I Stand With You...

I Stand With You...

Monday, April 04, 2016

Yellow Fresia And Lavender

"Love isnt all flowers and candles, and dancing midgets.
 No, it is much, much taller than that."

~Jarod Kintz
Love Quotes For The Ages
Specifically Ages 18-81.

Look, See, I made it! Two postings in a row! As I ease back into life anew, Mondays seem to be the day for getting caught up! I was so thrilled to hear from my friend Kat! Lovie, I wasn't sure if you might have given up on me and moved on, so to get a comment from you just made my whole day! And yes, I am taking your suggesstion and I will be doing a video walk through of the house when we are done decorating it! The living room is almost there, we just need to finish the fireplace and get something for the red statement wall! I am learning a lot about color as I move along through the decorating. Next up will be the bedroom, which I am doing in Cornflower Blue, soft lavender and mineral. After that it is on to the hallway, bathroom and finally the kitchen next autumn! I want to let the house show me the way, if that makes sense.

 I want to stay true to it's energy, which from our experience in her the last 6 months, is mostly embracing, gentle and very kind. It's a house that brings you in and gently holds you. It's got such a nice vibe. I felt it from the moment we pulled up in front of it! I hadn't even seen it in the MLS listings. Our real estate expert just decided to add it into the house list for that day! We learned the day we signed the contracts that the previous owned listed it on my birthday! It was meant to be. It was just sitting quietly, in that cute little neighborhood waiting for us, and when we pulled up on the curb in front of the house, Alan and I both immediately remarked on how adorable it was and when we walked in the door the house just seemed to say... 

"Well, what took you so long?"

We have started landscaping the yard. 
Yellow Freesia and Lavender. 

More photos to come soon.

Stay Tuned!

Mood: Happy

~Me :)

Monday, March 28, 2016

Well, That Was A Shocking Turn Of Events!

"If bad decorating was a hang-able offense, 
there would be decorators hanging from trees."

~Sylvester Stallone

As you might remember from my previous post, I was planning to put myself on a blogging schedule. I have been having problems with my hands going numb from carpal tunnel syndrome and it had become really uncomfortable to type. I had a good plan to continue with the activities I enjoy, one being blogging, but it was all going to depend on how much rest, and by rest, I mean how much stress I could manage to reduce for myself. HA HA HA... hee hee. Well, shit happens... right?

During the first part of my journey of rest and rehabilitation, in fact the week following my last blog post, Alan and I decided to finally paint the big white wall in the living room. We chose a gorgeous color, Rusty Gate, by Behr. It's in the photo above. I had been dreaming of decorating with warm earthy tones, and despite how bright it seems in the photo, it is really quite deep, and warm. I will post a photo in different lighting soon so you can see it at it's best. 

All went well. It only took a half a day, and I now have a gorgeous statement wall that we are both head over heels in love with. All was right with the world. I finished up the final touches of putting away the brushes, and jumped in the shower before turning in for the night. But then, about an hour later, I woke up with the chills. BIG BAD chills. Then the Vomiting started. By the next day it hurt to go to the bathroom. My doctor ran some tests and behold... I had a Urinary Tract Infection, and food poisoning from E.Coli! Yep... a genuine double whammy! And on Valentine's Day no less!

At first I thought it was one for the other. I knew UTI's are sometimes caused by E.Coli, but no, I had two things at ones. And they both pretty much knocked me out for close to 14 days. I felt like death was imminent, but I recovered. I felt weak, but I was on the mend, then about a month after the illness began, I got a milder case of food poisoning again! Not E. Coli this time, just something not great. That round only lasted a couple days. Now, as I sit here, I feel okay, but I am wondering if I will ever eat out again? Yeah, I probably will, but it might be a while!

I think I got sick because I had the audacity to put my proposed blogging schedule online for all to see. You know, good old Murphy's Law and all that! Never say out loud what your plans are, there is always some invisible entity listening, ready to put the whammy on you! SO, I will say this, I will be posting again, so check back once in a while. Also, check my Twitter, Instagram and Flickr. I tend to go more microblogging than actual blogging these days. There is still more painting to be done. Up next, the fireplace and after that the bedroom! I have a can of Cornflower Blue paint just waiting to meet a boring white wall! It's going to be gorgeous!

Stay Tuned. 

No, I am going to think positively!

See you next Monday!

Mood: Happy

~Me :)

Friday, January 29, 2016

Yep, Still Alive, But...

"Politicians are people who,
 when they see the light at the end of the tunnel,
 they go out and buy more tunnel."

~John Quinton

Donald Trump For President? Huh? Last summer when I heard he was ready to run for president, I was kind of shocked, then I laughed, rolled my eyes and said... "Yes! Finally something is going right! This should be highly entertaining! At the time, I was in a crappy hotel room in Turlock, California, which isn't terribly surprising, because Turlock, California, is one big crap heap! If you visit there, the three sights you will see most often are, rednecks, and their tank topped significant others, cockroaches, and cows. Occasionally you might also encounter hairy spiders the size of a redneck's fist, but I am told that is somewhat of a rarity. The day I encountered one, I was told that the particular type of spider I encountered mostly live in trees. Great... a tree dwelling spider. Fun. I wondered if it could fly, and then for the next couple weeks always wore a hat when venturing out of the hotel room.LOL. Like Donald Trump's run for the presidency, after the initial shock and fear wore off, it eventually became funny. I can laugh now, but at the time it was high drama!

Fast forward to the present. I have a fun memory I can relive and share here on Ellipsis, and that makes me happy. I like having a blog. I like to share things with you. I like it when you leave your opinions on things I talk about. I really do. I must because as of next August, I will have been blogging 13 years! We are in an election year, a national election year, which is exciting to me because I am a hopeless political nerd! I love reading about politics, studying it's history, and I even enjoy reading about politicians biographies. I like finding out why things happen, not that there is always an answer, but sometimes if I can just get a little insight I feel better about things. You know what I mean?

Well, I have spent a lot of time doing just that! So much so that I have caused myself some nerve damage in my right hand from Carpal Tunnel syndrome. The doctor says I need to spend less time obsessing on Sarah Palin and more time resting my hand or the damage will a permanent condition. My right hand is numb most of the time now, and when it isn't it has pain shooting up to my shoulder, and I did it to myself. But jeeze... how am I supposed to NOT make fun of that snowbeast Sarah Palin? Since she hit the national political stage she has made me cringe, and when I take it too seriously, I have to let it out! And now, after Donald Trump promised her a position in his administration, should he win, I am less amused with her, and more frightened that it might actually happen! Yikes. She is amusing, but more than anything, she is dangerous and it really isn't funny, so I need to talk about it, even if no one agrees with me, or visits my blog.

So, I have to take some real time off from online activities, when I hand tries to heal yet again. I am taking my doctors advice and giving the blogging a rest. I am going to take my pal Jeff's idea and look into Dragon speech software. And I have decided to post to my blog twice a month, when I am online anyway to pay bills. I will check in, let you know I am okay, and update you on my hand's progress. I don't want to have long term damage, so I have to listen to the doctor. My future blogging schedule will be as follows...

February 14th
February 27th

March 15th
March 17th
March 18th
March 27th

April 15th
April 29

May 15th
May 29th

Back full time in June.

The month of June is my goal. It's also when California holds its primary. I can't miss that! And let's face it, this summer is going to be amazing! Election season, and all the amazing things to go and do and see! But really... nothing invigorates me like a good political fight! I am still a bit on the fence about my candidate. Hillary is someone I trust completely to handle women's issues, but Bernie has a proven track record also. I would like to have a woman lead, because let's face it, woman approach things completely different then men do. I think having her elected might just change the way women are treated in the workplace, and maybe, just maybe, women will finally make what men do for doing the same job! It's time for a woman! But Bernie really appeals to the progressive inside me. It's a touch decision. One thing I do know... I won't be ordering any campaign merchandise until after the primary! In the past, every time I did... my candidate imploded into a big ball of gone. Just ask John Edwards, the day after I ordered that cute little refrigerator magnet!


See you February 14th!

Mood: Hopeful
Photograph: "Lunch At Panera On A Winter Day"

~Me :)

Monday, January 11, 2016

From The Pink Oven... Carmalized Onion And Cheddar Quiche

"The only real stumbling block is fear of failure. 
In cooking you've got to have a WHAT-THE-HELL attitude."

~Julia Child

Yum! I love having quiche as a quick, light meal, on evenings when Alan has to work, so last evening I got out the INTERWEBS and found a recipe that sounded like fun to make. Was looking for a recipe that included an ingredient I hadn't used before, or perhaps a new technique. You know, something that presented a challenge, and this recipe kinda had both elements at play! Balsamic Vinegar, added to caramelized onions, right at the end of the process. I have worked a little bit with vinegar, but not too much, and the flavored vinegars are something I have only come to appreciate in the last few years. The recipe came out nice, and light, and the extra sweetness of the onions, brought out by adding the vinegar at the end of the carmelizing process, was perfect! 

This was a terrific recipe, try it yourself... it is perfect with a spinach salad, or a fruit salad! The only thing I think I will do different next time, is use a really sharp cheddar, rather than a mild one, because the cheddar taste was too mild compared to the onions. The cheese needed to have as strong a presence as the onions. And I have also learned now that I have to use whole milk, rather than fat-free milk, otherwise the quiche will be slightly runny when done. It was fine, I just let it sit a little longer before serving. 

Life is good!

Simply Recipes

Mood: Happy

~Me :)

Wednesday, January 06, 2016

Fun With Low Light Photography

"Even as a child, she had preferred night to day, had enjoyed sitting out in the yard after sunset, under the star-speckled sky listening to frogs and crickets.
 Darkness soothed. It softened the  sharp edges of the world, toned down the too-harsh colors. With the coming of twilight, the sky seemed to recede; the universe expanded.
 The night was bigger than the day, and in it's realm, life seemed to have more possibilities."

~Dean Koontz

I was going through my folder from last month, and found some photos that really pleased me. They are dark, and have a presence that is true to the beginning of winter, and the cold darkness that comes with it. This week, we are getting the first of the El Nino storms. It's dark, as you might expect, but the sky just opens up, and DOWN comes the rain. Fiercely so! The snow pack in the Sierra range is at 139% of normal totals, which is awesome, but again, it's dark outside, and I am kinda loving it! I am not a day person, at all, I don't really begin thinking clearly until the late afternoon, and that has been my whole life.

 Alan snores. LOUDLY. And while there are other rooms I can go to, if my Fibromyalgia is particularly painful, or I just happen to need a little extra sleep, but most of the time I stay in the bedroom with him, and watch TV, or read, while he sleeps. I like being near him, snoring and all! And like I said, it has been a life time pattern for me to not sleep at night. I basically keep vampire hours. I cook, and clean, and tip-toe through the archives in search of a photo I might have overlooked. I have found many promising photos that way. Bring on the darkness! As long as El Nino is here, I might as well enjoy it!

Low-light photography. In natural lighting, and otherwise, has always intrigued me, so I am going to concentrate on that this winter. I know I will doing a lot more photography in and around Stockton, because of the storms on the way, which is nice, because I need to venture out around here. I love the mixture of rural and city here. It's quite unique to the rest of the Bay Area. Shrug. Darkness, in all the best ways is the goal. I hope you find the next series of photos pleasing, comments and opinions are always appreciated!

 You knew I was going to sneak in a photo from the last of the leaves... right? It's just that the last of the Dogwood had a poignant kind of beauty to it, as the last of the colorful leaves rested among the dark and dead leaves. There was something strangely pretty about it.

I tool this photograph out my kitchen window,
 using the screen as a filter.
 I kind of like the grainy effect. Thoughts?

Mood: Happy

~Me :)

Tuesday, January 05, 2016

New Year's Resolutions 2016

"What is it you most dislike? Stupidity,
 especially in its nastiest forms of racism and superstition."

~Christpher Hitchens
Hitch-22: A Memoir

New Year's Resolutions. I don't make them. I used to. Then I stopped. Then I decided to give it another try. Then I said... NOPE. Not going down that road that is only there to make you feel meserible sometime around Valentine's Day. Nope. I am not wasting any more time making resolutions! But what I am doing is putting more thought into how much time I want to sit and think about the things I should or shouldn't be doing, thinking, feeling, considering, and or deciding! If 2015 didn't teach me anything else, it taught me that the clock ticks away, and it's up to me to make sure I am doing what I need to be doing. Even if that means, telling someone else I have no time for their time table. 

It seems like from March on through to the end of the year, my life, and Alan's became about other people's schedules. NO MORE! I have a certain amount of time left in my life, and I am done living by other people's time manipulations. ENOUGH! But that's not a resolution of any kind, it's more a matter of one more place I feel I finally matured over. It's another way of setting fair boundaries! So, while I don't have any real resolutions to discuss, how about we touch base on the things I loved and didn't love about 2015, and what can be learned from them!

5 Things I Was Happy To Learn 2015

1. It's over.

2. We bought our first house, and we got the one that has been waiting for us our whole lives!

3. I got a little smarter, by going through the drama necessary to make me smarter!

4. I didn't roll over and give up!

5. I know now, that when my values are tested, I don't waver. I can't be bought!

5 Things That Disappointed Me In 2015

1. That Donald Trump could make it as far as he has.

2. American Horror Story: Hotel
(Blech... they lost me with the classroom of children turned into vampires! Enough of children being killed already!).

3. The fact that the only place Alan and I could afford to move to was Stockton. (I like Stockton, but my heart is in the Bay Area).

4. Obama didn't do as much about gun control in 2015 as I think he could have. Sigh. At least he is on it now.

5. I didn't cook more. In fact I barely cooked last year. I know, we were constantly in flux, but cooking relaxes me.

It's not a resolution, but rather a fun little challenge I am giving myself to try at least one new recipe a week, and post the results here on my blog! Getting out to do new photos might be especially challenging this year, due to Alan's schedule, so you might see more photos of my latest cooking and recipe developments. I hope to try some really challenging recipes, and just think, they will mostly be done in the pink Barbie oven! Welcome back to the Mad Men Era! In fact, I may try some recipes from that era, and put some modern spins on them. Stay Tuned for my new series...

From The Pink Oven! 
 Mini Cherry Cobbler
December 31st 2015

Mood: Happy

~Me :)

Monday, January 04, 2016

Big White Walls

"Your house becomes a home when you fall in love with it."

~Erin MacLaughlin
Style At Home

We are almost finished with decorating our living room. This is the wall that runs along the hallway, and part way into the living room. The back of this wall is the kitchen. I had no real idea what to do with this wall, it was just a big white wall, then it occurred to us that with our love of movies, maybe some posters would be fun, rather than a painting or something more conventional. It also seemed like a fun way to incorporate my love of San Francisco, and movies that mean something special us as a couple!

 So I Married An Axe Murderer, has always been our movie. We have loved it since the first time we saw it! We even quote it to each other at times! One of our favorite dates, and a married couple, was going to see it, at at outdoor screening, at Dunsmuir House in Oakland, where the movie was partially filled!  And of course, you might remember our connection to Blue Jasmine. It was the highlight of my summer in 2012, as I watched from a short distance away, Woody Allen directing Cate Blanchette in the movie. And Bullet was just San Francisco action packed fun!

So, we have a wall some of our favorite San Francisco movies, and a wall with some great memories! We added the candle sconces just this past weekend, and now that wall is finished. The living room has only one more wall to go, the wall directly above the couch! We have our eyes on a painting by Leonid Afremov, so stay tuned! His art is amazing, and I think it would be a fabulous addition to our home! If you are unfamiliar with his work, check out the link above!

Mood: Happy

~Me :)

Sunday, January 03, 2016

Peeking Through The Window Of Someone Else's Life

"Telephone. N. An invention of the devil which abrogates some
 of the advantages of making a disagreeable
 person keep his distances."

~Ambrose Bierce

Telephone. Cell phone. Cell phone telephone. Saturday evening my phone rang. It was Private Number. Private number calls me from time to time. I usually screen my calls because it is one of the advantages of the modern age affords us. I like to let the person calling to leave me a message, so I know if the call back will be a fun time had by all, or if it's something I need to prepare for. It's something I learned to do when the invention of answering machines became the must have thing to have. I had a Phone-Mate, in imitation wood grain. I hated recording the prerecorded outgoing message. I never really thought it sounded like me. I sounded strange. Anyway, I learned to love the gadget, despite my off sounding voice, so much so, that I continue to screen calls to this day! Back to last evening. A call came in from Private Number at about 8:30 pm and boy did Private Number have something to say!

Actual Transcript

Private Number: He didn't say he was going to hurt himself.

Private Number's Companion (in the background): What are you doing? Get off the fucking phone!!(Loudly) It's my fucking problem and my family and you are just making it worse!!!!!

Private Number: (Speaking to companion) It's my house. And she is not fucking sending the cops here. FUCK YOU!

Private Number: Lady, you better not send the cops here, he didn't say he was going to hurt himself. I am not fucking around!!


Obviously, Private Number and her companion were not having a good evening! And while I didn't recognize the voices, and have no way to call them back and let them know they got the wrong number, I can't help but worry a tiny bit about the woman they meant to call. If she never got this call, and she did indeed call the police, will she ever be believed that she never got this call? Will anything bad come of it? Did I just hear the prequel to a crime? I have no way of knowing if they were calling my area code or not. They could have been anywhere! It's a spooky feeling, because I don't think Private Number was messing around! And what about companion? Is he okay right now? Have they all calmed down? It's sad. It reminds me of when I was a child and fights would break out between my parents. Holidays, and the time around holidays, really messes with folks. I wanted to call back and check on them, but as you know, you can't call back Private Numbers. They can call you, you can't call them. That's a strange system... don't you think? Anyway, by mistake someone I don't know connected with me, and brought their world into mine. It was a brief encounter, but a profound one.

I wish I knew the rest of the story.

Somehow I can't help but watch the news tonight.
Mood: Curious/Anxious


Saturday, January 02, 2016

Now I am Home!

"A gift can never be cheap or insignificant because of the heart and love it carries."

~Munia Khan

Alan and I and the boys moved into our house, officially, on September 2nd 2015. It's never easy to move, and when you add moving your cats to the stress, the stress becomes at least twice as bad, because now you aren't just moving lamps and beds and computers, you are moving living, breathing, thinking, and sometimes plotting, individuals that if you are lucky may be open to some negotiation about their stress level, but who will always, always come out ahead of any begging, pleading or simple request made of them from their humans. It was a back breaking, migraine inducing, fear-fest getting my 3 boys into their kennels, for the ride to Turlock. It was something I would never want to relive... ever... but from the first day in Turlock, I knew that we would eventually have to relive the drama, because Turlock was merely the waiting room of our new home.

Thank goodness the boys never found out that the place we were originally moving to was a stupid scam! It was bad enough that they felt our stress, let alone feel it and fully understand it in human terms! But when Alan and I picked ourselves back up, and finally found our house, we knew that it wasn't going to be fun to move the boys from the hotel, but when it was over we would finally be home. In our forever place. Fortunately, we had a much easier time getting them pack in their kennels, when we left the hotel, because we did something different... we tricked them! We did it on the spur of the moment, with NO time for them to pick up on our stress! A laser pointer, some treats, and some new catnip mice proved to be the best friend of this stressed out fur-baby mommy!

We left the hotel in Turlock at 11:30 PM. The drive to Stockton took about an hour. When we got to the house, we immediately took them out of their kennels, poured them some food, filled their water fountain, and put some toys out from them to play. Hendrix did well! He is my brave boy. Dylan came around in about a week. Joey... not so much! He got acquainted with the house very slowly, room by room was conquered, with the exception of the master bedroom. No amount of playing, begging, manipulating, crying or begging some more could get him to go into the bedroom! He would stand in the hallway, and cry for me, but wouldn't step foot over that threshold. Nope. There was NO discussing it! It was hard to hear him cry, and want to be next to me, and not be able to make help him come in the room.

Joey, and I cuddled at night in our old place, and we cuddled together at the hotel. It was one of the things that made this whole nightmare tolerable. But it wasn't happening here, and I didn't know what the problem was! Then one day I noticed he was eyeing the LARGE ceiling fan that hangs over our bed! We didn't have one of those at the cottage, and there wasn't one at the hotel. I think, when Joey saw it moving around and around, he thought it was a bird, of which he is terrified! So, I stopped using it, and just let it sit still. He didn't make any progress after a month, but the cold weather had moved in, so it remained off. I didn't think he would ever come around, then on Christmas Eve something amazing happened!

I woke up from a fever induced nap to see his little body sitting in the window sill, The night before I had mentioned to Alan that all I really wanted for Christmas was for my boy to cuddle with me in the bed, and the next day he did! You can't buy that feeling folks! My Joey had finally come back. My silly, funny, considerate, kind child found his inner lion, just in time for Christmas! It was, and always will be, one of the best holiday gifts ever! Any day he came back to me would have been special, but the fact that it happened on Christmas means even more! I love that child! And now, when I go to sleep, I have this warm little pillow right next to me again, and Alan doesn't even mind that he sometimes cuddles between us! 

He is our Joey. He is the little brother. 


Mood: Happy

~Me :)

Friday, January 01, 2016

Happy New Year... Hello And Goodbye... And A Look Back At December 2015

"Who wants to live with one foot in Hell
 just for the sake of nostalgia? 
Our time is forever now!

~Alice Childress

Well... here we are at the start of a brand new year! 2016 is going to be a wild ride. We have a national election coming up in the autumn. The Super Bowl will be played in San Francisco in February, and between those events all kinds of possibilities! I hope to do a lot more photography in 2016! 2015 was a very strange year, with the move and all, but I am settled in now, so the adventure is rip for the taking! I am beginning this year in better health. As you might have noticed I have posted to this blog in about a week because of a nasty head cold that Alan and I gave each other for Christmas. LOL. Funny, I began 2015 with food poisoning, and ended it with a head cold. Bah HUMBUG! LOL.

 I will not look back on 2015 very fondly, but it wasn't a total loss either. We have a nice house, and every single day I come to appreciate a love it more. I still don't know if we will swing it, but for now the future, in this house, seems viable and more than possible. I am learning to let go of what happen, I am even trying to forgive, but it can't be rushed. I have to let it all come around to a conclusion in it's own time. Sigh. Forgiveness is possible, and in fact healthy, but not if it is rushed. Time. Now. In the moment. I can't look back. The past can't be changed. Moving On.

But first, let's look back at December, 2015, in pictures!

I have some amazing news to share about Christmas, so be sure to comeback tomorrow. Just a hint for now... I got the most amazing Christmas present ever! And the best part is, you can't buy it in any store!

Mood: Happy/Grateful

~Me :)

Thursday, December 24, 2015

Happy Mewy Christmas Eve

"Christmas, children, is not a date,
 it is a state of mind."

~Mary Ellen Chase 

Mood: Merry

~Me :)

Tuesday, December 22, 2015

Dylan's Festivus Celebration

"It is December, and nobody asked if I was ready."

~Sarah Kay

See, I told you, Dylan has horns on his head! LOL. I know, they aren't really horns, they are just his ears positioned back, making it look like he has horns, but you have to believe me, and you would have to know Dylan... trust me... they are horns. It's okay, he is my little spitfire. He sings the Dilly Song, a tune he wrote himself, that tells the entire world just how unfair life, and everything else is, and then he feels better. Kind of like his version of a blog. A simple little outlet for his complaints, or if you celebrate Festivus, a grievance song, and he can get pretty upset while he complains, but a belly rub, and a game of soccer with his favorite plastic bell balls, and his bad mood goes away. He has been downright cuddly since the weather turned. He likes the new house, and all the room he has now, so last night's airing of grievances wasn't long. He has a lot less to complain about now! It's amazing how good this move has turned out to be for all of us, but especially my little Dillybean!

Mood: Happy

~Me :)

Monday, December 21, 2015

Autumn's Passing...

"THERE is something in the autumn that is native to my blood. Touch of manner, hint of mood; And my heart is like rhyme, with yellow and the purple and the crimson keeping time."

~Bliss Carman

Autumn quietly lies down at 11:48 P.M. EST. tonight. It's a stormy sky where I am. Winter is insisting and full of itself this year. It's good for the ground, and the rivers and yes, it's good for the treas, but the raindrops fall like tears, and least that's how it feels to me,
 but a new autumn is a mere three seasons away. 

Bitter winter. Mischievous spring.Treacherous Summer. 
It's the last one I dread the most.

The Final Leaf Of The Day For Autumn 2015
December 21st 2015
Mood: Anxious For Autumn

~Me :)

Sunday, December 20, 2015


"Never miss an opportunity to see anything that is beautiful."

~Janet Hobson

I didn't post yesterday, but it's okay, right? I was busy. Busy wrapping presents, baking 6 dozen cookies, paying the bills that get paid in the middle of the month, doing laundry, photographing more leaves, searching recipes for Baked Ham, bringing in all the late packages ordered from Amazon.com and Groupon, 15 at last count, tracking down a new noise in the house I never heard before and de-worming the cat. Hendrix to be exact. Yes, he has worms... again!

This time, because I can't face putting him through the stress of putting him in a kennel and driving him 90 miles to see Dr. B., we are trying the tablets that kill worms. It takes about a week to work, but from what I have read it does the job. If it doesn't work, I will slip my kitty some Valium, and myself as well, and we will drive down to the Bay Area to the best doctor ever! Or will I? 

That's the debate between Alan and I. He wants to find someone closer, for Hendrix's sake. He doesn't want to put him through the long drive and the stress of the car and all the scary sounds. I want to make sure my kitty gets the best care possible, and that means Dr. B. . The problem is, my argument that Hendrix will be okay once he is home again, isn't a terribly strong one. I know Alan is right, but it doesn't make either of us very happy.


 Losing Dr. B, is probably the worst part of what happened. 


I guess I should find the boys a doctor up here, if for nothing else, emergencies, but it's difficult to trust anyone other than Dr. B., he is amazing, but I have to do whats right for the boys. Right? But what is that exactly? It's less stress for them to have a doctor here in town, but what if I can't find one who will be as good as their current one? Taking them on the 90 mile drive will terrify them, but I will have piece of mind that they are getting the best care possible. Either way, I hope these pills do the trick, I don't want my boys to be uncomfortable. I love them. They are my children. And as I sit here I guess I know what I have to do. I have to find them a doctor up here. 




It's All Just Stupid.

And what is my lesson for the last full day of autumn?

Things Change.

Sometimes everything does, all in a single action.

I think I will concentrate on that plate of cookies,
 it's a thing of beauty. So are the leaves...

Leaf Of The Day
December 19th 2015
Leaf Of The Day
December 20th 2015
Mood: Exasperated/Sad/Frustrated


Friday, December 18, 2015

Clear Thoughts On A Foggy Day

"You'll never move forward,
 until you take a step away from the past."

~Colleen Ferrary

All of my Christmas shopping is done. I have some presents to wrap, and I am waiting on a few gifts to arrive... cross your fingers for me they do... and the house looks downright festive! We didn't  really decorate outside, although we may do a little bit early next week. Alan's schedule simply hasn't allowed for it, but it's okay, we will get it done next year. And to say that we didn't decorate outside, really isn't accurate either, we have a small decoration in the yard, so folks in the neighborhood know we aren't completely boring! LOL. I will post a photo of it next week, but my point is, I am ready for next week and Christmas. And oddly enough, I am ready for the 2016!

It's kind of a surprise really. Since we moved into the house, my mood has been all over the map. From tired and pissed off, to scared shit-less, to annoyed, to depressed. Really depressed. Back to scared. Thankful. Confused. Happy. Content. REALLY PISSED OFF. Quiet. Back to happy. Right now as I am typing this I feel content, and excited for the new year, and getting back to the ordinary days. You know... days without a fake tree filled with tiny lights twinkling. A normal schedule of Monday through Sunday, and days filled with "normal."

I have been craving those normal... nothing new... this is just my every day... days... since March 26th, when we got that note on the door that told us we have to leave our apartment! My life... Our Life... was turned upside down, there was really nothing resembling "normal" going on, and for a time I didn't know if we would ever see "normal' again. But we did, and this is where we ultimately landed. Stockton. There is nothing "normal" about a Bay Area girl suddenly moving to Stockton.  And a year ago, buying a home wasn't a realistic idea, then suddenly we are signing loan papers. Do you have any idea how terrifying it is to know that you will be making a $1,400.00 payment every month for 30 years? Do you have any idea how old I will be in 30 years? This house will outlive me, of that fact I am sure! LOL.

We are lucky to have found the perfect house for us. It was meant to be, but fear about whether or not we could really afford it terrified me. I am lucky though, I have friends who remind me to breathe, Kat, I mean you! You made me feel so much less alone, thank you for sharing how you felt when you moved, and how you could understand my crazy mood swings. You have always meant a lot to me, you were one of my favorite friends from the old AOL days. You were a supportive friend then, and you still are now! Thank you love bug!

Good friends to keep me sane, and an amazing husband who let me feel what I did, when I did! How amazing is that? I am blessed! And I know this post sounds more like something I should have been writing around Thanksgiving, but... well... call it a delayed reaction, because I know now that even on my craziest days in the last year, even on the days when it all looked really cloudy and foggy, when I worried myself into a deep Fibromyalgia fog, I knew I wasn't alone. Life gets tough, sometimes I can feel really lost, yet there is always a way back home. And deep down I knew it. I suppose that is why I felt comfortable writing about my true feelings, rather than just saying that everything was fine.

It's not easy to buy a new house, even under the best of circumstances, and making that payment every month is kind of terrifying, but it's so worth the effort. 

We are HOME.

Leaf Of The Day
December 18th 2015
Mood: Happy

~Me :)