"The bad news is, the butcher is dead.
The good news is, there will be no need for a funeral,
and there will be meat for weeks."
Send Me No Flowers
Okay, my morbid sense of humor has kicked in big time. It all started with the ever changing tragic story of Tammy Meyers, the mother of 4 from Las Vegas, who was gunned down last week, after what was originally called an act of road-rage. Here is the thing, since last week, the story of what actually happened has changed, and even now, with at least one suspect in custody, things seemed muddled. Was she protecting her kids that night, by going home, and summoning her son who owned a gun legally, and then going back out? No, no matter which version I have heard up to this point, there is nothing in that situation that common sense would dictate going back out for, once she arrived home safely. So, was she trying to do a good deed by chasing down the suspect, who as it comes to light, she knew... very well? Again... nope... the police could have should still have been called, if she felt she was in danger or he was in high risk company. But I am sure there will be more twists and turns in this story, perhaps before the end of this coming weekend. In the end, it's not the point of this post. The situation is merely the catalyst for explaining what I would like my life to look like, postmortem. You know, how I would like my friends and Alan to remember me to the press, interested onlookers and concerned parties.
1. Do NOT hold a press conference detailing my qualifications for sainthood.
(I am a human, who had made many human mistakes)
2. Do NOT hold a vigil, should I go missing!
(Have you ever noticed that when folks hold vigils for missing people, they never come back?)
3. If I am found dead, please DON'T drop off flowers, stuffed animals, balloons, candles or any other such nonsense. It makes a mess. Send it to me now, while I am alive, so I can enjoy it!
4. Assuming I am killed while out with my camera taking pictures, please don't use the phrase...
"She died doing what she loved to do." That makes me sound like a moron.
5. If I am murdered, no matter how, please remember me
by asking the District Attorney to NOT ask for the death penalty.
I am vehemently against it. It wouldn't honor me if someone were executed for my murder.
6. NO LIFETIME MOVIES
7. NO SPECIAL MUSICAL TRIBUTES
8. NO enlarged DMV photos issued to the press. Just use the one on my blog and Twitter.
9. I would like to be cremated, rather than buried.
But please wait a week or so, I sleep deeply sometimes.
10. NO, I REPEAT, NO "GO FUND ME" ACCOUNTS. Unless you just happen to want to buy Alan a cup of Starbuck's coffee or a Subway sandwich so he doesn't have to cook while he is busy making arrangements.
11. No need for tears, not if you really love me.
Laugh and know it was my time.
I would like to think my death will come as the result of old age, but sometimes one is just at the wrong place at the wrong time. You know? In 2012, in October, Alan and I went and did all kinds of amazing things for our anniversary month, but the biggest of those activities was a flight over San Francisco Bay in a single engine Cessna. It was the experience of a lifetime. I got to take pictures that I would have never gotten to take otherwise, and the whole reason I said YES to that outing was because I kinda thought that the world might just end on December 21st of that year, and I figured... WHY NOT LIVE TILL I DIE?
The world didn't end, and I conquered a lifelong fear of small planes. Now, not only am I NOT afraid of them, it is my belief that twin engine planes are for pussys. LOL. I loved it up in the sky, flying around the bay like a Snowy Egret. Up above the clouds, and all the pain on earth. I wouldn't trade that day, or the fun we had, for anything. It was... life affirming! And isn't that everything? Life is meant to be lived, but sometimes your life continues after your death through other people and their good intentions.
I just want to be remembered accurately, while I am being,
you know, remembered. Make sense?
One last thing, if you just have to do something to honor me, visit New York City for me. Especially in Autumn. That's where my spirit longs to go one day, hopefully a little of me will be there.