"It's like summer wear the world out,
and by October everyone is just ready for a nap."
~Ta-Nehisl Coats
The Water Dancer
That's about the best explanation as I can think of to describe it. The summer, with temperatures that rage in the triple digits for days, and sometimes weeks, can only be described as the anger of a year, wears one out, and isn't that just the way it feels after you get angry? Tired. Maybe even sad that it had to come to that? It's only the 15th of October, not even one-third of autumn has gone by, and I am already mourning it's passing, because I know I am going to have to face all the color drain from the year, followed by a burst of spring color, that not only am I am not ready for after months of darkness, but which has always been just a little too giggly for my liking. It's like having someone tell you, "get over it" before you are really ready to.
I know when all is said and done, having all that light around will do is force me back into my summer seasonal depression. My emotional, heartbreaking anger, where I carry my regrets and mourning, and all the sad negativity we humans aren't supposed to share in the open, will live inside of me for 6 months like a parasite. Loneliness lives there too. As does fear. But right now, in this October, I am okay, I will just need to stay on track. Frankly, I am surprised I am doing as well as I am doing! After spending most of the year unable to eat, I am finally getting back on a more normal path to eating properly. The birds will help, and have, as tools to my recovery, as will the movies and my reading. The tools are are here, it's just a matter of taking the old picture, and putting it in a new frame. Not very many frames have worked in the past, mostly it's just been trial and error, but that's the road to recovery isn't it?
~Me
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