Now I am Home!

"A gift can never be cheap or insignificant because of the heart and love it carries."

~Munia Khan

Alan and I and the boys moved into our house, officially, on September 2nd 2015. It's never easy to move, and when you add moving your cats to the stress, the stress becomes at least twice as bad, because now you aren't just moving lamps and beds and computers, you are moving living, breathing, thinking, and sometimes plotting, individuals that if you are lucky may be open to some negotiation about their stress level, but who will always, always come out ahead of any begging, pleading or simple request made of them from their humans. It was a back breaking, migraine inducing, fear-fest getting my 3 boys into their kennels, for the ride to Turlock. It was something I would never want to relive... ever... but from the first day in Turlock, I knew that we would eventually have to relive the drama, because Turlock was merely the waiting room of our new home.

Thank goodness the boys never found out that the place we were originally moving to was a stupid scam! It was bad enough that they felt our stress, let alone feel it and fully understand it in human terms! But when Alan and I picked ourselves back up, and finally found our house, we knew that it wasn't going to be fun to move the boys from the hotel, but when it was over we would finally be home. In our forever place. Fortunately, we had a much easier time getting them pack in their kennels, when we left the hotel, because we did something different... we tricked them! We did it on the spur of the moment, with NO time for them to pick up on our stress! A laser pointer, some treats, and some new catnip mice proved to be the best friend of this stressed out fur-baby mommy!

We left the hotel in Turlock at 11:30 PM. The drive to Stockton took about an hour. When we got to the house, we immediately took them out of their kennels, poured them some food, filled their water fountain, and put some toys out from them to play. Hendrix did well! He is my brave boy. Dylan came around in about a week. Joey... not so much! He got acquainted with the house very slowly, room by room was conquered, with the exception of the master bedroom. No amount of playing, begging, manipulating, crying or begging some more could get him to go into the bedroom! He would stand in the hallway, and cry for me, but wouldn't step foot over that threshold. Nope. There was NO discussing it! It was hard to hear him cry, and want to be next to me, and not be able to make help him come in the room.

Joey, and I cuddled at night in our old place, and we cuddled together at the hotel. It was one of the things that made this whole nightmare tolerable. But it wasn't happening here, and I didn't know what the problem was! Then one day I noticed he was eyeing the LARGE ceiling fan that hangs over our bed! We didn't have one of those at the cottage, and there wasn't one at the hotel. I think, when Joey saw it moving around and around, he thought it was a bird, of which he is terrified! So, I stopped using it, and just let it sit still. He didn't make any progress after a month, but the cold weather had moved in, so it remained off. I didn't think he would ever come around, then on Christmas Eve something amazing happened!

I woke up from a fever induced nap to see his little body sitting in the window sill, The night before I had mentioned to Alan that all I really wanted for Christmas was for my boy to cuddle with me in the bed, and the next day he did! You can't buy that feeling folks! My Joey had finally come back. My silly, funny, considerate, kind child found his inner lion, just in time for Christmas! It was, and always will be, one of the best holiday gifts ever! Any day he came back to me would have been special, but the fact that it happened on Christmas means even more! I love that child! And now, when I go to sleep, I have this warm little pillow right next to me again, and Alan doesn't even mind that he sometimes cuddles between us! 

He is our Joey. He is the little brother. 

Happiness!

Mood: Happy

~Me :)

Happy New Year... Hello And Goodbye... And A Look Back At December 2015

"Who wants to live with one foot in Hell

 just for the sake of nostalgia? 

Our time is forever now!

~Alice Childress

Well... here we are at the start of a brand new year! 2016 is going to be a wild ride. We have a national election coming up in the autumn. The Super Bowl will be played in San Francisco in February, and between those events all kinds of possibilities! I hope to do a lot more photography in 2016! 2015 was a very strange year, with the move and all, but I am settled in now, so the adventure is rip for the taking! I am beginning this year in better health. As you might have noticed I have posted to this blog in about a week because of a nasty head cold that Alan and I gave each other for Christmas. LOL. Funny, I began 2015 with food poisoning, and ended it with a head cold. Bah HUMBUG! LOL.

 I will not look back on 2015 very fondly, but it wasn't a total loss either. We have a nice house, and every single day I come to appreciate a love it more. I still don't know if we will swing it, but for now the future, in this house, seems viable and more than possible. I am learning to let go of what happen, I am even trying to forgive, but it can't be rushed. I have to let it all come around to a conclusion in it's own time. Sigh. Forgiveness is possible, and in fact healthy, but not if it is rushed. Time. Now. In the moment. I can't look back. The past can't be changed. Moving On.

But first, let's look back at December, 2015, in pictures!

I have some amazing news to share about Christmas, so be sure to comeback tomorrow. Just a hint for now... I got the most amazing Christmas present ever! And the best part is, you can't buy it in any store!

Mood: Happy/Grateful

~Me :)

Happy Mewy Christmas Eve

"Christmas, children, is not a date,

 it is a state of mind."

~Mary Ellen Chase 

Mood: Merry

~Me :)

Dylan's Festivus Celebration

"It is December, and nobody asked if I was ready."

~Sarah Kay

See, I told you, Dylan has horns on his head! LOL. I know, they aren't really horns, they are just his ears positioned back, making it look like he has horns, but you have to believe me, and you would have to know Dylan... trust me... they are horns. It's okay, he is my little spitfire. He sings the Dilly Song, a tune he wrote himself, that tells the entire world just how unfair life, and everything else is, and then he feels better. Kind of like his version of a blog. A simple little outlet for his complaints, or if you celebrate Festivus, a grievance song, and he can get pretty upset while he complains, but a belly rub, and a game of soccer with his favorite plastic bell balls, and his bad mood goes away. He has been downright cuddly since the weather turned. He likes the new house, and all the room he has now, so last night's airing of grievances wasn't long. He has a lot less to complain about now! It's amazing how good this move has turned out to be for all of us, but especially my little Dillybean!

HAPPY FESTIVUS

Mood: Happy

~Me :)

Autumn's Passing...

"THERE is something in the autumn that is native to my blood. Touch of manner, hint of mood; And my heart is like rhyme, with yellow and the purple and the crimson keeping time."

~Bliss Carman

Autumn quietly lies down at 11:48 P.M. EST. tonight. It's a stormy sky where I am. Winter is insisting and full of itself this year. It's good for the ground, and the rivers and yes, it's good for the treas, but the raindrops fall like tears, and least that's how it feels to me,

 but a new autumn is a mere three seasons away. 

Bitter winter. Mischievous spring.Treacherous Summer. 

It's the last one I dread the most.

The Final Leaf Of The Day For Autumn 2015

December 21st 2015

Mood: Anxious For Autumn

~Me :)

Change-A-Palooza

"Never miss an opportunity to see anything that is beautiful."

~Janet Hobson

I didn't post yesterday, but it's okay, right? I was busy. Busy wrapping presents, baking 6 dozen cookies, paying the bills that get paid in the middle of the month, doing laundry, photographing more leaves, searching recipes for Baked Ham, bringing in all the late packages ordered from Amazon.com and Groupon, 15 at last count, tracking down a new noise in the house I never heard before and de-worming the cat. Hendrix to be exact. Yes, he has worms... again!

This time, because I can't face putting him through the stress of putting him in a kennel and driving him 90 miles to see Dr. B., we are trying the tablets that kill worms. It takes about a week to work, but from what I have read it does the job. If it doesn't work, I will slip my kitty some Valium, and myself as well, and we will drive down to the Bay Area to the best doctor ever! Or will I? 

That's the debate between Alan and I. He wants to find someone closer, for Hendrix's sake. He doesn't want to put him through the long drive and the stress of the car and all the scary sounds. I want to make sure my kitty gets the best care possible, and that means Dr. B. . The problem is, my argument that Hendrix will be okay once he is home again, isn't a terribly strong one. I know Alan is right, but it doesn't make either of us very happy.

Sigh.

 Losing Dr. B, is probably the worst part of what happened. 

Sigh.

I guess I should find the boys a doctor up here, if for nothing else, emergencies, but it's difficult to trust anyone other than Dr. B., he is amazing, but I have to do whats right for the boys. Right? But what is that exactly? It's less stress for them to have a doctor here in town, but what if I can't find one who will be as good as their current one? Taking them on the 90 mile drive will terrify them, but I will have piece of mind that they are getting the best care possible. Either way, I hope these pills do the trick, I don't want my boys to be uncomfortable. I love them. They are my children. And as I sit here I guess I know what I have to do. I have to find them a doctor up here. 

Weep.

Sigh.

Stupid.

It's All Just Stupid.

And what is my lesson for the last full day of autumn?

Things Change.

Sometimes everything does, all in a single action.

I think I will concentrate on that plate of cookies,

 it's a thing of beauty. So are the leaves...

Leaf Of The Day

December 19th 2015

Leaf Of The Day

December 20th 2015

Mood: Exasperated/Sad/Frustrated

~Me

Clear Thoughts On A Foggy Day

"You'll never move forward,

 until you take a step away from the past."

~Colleen Ferrary

All of my Christmas shopping is done. I have some presents to wrap, and I am waiting on a few gifts to arrive... cross your fingers for me they do... and the house looks downright festive! We didn't  really decorate outside, although we may do a little bit early next week. Alan's schedule simply hasn't allowed for it, but it's okay, we will get it done next year. And to say that we didn't decorate outside, really isn't accurate either, we have a small decoration in the yard, so folks in the neighborhood know we aren't completely boring! LOL. I will post a photo of it next week, but my point is, I am ready for next week and Christmas. And oddly enough, I am ready for the 2016!

It's kind of a surprise really. Since we moved into the house, my mood has been all over the map. From tired and pissed off, to scared shit-less, to annoyed, to depressed. Really depressed. Back to scared. Thankful. Confused. Happy. Content. REALLY PISSED OFF. Quiet. Back to happy. Right now as I am typing this I feel content, and excited for the new year, and getting back to the ordinary days. You know... days without a fake tree filled with tiny lights twinkling. A normal schedule of Monday through Sunday, and days filled with "normal."

I have been craving those normal... nothing new... this is just my every day... days... since March 26th, when we got that note on the door that told us we have to leave our apartment! My life... Our Life... was turned upside down, there was really nothing resembling "normal" going on, and for a time I didn't know if we would ever see "normal' again. But we did, and this is where we ultimately landed. Stockton. There is nothing "normal" about a Bay Area girl suddenly moving to Stockton.  And a year ago, buying a home wasn't a realistic idea, then suddenly we are signing loan papers. Do you have any idea how terrifying it is to know that you will be making a $1,400.00 payment every month for 30 years? Do you have any idea how old I will be in 30 years? This house will outlive me, of that fact I am sure! LOL.

We are lucky to have found the perfect house for us. It was meant to be, but fear about whether or not we could really afford it terrified me. I am lucky though, I have friends who remind me to breathe, Kat, I mean you! You made me feel so much less alone, thank you for sharing how you felt when you moved, and how you could understand my crazy mood swings. You have always meant a lot to me, you were one of my favorite friends from the old AOL days. You were a supportive friend then, and you still are now! Thank you love bug!

Good friends to keep me sane, and an amazing husband who let me feel what I did, when I did! How amazing is that? I am blessed! And I know this post sounds more like something I should have been writing around Thanksgiving, but... well... call it a delayed reaction, because I know now that even on my craziest days in the last year, even on the days when it all looked really cloudy and foggy, when I worried myself into a deep Fibromyalgia fog, I knew I wasn't alone. Life gets tough, sometimes I can feel really lost, yet there is always a way back home. And deep down I knew it. I suppose that is why I felt comfortable writing about my true feelings, rather than just saying that everything was fine.

It's not easy to buy a new house, even under the best of circumstances, and making that payment every month is kind of terrifying, but it's so worth the effort. 

We are HOME.

Leaf Of The Day

December 18th 2015

Mood: Happy

~Me :)

Falling Leaves

"And every year there is a brief, startling moment

 when we pause in the middle

 of a long walk home and suddenly feel

 something invisible and weightless, 

touching our shoulders, sweeping down from the air; 

It is the autumn wind pressing against our bodies;

It is the changing light of fall falling on us."

~Edward Hirsch

Wild Gratitude

I went to my favorite park yesterday, and to my deep sadness, found that most of the leaves had already fallen. The trees that were in bloom just a couple weeks ago, with all colors and shapes you can imagine autumn leaves could be, now stood bare and cold. It was the result of the last storm that touched California, earlier this week. The rain was a good thing, it means the trees will be brighter and more beautiful then ever next year, and if things go as it looks like it will, next autumn will be amazing, so I am thinking and planning about that!

 I will continue to post the "Leaf Of The Day" through Monday, but here is the last autumn gallery on Ellipsis until next year.

 Autumn kisses winter hello on...

 Monday, December 21st, at 11:47 P.M. 

Leaf Of The Day

December 17th 2015

Mood: Happy

~Me :)

Heirloom Ornaments

"Christmas, is a box of tree ornaments that have

 become part of the family"

~Charles Schulz

Decorating For Christmas And Beyond

"Life in the 21st Century means taking the best of history and making it work for you." 

~Miles Redd

One of the things I love most about Christmas is getting all the decorations Alan and I have added, over the course of our 25 years together, and mingling them with the ones we both had prior to getting married! It's a lot of holiday memories and traditions to reflect on, plus it's been our tradition to buy each other a new ornament from the Tilden Merry-Go-Round each year. We purchased this year's on the day after Thanksgiving, because of the move to Stockton, we weren't sure we would get back up to Tilden before the end of the season. And, as it turns out, it looks like we made a good decision. Time has flown by. We might try for early next week, but we have also been talking about taking a trip to the snow to help put us in the holiday spirit. Shrug... we will just see where the time takes us!

 In the mean time, we have the tree up, and the mantle is decorated and both have some special ornaments that date back as far as the 1950's, so it's pretty cozy in the house! The stocking on the far right was Alan's when he was a child, and it is so precious to me! He also has a very old... umm... much loved... Elf on the Shelf elf just waiting for tree placement! When we got married, his mother gave me one from a large set she bought when her kids were just little ones! It made me an official part of the family. I love those heirloom ornaments, and I love the beautiful ones we have chosen together through the years, especially the Tilden Park ornaments, I am still really homesick, but it's getting better, and those ornaments and the memories of buying them with Alan are soul healing.

It's The Holidays!

Don't You Just Love This Time Of Year?

 Leaf Of The Day

December 16th 2015

Mood: Happy

~Me :)

The Here And Now

Leaf Of The Day

December 15th 2015

"Anyone who thinks leaves are dead, 

has never watched them dancing on a windy day!"

~Shira Tamir

No real post today, it's a super busy time. We have a sick cat, nothing serious, but just enough to keep us busy, plus the holiday is coming really fast! And if all that wasn't enough, we had a really big storm come through the Bay Area, and it pretty much shook most of the leaves off of some of mt favorite trees, so I am scrambling to get the last of my favorites! So, today's post is all about the Leaf Of The Day for today. 

I guess you could say I am in the here and now!

Mood: Busy

~Me :)

Butterfly Leaves

"A withered maple leaf has left its branch

 and is falling to the ground; 

ts movements resemble those of a butterfly in flight,

 Isn't it strange? 

The saddest and deadest of things

 is yet so like the gayest and most vital of creatures."

~Ivan Turgenev

Fathers And Sons

Humor me. It's the last few days of Autumn, and yeah I know the seasons aren't capitalized, as a rule, but I just love Autumn so much, that I can't bring myself to write it properly. So, I snub my nose at doing it the right way, and do it the way I want to. So there! The grammar Nazis be damned!

IT'S AUTUMN!

Leaf Of The Day

December 14th 2015

Mood: Happy

~Me :)

Cats And Christmas Part One: Feline Feng Shui

"Being the spirit of the house is somehow built into the soul of the cat the way joy itself is sewn into the word "Christmas."

~Unknown

If a cat isn't feeling Christmas, there is NO amount of petting, catnip, tuna from a can, cat toys, or pleading that will get a cat to pose for a holiday photo! That's why I keep at least one camera in each room in the house that holds at least some kind of holiday decoration. Last night, Alan and I finally got the Christmas tree decorated, and for some reason, Dylan was more than willing to pose next to it for me. I am pretty sure I will be made to pay for his cooperation, lol, perhaps with some extra cuddle time, or a little extra understanding when he decides to put his personal touch on the tree in a made fit of feline Feng shui. We'll see. Maybe not, maybe it's his Christmas present to me, you never know about these things!

Dylan is a lovely child, and I reminded of that every morning when Alan leaves for work, and Dylan snuggles up to me, on Alan's pillow, and sleeps right beside me until I am ready to get up. He doesn't leave my side. Although there have been those mornings when Dylan wanted me to get up and change his box, or give him some water or snacks. Dylan is a cat, therefore his does not suffer in silence. LOL. And that's a good thing. I love him. He is my child, and he really does put the joy in every day, not just Christmas! Even when he is singing the Dilly song at 4 in the morning!

Leaf Of The Day

December 13th 2015

Mood: Happy

~Me :)