“There are wounds that never show on the body that are
deeper and more hurtful than anything that bleeds.”
~
I am just going to jump right in here... I am moving along with my grieving just fine. I think I have experienced all 5 stages of grief. Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and finally, Acceptance. My niece, my nephew and my sister died last year, as did a very nice man, Treat Williams, who I considered a Twitter friend. He was a man who cared deeply about the well being of others, and that is extremely rare in the times we are living in. It all happened last year, but well under a year ago, so while I have dealt and moved on with four of the five stages, I am still dealing with one, the sadness or depression, or whatever label you want to assign to it. I still have sudden thoughts, or memories of those I lost, including Treat. I miss them all. I miss Treat for his compassion and ability to see the glass half-full and my family for a lot of complicated reasons, but mostly the good times we shared.
I have been spending a lot more time by myself, watching old movies, reading, and I like some computer games. The meeting at the democratic club in Lodi went very well, in fact we plan on becoming members, so I think that was a healthy move, more on that later. Like I said, life is moving on, but the depression remains. But I am not completely lost. I have my photography and I have my birds. Some of my beautiful beautiful Sandhill crane remain along Woodbridge road, and they are great for erasing sadness from my heart and mind. I am going to need my photography more than ever as we move throughout this year because of the upcoming election. Trump will only get more and more irritating, scary and embarrassing as we move closer to November. I am truly going to need my birds and my photography, just to keep my sanity.
My photography is beginning to reflect my moods, although I guess it always did to a degree. Anyway, I hope to heal in a steady manner, but one thing you cannot do, when it comes to depression, is will it to go away. You have to try your best to not let it consume you, and you have to remind yourself of what you are grateful for. Embrace what you love and don't let go. When the Sandhill crane finally move on, I will search out the Bonaparte's gull or the Caspian tern, and look forward to the crane's return next September. I will be on Woodbridge road, around the 15th of September, with a packed lunch, a pair of binoculars and my ears listening for the sound of a quaint old rocking chair, creaking across the sky. You can hear it from a mile away!
Donald Trump? Donald Trump who?
“That's the thing about depression: A human being can survive almost
anything, as long as she sees the end in sight.
But depression is so
insidious, and it compounds daily, that it's impossible to ever see the
end.”
~
My nephew committed suicide last July. Please, if you are contemplating ending your life, or even if you are not thinking about suicide but are depressed, there are resources available. Please contact the National Suicide And Crisis Helpline. Call or Text 988 to reach someone 24/7. Please reach out.
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