Thoughts Like Leaves On A Random Autumn Day

"Two sounds of autumn are unmistakable... the hurrying rustle of crisp leaves blown along the street by a gusty wind, and the gabble of a flock of migrating geese."

~Hal Borland 

My mind was absolutely scattered yesterday. So was my creativity! Alan and I spent the day, roaming the exhibits at the Haggin Museum, and I really thought the day would be different than it turned out to be. It was our very first visit, and we saw a lot of interesting exhibits, especially the ones that dealt with the innovation and history of early Stockton. I did a lot of photographs of the artifacts, and historic pieces, but when I got home and looked at my file of the photos I took, there was only a handful on pictures I considered good enough to post!

It was a beautiful day, and we had a good time, so I am not sure what was blocking my creative eye, unless it was the slight preoccupation I was feeling about Tuesdays midterm election! I wasn't dwelling all that deep, at least I didn't feel like I was. So much of it seems absurd, but that's not exactly a new feeling when it comes to national politics. But right now its all I can do to hold my nerves, surrounding the absurdities, together! The absurd should be something mocks, or disregards, but the word "absurd" has come to mean something completely different to me. It's a little less easy to dismiss than it used to be.

So this post is representational of the way my mind is processing information right now. A minute on this, a minute on that. Anxiety, and yet still searching for something, anything, that helps me hang on to some sort of hope. God, I sound like such a defeatist. We haven't even got to the day yet, and I am determined to feel as negative as possible! But that's the thing... I don't want to, but after the stomach punch, and depression, of 2016, I don't want to ever take anything political for granted again. And I am ruining my life, and well being, on pushing happiness away.

My creativity makes me happy, but at the moment, I am finding it difficult to find it! But I promised myself I would post to this blog at least once a day, at least until autumn is over. So, here are a handful of photographs I took, that I didn't think came out too bad! You may like them, but I can see every single flaw. I just wish I could figure out how to cut this pain out of me, so I can recognize the beauty again. I have been so scared for the last couple years, and so tired since 2015, when everything changed for us. I need some hope. That's all. And a never ending autumn, so I can maybe have a do-over with finding some beauty I know is there, but is, right now, elusive to me. All I feel at the moment is scattered, like a leaf floating randomly in the autumn wind.

"It was one of those perfect English autumnal days which occur more frequently in memory than life."

~P. D. James

A Taste Foe Death

Canadian Geese

Leaf Of The Day

#44 Leaf Of The Day

November 4th, 2018

Photographed October 29th, 2018

Haggin Museum, Stockton, California

Samsung

~Mood: Scattered

~Me

 

The Colors Of Autumn And Of Love

"Ah, lovely October, as you usher in the season that awakens my soul, your awesome beauty compels my spirit to soar like a leaf caught in an autumn breeze and my heart to sing like a heavenly choir."

~Peggy Toney Horton

I don't know which I love more, an autumn sunrise, or an autumn twilight! Yesterday afternoon was beautiful, but it was an autumn day, so how could I not feel that old familiar love story, especially when I also wake up with Alan? Alan is as much a part of autumn as the falling leaves! We fell in love in autumn. We got married in autumn, and we adopted our fur babies, all in autumn! Every year we take our vacation from the middle of October, to the middle of November! We take little trips all around Northern California and Nevada. We leaf peep. We walk around pumpkin patches. We have picnics. And there is car karaoke. We watch lots of spooky movies in our home theater. There is a lot of laughter, and a lot of enjoying autumn sunrises and sunsets together! 

We were supposed to take some trips this week, but I have been a bit under the weather this week, I had a bad reaction to a new medication, but I am on the mend, and later today, Alan and I are off on another car trip, to seek out beauty of autumn and snuggle under a big autumn tree! October is almost over with, and my heart is sinking, as I think about waiting another 11 months for it to come around again! I am thinking about doing something different this year. I plan on writing my future self a letter, with my predictions for the coming year! From the first day of Winter 2018, to the first day of Autumn, 2019! 

What will the year bring? I am almost afraid to speculate about national and world events. You know that our 'DEAR LEADER" will provide all the negativity he can muster, so there will be an exhausting amount of push back, emotionally speaking, but I will cope by checking maps, and requesting travel brochures from reliably autumn filled small towns we have never had the chance to visit, and do a lot of praying! It will be exhausting, but Autumn will come around again, and October will follow close behind, and before we know it, once again, he and I will be in each other's arms for hours and hours, under a big autumn tree!

My idea of Heaven, is a perfect Autumn day, that ends with a beautiful sunset in all the colors of my favorite season, and a nap in Alan's arms, where I feel safe, and deeply loved!

#35 Leaf Of The Day

October 25th, 2018

Tilden Park

Little Farm

Berkeley, California

Photographed October 11th, 2018

~Mood: In Love

~Me :)

 

The Willet And The Leaf Of The Day

Willet

November 9th 2007

Emeryville, California

Minolta

"Autumn is the greatest reminder: it reminds us how dreamlike beauties our earth has and it reminds us how all these beautiful dreams can easily vanish."

~Mehmet Murat ildan

That beautiful bird is a Willet. I photographed it on November 9th, 2007, just after the cargo ship, Cosco Busan, crashed into the Bay Bridge, and dumped 53,569 gallons of Intermediate fuel oil into the San Francisco Bay. This accident devastated wild life for months afterward. If you look closely, you can see some of the oil this bird is standing in. It was heartbreaking! I hope nothing like this ever happens again, but there is a part of me that fears it will.

With national environmental protections being eroded every day, it's just a matter of time. Fortunately we have had two governors in a row, one Republican, one Democrat who have understood the importance of conservation and preserving the coastline in California, and for that I'm grateful.

I hope it stays that way, but unfortunately there is a part of me that believes it's only a matter of time before there is another accident, perhaps on a larger scale. I pray I'm wrong. California is safe for now, I think, but not necessarily true for the rest of America. When did preserving the only Earth we have, become a partisan issue?

#18 Leaf Of The Day

October 10th, 2018

Ione, California

Samsung 7

~Mood: Quiet

~Me :)

 

 

Walking In Leaves, Walking In Heaven

"I love autumn despite the drench weather. I think it symbolizes the end of misery and the beginning of glee. It gives hopes that sooner or later, flowers will bloom again, green buds will sprout from trees, and that which is dead will come back alive."

~Aishah Madadiy

Bits Of Heaven

It's December... so what? LOL. More than anything I want to hold onto autumn, but I can feel it slipping away. It was so cold the other day I could barely hold my camera. Winter is making a loud, cold fuss, insinuating itself into my late autumn happiness. But there is nothing I can do, but cling to the colors of plum, crimson, and lemon drop yellow, and ignore the cold bitter deathly chill of stupid, inevitable, winter. I am just going to go about my days, kicking up piles of beautiful leaves, and concentrating on my photography!

There will be a lot of autumn left, as winter begins. And I will keep shooting those photos until the last skeleton tree begins to sprout the pink, and white and purple blossoms of spring!

Leaf Of The Day

December 9th 2016

 

 

Mood: Happy

 

~Me :) 

 

 

Autumnal Equinox

"Autumn begins with a subtle change in the light, with skies a deeper blue, and nights that become suddenly clear and chilled. The season comes full with the first frost, the disappearance of migrant birds, and the harvesting of the season's last crops."

~Glenn Wolff and Jerry Dennis

It's here, it's here, it's here! Well, almost! Less than 24 hours! Tonight (Monday night) at 7:28 PM the summer takes it's last breath, and at 7:29 PM we cross over from the season of sadness into the season of healing. At least that's how I feel about autumn... it's the healing season. I live for this season, but more so this year that in any other I can remember! It's not that I expect autumn to do all the heavy lifting to bring me out of the deep sadness I have been in, I know that's my hard work to do, but autumn will make it easier.

 As of September 29th, Alan and I will be on vacation until November 6th! Spending time with him always makes me happy, and we have a lot of new outings for this year that will keep us running, so there will e a lot of new opportunities for my cameras to get a workout! So yeah, I know finding my Zen again will take some work, but if you can't find your Zen in autumn, then you just aren't trying! Right? God I love the light in autumn, it's like the sweetest smile I've ever seen. It's life.

Smiles Of Autumn Pasts

I wonder what will breeze my way this autumn?

:)

Mood: Happy

~Me :)