I long for so much... mid-century. You know... there are days that I spend most of my time longing for New York City in the 1950's or early 60's. The time when woman wore lovely little white gloves in the day time, and men wore hats. I want to lunch at an automat, search for nifty sales at Gimbals, and then end my day by making Alan a meatloaf. Unfortunately, hiding in all that post war perfection, and the mellow Dean Martin soundtrack, is the fact that if a woman became pregnant for any reason, and she didn't want to continue with the pregnancy, she had to pay someone, often under horrific circumstances, to terminate it. Even if she was raped. By her father. The circumstances I think about the most are cases of incest and rape, but what about those who live in extreme poverty? Where are pro-lifers on the issue of lifting others out of the very circumstances that lead to the need and decision for abortions? You know by now that I am a Democrat, and therefore a Liberal, but the percentage of Texans that supported this dystopian bill didn't even reach 50 percent. Nationally 79% Americans, male and female, DO NOT WANT TO RETURN TO NEW YORK CITY IN 1960! They want abortion to remain legal. So, will the people of Texas fight back? Will America fight back? Remind me, has the Equal Rights Amendment been fully ratified yet? And I haven't even mentioned the nosy neighbor bounty. You have to look up that element of the bill yourself, it is too horrifying to mention on my blog. I won't give that monster air.

 

 

 

~Me

Stockton, California

September 2nd, 2021

 

 

 

Plop, Plop, Fizz, Fizz...

 

"Life is a celebration.

Being alive on this earth is a celebration.

Learning new things everyday is a celebration.

Being kind and compassionate is a celebration.

Chasing our dreams and goals is a celebration. 

With the right attitude, every action becomes celebration.

Learn to celebrate each and every moment of life."

 

~Purvi Raniga

 

This is a good day, despite all the uncertainty about moving and other scary things left not spoke about. Today, those things don't exist. Today we celebrate being in our house exactly 6 years. We are celebrating the birthdays of all three of our babies. Dylan and Hendrix were born in 2008 and Joey in 2013. They get so big, so fast. And today also marks exactly 32 years of service for Alan where he works. That's a lot to be happy about, and proud of. We need to move, SOON, but I am a little happy that we can celebrate this day in our home. A lot happened in those six years.

 

For one, I was scared to death I would die in a pile of nuclear ash, under my desk! Those were the Trump years. If you go all the way back to the day when Alan began his job, and just look at that era, it would be called the US years, because he proposed marriage to me, just a month later. But if you just focus on the years beginning in 2008, you have a real look at one of those unconventional families you hear about. A childless couple, who couldn't love their fur baby children more if they tried. 

 

Now, bring them all together, and you find, a happy life that I wouldn't change for the world. It's the story of us, but it's unfinished. There are many more memories waiting to be made. A lot of happiness awaits. A lot of celebratory kisses and kitty snuggles. No matter how bad any particular day has gone, Trump or not, we have laughed at some point. We laugh every single day about something. M any time, our little fellas will be the source of our laughter, and for that I am grateful. 

 

But...

 

I am also grateful for the occasional Alka-Seltzer!

 

I have never had it on the rocks, as this ad I found in the August 1966 edition of Playboy suggests, but I don't see why it wouldn't be absolutely delicious! Perhaps a splash of green apple syrup or maybe even watermelon syrup. Just straight has always worked. All I know is, dad kept plenty Alka-Seltzer around, and if I close my eyes, I can see it in it's cool mid-century packaging. A long tube type bottle, with little tablets inside. Do you remember, that awesome little jingle...

 

"Plop, plop, fizz, fizz, oh what a relief it is."

 

And it was. And it is. And I celebrate that! 

 

~Me

Stockton, California

September 1st 2021

 

But First, A Word From Our Sponsor

 

 

 

"Time was passing like a hand waving from a train I wanted to be on. I hope you never have to think about anything as much as I think about you."

 

~Johnathon Safran Foer

 

A while back, I had the idea of sharing some of my favorite movies from the 1970's and 80's that I had happily found available on Youtube. Then for whatever reason, I promptly dismissed doing so. I am not sure why I drifted from the idea, because I had recently enjoyed bringing a fairly good horror movie to my blog, that had been produced especially for ABC in the early 70's. When Michael Calls, still gives me chills 50 years later. It had ALL the elements of a good horror movie. Damsel in distress. A ghost (maybe). Eerily effective music. And, of course, it was set in autumn, right around Halloween. Oh my, I was in bliss watching it as a child, and I loved that every time it crossed my mind thereafter, I had to sleep with the light on. I exaggerate, but only a little. Who wouldn't enjoy sharing that on their blog, or anywhere else?

 

But fast forward to the here and now. The movie I am sharing this time around, Compromising Positions, isn't horror, rather it's a nifty whodunit from the 1980's, based on a the book, of the same name, by Susan Isaacs, who just happens to be one of my favorite authors. It stars, Susan Sarandon and Raul Julia, and the supporting cast lead by, Judith Ivey and Anne De Salvo, is top notch! If you haven't seen it, give it a watch, it's one of those movies that really should be on DVD by now, but for whatever reason, remains in the backroom of the great Blockbuster in the sky. And that's a real shame. But first, enjoy a word from our sponsor, Swanson TV Dinners, which I was probably eating the night I watched this cool little mystery on VHS. VHS and tv dinners. Of course it was the 80's!     

 

~Me

Stockton, Ca

August 31st, 2021

 

 

 

Past Autumns

 "Keep your face towards the sunshine,

 and the shadows will fall behind you."

~Walt Whitman

One of the things I love most about autumn and winter... shadows. The past few autumns have had that eerie glow from the Northern California wildfires. Hopefully the ones plaguing us this year will be extinguished soon. Unlike the previous years, this year's fires are moving east, toward the Lake Tahoe basin, and so far there aren't any in Napa County. Keeping my fingers crossed that some cooler weather will start soon, that always goes a long way to successfully moving past the most dangerous part of "fire season".

 

~Me

Stockton, California

August 28th 2021

 

Nah

 

"No one can tell what goes on in the between the person you were and the person you become. No one can chart that blue and lonely section of Hell. There are no maps of change.

 You just come out the other side. Or you don't."

 

~Stephen King

The Stand

 

The packing continues, of course, and it's going very well. We have finished packing the garage, and we threw a lot of stuff away. That felt really good, although I plan to throw even more away. once the final sorting takes place. Fortunately, there aren't many boxes and containers that are designated "to be determined". Objects come and go, but of all the treasures I own, books are the most difficult to part with! I know, I know, once they are read, why keep them? Well, it's simple, they are like friends you can contact, any time you need them. I love them. I love how heavy they are. How they look on the right shelf or bookcase. I especially love holding them in my hands, while I am reading in bed! Part with my books? Nah. I simply can't. Sorry... not sorry. I won't throw them away. I won't even donate them. I can't. They are my way out of this world. I love getting lost in them. It's a good feeling to know that after we move, my books will be waiting to be put back in their rightful place, and holding still, until it's time to be taken down and enjoyed on some chilly autumn afternoon to come.

 

~Me

August 27th 2021

Stockton, California