Saturday, December 05, 2009

D*I*V*O*R*C*E California Style

From For Ellipsis

"When two people decide to get a divorce, it isn't a sign that they don't understand one another, but a sign that they have, at last, begun to."

-Helen Rowland

Apparently, there is a movement here in California to ban divorce. Can you believe it? Now I understand that the man behind the movement is doing this as a satirical statement in regards to the passing of Prop 8 last year, but I find it dangerous all the same. You remember Prop 8 don't you? That was the proposition "protecting the institution of marriage" by denying the civil right of marriage to the gay community. The divorce ban's author, John Marcotte, puts his mission this way...

"Since California has decided to protect traditional marriage, I think it would be hypocritical of us not to sacrifice some of our own rights to protect traditional marriage even more."

Marcotte would need about 700,000 signatures by next March to get the measure on next year's ballot. A tall, and very expensive order. If it does make it there however, and passes, it would amend the California Constitution to disallow divorce for married couples, but instead it will allow annulments. So, it seems there is somewhat of an out clause if you find out after marrying your perfect someone that he/she is an adulterer or a spouse beater, or maybe a compulsive gambler or any one of a million things that can range from mildly irritating to completely dangerous.

Ok, yes, I know this is all being done in jest, but I really do find it dangerous all the same. What if the idea actually took off? What then? You can't go back and un-ring that bell. Marriage is wonderful. I love being married. I highly recommend it, but it is not without it's challenges! Every marriage will go through trials, and sometimes even moments of devastation, but if you are as lucky as Alan and I, you can ride them out and actually grow as people. It takes a lot of work to make a good marriage, but I also know that sometimes folks get married who never should have. I saw that with my parents, who fought every day of their 50 year union. As a child I used to pray they would get a divorce, so the screaming would just stop already.

Two abusive people one marriage license.


Sometimes it's best to stop while you are behind. At least it gives you a chance to stop, catch your breath, think things through, and move forward for the good of everyone.

Prop 8 was a hateful thing. I support Gay marriage, because I can't see any real reason not to. I hope one day the people of California will grant that right to the Gay and Lesbian community. I will be right there supporting them all the way! This, however doesn't seem like the way to go, if anything, it's a big sarcastic distraction from the real issue... civil rights.

Marriage should be about love.


If it's about anything else, it won't work. Just ask the 50% of straight couples who divorce each year.


Movement Under Way In California To Ban Divorce


Cindy said...

I don't know how I feel about banning divorce...anyway, I suppose it won't ever happen. I do wish I had never gotten married. It's been just horrible & after being separated for 4 yrs now, the only reason we aren't divorced is because we are totally broke.

People tell me,"But OH! If you hadn't gotten married, you wouldn't have your son!" Yes, I would. We were living together anyway and would have had him regardless. As for ever getting married again??? I can't imagine trusting any man enough to ever go through this again.

You and Alan are very blessed.

Nancy said...

Geez...I couldn't agree with you more on both these issues! Who on earth are we to make such choices??

Dave said...

I suppose that what legislation such as this might do is to cause potential spouses to spend more time to seriously considering their choices, knowing that they are in fact making them for a lifetime. That could lead to healthier marriages.

But, since I knew my fiance for only 6 months before we tied the knot, I suppose saying that would rule me out, as well. :-)

natalie said...

good points Carly!
well said!

Book Dragon said...

I've had a good 24 years. But banning divorce? I'm speechless.

I live in California and sometimes wish we could move. BTW, I did vote for legalizing Gay Marriages. I did a post once with a great solution but can't find it.