The Ethereal Past

"The ethereal past had blinded him, and the

 highest happiness he could dream was a return to it."

~E. M. Forester

Maurice

It's Monday. The first Monday in January, and the first Monday of the new year, and I feel like I have already lived a month of Monday's just since New Year's day, last Wednesday. History will document the events of this past week, in great detail, but I will touch lightly on it a bit, just for clarity, you see, we are probably standing on the precipice of World War III, and yes, it was indeed caused by, you guessed it, Donald John Trump! As if that comes as a surprise. The thing is, I don't know why I am not more scared than I am. Yes, low energy. No real desire to do anything. Not putting any planning into anything, including getting out of bed, or out with the camera, but mostly, I don't feel any particular need to cling to Alan, or sit in a corner and cry. I just feel like missiles could be flying over at any moment, and really, I don't particularly care if they are, or if it kills me!

I don't know if the anti-depressants are finally kicking in, I have only been taking them since the day James Comey was fired, back in 2017, or if I have finally matured in the fact that I can't do a single thing about my death, whether it happens in 50 years, or Thursday of this week, at 11:21PM. It's out of my hands if it comes by a nuclear missile hitting my pool, or I am attacked in my driveway by a band of rabid dogs. I can't control how, or when, I will die. But the thought that it might be Trump that causes it, still remains so insulting to me. Death, is a part of life. Period. But you also know that there are better ways than others to leave this world. Take, for example, that I have come to believe that one day, some beautiful autumn October afternoon, I will be standing in a big pile of beautiful leaves, and will be bitten by a gorgeous, highly poisonous spider, and die right on the spot. But if I did, at least I was enjoying beautiful autumn, the season that makes me feel most alive, when it happened. And oh the irony!

LOL.

But I don't want to go at the hand of that ignorant, stupid asshole. If I have to murdered, couldn't it be by someone with as much charm as Ted Bundy? Or the someone with the mildly attractive looks of Scott Peterson? Sigh. Nah, they aren't great choices either. Maybe if one is going to be murdered, it should be by the hand of a stranger. Yes. That does seem more interesting and exotic. Murdered by a stranger, and that's not even a bad title for a book either! Maybe I should write a book, or at least a short story to get my mind off things? Maybe if I stop thinking about nuclear annihilation, I can get back to crying over stupid shit, like Trump's presidency in general. Or maybe I can just let the feelings come, as they find their way to the front of my consciousnesses. Good plan!

Also, I am beginning a new category in my photography... "Mid-Century Style". I am beginning with the photograph above. I took it in November of 2019, near a cemetery I was doing some late autumn photos in. Our house was built in 1962, and has a really lovely mid-century style and vibe to it! Things from that era have been catching my eye for a long time, and so now that we live in the Central Valley, with all these lovely old buildings, it seems that this is the right time to take advantage of my location. And it's a good way to not give up on photography completely, while I struggle will the lack of will to enjoy what life I have left.

Do you remember the ethereal musician? I miss him. He would play his sax, and my mood would improve 100%! It was fine that I never found out who he was, he remains a magical mystery to this very day, but I sure do miss him... and his music. There were days when I was so sad that I didn't think I would ever smile again, and then suddenly, through the back door, in the middle of the day, came his music, and I would feel happy again. I am so nostalgic for those times. Me and Elvis and the ethereal musician, all sharing music and the little things that make life worth holding on to.  If I close my eyes, I can almost hear "You're a Friend Of Mine" being played on the saxophone, and feel Elvis's fuzzy paw pressing on my cheek, waking me up from our afternoon nap. He loved the music too. This memory has me so nostalgic for that peace of mind, if I close my eyes, I can almost touch it.

Sigh. I guess there is something to be said for living in the moment.

 

Happy New Year 2020!

"Hope smiles from the threshold of the year to come, whispering 'it will be happier'... "

~Alfred Lord Tennyson

Happy New Year friends!

See you on Monday, January 6th, 2020!

Christmas 2019

"Christmas magic starts in the heart."

~Tori Sorenson

Hendrix's favorite treat... Roses!

We had a nice Christmas. Well, the holiday itself was nice, but there was one or two things that left a definite mark on the days leading up to the day, that were less than ideal. The one that left the biggest hurt happened Friday morning. Someone, very early, hit a cat, and left his dying body on our porch. He/she was a beautiful child, a silver tabby with lots of white fur, and a tiny full face. It had some horrific injuries, and wouldn't let hubby or myself touch it's body. Understandable I think. I could tell it was close to death, so Alan and I did the best we could do for our little friend, by putting a warm shirt underneath it, while we waited for the Humane Society to open. Unfortunately the little one passed away about an hour later. It was terribly sad, and it was a couple days before I could shake that feeling, but at least the little one didn't have to pass away alone. We were here.

The rest of the weekend came and went without incident. I was still processing the cold I got, you know, my annual Christmas head cold. If we are still in this house a year from now, it will be our 6th Christmas, and hopefully it will break the spell of a catching a cold every year at Christmas time, although at this point, it's turning into a kitchy holiday tradition. LOL. I guess you could say it has replaced my other annual holiday tradition of being called a BITCH on Christmas Eve by a complete stranger. That hasn't happened since we moved to the Central Valley. I guess the curse was broken when we moved here, or it simply goes without saying, I am a total bitch. Either way... it's all good. Tee Hee. Had the tradition continued, I would have been in my 35 year! Oh my, I think I miss it a little! Still, there is nothing like the euphoria of a fever of about 102 or so! But I don't recommend it. Much.

Anyway, it's New Year's Eve, time for closing the files for 2019 and looking forward to all that's waiting for us in 2020. Like kicking Donald John Trump to the political curb! Bye Bye ASSHOLE. We have already impeached him, and at the rate he's going, he just might be impeached again. With a little luck, he might break a record or something, for the most impeached American president ever! A sad, yet uplifting, turn of events should it happen. All I want in 2020 is to see him gone. Just gone. Not harmed mind you, just removed from office, and some sense of sanity returned in his place. Whatever that is. We will see. I have some New Year's goals, wishes and hopes. More on that later in the week. Maybe on Friday the 3rd, but until then, on this New Year's Eve, here is a look back at our Christmas. It was a lovely, quiet gift all it's own.

 I shopped for my annual gourmet basket for Alan. Included were some yumminess for Christmas Eve and New Year's Day!

Santa came and was generous with the fun! A Victrola turntable for me, and a theater light sign for Alan and the Bijou. That theater room is really coming together!

 I gave myself a set of 4, 4 inch spring-form pans for branching out with my stress baking! Mmmm. New York Cheesecake is coming in the new year!

It was a good holiday. Quiet. And the little fuzz balls were a lot of fun. Dylan enjoyed his brand new box of cat treats, and even made some sounds of Nom Nom. I think that silly kitty actually learned to say NOM NOM! What could possibly beat the joy of that? And boy am I thankful my little guys are indoor cats, I never have to worry about them being harmed by outside dangers. I love them so deeply, and fortunately, the love me back. I am a happy lady.

~Mood: Happy

~Me  :)

When The Leaves Are Gone, Then Come The Sunsets

"Some winters will never melt

Some summers will never freeze 

And some things will only live in poems."

~Sanober Khan

Turquoise Silence

I swear winter sunsets try a little harder to be beautiful, to make up for the loss of all the autumn leaves. Even if it's only a day into the winter season! I think I am going to try to capture as many sunsets this winter as possible. Just look at that color! Like with each individual leaf of autumn, I will never see that exact sunset, ever again! 

~Mood: Happy

~Me  :)

Christmas Eve 2019

"When we recall Christmas past,

 we usually find that the simplest things... 

not the greatest occasions... 

give off the greatest glow of happiness."

~Bob Hope

Merry Christmas Eve!

Love, The Gordon Family

Winter Migration

Canadian Geese

December 21st 2019

Lathrop, California

 Nikon

"She decided to free herself, dance into the wind, create a new language. And birds fluttered around her, writing "yes" in the sky."

~Monique Duval

Migrating Canadian Geese

Black & white

December 21st, 2019

Nikon

On the way home last Saturday, I spotted all kinds of different birds making their way south. Migration in the Central Valley has been lovely so far! Not only did I spot a brand new bird, just a couple weeks ago, but on Saturday I got to watch a gorgeous flock on Canadian Geese, and then a large group of Starlings making their way south, to warmer temperatures. I am thinking of asking Santa Claus for some bird feeders for Christmas, because that is something I can have a lot of fun with, even on this horrible Fibromyalgia days when there is no leaving the house because of pain! Who knows how many new birds I might be able to spot in 2020!? What a lovely thing to be able to look forward to!

 Starlings

~Mood: Happy
~Me    :)

Welcome To Winter 2019

"Winter is much like unrequited love; cold and merciless."

~Kellie Elmore

Today is the first full day of winter, but my heart remains in autumn. All is not lost however, because it gives us long, dark days, when naps are especially delicious, and books are much more like best friends, than mere escape vessels. I think I love winter on a certain level, but sometimes I wish it came before autumn. Oh well, I guess God got it right, who could handle the colors of autumn, immediately after the ghostly deep blue of winter? The mind would reel!

~Mood: Quiet

~Me

Goodnight Autumn

The Final Autumn Leaf Of 2019

#90

December 21st 2019

Stockton, California

Photographed September 28th, 2019

Stockton, California

Nikon

"What an abundant harvest has been collected in autumn! The earth has now fulfilled it's design for this year, and is going to repose for a short time. Thus nature is continually employed during the greatest part of the year: even in her rest she is active and in silence prepares a new creation."

~Christoph Christian Sturm

Reflections on the Works of God In Nature

 And Providence for Every Day In The Year 

Goodnight Autumn. If you were in front of me, Id kiss you on the forehead, tuck you into warm blanket and kiss you goodnight. See you in September. Sleep well.

The Santa Fe Train Of Old Sacramento

"Gone are the summer days and my mind with them. No longer will I indulge in hopes of getting you back. It is hope that makes these chains heavier and autumnal night longer. I will merely serve as a memory to you the lover that recited love poems. I must go now and I urge you to not look back."

~Kamand Kojouri

I love the sound of a train in the middle of the night. It's got such a lonely sound, and yet inside my heart it feels okay because I know it is busy at work, always going here or there on business and bringing people and things to planned stops safely. I think little by little, as I was growning up, I began to think of trains as friends. It was a sound I could hear when I was in bed that always made me feel safe, at 3:15 am every morning without fail. Now, wouldn't it be nice to have a train that could take you to your favorite memory, or season, any time you felt like booking passage? There must be an autumn town somewhere other than Heaven. Right? And I bet the train that could take me there would look a lot like the beautiful old Santa Fe train of Old Sacramento!

 For The Last Full Day Of Autumn...

#89 Leaf Of The Day

December 20th 2019

Stockton, California

Nikon

Autumn ends Saturday night so there will be one more leaf to see, so comeback tomorrow to see the very last Leaf Of The Day for Autumn 2019!

~Mood: Quiet

~Me 

Impeachment In The Autumn

"A president cannot defend a nation

 if he is not held accountable to it's laws."

~DaShanne Stokes

Wednesday, December 18th, 2019

Donald John Trump is now only the third American president to be impeached. A welcome relief that our system of government is still holding firm, and a sad reality that we are still so as a vulnerable nation. So, what comes next? The Senate will take up the articles of Impeachment soon. When? That's up to Speaker Pelosi. It's up in the air. In the short term, it is now history that rather than take this solemn moment and reflect on it's meaning, Donald John Trump chose to instead to insult the memory of Rep. John Dingle, and insult his window, who is now a member of congress herself. I guess that should surprise no one. But at the same time, he continues to surprise me in his abilities to cause hurt and destruction in every gentle area of life we have left. Basic kindness and decency have seemed so far away with his daily self pitting Twitter bursts. How can any American with an ounce of patriotism support a man so devoid of love for anyone but himself? That's rhetorical, of course. Anyway, as this Autumn comes to a close. this is just one more memory of a season that seamed indifferent. Maybe next autumn will feel more like shining through.

 #88 Leaf Of The Day

December 19th 2019

Nevada City, California

Nikon

~Mood: Quiet

~Me 

For Autumn Art

 #87 Leaf Of The Day

December 18th 2019

Nevada City, California

Nikon

 

"For art, she thumbtacked hundreds of autumn leaves

 on one of the cracked walls."

~Eleyne-Mari Sharp

Inn Lak'ech

Hmmm... is this quote about me? Because hundreds of leaves, thumbtacked to a wall is exactly what I call art! One day I hope to be able to turn some of my leaf portraits into framed photos or perhaps a photo book, but not right now. I am too unsure of the knickknacks I already have, let alone creating more things to take up space. Besides, anytime I find myself needing a little autumn, all I have to do is log into Google web albums, and suddenly I am walking on a beautiful carpet of autumn leaves, and all is right with the world again!

~Mood: Quiet
~Me:  

The Last Of The Falling Leaves

"The smell of burning firewood and the molding of organic, earthly substances remind her of jumping wildly into the enormous leaf piles of autumns past and she suddenly wished that it was appropriate for someone her age to do such a thing."

Abby Slovin

Letters In Cardboard Boxes

September 24th 2014

Its a strange thing, because this year's autumn was so dull in comparison to most other years, but I seemed to have saved more leaves to a reserve file than in other autumns. I don't want to just let them go, I put some work into searching for them. So, I guess that means more last minute individual beauties to admire, which is kind of nice I think. I have also decided, for the first time, to add all remaining leaves, not featured as an individual, Leaf Of The Day, into the full gallery with a post Autumn 2019 G distinction. I decided to do this, not just because I had so many beautiful leaves left over, but because I had a lot of leaves in previous years that I should have found a way to include, but didn't. That was a shame. Every year has a unique beauty to hold onto, and I know one day I will maybe look back at 2019 and see it differently, but right now, everything just seems frustrating and dull. Maybe it is, maybe it isn't, but I do know that 2014 was one of my best year's for finding autumn beauty, and I didn't think I could find anything more in that archived folder to love, but the other day I did! That kinda tells me that I will be seeing 2019 differently one day. 

At least I hope I will. 

 

And today's Leaf Of The Day

#86 Leaf Of The Day

December 17th 2019

Cull Canyon, Ca

LG Stylo

~Mood: Happy
~Me   :)