"Two sounds of autumn are unmistakable... the hurrying rustle of crisp leaves blown along the street by a gusty wind, and the gabble of a flock of migrating geese."
~Hal Borland
My mind was absolutely scattered yesterday. So was my creativity! Alan and I spent the day, roaming the exhibits at the Haggin Museum, and I really thought the day would be different than it turned out to be. It was our very first visit, and we saw a lot of interesting exhibits, especially the ones that dealt with the innovation and history of early Stockton. I did a lot of photographs of the artifacts, and historic pieces, but when I got home and looked at my file of the photos I took, there was only a handful on pictures I considered good enough to post!
It was a beautiful day, and we had a good time, so I am not sure what was blocking my creative eye, unless it was the slight preoccupation I was feeling about Tuesdays midterm election! I wasn't dwelling all that deep, at least I didn't feel like I was. So much of it seems absurd, but that's not exactly a new feeling when it comes to national politics. But right now its all I can do to hold my nerves, surrounding the absurdities, together! The absurd should be something mocks, or disregards, but the word "absurd" has come to mean something completely different to me. It's a little less easy to dismiss than it used to be.
So this post is representational of the way my mind is processing information right now. A minute on this, a minute on that. Anxiety, and yet still searching for something, anything, that helps me hang on to some sort of hope. God, I sound like such a defeatist. We haven't even got to the day yet, and I am determined to feel as negative as possible! But that's the thing... I don't want to, but after the stomach punch, and depression, of 2016, I don't want to ever take anything political for granted again. And I am ruining my life, and well being, on pushing happiness away.
My creativity makes me happy, but at the moment, I am finding it difficult to find it! But I promised myself I would post to this blog at least once a day, at least until autumn is over. So, here are a handful of photographs I took, that I didn't think came out too bad! You may like them, but I can see every single flaw. I just wish I could figure out how to cut this pain out of me, so I can recognize the beauty again. I have been so scared for the last couple years, and so tired since 2015, when everything changed for us. I need some hope. That's all. And a never ending autumn, so I can maybe have a do-over with finding some beauty I know is there, but is, right now, elusive to me. All I feel at the moment is scattered, like a leaf floating randomly in the autumn wind.
"It was one of those perfect English autumnal days which occur more frequently in memory than life."
~P. D. James
A Taste Foe Death
Canadian Geese
Leaf Of The Day
#44 Leaf Of The Day
November 4th, 2018
Photographed October 29th, 2018
Haggin Museum, Stockton, California
Samsung
~Mood: Scattered
~Me
1 comment:
Beautiful. Now that I'm relaxed, I can get some sleep. Clyde :-)
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