The Other Side Of The Shutter

"Do one thing every day that scares you."

~Eleanor Roosevelt

At the moment, photography scares me. Well, scares might be a strong word, more like I am just not feeling it. I am going through yet another rough patch. Not really depressed but not really happy either. My father in law passed away a couple weeks ago, and while our relationship wasn't perfect, I still feel sad inside.

Sad for a relationship that could never quite happen, sad for Alan, who also had a difficult time relating to his father, and just sad for the loss of someone I appreciated despite our differences. I don't know if he knew I appreciated him, but it's okay I guess, at least he isn't in any pain.That was deeper than I meant to go, but you get what I mean I think.

I chose that pretty box of cards because they are one of the last things I bought for myself, before we moved last year. I am not sure if I bought it for my new life, or my old one. Everything changed so profoundly this past year, that nothing is recognizable. And not just in my personal life. Politics, movies, television... everything. I sometimes feel like I have been picked up and thrown across life, only to land on my butt... hard!

 I have a great house, a fabulous husband, the best cats ever, and it all seems surreal to me. Weird. I don't know if I am causing that feeling or if I feel detached because the world really has gone off the rails. Maybe others feel the same way, or maybe it's just me. Who knows? 

All I know is I will figure it out as I go along, and while I move along I will just snap a picture each day and hope I find my inspiration again, somewhere, on the other side of the shutter. 

Mood: Who Knows

~Me

Almighty Dollar

"It's not easy to steal where the landlord is a thief"

Irish Saying

My landlord is a criminal. Period. He knowingly rented an apartment to me, well after he found out that my unit was illegal. That is against the law, so I sought legal help, and we have reached a monetary settlement, rather than I visit the District Attorney and press charges against him. The amount we settled on will help us, but it has placed our family in peril. We thought we were close to closing on our own home this weekend, but it all fell through on Wednesday. Now we are not sure what we will do, except try our best to find a new home that is ready to be purchased as soon as possible. We have the money for the down payment. We have the money for all the fees and closing costs. We have everything packed and pretty much ready to go. What we don't have is a place to go to. 

Having money doesn't make the world go round. With only 60 days to figure things out, rather than the year or more he could have given us, we are backed against the wall. Today I will get up, and get at it again, I will try to find us something... anything that we can maybe purchase and call home. Fortunately, we may have a solid line on someone willing to foster care the boys for a while, if we still haven't found a place by late next month. What a mess. Money doesn't buy happiness. And it doesn't buy love. It also can't buy a soul. My landlord sold his long ago, I can only imagine the look on his face, and the pain in his heart, when he finds out he won't be able to buy it back!

 For The Love Of Money

Mood: Sad

~Me