Friday, December 02, 2005

After The Exodus...A Five Part Series On Grief Management...Part Five: Acceptance

"What looks like a loss may be the very event which is subsequently responsible for helping to produce the major achievement of your life."

-Sruilly Blotnick

Part Five: Acceptance

One day it happens. We wake up, and it has all, somehow, come full circle. Maybe when we were sleeping, maybe when we were busy with the 5 stages of grief coming in and out of our life. Who knows? One thing I do know, I have grieved the loss of many things in my 43 years. Lost love, lost friends, lost family, lost material objects, lost pets, and now the loss of my first journal Ellipsis. But a small clarification needs to take place. Ellipsis on AOL has not been deleted, I can go and read past entries any time I want to, but the experience of living through it is now over. I miss the bells when someone leaves me a comment. I miss the routine, I miss the comfort zone I had come to know. I think I miss November 14th 2005 most of all. That was the day before Journal Land changed for good.

It just seems so strange that a series of decisions, probably made in a boardroom months ago, changed everything so fast. I have accepted it. I accepted it the day it happened, but I mourn the changes that have happened all the same. There is a resignation that happens when Acceptance takes place. A natural balance begins to take place and we can finally move on with life. This has been a difficult time. I have watched friendships implode over this situation. I have seen folks say and do things I never thought they would. It is a lot of pain to take in. On the other hand some folks are doing ok with the new change, and being very helpful to we who are experiencing this very troubling time. That is something I appreciate. I have found that the transition was made a lot easier as I learned to accept the help being offered me. I didn't have to be alone in this if I didn't want to be. :)

I am a girl who doesn't like change. Nope, don't like it. As I sit here typing this, memories of people, apartments, homes, an insane doll collection, some stuffed animals, some four legged creatures, some creatures with feathers, family, friends, lovers...oh the lovers...Sigh...Mr. November...Sigh...go walking through my mind, I don't feel the arrows of pain that once pierced me with the individual loss. Instead I feel a collective blue, wispy, longing. Days in the sun. Walks in the cool night rain, a game of fetch, all make me smile. My heart is full, but it doesn't ache anymore. The distortion of how things look when you are grieving is no longer there. When I write a series on the topic of grief, I always try to demonstrate something I noticed one day, just after I woke up from the experience of Anhedonia. A common everyday object may look different to us depending on what stage of grief we are in. That is why I took the same flower and altered it's appearance for each entry. Red for Anger, Blue for Denial, Deep blue for Depression, Green for Bargaining and finally the flower how it appears when we finally have the clarity of acceptance. Letting go is such a bittersweet proposition. I like what Henry Wadsworth Longfellow said about change, " For after all the best thing one can do when its raining, is let it rain." Simple, but oh so true.

-OndineMonet
"The flower Of Acceptance"
Berkeley, California
November, 29th, 2005
Evening


8 comments:

Karen Funk Blocher said...

You had a collection of insane dolls? Did they once belong to someone named Drusilla? ;)

I love this entry, too, and I really love the whole flower motif. Bless you, Carly. You've done good work here.

Karen

Gaboatman said...

Carly
This is an excellent series you have run here! I'd like permission to print out this series and share it with someone in my family who tries to deal with depression but refuses to getprofessional help. I hope it's okay! I agree with Karen. you've done good work here!
Sam

Globetrotter said...

You did a wonderful job with this, series, Carly. Truly you did, and many others were probably helped in many subtle ways outside of the AOL debacle, just by reading this.

My hubby and I were laying in bed together this morning just chatting...but we began to talk about some very heavy things. Next thing we knew we were both conceding how much we mourn for the simple times...those days long ago when we were first married and beginning a family and life just seemed so much simpler then.

We both are glad that we are no longer young people in our teens or twenties. The world feels like a very different place anymore-hostile and threatening. I feel sorry for the world that my children must live in now.

Oh well...we must accept the things that we cannot change,as you've said.

Your flowers are all beautiful, as they've changed colors throughout this series. You are a wonderful writer and photographer, my friend.

And yes, let's just let it rain:)

Peace and love,
Maryanne

Kat said...

Thank you for posting this series on Grief management. They are very helpful.
Love,
Kat

Steven said...

Yesterday morning I watch two people try to "force" acceptance down on the Journal message board. Set all my former mb host alarm bells off. Silly.

I'm not at acceptance yet :-/

GLendaRs said...

I recall a time when you sent me a personal note and had intended at that time to write this series and WOW, be careful for what you ask for hit between the eyes as the Journal land explosion of 11/15 ...

I recall a deep dark depression which ensued after a relationship breakup and the losses which transpired thereafter. First I swithced jobs to a place that I never belonged and after 9/11 I fell even deeper into depression because then I truly felt hopeless and for more intense reasons of life overall ... then I lost the job and eventually that resulted in losing my house ... I rented from my sister and lost our relationship as a result of that.
Whew. Lost a lot of friendships which were pretty important to me as a result of the anhedonia i was in.

And still somedays the depression sets in again ... but I am so much better now. The one thing that you stated in your post over all the 5 sections that I most agree with (I agree with all of it ... this is just the predominant MUST) - We must take ownership of finding the light. We have to swim back to the surface.

This doesn't mean it's our fault we've assimilated the disease or malady or whatever you want to call it. But it takes action on our part to crawl back to LIFE. And sometimes it takes a good long time for us to get to that place.

Renumerating. Yeah buddy. That's a big part of the Anger and Depression. I fought bargaining. I fought it hard and it won EVERY time I fought it.

Thank God for acceptance. Thank whomever it was that taught me that to share a problem was to cut it in half. That to let the dogs win was killing me.

I remember his name was Mike I met him in a 'fellowship' of 'recovery' ... he told me if I bury it alive it will eat me alive.

Go Mike. Thank You to him and Thank You Carly for opening this door to healing. We sure do need it from time to time.

V said...

Carly, you`ve done a beautiful job with these posts. I`m very impressed with all the work you`ve put into this.I wish everyone who has been upset over the banner ads had a chance to read them.
Hugs,
V

V said...

Carly,
A poem on depression.

"The Triumph Of Despair "


On fertile soil
within our mind,
the demons feed
subconsciously.

Burrowing,
seeking thoughts
of self reproach,
munching on our
ugliness.

Though dormant,
they gather strength
and present themselves
in dreams.

Ah! child,
when the nightstorms
gather,
driving you to wakefulness,
the ego feels their pinch.

Shapeshifters,
the demons smirk,
presenting their power
in thought;
obsessive, circular,
enveloping.

Day becomes night,
life seems an illusion,
despair triumphs,
the ego cries,
cowardly.

V