"I don't mind getting older; it's a privilage denied to so many."
Cancer Survivor's Club
Yesterday, the 29th, was my birthday. It was a good day. Quiet. Uneventful. It was the day I wanted, except for a sore back. I had picked up something the day before that I shouldn't have, and the result was, well, pain. But that was okay. I spent my birthday in my own home, surrounded by those I love, with a ton of pain pills in me, and all was right with the world!
I have finally reached the age where I don't need, or particularly want, anything, just because it's my birthday. I did however indulge a bit and bought myself that cute little blue sunflower vase you see in the picture above, and season two of Charlie's Angels. Yes... Charlie's Angels. I have been in a nostalgic mood for well over a year. Everything seems so... harsh... so... restless... so... cruel right now, and oddly enough, watching old TV shows makes me feel better.
I wouldn't want to go back to the 1970's for anything, no, blech. UGLY decade! And I wasn't particularly happy at any point during that decade, except for a few perfect moments here and there, but I can look back at those perfect moments and long for them sometimes. If only I could go back, and tell my 1970's self what was coming. But then I wonder... would I do that? Every day of your life is like a cliffhanger, you never know what will happen next.
Would I have wanted to ruin those few perfect days, by visiting myself and sharing about what the future held? Sorrows. Joys. Long hot days where there wasn't any real point to being alive. Twists and turns that you never saw coming. And the birthdays yet to come. Would I have told myself about my birthday in 2015? Which turned out to be the worst birthday I ever had? Would I share all that?
If I could go back right this moment. Back to the 1970's and tell myself all those things to come, I wouldn't. Why? Well, because, maybe even stupid, useless, God awful days aren't really all that awful if you end the day alive. Things should remain a big surprise. Good days. Bad days. Birthdays. Especially birthdays. Birthdays remind us that New Years doesn't really begin on January 1st, no, they begin, in my case, on June 30th. That's the day I wake up and remember that I saw another year of my life, and thank God I have another day to wonder what comes next, and if it turns out to be another God awful birthday, I will have the gift of being able to complain about it, not everyone will have that privilege.