John Scalzi's Weekend Assignment #111: Two Out Of Three

"All truth is simple...is that not doubly a lie?"

-Friedrich Nietzsche

Weekend Assignment: Present three "facts" about yourself: Two of the facts true, and one of the facts false. Let people guess which "fact" is the fake one. Reveal the fake fact on Monday. You don't want to give away the fake fact too early, so be sure to make it sound plausible, next to the other two real facts.

Extra Credit: Can you lie with a straight face? Really?

- John Scalzi (By The Way...)

Tee Hee. Ok, well some of you have been reading me for almost three years, so you already know a good bit about me. It was a little difficult to come up with some facts that might stump even my oldest friends here in the land. The whole prospect made me do some thinking, which can be dangerous for someone like me, but when all was said and done, it turns out there are still a few things I haven't shared. Let's see if you can spot the lie...

1. I once peed on a CHP officer who pulled me over.

True! I was on my way to the Alameda County Fair, and it was a very HOT June day! I have never been someone who could take the heat of summer, even when I was 2 1/2 years old. So, when the VW bus I was riding in, with my brother, sister and some other assorted hippies, decided to get a flat tire, I was "put out" to say the least. To my reckoning I should have a tall Orange Julius in front of me, and a tree over my head for shade. LOL. As our friend Jack fixed the tire, along came a CHP officer to give us a hand. He was familiar to me in that he had pulled my father over on the same stretch on Interstate 580 a few days earlier. The policeman remembered me, and was being very nice to me, as he and I engaged in a sort game of game of TWHIRL. I began to laugh, and the rest is history! LOL. He laughed, and to this day I still remember what he said, "When you've got to go, you've got to go." How cool was he? :)

2. I once drove around town in my car, with NO clothes on. What? It was hot!

Lie! Sort of. I didn't drive around town with NO clothes on, I had on shoes. Here's what happened. A few days before my wedding, I had simply reached my breaking point of nervous tension. Everything had went wrong, including the fact that the seamstress of altered my dress had somehow managed to cut 4 ft off of a 7 ft train, and hemmed it lopsided, and turned the sleeve point so that it no longer rested on my hand. A girl dreams her whole life of the gown she will wear on her wedding day...I was so hurt to see my gown ruined.

It was a HOT October day in 1990, and I decided to take a skinny dip in my pool. It helped clear my head, so I pretty much stayed in my back yard most of the day, and in fact fell asleep by the pool. I woke up to a phone call about 10:30 PM from my maid-of-honor who wanted to let me know that she couldn't take me to the church on my wedding day, because a mutual friend needed a ride!!! Hello? If I don't get there, there would be no wedding. That was my BrideZilla moment. I slammed down the phone, before I said something I shouldn't, I marched to the back yard for a swim. Well, I knew Half way there that a swim wasn't going to do it. So I grabbed my robe, my keys and got into my car.

I live in the hills, there is very little traffic up here. As I drove I felt like that robe was going to strangle me, so I pulled over...took it off...and drove around till I felt better, and less constricted by life. I did drive through the downtown area, but it was well after midnight. There wasn't anyone around, and if a car would have pulled up, the robe was sitting right next to me and I could have covered up quickly enough. I hope this story doesn't disappoint anyone I know...I have a slightly wild streak to me, and I go with it in certain circumstances. That's who I am. So, I hope this truth won't send you running from my journal, but I won't lie to you about who I am, because I am so much more then someone with a wacky sense of humor. Enough said.

3. I was married by a minister, who was not considered legally competent.

True! My Bridezilla moment had past, but the wackiness continued. Among the, now too funny moments of my wedding day, it tuned out that the minister who performed our ceremony was ill with a temperature of over 104 degrees. He says he didn't remember much about how everything went. It has been strongly suggested to me that technically he wasn't legally competent to have married us, because of that fever. Balderdash! Everything may have gone wrong that could, but it never once occurred to me to not marry Alan. We beat a lot of badness to get to the alter...I wasn't going to let go of our day that easily. :) legalities can step off! :)

Can you spot the lie? ;) I'm so wicked. (Insert wicked laugh here)

Extra Credit: Nah... ;)

See you Monday with the reveal.

-OndineMonet
"Two For Paradise"
San Mateo, California
May 11, 2006
Afternoon