Showing posts with label Living Without Fear. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Living Without Fear. Show all posts

Thursday, October 22, 2015

Ask Me Next Autumn...

"It was October again... a glorious October, all red and gold, with mellow morning when the valleys were filled with delicate mists as if the spirit of autumn had poured them in for the sun to drain...
 amethyst, pearl. silver, rose, and smoke-blue. 
The dews were so heavy that the fields glistened like cloth of silver and there were such heaps of rustling leaves in the hollows of many-stemmed woods to run through."

~E. L. Montgomery
Anne Of Green Gables

I am feeling better. Little by little I am letting go of the pain, and moving forward. The leaves help. There is something... I don't know... just something about all those colors, gently swaying back and forth, that makes me heart smile! When your heart smiles, it's difficult to dwell on the things that hurt you. The things that break your heart and your spirit. I am still mulling some legal options, but right now I am content to let our vacation be all about the healing from the nonsense of this past summer. Summer has always been a cruel, treacherous season, and this last one did nothing to prove me wrong. But autumn is here now, wrapping me in a soft warm blanket, and so I am content to let it, and in doing so, I am finding the forgiveness for what's been done. Yeah, I guess you could say I am moving on. Moving on, and moving forward. Will I, will we, heal completely? Ask me next autumn.

Leaf Of The Day
October 22nd 2015

Mood:Quiet

~Me :)



Friday, January 16, 2015

Extremely Stupid And Incredibly Useless

"Technology offers us a unique opportunity, though rarely welcome, to practice patience."

~Allen Lokos
Patience: The Art Of Peaceful Living

Finally, in just about two weeks my contract with AT&T will finally be up and I can unload this piece of crap cell phone! Sigh. I hate to say that because while it might be the worst cell phone ever, for reasons I will get to, it is one of the best, if not the best point and shoot camera I have ever owned! In fact, long after I choose a new cell phone, I will still be charging this phone... urrr... camera to take along with me when I go on photo jaunts. It is excellent in low light conditions, it takes crisp macro shots, and even the action shots come out amazingly crisp and clear looking! The camera really is amazing in that it is only 8 megapixel. The pictures it takes are really quite lovely!

 Here are a couple examples...


The HTC Vivid is not the first phone by HTC that I have owned. My phone just prior to this one was the HTC Aria. That phone was great, in fact it never gave me a moment of trouble. I decided to upgrade to the Vivid because the Aria was quite small and I felt I needed one that fit a little better in my hands. Not that I have big hands or anything, I just felt a bigger phone would make some things easier. Anyway, I liked the company a lot, but I have been noticing that their products don't get the ratings they used to, so I will probably be going with a completely different manufacturer next time.

I have been shopping around and I think I have it narrowed down to the Samsung Galaxy S5 or the LG G3. We'll see. Sometimes I wish my cell phone wasn't necessary, but let's face it, the cell phone may have just been a fun gadget at one time, but in the world we live in, it's become many other things, such as a household tool, a safety device, a learning device, a media device, and a source of entertainment. I could live without a cell phone prior to 9/11 but now... not so much. I appreciate being able to communicate with Alan should the unthinkable occur again. I feel safer knowing that I can get an alert from local news and CNN, although sometimes I dread reading the news alerts I get. Like the day Robin Williams died. I heard the alert tone, looked at my phone, and then couldn't function for the next few hours. I couldn't even say the words that I saw on my phone, when Alan asked me what was wrong... I just handed to him.



Even now... looking at the words... it just seems so incredibly unreal. Alan and I were crossing the bridge into San Mateo, when I heard an alert on my phone. I didn't check it because we were having a deep conversation about our friend who had taken his own life a few months earlier. All night, the night before, I had been ruminating on suicide. Not mine, but just in general, and I didn't know why. So, as we drove along, I was asking Alan if he had noticed if some of our other friends seemed unusually preoccupied or seemed unusually depressed. To my relief he said no, our circle of friends were coming to terms with what had happened and would process verbally to him if needed. A few minutes later we stopped at a little bagel shop, Alan went in, and I stayed in the car, tired from lack of sleep. I decided to check the alert, and there it was! My heart... my heart began to pound out of my chest. I knew he lived just across the bay, and suddenly the world, especially the bay, seemed so damn dark. It's a feeling, I hope I never, ever experience again! It took me over a month to erase that alert off my phone. I didn't want to let go. But I did eventually. We have to... right?

So, like everything else that's ever been invented, the cell phone is a constant source of help and hurt. Of crisp, clear January days, and days spent in happy frolic to moments of fear and sorrow. The cell phone lets us keep in touch while on the go, and keeps us up to date on what we need to know right now. I get to play word games with friends, and capture sunsets with its camera. I can save a recipe and take the recipe shopping with me. Owing a cell phone is fun, much more fun than it is heartbreaking. We live in a world where we can face dangers we didn't 20 years ago, and we have had to adapt to new ways of living. I just wish our government wasn't tapping in! But, if they feel they need to know what recipe I am making for dinner, or that I don't let go of love easily well, that's fine. Who knows maybe I can make them feel less alone. If anyone is listening in. One can't worry about everything, right?

A cell phone, my cell phone in particular, might be extremely stupid and incredibly useless, but it is, however, the best necessary evil in my life. Hey, it's not all bad, at least it entertains as well as breaks my heart.

That's Life.

Mood: Happy

~Me :)

HTC Vivid
Photographed 1/15/15
11:00 PM
Nikon CoolPix S3500