Sunday, January 06, 2013

Two Ants Walk Into A Bar...

"Night was spreading slowly around the spinning Earth. It should have been full of pinpricks of light. It was not. There were five billion people down there. What was going to happen soon would make barbarism look like a picnic... hot, nasty, and eventually given over to the ants."

~Neil Gaiman

Miss Agatha Pendragon, of the Berkeley Pendragons

ANTS. We still have ANTS. For almost a week now they have been a constant presence in our kitchen. We have tried ant stakes and traps. We have tried spraying RAID. We have tried wiping down the walls with HOT water and ammonia. We have tried caulking about the cabinets in an effort to stop them from coming in one of the pinpoint holes they frequent. The are under the cabinets and have spread to my nearly brand new stove. I don't know what is feeding them. We have both wiped the counters and taken everything out of the cabinets and wiped them down throughly. As for the stove, I am pretty much psycho about how clean I keep it. Alan bought it for me, and when we bought it, he let me choose the one I wanted. I didn't purchase the most expensive one, but I didn't choose the cheapest either. I wanted one with preheat timers, and delay cooking features, and the really nifty 4 option burners, you know for sauteing, boiling and, well you get the drift. We have spent the last week or so doing everything we can think of and NOTHING is working! Alan and I don't really know what to do!

The only left methinks is to once again wipe everything and paint the cabinets and walls. Hopefully that will wall them up throughly enough. It would be different if we owned our cottage, but we don't, we rent. The landlord has only owned the property for a little over a year, and in that time they have refused to replace appliances that are in other units because they have to. Having a working washer or refrigerator is not guarenteeed a tenant in California. It sucks, but it's true. We haven't personally asked the landlord about this issue, but if things don't change after our next effort of painting, then I am going to call and ask politely to have them hire an exterminator. An option I am dreading. Not because of the cost, so much as the risk to all my favorite little critters that frequent the yard. My oppssums, birds, kitty friends, deer, raccoons, which I don't really like, but look cute from afar. My favorite of all those is the oppossum.

Why do I like opossums? They RARELY if EVER get rabies, because they are flea free creatures. They clean up the yard by eating fallen fruit and vegetables. And oh yeah... THEY EAT ANTS JUST LIKE AN AARDVARK!

I guess I have one more option before contacting an exterminator... I could go down to the nature center and adopt a opossum! When Elvis was alive he had an opossum friend that used to come by to see him every night. We named her Agatha Pendragon. She was a beauty. Agatha had a little boy that Elvis just loved. We named him Epson. We called him that because when he would run he would across the yard he would make this sound that was similar to "epppp... epppp... epppp." Epson and Agatha would come by to see Elvis most days at around 2 in the afternoon, which is heartwarming in an odd kinda way, because opossums are nocturnal. It was just a little bit more magic we experienced by owning Elvis. He was very special, and I still miss him to this day, and his friends. Agatha stopped coming to the yard after Elvis passed away, and Epson was poisoned by an ignorant neighbor who didn't have enough sense to educate themselves about opossums. I miss Agatha and Epson, almost as much as I miss Elvis. But I digress I think. Anyway, wish us luck... okay? But if you ever get the chance to own an opossum, do so. You will never have to worry about ANTS!


And Now, The Ant Conservatory Theater's Production of "Two Ants Walk Into A Bar."
(not really)

Ant #1
So, uh, do you ever worry that your itsy little neck is just going to snap under the weight of your head?
Ant #2
Stop asking me that. You ask me that, like every five minutes.
Ant #1
Sometimes I notice my antennae out of the corner of my eye and I'm like... AHH! Something is on me! Get it off! Get it off!
Ant #2
Yeah, the antennae again. Listen, I just remembered, I have to go walk around aimlessly now.

~Jim Benton, Okay, So Maybe I do Have Superpowers


1 comment:

jr cline said...

i pay an exterminator to come once a month to deal with ants, wasps, and spiders at my rental house. He sprays every third month, keeps ant bait stations around the house year round, and uses some kind of powder four times a year. They haven't had any problems with ants, wasps, or spiders. The powder and spray are safe for birds, pets, and other animals as long they don't get in the spray while it is wet. About 15 minutes in the warm months.
Good luck!