How Many Reindeer Does It Take To Change A Light Bulb?

"Money's scarce, times are hard, here's your fucking Christmas card"

~Phyllis Diller

I thought it would be fun to change things up a bit by lightening the mood of my blog a bit! We are getting closer and closer to Christmas, and I am really beginning to feel the holiday spirit! Everything is lovely outside, well, except for the lack of autumn leaves, but I did find some pretty wonderful trees, not too far from where I live, and I am going to do some photography outside later today!

I might even do some photography in my rose garden this afternoon, as I got a lovely surprise as I found one small yellow and pink rosebud on one of the newer roses in my garden! It is about to bloom, and I can't believe that the frost didn't damage it! It is so delicate! If the weather holds as it is another few days, I will have a lovely rose to bring in for the bud vase! Is there anything quite as lovely as roses in winter? I am a happy girl! :)

 Now, how about some fun...

Christmas Humor...

Q: What do you call an elf wearing ear muffs?
A: Anything you want, he can't hear you!

Q: What goes "oh, oh, oh?"
A. Santa Walking backwards

Q. What do you call an obnoxious reindeer?
A. RUDEolph.

The Four Stages Of Life...

1. You believe in Santa Claus
2. You don't believe in Santa Claus
3. You dress up like Santa Claus
4. You look like Santa Claus

Christmas Mondegreens...

The Christmas Song

(Wrong)
Jeff's nuts roasting on an open fire, check for snipping at your nose; You'll tide carols being sung by the fire, and folks dressed like Eskimos.

(Right)
Chestnuts roasting on an open fire, Jack Frost nipping at your nose; Yuletide carols being sung by the fire, and folks dressed up like Eskimos.

Good King Wenceslas...

(Wrong)
Good King Wences' car backed out, on the feet of heathens. When the snow lay round about, deep and crisp and even."

(Right)
Good King Wenceslas looked out, on the feast of Stephen. When the snow lay round about, deep and crisp and even."

 Christmas Time Is Here...

 

And Now The Answer To The Question Asked In The Post Title...

A: Eight! One to screw in the light bulb and seven to hold Rudolph down!

Just Remember Boys And Girls...

"A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer!"
~Mitch Hedberg

Happy Holidays!

Mood: Festive

~Me :)

Peace On Earth

Christmas gift suggestions...

To your enemy... FORGIVENESS
To and opponent... TOLERANCE
To a friend... YOU'RE HEART
To a customer... SERVICE
To all... CHARITY
To every child... A GOOD EXAMPLE
To yourself... RESPECT

~Oren Arnold

I am struggling this Christmas, like no other one that I remember. Alan and I have a wonderful time together, but this year... well... you know. But I am trying to not let the sadness in, but it's not all that easy or practice, or realistic. And like when you try not to laugh at an inappropriate time, trying not to cry at an inappropriate time can be just as difficult, if not more so. I know, this to shall pass, of course it will, but right now the sadness seems to have a mind of it's own. But I try.

So, in the spirit of trying, lets share a grin... shall we?

I love Mondegreens, you know... misheard lyrics, any time of the year, but at Christmas time, it's amusing on a whole different level. Let's share a laugh, or even just a grin, it's all good.

:) Here are some of my favorites...

Real Lyrics: Jingle Bells

Bells on Bobtails ring.
Making Spirits bright
What fun it is to ride and sing
A sleighing song tonight.

Not So Real Lyrics

Bells on Bob's tail
Making spareribs bright
What fun it is to write and sing
A slaying song to knives

Real Lyrics: Good King Wenceslas

Good King Wenceslas looked out
On the feast of Stephen
When the snow lay round about
Deep and crisp and even

Good King Wences' car backed out
On the feet of heathens
When the snow lay round about
Deep and crisp and even

Real Lyrics: The First Noel

The first Noel
The angels did say
Was to certain poor shepards in fields
As they lay

 Noel, Noel, Noel, Noel
Born is the King of Israel.

Not So Real Lyrics...

The first Noel
The angels did say
Was to frighten poor shepards in fields
As they lay

Noel, Noel, Noel, Noel
Barney's the King of Israel.

And now, here is the punchline to last night's joke...

Q. Why did the elf push his bed into the fireplace?

A. Because he wanted to sleep like a log. :)

Tonight's Joke...

Q. Why is Christmas just like a day at the office?


Comeback tomorrow for the answer. But feel free to take a guess! Also, if you have a favorite Mondegreen, please share in the comment thread!

Okay, see ya tomorrow with more bad jokes, and depressing Christmas observations. LOL. Nah... not really!

:)

"Christmas is a bridge. We need bridges as the river of time flows past. Today's Christmas should mean creating happy hours for tomorrow and reliving those of yesterday."

~Gladys Tabor

 ~Me :)

Round John Virgin, Margarine Child

"There is always music amongst the trees in the garden, but our hearts must be very quiet to hear it."

-Minnie Aumonier

It's that time again. It can't be escaped. Everywhere you go, there it is... Christmas music. Personally, I hate, hate, hate most Christmas songs, and avoid them like the plague, but there are some people, such as Alan, who love listening to holiday music. This has been a point of contention with us over the years, to the point that during one Christmas season, I refused to ride in his car with him, if he insisted that we listen to the Ho, Ho, Ho's or the Jolly, Jolly, Jollies. LOL.

I have mellowed in my position on this over the years, and have made the effort... for him... to find at least a few holiday songs that I can live with. You do that kind of thing for those you love. In truth, it took a bit of doing, but I did find some songs which I actually enjoy now, such as the Peanuts song, "Christmas Time Is Here." It's such a gentle little tune, how could that not put me in the holiday spirit?

My reasons for disliking this type of music are very personal ones, but I have made an effort in recent years to change how I think about things. I am much more at peace now, then I have been in a long time. I find myself enjoying the holiday season, as opposed to dreading all the festivities. I suppose some of my change came as a result of maturity, and my will to do away with unfounded fears, such as my overwhelming fear of mall Santa's. Talk about an unreasonable fear, heck, I married a former mall Santa! LOL.

One of the ways I found to beat the holiday happiness dread, was finding out that I wasn't alone when I actually heard the lyrics to Christmas songs wrong. Everyone has done that, right? Mondegreens are one of those silly things that we all share, so I thought it would be fun to share some of my favorite ones. I have collected these here and there across the net, I hope they bring you a smile. :)

Silent Night

Silent night, holy night;
All is calm, all is bright.
Round John Virgin, margarine child
Holy Imbecile, tender and mild.
Sleep in heavenly peas, peas;
Sleep in heavenly peace.

Santa Claus Is Coming To Town

Oh! You better watch out
You better not cry,
You better not pout,
I'm telling you why;
Santa Claus is coming to town!

He's making a list
Of chicken and rice
Gonna find out who's naughty or nice;
Santa Claus is coming to town!

The kids in girl and boy land
Will have a jubilee.
They're going to build a toilet town
All around the Christmas tree.

Oh! You better watch out,
You better not cry,
You better not pout,
I'm telling you why;
Santa Claus is coming to town.

Frosty The Snowman

Frosty the Snowman
Was a jolly happy soul
With a canecob pipe and a bloody nose
And two eyes made out of coal.

Frosty the Snowman
Is a ferret elf I say;
He was made of snow, but the children know
How he came to life one day.

The Christmas Song

Jeff's nuts roasting on an open fire
Check for snipping at your nose
You'll tide carols being sung by the fire
And folks dressed up like Eskimos.

Everybody knows a turkey, handsome Mr. Soul
Help to make the season bright;
Tiny tots with their eyes all aglow
Will find it hard to sleep tonight.

Good King Wencesias

Good King Wences's car back out
On the feet of heathens.
When the snow lay round about.
Deep and crisp and even.

Brightly shone the moon that night
Though the frost was cruel,
When poor man came in sight
Gathering wine and gruel.

Good king wants his applesauce
At the feast this evening.
When the snow lay round about,
Deep and crisp and even.

Have A Holly Jolly Christmas

Have a holly, jolly Christmas
It's the best time of the year
Well, I don't know if there'll be snow,
But have a cup of cheese.

Tee Hee. There you have it. Do you have a favorite Mondegreen? How about a special holiday Mondegreen? If so, feel free to share it in the comment thread for this entry, but remember, Ellipsis is a PG-13 blog... so be nice. :)

-OndineMonet
"Holiday Music"
Berkeley, California
November 24, 2007
Evening