Monday, November 06, 2006

Fibromyalgia In Autumn

Come said the wind to the leaves one day.
Come o're the meadows, and we will play.
Put on your dresses, scarlet and gold.
For summer is gone and days grow cold.

-A children's song, circa 1880's

I love the sound of leaves crunching under my feet. :) I wish every day looked the way this one did. Every autumn color one could imagine was present, and I felt inspired and happy. When I woke up this morning I was really sore from the Fibromyalgia, and my hands were numb. Great combination for an amateur shutterbug. :( After a couple hours of T'ai Chi and some meditation, the swelling went down a little and I was able to do some editing. If it's autumn, I know it's time to face the fact that I will not be able to take as many photos outside as I want to. That makes me grumpy, and kinda sad, because I hate giving in. The other day Alan went to touch me, and I couldn't even feel it. Stupid Fibromyalgia!

If it's November, I know I will be running into the November Man. I always seem to encounter him in autumn... well I see him other times of the year as well... but there is something about his eyes in autumn, that makes me feel even weaker. You can see his whole being in his eyes. It's the warmest light I ever saw. But then I told you that before. Sigh. Another stupid thing about Fibromyalgia, it leaves you in a haze, and the strangest things, people and memories invade your thoughts.

I am not alone in how I feel, of that I am sure. My friend Deb has a wonderful journal devoted to her experience with Fibromyalgia, "Fibro Haze." Deb has Fibromyalgia, and she writes about different treatments that are available and her personal experiences in dealing with how it makes her feel. I am so proud of her and what she has accomplished. She is my friend, and she makes me feel less alone. Fibromyalgia can make you doubt yourself, and it can really play on your insecurities. When I left for Nevada a couple weeks ago, I had planned to take about 2000 photos. I came up a little shy of that number, and wasn't too happy with the quality of most of them. I was tired on the trip, so I simply wasn't on my game.

I did take about 150 or so photos that I considered to be post-worthy, so I suppose that really isn't that bad. Autumn isn't over, hopefully I will get in some time with the camera this coming week. I have a nice afternoon planned for photographing more dahlia's in Golden Gate Park. I am going to try anyway, there is no way I will ever give up... not as long as there is autumn, and it's incredible light! :)

Deb has been a true source of inspiration to me. She seems to have the energy of a toddler, which gives me a lot of hope. For an inspiring read, and some awesome medical resources regarding Fibromyalgia, be sure to drop by her journal. Also, she has a site devoted to general health education and support. See the links below. :)

Fibo Haze

Rainbows & Sunbeams

My Take On Life

"Autumn Bridge"
Golden Gate Park
San Francisco, California
Autumn 2006


Anonymous said...

Oh sweet Carly, you are such a dear and you really made me laugh this morning.

I love the statement you made about me having the energy of a toddler. I had to laugh. Most of the times I feel like a whipped dish rag keeping up a stoic appearance.

You know it's funny my Doc figured me out. My primary doc told me that he bet I was the best employee with a stellar attendance record and a wonderful work ethic, all smiles and worked very hard. Then he asked me if when no one was around did I still smile. I had to tell him, "No." He knew that and just gave me a hug.

Fibro sucks and if I didn't write about it I would go nuts. It scares me, especially on days when I can barely get out of bed.

So, my dear, dear friend, Carly please do some tai Chi for me. I could really use it.

Hugs and more hugs,


Dave said...

Carly, I cannot imagine that with which you struggle, but your courage and your spirit inspire me.

Chris said...

I'm thinking of you Carly and hope you have a great time at Golden Gate Park taking pictures. I live vicariously through your photography of the Bay area!

Suzanne R said...

Big gentle (((((hugs))))) to you, and my thoughts as you deal with the fibro. You are an inspiration to me in the way you keep getting out and taking these marvelous photos despite feeling crummier as we get deeper into fall.

I do envy you your sunshine as it is so wet and blustery here. At least the temps are warm with the storminess, which is unusual for this time of year!

I'll be looking forward to those dahlia shots taken in the lovely autumn light.

Carly said...

Hi Everyone

And thanks. I was a little grumpy last night, but I bounce back. :) It helps to have your kind thoughts. :)