So The Doctor Said "Carly..."

"MY illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down the helpless babies."

-W.C. Fields

So the doctor said to me, "Carly, you have Fibromyalgia." After months and months of feeling so tired that I could barely keep my eyes open, forgetting things that were a part of my regular routines, having my legs ache so bad every night , that at times crying was really the only thing making it feel better, and the sudden and frequent onset of those pesky stomach spasms, I had a name to put to the affliction. The worst part of all these symptoms was thinking that it might have been "all in my head." After I was diagnosed with Epstein-Barr in 1995 and then losing my mind in 2000, my doctor would put all the things occurring to my body down to those two maladies. Uggg. Great, all the pain I was having was because I was insane. Really, really nice.

So today, when my new doctor looked at me as said "you have Fibromyalgia," I hated hearing the words, but at least I knew that I could actually listen to my own body and trust what it was saying, and it was saying, "Help me." The bouts of insomnia, the sleepwalking last year, the 26 week headache, my knack for spelling the word (nad) instead of (and) my extreme forgetfulness, the pain in my legs and the worst symptom of all, the stomach spasms, now have not only a reason for being in my life, but now I can fix them.

It's unclear what exacerbated what. It could be one of my setbacks with my Epstein-Barr that set off the Fibromyalgia or it may have been some of the extreme stress of a few years back, either way it is here, and it will be sticking around. It is a chronic condition, but far from the worst thing that could ever happen to me. I simply have to do some things in order to remain the cute, charming, talented writer /photograher I am. LOL. Like get rest when my body says so, not when I think I can do it all then make up the sleep difference later.

I have a huge supply of new medications to help with the pain and fatigue I have been enduring, plus some others for those infections that refused to heal, and I have a whole lot of research to do to help myself from the inside out, like a better diet and some vitamin supplements. The doctor did say that she would now begin to watch for...YIKES... Lupus. That is a frightening prospect, but I know me, I will forget that word in a couple days and I will focus on the plans I have already made. Starting with listening to my body and never letting a doctor treat me like I am an intrusion into their day. I am the patient, they are there to help me stay healthy. Period. I will keep my end of the bargain if they will.

Also today to my delight, I saw a butterfly. A butterfly in autumn. Regardless of whatever else happened today... seeing it made the simple act of getting up worth while. :) I am so glad I took my camera to the doctor's office, I got some good photos there, and I got the picture of the beautiful butterfly while I was on my way home. All in all...it was a very good day. :)

-OndineMonet
"Autumn Visitor"
Hayward, California
November 21st, 2005
12:20 PM