It's Love All Over Again

 

"Chocolate introduced me to Heaven."

~Anthony T. Hincks

Recently, I found out that not only am I allergic to pecans, I am allergic to almonds as well. I found out by way of a Hershey's with Almonds bar. UGH, a negative chocolate encounter, who needs that? I should cut back on my chocolate consumption anyway, but seriously, I am on my last nerve about things. But at the end of the day, sigh, chocolate cures a lot of evil. You already know about Trump, but now the car broke down, and who the HELL knows when the part to fix it, will arrive. It's already been 5 days. That means no birding, which is the thing that keeps me sane! And lets not forget the frequent fog of January! One day, not too long ago, I ate a half a bag on the plain Hershey's kisses, but only to balance the anger, sadness, bewilderment, and you get the idea, you probably felt it all too. And then the car took a dump!

I grabbed a bag of Hershey Kisses with Almonds, and ate a few fistfuls. A short time later, I broke out in hives. My body itched to a silly degree, but I survived, and now I know! But there was always the plain kisses, and because I now had an additional reason to bury my feelings in a bag of chocolate, I dug in with both hands. And I'm NOT SORRY! But funny thing, I hadn't had Hershey's plain chocolate in years. Previously when I indulged, it was usually Sees Candies. But unfortunately, Sees has became really expensive in the last few years, and even more expensive since Trump. Hershey's has seen a price hike as well! I can't believe how much a candy bar costs! Anyway, I forgot how amazingly delicious just a bit of their plain chocolate was! And now it's a tiny obsession? Or love rekindled? Who knows?

 I promise to try to cut back on. Seriously, I can stop anytime I want.

I found this recipe for, German Chocolate Cake, on the Hershey's website.

 It looks delicious! I think I'll try it!

Oops! 

Autumn Emotions

 

“I needed a long and lingering autumn, a tenure with which to ease into another state of being.”

 
~Ruchika Tomar,

 A Prayer for Travelers

 

I love watching leaves float to the ground.They are in their last moments of life, and they deserve my respect and empathy. But more important they need my deep appreciation for their work all year, and the beauty revealed. Isn't autumn, and oak leaves, just magical?

 

  

The Smile On The Block Of Something

 

“I never realized how much you meant to me until someone spoke your name and an irrepressible, goofy grin stretched my lips.”

 
― Richelle E. Goodrich,

 

  Slaying Dragons: Quotes, Poetry, & a Few Short Stories for Every Day of the Year

 

As you know, I see smiles in inanimate things. It's called, Pareidolia, It's common, but not everybody experiences it at the same rate. I see faces all the time. In trees, in work equipment, in painted surfaces, and even road delineators. I love it! It makes my creative side excel at trying to find out why the object feels the particular emotion I see, it also makes me more aware of how people, even those I don't know, are feeling. And when there is no one around me at all, it makes me feel less alone somehow. I love the gifts the human mind offers. There is a lot to think about!

 

 

By the way... what the heck is that block of whatever, smiling at me?

 

 

Stress, Friendship And Knowing Yourself In The Time Of Trump

"Reality is the leading cause of stress

 amongst those in touch with it."

~Jane Wagner 

It's been almost two months since my last post. That's an odd realization for me, because I pretty much blogged every day this blog existed, up until a couple years ago. The big move, and all the subsequent drama kept me busy, and emotional, so a lot of the time I was too tired to post or simply didn't have the will. This past autumn I felt better. I got out with the camera and resumed my Leaf Of The Day project, and I thought I might be getting back to some emotional normalcy, and then the election happened and once again I found myself in the depths of despair, and I am finding it really difficult to climb back out.  

There was a day when I would use my blog to fight through the political and day to day life nonsense. I welcomed opposing opinions, and looked forward to the debate. Patrick, if you're reading this, you know what I mean. LOL. You and I could go on and on and it would get heated but eventually we would shake it off, maybe even take a breather from each other's blog till the dust settled, but in an appropiate amount of time come back and pick up where we left off... good friends. And I am pleased to say to this day that if I ever needed someone to remember me in their prayers, I could ask you, and you would be there without reservation. For that I will always smile and be grateful when I see you on my Twitter timeline.

I've made a lot of causal friends over social media. Whether or not we keep in touch, doesn't matter so much because we all have real lives outside of the Internet. If I haven't seen someone for a while, and they pop in to say hello, it's always nice to pick back up. I like this distance to a certain degree. I have tried to not let my worlds collide. I am a private person. I rarely share my address, or phone number, and I don't speak much about what my day to day life is like because it feels so personal. I am happy in my real life. Happy marriage. Three amazing cats that keep me laughing, and my hubby and I now own our own home for the first time in our marriage. Life is should be good. But it's not. Not at all.

I am not prepared to blame the depression I have been fighting all on Donald Trump, but I have to say... he doesn't help, in fact, he scares the living SHIT out of me on a daily basis, and on the days I get up not scared, he either pisses me off or embarrasses me to the point I find myself apologizing to the world on Twitter, and begging the forgiveness of clearer thinking countries, which is strange because I didn't vote for him, so why do I feel I have to apologize? But in any case... I do. And I do.

A couple days ago, I did something I've never done before, I blocked a Twitter pal. Yes a republican, but he is a lot more than that. He's quite talented. Funny. Intelligent. Kind. Compassionate, and a lot more nice things I suspect. Don't get me wrong, we weren't best friends, or "go to" pals, but I genuinely liked him and admired his photography skills. I hoped to learn some things about photography from him, they way I learned from Steven. I was kinda lost after Steven died, so to make a new friend who I could share similar fondness for photography with was really nice, even if we only talked ocassionally. I hope that makes sense.

Anyway, when the 2016 election rolled around my friend and I would exchange the occasional barbs about left verses right and we would sometimes have some heated exchanges about our various perspectives, but it usually ended cordially, but after Trump won things felt different. In me. I don't really blame my friend for his opinion, but it all feels so irrational from the other side. It feels like when I am trying to make a point, there is no point in trying because they simply won't see or understand whats trying to be conveyed. I don't expect folks in my orbit to feel exactly like I do, but for GOD'S SAKE it feels like rational thought is dead, and has been replaced with willful ignorance. 

Understand... I am not saying that is how my friend behaved. No. But I said to him recently... "... listen, we are never going to agree on Donald Trump, his policies, his behavior or anything attached to this administration so we might as well just know that now. We just aren't." My friend agreed. We laughed a little and kicked the idea around of perhaps one day battling it out over drinks. LOL. And I left him with the request that he drop by my Twitter feed once in a while, when he isn't there to tell me how completely wrong I was. LOL. Maybe he could just come by and say "Hi... hows the weather." Again. It was a joke, meant lightheartedly, and he accepted it as such.

Well, the other day he did just that. He came by and left me a link to a Facebook post about an otter. I was adoreable. I liked it very much, and it touched me that my friend was trying to reach out. So, everything should be perfect... right? Well, timing is everything. I saw it just as Donald Trump was holding his idiotic press conference about the U.S. exiting the Paris Accord. So, I am watching a nice video about a fuzzy sea creature that my republican pal sent me, and wanting to kick my television in and scream MUTHERFUCKER at the same time. It was NOT good timing.

Something in me died. I felt it. I looked at my friend's face and knew in that moment I had to block him. Not so much because of him, but because of me. I knew that humans being humans I would one day, once again, engage with my pal in a political debate and I would go too far. I would say something dreadful that I couldn't take back. Words have meanings, and when you say something awful, out of rage, but mean it anyway, people get hurt. I don't want my friend to become the face of all the trolls who hunt me down after I leave a comment about the SHITTGIBBON we have in the White House. I don't want to take my anger, pain, frustration, fear, OH MY GOD FEAR, out on him with words I might actually mean one day.

I don't like hurting people.

I have been hurt so badly, so many times, you have NO idea.

I would rather just close the door.

And NOT say something I can't take back.

Stress in my real life, bleeds over into my virtual life, and vice versa, since Donald Trump decided to fuck our democracy. There was a time when I could handle both, but I am not doing that well right now. I am working on it, but when you can't sleep at night that doesn't help you make good decisions. I know it will all work it's way out in time. Impeachment seems likely or at least possible. Perhaps making the mortgage payments will get easier. I will learn some method of dealing with my fear of nuclear holocaust. Folks will begin waking up and realizing Trump only cares about Trump. My back will always hurt, but maybe a better medication or exercise will come along to help me deal with it. I don't know, but if my life has taught me anything it's the that ... "this too shall pass" ...is an absolute. It will pass.

But in the meantime the journey gets

 lonely and a little sad at times.

Mood: Sad

~Me

 

A Face In The Crowd: Peace... And Smiles... On Earth

"Peace Begins With A Smile"

~Mother Teresa

If my memory serves me, this is the only post of "A Face In The Crowd" which contained an autumn face. The last post in this series was done over the summer, while we were in the hotel. Thankfully, this post has a happy, if maybe a little flirtatious, smile, rather than the one from last summer. The summer post was a bit sad, and so was I when I spotted it in a discarded pizza box. Sometimes I wonder if I see faces with the same emotion I am feeling at the time. When I was feeling artistic, I spotted one that reminded me of "The Scream" by Edvard Munch, so I suppose it could be my sub-conscience directing me to things in the universe that fit my mood. It's funny, when you think about it, a lot of things play off our general mood. Pets certainly do. Joey always seems to know when I need just a little extra cuddle time with him. He keeps my moods from being too dark. Spending just a little extra time with him, I always tend to see things in a more positive mood!

:)

A Face In The Crowd: Sad

A Face In The Crowd: Artistic

A Face In The Crowd: Silly

Seeing faces in inanimate objects is called pareidolia, and according to New York Magazine, people who tend to see faces are neurotic, and those who don't see faces... aren't! To me, that's a little too easy. I mean it's pretty common to see patterns, right? But then again, I can admit, I am somewhat neurotic. I always have been. You couldn't grow up in the family I did and not turn out at least a little neurotic. I would say that I am about 45% neurotic. 47% at the most. Give or take. How about you? Do you see faces in inanimate things? Of course answering that question would be like telling the whole world that you are neurotic. 

 Not there is anything wrong with that.

Leaf Of The Day

December 11th 2015

Mood: Curious

~Me :)

A Look Back At May 2014...

"Lots of people go mad in January. Not as many as in May, of course. Nor June. But January is your third most common month for madness."

~Karen Joy Fowler, Sarah Canary

I wouldn't say I went MAD in May, but there were definitely things getting on my nerves and playing with my emotions. As a result, I struggled with a good bit of lethargy, and a long bout of not feeling particularly inspired to get out doors with the camera. Shrug. It happens... right? Fortunately I have been finding pleasure in looking at other peoples photos on Instagram, and letting them inspire me with their choice of varied subjects. 

I know, I know... Steven would say... "Photograph something every day, and push through the bouts of absent creativity." He knew, I think from experience, that sometimes the only way to silence the inner naysayer is to ignore them and go about your way. And that's what I am telling myself right now. My goal for June is to take at least one photo a day, of whatever comes my way, and we will see where we are on June 30th. Should be interesting, as that's the day after my birthday! LOL.

Anyway, here is what caught my eye in May...







On to June...

Mood: Happy

~Me :)

The Love Story Of Donny And Nina (Not Their Real Names)

"If I throw a stick, will you leave?"
~Unknown

True story. Only Certain Names Have Been Changed.

Okay, so Saturday night I was a bit out of sorts. It's been an emotional couple weeks over my way. The plane crash at SFO really upset me. It was depressing and scary.  It will be at least a year before we have any final word on the exact cause, and while some things seem obvious now, I am trying to wait and see what the NTSB says in it's final report. So I was feeling that stress. Now, the added element of that ridiculous mistake made at KTVU about airing those blatantly racist names as the true names of the pilots of Asiana 214, both embarrassed me and pissed me off! I would have thought that a network affiliate, hell any news outlet, would have checked, double checked, triple checked those names before they ever reached the anchor desk! It's sad. But the news networks have to fight each other to get the scoop. So, there you go. They certainly did get the scoop!

"When I look into your eyes, I see straight through to the back of your head."
~Unknown

As for Saturday night's verdict in the George Zimmerman trial, well, HELL! What do we have to do to get justice in this country? The jurors ruled, and reserving judgement about them because we haven't heard from them as yet, but I feel the prosecution team did a truly less than stellar job, and it was obvious. I am also hugely unimpressed with the forensics team that did such a bad job of collecting evidence, but even with all that, in my opinion, the jury still should have brought back at least a verdict of manslaughter. Zimmerman brought a gun, to a situation that could have been accomplished with words, had he not decided in his own mind that Trayvon Martin was up to no good. Why couldn't he have introduced himself throughout the neighborhood, to all his neighbors, as the volunteer neighborhood watch captain? Or taken similar steps. Why couldn't he have I.D. himself to Trayvon early on that night? Why did he have to assume anything?

"Don't let your mind wander, it's far too small to be let out on it's own."
~Unknown

So I am sitting at my desk late Saturday night, tweeting, and having a good cry for that poor child, Trayvon Martin, when what do I hear? Not Alan snoring, not the cats playing, but rather the shrewish cry of my neighbor Nina (not her real name) yelling at the love of her life Donny (not his real name).  See the above graphic. And for the next 5 hours there was various expletives, and thuds as object flung in passion hit assorted walls and gates. Love was in the air. And I don't know why, but in the middle of all the noise I just started laughing! I went from crying a deep down mournful cry that really hurt, to laughing my ass off! Mood swing much? If I could assign one word to describe the last couple weeks, that word would be ABSURD! It's just been one damn absurd moment, event, decision or discussion right after another, none of which directly affecting me, but still a poignant presence nonetheless.

"I used to think you were a colossal pain in the neck. Now I have a much lower opinion of you."
~Unknown

The last thing I heard from the love birds last night was the sound of the their gate slamming shut. Donny left around 2:15 A.M. or so. He hasn't been back as far as I can tell. It's probably a smart thing to remove oneself from a heated situation, so for that I applaud him! The thing is, this couple has been a pain in the ass to everyone on this property since the day they moved in almost 4 years ago. I would be lying if I said I would be sad if they moved. I wish. I pray that one day this property can just go back to the way it was before they moved here. But I now have a deeper insight into some of the problems. We have heard bickering going on for years. Lots of immature stuff. But, what occurs on me, about why they are so nasty to everyone on the property, is that fact that it all comes down to control. If you can't get along with the person you have chosen to live with, then you are going to go out of your way to not care about others around you. If you feel beaten down, chances are you will probably become a bully.

And they both have.

They have lied about people living here. They make noise after having been told to respect others quiet. They take things, that don't belong to them. They let their dog bark and throw his body against the fence we share, just for the purpose of disturbing others, especially me. I have asked more than once for them to put the dog in when running errands, for my well being as well as "Snoopy's." Not his real name of course. It breaks my heart to hear his little whelp as his body hits the fence. That dog loves Donny with all his heart, and when Donny leaves, "Snoopy" just wants him to come back. I overheard one day, Donny say to Nina... "The property management told us to put Snoopy in." To which she replied a resounding "FUCK NO! No one tells me what to do!" Donny... "But we're gonna get in trouble."

Donny sounded like a little kid just then. And I think I felt very sorry for him in that moment. Not that Nina had dictated to him how things were going to be, like it or not,  but rather I felt bad that an adult couple, both in their 30's, apparently had the emotional maturity of a couple of teenagers. Other people's children, what can you do? Thank GOD for better living through chemistry, thank GOD for Valium!

"Too many freaks, not enough circuses."
 ~Unknown

Mood: Tired/Emotional/Ok

~Me

The Sad Little Bear

"A bear teaches us that if the heart is true, it doesn't matter much if an ear drops off."

~Helen Exley

While I was photographing the gorgeous sculptures in the temporary sculpture park in Oakland on Monday, I just happened to spot this medium sized brown bear sitting on the balcony of an apartment  across the street. I couldn't quite make out the details of his face, but decided to take the photo anyway, because it was such an interesting sight. When I got home, and saw it on the computer, I knew I had to post it. The bear looks so sad, so lonely. I don't think I have ever seen one quite like it. The face of that medium brown bear nearly broke my heart.

I would like to think that it doesn't always have such a sad look on it's face, but rather from time to time he smiles a big broad smile. Times like when it's favorite human in the whole world is home, or when it's favorite canine or feline is chewing or drooling on his ear. Of course in the rational world stuffed bears have no emotion at all, and while I kinda count on the rational world, particularly in times such as these, I have to admit, I don't mind the occasional pondering about the feelings of Teddy Bears.

 

Mood: Silly

~Me :)

Ellipsis Monday Photo Shoot #143: Pick An Emotion Any Emotion

"But some emotions don't make a lot of noise. It's hard to hear pride. Caring is real faint... like a heartbeat. And pure love... why some days it's so quiet you even know it's there."

-Unknown







EMPS #143: PICK AN EMOTION, ANY EMOTION NOW CLOSED!
Happy. Sad. Amused. Angry. Indifferent. Lonely. Wistful. Moods and EMOTIONS we all have them. Let's try putting those EMOTIONS into our photography. Go for it, I will be looking forward to your submissions this week!

Extra Credit: Share with us how it was to do this assignment this week. Did you find it difficult to do? What was the biggest barrier to doing the assignment, and what was the easiest part? Did a particular emotion pop into your mind right after reading what the assignment was?

Guidelines for Assignment Submissions...

1.The EMPS closes each Sunday evening at 9:00 PM (ET). No submissions will be accepted after that time.

2. Submit your entry by getting your photo, uploading it to you blog or website, and then comeback here and leave me your link in the comment thread. PLEASE REMEMBER... THE LINK YOU LEAVE MUST GO BACK TO AN ENTRY WHICH IS SPECIFIC TO THIS WEEK'S ASSIGNMENT! A general link to your site will not do, and will not be added to the list of those participating the following Monday. HYPERLINKS ARE NOT ACCEPTED!

3. Please be sure to provide a link back to the assignment in your submission, so your readers can find the assignment and join us. Everyone is welcome to play along!

4. Please keep in mind that the image you submit for the EMPS assignment, must be your own original photography. NO LIFTING!


Participation List for EMPS #142: Create An Autumn Greeting Postcard. 0/19/2011\

1. Freda

2. Jama

3. Carly (ME)

Thank you for your continued participation everyone! I hope you enjoy this week's assignment! See you next Monday!

-Carly

Your Monday Photo Shoot: Expression

"A woman whose smile is open and whose expression is glad has a kind of beauty no matter what she wears."

-Anne Roiphe

Your Monday Photo Shoot: Present a picture that clearly shows a particular emotion. Happy, sad, thrilled, bummed, anything in between.

-John Scalzi (By The Way)

I LOVE photographing faces. People faces, animal faces, and especially mannequin faces. Emotions are fun... sometimes. :)

"But some emotions don't make a lot of noise. It's hard to hear pride. Caring is real faint - like a heartbeat. And pure love - why, some days it's so quiet, you don't even know it's there."

-Anonymous

"Lets not forget that little emotions are the great captains of our lives, and we obey them without realizing it."

-Vincent Van Gogh

"Feelings are much like waves, we can't stop them from coming, but we can choose which ones to surf."

-Jonathan Martensson

"The walls we build around us to keep sadness out also keeps out the joy."

-Jom Rohn


-OndineMonet
"Isn't She Lovely"
Berkeley, California
Summer, 2007