Saturday, June 21, 2008


"As a thinker, and planner, the ant is the equal of any savage race of men."

-Mark Twain

Meet the Uber-Ants! They first showed up in our little cottage, high in the Bay Area hills, in July of last year. Strange invader. We tried 14 different products in our attempts to eradicate them from our midst. No luck. It was an expensive project, I wish I had a dime for every ant stake we purchased, but in truth the dime spent last year, isn't worth a penny this year, but that's another story. Let's just talk about ANTS. Ok?

As I went from Home Depot to OSH to Longs, to Rite-Aid, looking for earth friendly poison, lol, I began to hold a dialog with the different helpful individuals working in those various stores. Each told me that last year was a big year for ANT spray, and traps. They even commiserated with me about their own negative adventures with the strange breed of ant, which also seems to be nocturnal! No one had any good ideas for what to do. Right about January, I was ready to give up and maybe concede that perhaps our little house was on a never before heard of Uber-ANT hill, proportions of which just might make either a great book for Stephen King, or nifty new movie for M.Night Shyamalan, when they suddenly got a big burst of winter, and went away. I was hoping it was to the afterlife, but I think it might have only been to a bear-like hibernation.

This new ant could be a product of Global Warming, or maybe a new type of Global Terrorism inflicted on us by our own government! LOL. I am not much for conspiracy theories, although I do have an open mind, and will listen for the case being made, but in this case, I think I believe that it could very well be a situation caused by, the lesser evil of, Global Warming. Stupid, weird stuff is happening everyday. Earthquakes in strange places, Iowa is under water, New Orleans was very nearly erased from the earth, we don't just have fires anymore, we have fire storms, new species are being discovered as the rain forest diminishes, and according to the back of my Haagen Dazs cup, the honey bees are disappearing and no one knows why!

So is it my fault I am being invaded with Uber-Ants? Was I a bad earthling and didn't recycle as much as I should have? Is this my payback for whatever shortcut or laziness I have taken or committed in the Global War on Global Warming?Is it maybe just a case of dumb luck? Who knows? Only the UberAnt knows for sure! Just in case, I think I will spend this weekend recycling some plastics and paper, and maybe sprinkle some cinnamon around, as it is a natural ant repellent. Ants... can't live with um' but somehow we must!

Ok, so tell me, what do you do about ANTS? Do you have ANTS now? What are some of your favorite earth friendly tips and tricks for doing away with unwanted household pests? Speak. Help a girl out.



"UberAnt Morning"
Berkeley, California
June 21, 2008

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