Images From Yesterday

"Those artists who say that somehow therapy or analysis will thwart their creativity are completely misinformed. It's absolutely the opposite. It opens doors."

-Paul Schrader

As you know, Wednesday's are a busy day for me. I have therapy first thing in the morning with Sarah, then I try my best to continue on with my day, as if all was perfectly fine. I do all the normal things. Hmmm... normal things? Sometimes I wonder about what normal means. Does it mean I do the shopping? Go out to lunch? Sign a petition? Prepare dinner? Make the bed? Smile politely when someone asks me, "How are you today?" It is such a pat answer, do any of us really expect any other answer than, "Just fine thank you?"

Truth is, most days, even therapy days, are just fine, although therapy days are perhaps my most challenging of all the days of the week. Yesterday... was challenging. I dealt with some more recent things that have been invading my peace of mind. Recent let downs, and losses. Sarah and I talked about Mr. November, and what it means to let go. We talked about how Alan and I are doing really well... and feeling really close. Not that it was an issue or anything, but with marriage comes those inevitable moments of normalcy, which can impersonate mundane with great ease.

Fortunately he and I talk, and we work on things, which keeps us going the right way. And if for some reason we do start to drift, Elvis will make his feelings known. He will have no part of our family not being happy with each other. That cat has been amazing for our marriage. It felt good to share with Sarah that Alan and I recently had a long talk about where our marriage is, and also be able to talk about the past with ease. It was freeing, still, therapy is work. It's hard work, and it leaves me very sad, and very tired at the end of the hour. Thank goodness Sarah doesn't mind that I bring my camera to every session, because right in the middle of all the sadness, I sometimes see the world differently, because right out the window that sits to my right, is the world. And in the world is art...

Art. Art that is sometimes by mistake, sometimes on purpose. Art that speaks to my soul, and reminds me that life is just what is in front of us. Like the weather, it is constantly changing, and I can adjust myself to be comfortable with it, or I can sit on a couch, in my therapist's office in Berkeley, California, and cry, and complain, and wish that it didn't hurt so bad sometimes. Yesterday, in the middle of wishing, I looked out the window, and I saw a record sitting in the window of the building next door. I couldn't make out what the name of the album was, but I felt something when I saw it, so I listened to that instinctual voice in me, that tells me when to snap a photo, and I did just that... I took the picture.

When I got home, I enlarged the photo, and found it was side 2 of the soundtrack to the Broadway musical, "Hair." I was floored. All around Berkeley these days, you can see the very same sights you would have probably seen in the late 60's and the early 70's, when "Hair" was playing on stage originally. Back then it was Vietnam, today it is Iraq. We are still trying to get the message about the decline environment to be heard.We've made progress with Civil Rights, but lost ground on Civil Liberties. People's Park is still filled with the homeless, do you know that over 50% of homeless are veterans? And as I drove past a certain group of protesters, I was impressed to see that they were senior citizens, who were making their voices heard, about the injustice that is coming out of the Bush administration. Damn Hippies! LOL.

As of April 4th, 2007

Sigh. Life is painful. Life is a series of moments, that somehow become years. Can you believe it's been 5 1/2 years since 9/11? Or 4 years since we invaded Iraq? Sometimes it all feels like just yesterday. Life goes by so fast, and before you know it, well... you know... it moves forward whether we are ready to accompany it or not. Life does not ask our permission for anything, but hopefully, if we are very lucky, when we put it all together we are not so sad, that we can't find the strength to acknowledge the losses, search for our own personal truth, and find the art life, not just the pain.

Easy To Be Hard
From "Hair"

How can people be so heartless? How can people be so cruel?
Easy to be hard, easy to be cold
How can people have no feelings? How can they ignore their friends?
Easy to be proud, easy to say no.

And especially people who care about strangers
Who care about evil and social injustice
Do you only care about the bleeding crowd?
How about a needing friend? I need a friend.

How can people be so heartless? You know I'm hung up on you
Easy to give in, easy to help out

And especially people who care about strangers
Who say they care about social injustice
Do you care only about the bleeding crowd?
How about a needing friend? I need a friend.

-OndineMonet
"Another Wednesday"
Berkeley, California
April 4th, 2007
Late Morning